A/N: Bleach concepts and characters belong to Kubo Tite. It may or may not be a part of Aizen's plan that I finally feature him and Gin in my story. The story takes place during the first night Gin and Aizen came to Hueco Mundo, and it contains implications on m/m relationship, so read at your own risk. That said. If you chose to read it, please feel free to leave your comment afterward whether it's praise or criticism. :)
Judas Kiss
I
His trademark smile was not in its place when Ichimaru Gin stood by a white marble balcony, looking out into the moonlit sky that covered the whole realm of Hueco Mundo. Although it was part of the plan, and he had known all along that the day would come when he would have to defect from Soul Society; it still saddened him when he actually had to leave that place.
Because he knew they had passed the point of no return, and no matter what the outcome of the foreboding war was, nothing would ever be the same again.
Gin was not certain whether it was the thought or the desert's wind that gave him the chill he was feeling. Although the best solution was to return to his private quarters where a warm bed awaited him, he still stood there and simply hugged himself in order to get warmer.
He could not tell how long he had been standing there, lost in his own thoughts, until he was startled out of his reverie by a feeling that something warm had been draped around his shoulders.
Since he could tell that there was but one man in Las Noches that would approach him with such action, Gin put his perpetual smile back on his face before he turned over his shoulder to greet that person, Aizen Sōsuke.
"Oh, thank you, Aizen-taichō."
Aizen acknowledged Gin's gesture with a nod and a gentle smile. Although Gin had known that man's true face for almost a century, it was still strange to see Aizen without the square glasses that he used to wear in order to hide his deception, and it might take some time to get used to how the man wore his brown hair back except for that one strand he left hanging in his face.
"You can't sleep, Gin?" Aizen asked. While many things about his characters Gin had seen so far might have been a part of the man's masquerade, there were two things he knew were Aizen's true characteristics, and those things were his smooth voice and suave manners.
"Well, ya know me, taichō," Gin replied in the liveliest tone he could muster. "I can't sleep properly if it ain't in my own bed."
Of course, it was a lie – one he made up a long time ago in order not to share Aizen's bed for longer than necessary. At first, it was to make sure that he would not slip up and reveal any of his true intentions for getting close to that man, and later it was to make sure that he would never forget that intention or that he and Aizen were not and could never truly be lovers.
Deep down he believed Aizen also knew that it was a lie even though the man might not have known why that boundary was set, so he was somehow grateful that the man never called his bluff and simply acted as though he believed in that lie and never asked him to stay over after their lovemaking. He did not know whether it was a kindness Aizen offered or because the man's own distrustful nature also made him sleep better when he had no one by his side.
"Of course," Aizen replied. A gentle smile on the man's face did not drop for a second when he moved to stand beside Gin on the balcony. "After all these years, I know that better than anyone. I should apologize to you that I didn't make more effort to accommodate you on that matter."
"There is no need for an apology, really," Gin replied, still smiling. "I mean, there are more important things to focus on than my bedding situation. Besides, I would get used to a new atmosphere soon."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, taichō, please don't worry about it."
A smile on Gin's face almost dropped when Aizen nodded and uttered his next line,
"In this case, perhaps I should ask you to share my bed from now on, since you will have to get used to a new bed anyway."
Gin did not know why Aizen would suddenly make that offer then, nor did he know whether he should accept or reject it. After all, getting too close meant that the chance that he would expose his true intentions would be much higher, but to actually share Aizen's bed meant that Aizen would show him his vulnerability as well. It was one high stake gamble – one he never wished to partake despite how he had resigned himself to do whatever it took to kill that man.
"But then again," Aizen continued, "you'll probably say that you would sleep better by yourself, won't you, Gin?"
Gin was not sure if he was relieved or disappointed by Aizen's word, but he still responded by widening his smile.
"I guess you're right."
Gin could not read the meaning in the way those brown eyes were looking at him when Aizen turned around and ran his long fingers gently into Gin's silver hair, but for a moment there he felt as if his heartstrings were being tugged.
"Well, of course, I'm always right. Now you shouldn't be standing here for too long. The night can get very cold out here," Aizen remarked with a trace of concern in his voice. "Besides, you should try to get some rest."
Gin sighed softly as somehow, despite how he was supposed to hate Aizen, the feeling of those fingers in his hair was still comforting. He then tilted his head slightly so he could have a better look at the man he loved to hate.
"And for a moment there I thought you'd ask me to join your bed anyway."
Aizen shook his head.
"It's been a long day, and we still have a lot of things to do tomorrow," he remarked, "so it'd be best if I don't tax you more."
"Is that so?"
Aizen laughed softly.
"Don't tell me you are actually disappointed, Gin."
Gin shared Aizen's laugh. "Who knows, taichō? I might as well be."
Much to Gin's surprise, when the laugh ended, Aizen gently tilted Gin's head downward before he planted a soft kiss on his forehead.
"I'm not that much of a lecherous old man," Aizen noted. "Good night, Gin."
And just like that Aizen turned around and left, so Gin could only follow him with his eyes while he hugged the blanket that Aizen had draped over his shoulders earlier tighter around himself.
Sometimes Gin wished Aizen would be more forceful with him, yet it seemed the man always acted like a gentleman and never pressured him in any way. He always hated the kindness Aizen showed whether it was real or just an act, because it made it harder for Gin to remind himself why he wanted the man dead in the first place and that kindness sometimes made Gin wished he met the man in a different circumstance, for it meant that he might be able to follow the man wholeheartedly.
However, from the way things were, Gin could not help having a cloud of confusion in his heart.
II
The warmth of Aizen's lips still lingered on Gin's forehead even after the brown-eyed man was long gone. Although the touch was from the man he was supposed to hate, he did not feel any disgusted by the gesture. Perhaps it was because he was already used to it after years of pretending to be loyal to the man, of acting like he wanted and enjoyed the man's touches. Or perhaps, in some sick and twisted way, his heart had also been deceived by his own pretense and come to welcome those touches from Aizen.
After all, after you had put on a mask for so long, there was a chance that you would forget your true face and believed it was the same as the mask you put on. And that was probably the best thing Gin could do in order to preserve his sanity because no matter long he was willing to wait or how much he was willing to pay for his sweet revenge, he would still have been driven to madness if he kept dwelling on the hate and disgust during the decades he had been with Aizen.
Looking back on how it all started, Gin wondered how Rangiku would react if he had ever explained to her why he took his part in Aizen's grand scheme and left her behind in Soul Society. He wondered if she would understand how much he had sacrificed in order to bring that man down by his own two hands. Would she thank him for his effort or call him a stupid, selfish bastard and condemn him to death? Or would she do as she always did whenever he made a mistake and simply forgive him?
It started out as a plan to bring Aizen down so that he could give the piece of Rangiku's soul that Aizen's minions had stolen back to her. Being a child, he thought the task would be as simple as becoming a Shinigami and then killing the man, but as it turned out Aizen had been too strong for him to take down with the power he had then and still remained too powerful for Gin to kill even now.
Gin often wondered if their meeting after Gin killed the man who had been the third seat of the Fifth Division at the time was a part of Aizen's plan. After all, Gin had been very discreet when he lured that third seat to back of the Fifth Division's barrack and then killed him as he recalled the man as one of the people who had assaulted Rangiku, yet Aizen still walked calmly there and showed no surprise when he caught him red-handed. He simply smiled and asked for Gin's name with a smooth voice.
Even when he was just a child, Gin still realized that it was possible that Aizen had been interested in him since he heard of his reputation as a child prodigy and then set up that trap so that Gin had no other options aside from joining his side. After all, the brown-haired Shinigami had every right to catch him either dead or alive for murdering another Shinigami, yet he chose to offer to take Gin under his wings.
It was clear to both of them that Gin had no right to decline the offer, but instead of being agitated, Gin simply gave the man a smile as he graciously accepted the offer. Aizen might have caught Gin in his trap, but Gin would not just be anyone's prey. He planned to gain Aizen's trust and learn all about the man's strengths and weaknesses and then use them all against him later, so that in the end, Aizen would be the one who was snared by that carefully-planted trap.
It was then that they both entered one deadly gambit, in which the single mistake could easily result in a painful death. It was also then that Gin's smile became permanent on his face and his blue eyes always remained close at all time so that his true intentions would never be revealed to anyone, especially Aizen Sōsuke. And he believed he had had Aizen fooled to a certain extent or otherwise Aizen would not have included him in his pursuit of godship.
'I've been wondering, Aizen-san, why you chose me to play this part?' Gin remembered having asked Aizen that once when he followed Aizen out to Rukongai to run some errand back at the time when Aizen was still a lieutenant of the Fifth Division and Gin was still an unranked Shinigami under the man's command. "I mean, there are many others who want to be your apprentices."
Gin had not tried to be humble in any way when he spoke the last sentence. He was merely stating the fact, since Aizen was almost as well known as his captain, Hirako Shinji, and was one big reason why many young Shinigami applied to join the Fifth Division instead of others.
'Why, Gin?' Aizen returned, looking at him through those fake spectacles. 'Did some of my admirers give you a hard time?'
Aizen's speculation was not far from the truth, but Gin found no reasons to tell the man so. After all, he had already been used to the way people envied his position and tried to bring him down in one way or another since his days in Shinō Academy. Being under Aizen's wings only increased the number of those people, which meant that he would have to spend more time exacting his revenge.
'Not at all, Aizen-san,' Gin said with a smile that emitted the sense of nastiness. 'I'm just curious.'
Aizen raised one eyebrow and tilted his head while he looked at Gin as though he did not quite believe in the excuse, yet he made no comment about it and simply answered the previous question.
'Yes, there are many who're willing to do whatever I tell them to, and some of them are easy to manipulate,' Aizen stated. 'However, I already have more than enough puppets, and more importantly, I cannot trust any of them in the same way that I can trust you.'
Gin furrowed his brows slightly at Aizen's response, since he had never once believed that Aizen trusted him completely.
'Is that so?' Gin asked, not convinced.
'Yes,' Aizen confirmed. 'I'm a good judge of character, Gin, and I know since the moment I first saw that smile of yours that you wouldn't disappoint me.'
Gin's smile faltered slightly. 'My smile, Aizen-san?'
'Yes, Gin, your smile,' Aizen said before he put his hand on the top of Gin's head and ruffled his silver hair in an adoring manner. 'I'm quite fond of it, actually.'
The words touched Gin's somewhat since people usually called his smile creepy, and even Rangiku had commented that sometimes she disliked his smile. However, Gin quickly brushed the thought aside, since the purpose of that smile was not to attract anyone to begin with.
'People usually call my smile creepy, you know?' Gin said with a laugh.
Aizen smiled before he lifted his hand from Gin's head and used that hand to touch the side of Gin's face just where the smile ended.
'Even so, I'm still fond of it,' said the man. 'Don't ask me why. Just know that I am.'
The conversation on that subject ended there that day, and Gin had decided not to take Aizen's words to his heart. After all, Aizen could have used those words to manipulate his thoughts so that he would let his guard down, thinking that he had already gained Aizen's complete trust.
In the end, Gin could not differentiate between the truth and the lie in Aizen's words just as much as he believed Aizen could not discern his. Yet despite the depth of their distrust in one another, Aizen still chose Gin as his lieutenant when he was promoted to be the captain of the Fifth Division. For a little over a decade they remained as mere partners in crime, and it was not until one fateful night when Kyōraku invited them out for a drink in celebration to their promotions that they became partners in bed as well.
...
Gin had, from time to time, entertained the notion of sleeping with Aizen for the chance that the man might spill some secrets out during an afterglow, but he never actually went through with the thoughts. After all, that idea was brought to him by a random conversation he overheard from some female Shinigami who wondered what kind of man Aizen would be like in bed, and he believed that even if Aizen accidentally spilled some secret out, the man would make sure whoever heard those secrets never had a chance to tell another soul about them by either killing the person or messed up with his or her head with Kyaōka Suigetsu. Moreover, Gin was not certain about Aizen's sexual preference or had any confident his own skills in the art of seduction, so he doubted he would be able to reel Aizen in without drawing some sort of suspicion from the man first.
It was difficult to judge whether it was due to fate or an alcohol-induced impulse that Gin somehow got himself into Aizen's bed, but regardless of the cause actually was, it all began in that one drinking party that the captain of the Eighth Division, Kyōraku Shunsui, hosted and insisted that both Aizen and Gin attend.
'We should try to get to know each other better now that you two become captain and lieutenant of the Fifth Division,' was Kyōraku's reason, 'and it's my personal belief that the best way to get to know a person is by drinking with them. I mean sake has a strange way of bringing out a man's true personality.'
The sentence made Gin wondered if it was the reason that Aizen never indulged himself with any alcoholic drinks and opted to drink only tea and then began to feel slightly agitated. As much as he trusted Aizen to be able to bring them out of troubles should something ever go horribly wrong, the other party was one of the oldest and strongest captains of the Gotei 13 and should not be taken lightly despite the man's happy-go-lucky personality. There was a chance that the captain could expose their plan, and while Gin would not mind Aizen's downfall, he would prefer it to be by his hands and not someone else's.
Aizen, however, remained calm as if he had nothing to hide then smiled at the older captain.
'In this case, I hope you will find our true personalities likable, Shunsui-san,' said Aizen. 'However, I may as well apologize beforehand should we get drunk and cause you any trouble. After all, I don't think either Gin or myself will be able to hold the liquor as well as you can.'
Captain Kyōraku laughed.
'We'll see about that soon, Sōsuke-kun.'
And thus, the night went on with them having light conversations about random things in Soul Society while Kyōraku trying to refill their cups with sake every time Aizen or Gin took a sip of the drink.
Since Gin never had a luxury to indulge himself with alcohol, he did not know that the sake that Kyōraku chose for that drinking party was of finest quality so it ran down his throat almost as smooth as water and failed to realize how much alcohol he had taken into his system. He only knew that the longer the time past, the more time he had to take to try to follow the conversation Kyōraku and Aizen were having.
It was not until Aizen smoothly placed his hand above Gin's cup when Kyōraku tried to refill it and Gin tilted his head to look at his superior to ask for the reason of his action that Gin realized his head was spinning.
'I'm afraid Gin is already quite drunk, Shunsui-san,' Aizen commented. Although Aizen had drunk the same amount of sake as Gin, if not more; he did not seem to be affected by the alcohol in the slightest. In fact, his calm and kind facade was still in its place when the man spoke to the older captain. 'So why don't you let out of the hook for this one time, and I'll drink in his place?'
Kyōraku narrowed his eyes and thought about the offer for a moment before he smiled.
'Sure, Sōsuke-kun, why not," he replied. 'I'm more interested in seeing you drunk anyway. Though I must say for someone who rarely drinks, you really know how to hold your liquor.'
Since Gin was still in a haze of drunkenness, he did not remember much about what happened next. He only recalled how he wondered why Aizen suddenly stepped in to stop him from drinking more and even offered to drink in his place, but his head was too heavy for him to actually ponder anything at that point.
Gin did not recall when or how the party ended, for he had been out of conscious for the most part, and when he came to again, Aizen was already putting him down on his futon.
'I'm sorry, Aizen-san, I shouldn't have drunk so much,' Gin stated. Somehow after having fallen asleep, he had become a little more sober.
'There's no need to apologize, Gin.' Aizen replied softly. 'After all, I should have taken a better care of you when I knew that Kyōraku Shunsui planned to get us both drunk.'
Since Aizen mentioned it, Gin noted that the captain himself did not look entirely sober with that red face and droopy brown eyes.
'Did I say or do anything that caused us trouble?' Gin wondered.
'Not at all,' Aizen replied, 'and even if you did, it still wouldn't be something that I couldn't fix, so don't worry about it and get some sleep.'
With that said, Aizen tucked Gin in under the blanket and then patted the younger man's head gently.
'You really don't have to treat me so gently,' Gin commented. 'I've already known your true face, so you don't need to put up an act around me like you do around everyone else.'
Aizen smiled at him, and somehow that smile looked more genuine than any other smiles Gin had become accustomed to seeing on Aizen's face.
'I'm not being gentle with you because I have to, Gin,' Aizen claimed. 'I treat you this way because I want to.'
Gin laughed softly.
'Eh? If you say stuff like that, even I might get a wrong idea, Aizen-san.'
Aizen gave Gin yet another fond smile before he leaned down to brush his lips across Gin's forehead then pulled back.
'It won't be a wrong idea, Gin. After all, I have told you I'm very fond of you,' said the captain. 'Though, we'd better not discuss it tonight, since I'd hate to say and do things that you might regret tomorrow.'
With that said, Aizen prepared to leave, only to have Gin hold him back by the sleeve of his kimono.
'And if I say I won't regret anything?' Gin wondered. 'I mean, it's not like I never wondered what it'd be like to be your lover.'
After he said the word, Gin realized how forward he had been. However, he had no plan to take back his words. He decided to leave it to Aizen to decide whether to take him on or turn him down, as it would not make any different to Gin no matter which path Aizen chose. After all, if things did not go into his favor, Gin could easily pretend too drunk to remember anything that happened that night.
Aizen took a long gaze at Gin, and Gin believed it was the first time that he had ever seen Aizen being so uncertain about his decision. Perhaps, it was not part of Aizen's plan that Gin would be so forward and tried to seduce him, but in the end, Aizen sighed and smiled down at Gin once again.
'If you put it that way, then I will no longer hold myself back,' he said. 'And should you forget about this in the morning, I will be sure to remind you.'
With that, Aizen leaned down once again, this time to capture Gin's lips with his own.
III
Gin found himself lost in the mazes that were Las Noches' countless hallways. He had been too careless to allow his thoughts to wander back into the past when should have been focused on finding his way back to his bedroom, as he still did not know his way around that huge fortress that Aizen built as their new headquarters.
When he came to think about it again, that first night together was the only night he actually spent sleeping by Aizen's side, as afterwards, their affairs always took place in Aizen's captain quarters, for it was set quite far apart from other Shinigami's rooms in the barracks, so Gin could always find a reason to return to his own bed later.
As it turned out, Aizen had shared some secrets with him from time to time, for the man appeared to be a type that became chatty after sex, and at one time, the man actually revealed to him how to counter the effect of Kyōka Kotetsu's Absolute Hypnosis.
Since he knew one wrong move could have him killed, Gin patiently tested out every secret Aizen shared in their nights of passion, and when all other secrets turned out to be true, Gin decided that what Aizen had told him about the man's zanpakutō could be the truth as well. Yet despite having found out about the secret of the sword for years, Gin still remained by Aizen's side, telling himself that it was to make sure that there would not be any mistake when he decided to turn against Aizen.
The time when he would pierce his sword through Aizen's heart would have to be the moment when Aizen had least expected it, and Gin knew that the time would come as soon as the war with Soul Society waged out, for that moment, Aizen would focus his attention on taking down their enemies rather than on watching his back from his own accomplices.
Gin sighed softly before he once again secured the blanket around his shoulders and searched for his way back.
Somehow Gin ended up in front of the throne room whose backdoor was connected to the path to Aizen's respective quarters, so Gin decided to walk there to see if Aizen had already retired for the night though he could not explain why he should even want to know.
Gin could see a light coming from inside of the room, indicating that Aizen was still up and about, so he stood there, frowning, and wondering if he should knock.
Before he could make his decision, the door opened in a soft swoosh then Aizen walked out. Aizen did not look surprised to see him there, but there was a trace of concern in the man's brown eyes.
"Is something wrong, Gin?" Aizen asked. "I sensed your presence in front of my room for a while now, yet you didn't bother to come in."
"Well, I got lost in the hallways and just found myself here somehow," Gin explained with something that almost resembled a sheepish smile. "It's kinda embarrassing, since I helped you build this place, so I couldn't decide if I should knock."
"Oh," Aizen uttered, looking somewhat relieved by the answer. "And for a moment there, I thought it might be something more serious. I mean, you really seemed agitated."
Gin responded with a smile.
"Anyway, would you like to come in or do you just want me to walk you back to your room?" Aizen asked after he saw how Gin stood still on the spot.
Gin took a moment to consider his answer.
"Well, I've been thinking, taichō," Gin said, "about the offer you gave me earlier, and if you haven't changed your mind, I think I might as well take it up for tonight."
Aizen tilted his head slightly as he took a careful look at Gin.
"Just for tonight?"
Gin nodded.
"Well, mostly it's because I feel I'd bother you too much if I actually ask you to walk me to my room," he explained in a lively tone, "but as you said it yourself, I would have to get used to a new atmosphere anyway, so I thought should try it out once. If it turns out okay, then I might decide to settle here from now on."
Aizen chuckled at Gin's answer.
"If that's the case, then I'd better make sure you get a good sleep tonight."
...
Gin awoke with a start after having a nightmare that he failed to recall a detail, and then found himself being wrapped loosely in Aizen's arm. As it was always a nighttime in Hueco Mundo, he could not tell what time it was or how long he had been sleeping in Aizen's bed.
Looking at Aizen's sleeping face, Gin was torn between the urge to reach his hand out and touch it and the urge to slip out of bed and pick up his zanpakutō and pierce the blade through the man's heart so that everything would be all over instantly. However, Gin decided against neither and just lay flat in the soft bed.
As much as it was tempting to end Aizen's life in his sleep, Gin was not actually going to do so, at least not until he could be certain that the man who was lying asleep beside him was actually Aizen and not some kind of illusion that was induced to him by the wicked zanpakutō. Besides, he would not be satisfied if he did not get to see how Aizen would react when he realized he was betrayed by the person he claimed to have trusted most.
Gin ran his cold finger gently across Aizen's chest where he wanted to blow a hole in.
Aizen might have always treated him with tenderness, but Gin had followed that man for long enough to know the true depth of Aizen's brutality. It was the reason why he had to wait for the right moment, for if Aizen could survive, even for the second after Gin attempted on his life, the man would not hesitate to cut Gin down. After all, he was never convinced by Aizen's claim of being fond of him.
For all he knew, Aizen might have always known about his intentions and decided that he liked the challenge enough to keep Gin close to his side and deliberately revealed his secrets to Gin only to prove that even with the knowledge of his secrets, Gin would still not be able to win against him.
But it did not matter whether the fondness Aizen showed to him was real or just another big masquerade that Aizen masterly pulled to cause confusion in Gin's heart. After all, he did not believe that he would get the truth even after everything was over and either one of them was dead.
Of course, he wished when that day come, he would be the one to win, even though deep down in his heart he knew that if he could actually manage to slay Aizen, he would be left with such big emptiness.
Perhaps he had been focusing his thoughts on bringing Aizen down for too long that somehow he did not know where to go or what to do after he had realized that goal. Besides, he doubted there would be anyone who could ever prove to be as much of a challenge to him as Aizen had always been in the past century.
Either that was the case or Gin had really lost the grip of who he actually was and what he truly wanted after he had played a part of Aizen's lover for far too long.
Gin chuckled humorlessly at the thought.
In the end, it still would not make any difference what the truth really was. He would still kill Aizen even if it was the last thing he did. Because no matter how sweet and passionate their kisses might have been at times, in the end all they could ever be was nothing more than a Judas kiss.