Fallin' Apart
"But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover, and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer. But autumn came, she disappeared, you can't remember where she said she was going to."
- Perfect Sonnet
Sirius leaned back against the kitchen counter. His fingers rapped rhythmically against the countertop as he stared into the distance, mulling over memories of a time long past. A smile curved his lips, bittersweet memories, memories of her. Thoughts of her brought him back to a time of joy, pleasure, hopefulness. But with the joy, those memories also brought back pain, heartache.
Nostalgia was both a blessing and a curse. It gave him hope, hope that one day he would be content again, that one day he would have his freedom. Reminiscing also made him think of her, the love of his life. She was gone and that hurt.
Marlene Mckinnon.
He could almost see her, standing before him, a smile gracing her beautiful face, her long blonde hair falling in loose waves over her shoulders and down her back.
She had been his everything.
No, she was his everything.
She was the only person who had possessed the ability to tame him, to calm his wild heart. She had held complete power over him, even if she hadn't realized it.
She would come to see him, at his apartment. They would share dinner, talk and laugh. She had the most beautiful laugh and he always sought opportunities to relish in the sound. She told him that was her favorite thing about him, his sense of humor. She had told him he was hilarious. That had made him proud; not because he was trying hard to be funny, but because she loved something about him.
He would tell her that he loved everything about her and she would laugh. She would always tell him not to be so silly. He would swear to her that he was being truthful, but she would just wave his assurance away as she collected their dishes.
He would follow her into the kitchen. As she would wash the dishes he would consider just how beautiful she really was. He would try to wait patiently for her to finish, but she never got a chance. He would sneak up behind her and wrap his arms around her slender waist. He would push her hair aside and kiss her neck. She would giggle. He would smile because she was just too perfect.
'I love you' he would whisper, and then he would spin her around and hold her close. Together they would sway to a rhythm unheard.
He would hold her close to his chest, his arms snaked around her slender waist and her arms would drape around his neck. Her fingers would tangle themselves in his hair as they kissed. The passion between them was undeniable, a raging fire of love and lust and hope. Hope for the future, for a life together, even if neither of them would admit it.
Then, it all fell apart.
It was unexpected. Marlene had come for dinner, like always, but she hadn't been herself. She had lacked that sense of warmth, seeming cold and distant. He had joked with her and she had barely laughed. Several times he caught her staring out the large bay window on the far side of the room. When he had asked her what was wrong she had been quick to brush off his concerns, stating that she was fine. She had said that she just had a lot on her mind.
How was he supposed to know that the 'a lot on her mind' had anything to do with him?
He had followed her into the kitchen, like always. He had kissed her neck, but she hadn't giggled. Instead, she had shrugged him off. "What's wrong Mar?" He had asked, as he leaned against the counter. He had examined her closely; arms crossed, eyes on the ground, her shoes making squeaking noises on the tile floor as she shifted from foot to foot, nervously.
"I'm not exactly sure how to tell you this Sirius." Her dark blue eyes remained focused on the floor as she spoke.
"It's okay, you can tell me anything," he had assured her. He approached her. He gently tucked a finger under her chin, turning her face toward him. "I love you. You never have to worry about talking to me."
Much to his surprise, Marlene had began to cry. He had wrapped his arms around her, whispering soothingly in his ear. She let her face rest in the crook of his neck, her small fingers clutching the front of his black t-shirt. "Sirius, I'm so sorry."
"For what, love, you have no reason to be sorry?"
The blonde had pulled away from him, tears still flowing from her eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I do love your, but I… need space. I need time for myself. I'm going away, for a little while."
"What? You're joking right?" Sirius had felt his heart clench. It had to be a horrible joke.
The blonde hadn't responded.
"Mar, this isn't funny."
"I'm not joking Sirius. I need this. I'm sorry. I love you, I do. It's just. . . It's hard to explain. " The blonde wiped a tear away.
Sirius had never been much of a begging man, but he had decided that there was no better thing to beg for then the continued presence of the love of his life. "Please tell me you're not serious. Please."
"I'm sorry Sirius. I hope someday you'll forgive me."
That was the last time he had ever heard her voice.
Why hadn't he tried harder to stop her? Why hadn't he reached out, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her. Why hadn't he proven that the passion between them was there, a red hot flame, strong enough to burn anyone who came near it?
Marlene Mckinnon had died, three weeks later. She had died fighting, strong, determined, and brave. No one in her family had survived.
He would never hear her voice again. He would never see her beautiful smile, look into her dark blue eyes, hold her close, or kiss her beautiful lips. She was gone and she was never coming back; and he could have saved her.
Why had he let her leave?
The question would haunt him, forever.
word count: 1093
an. I don't know what to say, so let's just jump to challenges:
The Quidditch League Competition: Chaser 2: Required Lyrics (Inspiration): "But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover, and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer. But autumn came, she disappeared, you can't remember where she said she was going to." and prompts: shoes, freedom & Please, tell me you're not serious. Please. Minor Character Boot Camp: Hilarious.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sirius Black or Marlene McKinon. I do not own the quote from the Bright Eyes. I am sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. I proofread, but I'm not perfect. I tried my best
I hope this was enjoyable. -danie.