"Oh, you're not going to make me go out there, are you?" Rimmer whined.
Lister showed no pity.
"Yer the only one who can, man; so get out there and start lookin' around."
With a long-suffering sigh, Rimmer shook his head and headed out the airlock. His feet hit solid, dusty ground, the clay-colored orange soil stretching as far as he could see.
"What a lovely planet," he remarked sarcastically. "Just the sort of place to take the children on holiday."
"Hello," a sweet, innocent voice greeted him.
Rimmer spun around hurriedly, defense mode springing to life. Tense muscles? Check. Heart rate increase? Check. Legs preparing to run as far and as fast as possible? Double check.
When he saw who stood before him, he relaxed slightly, though confusion entered his face. It was a woman. A pretty woman. Not the most beautiful one he had ever seen or imagined, but still fairly attractive in her own way. Her short, blonde curls rested at her shoulders and she was wearing a … rather fetching silver dress that landed above her knees and tied around her neck.
Alright, he admitted it. It was fetching because the darned thing showed off so much, but still hid all the important bits. Smeg, if only it showed a bit more….
"Hello?" she tried, looking at him a bit closer to see if he was actually registering her presence.
"What? Oh, yes; hello," he responded, blinking repeatedly to try to get his mind to catch up with his eyes. "If you don't mind my asking…. Who are you?"
She giggled. It was metallic and sweet, like the ringing of many tiny bells about the same color as her dress.
Rimmer suddenly felt very warm.
"My name's Tressa. What's yours?"
"Arnold…. Arnold Rimmer."
"Well hello, Arnold Rimmer. What are you doing on my planet?"
"Your… planet? Well, of course it's your planet; you're on it…. Obviously, it must be, since…." He stopped with a huff, annoyed at himself for rambling. He decided to take a new track and actually answer her question. "We registered plant life here on our scanners that could be used for food. I don't need it since I don't eat, but that git Lister sent me out anyway since he said I'd be the least affected by the atmosphere."
Why was he telling her so much? Didn't he watch sci-fi movies? Wasn't it always foolish to tell the alien creature you've just met everything about who you are and what you're doing? But there was just something about her….
"Ah," she nodded, her childlike face registering understanding.
Smeg movies; he'd do anything to keep talking to her.
"And what are you doing here? We didn't register any humanoid life on our scanners, but that's not entirely surprising since they're about as likely to work correctly as a microwave is to write a novel by Charles Dickens."
She smiled, seeming to light up the surrounding atmosphere. Rimmer's mind went hazy. What had he said? He needed to make sure he said more things like it!
"I live here."
She said it so matter-of-factly that Rimmer nodded in acceptance. Of course; it all made sense. Of course she'd live here. Where else would she live?
The part of his mind that always strove to live up to the ideal of an officer of the Space Corps shoved his brain forcefully. 'Get about your duties!' it commanded. He groaned at it, making a mental note to chew himself out later but obeying nonetheless.
"I don't suppose you could help me find that plant life?"
"No, I can't."
"Why not?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
"There are no plants here."
"Ah."
His expression sank. No reason left to stick around, then….
She cocked her head to the side, looking like a rather adorable puppy. He swallowed.
"You're cute."
He choked on the simulated air that he didn't need to breath, doubling over with his hands on his knees until he got a hold back on himself.
"I'm what?" he finally croaked.
"You're cute. Do you not have that word where you're from?"
"That depends…." He began slowly. "If 'cute' here means a complete and utter smeghead with all of the charm of a deformed hippopotamus, then yes, but it goes by another term."
She laughed again, making Rimmer's heart swell. Gosh, she couldn't keep doing that to him. The new sensation was making him dizzy.
"No, silly. It means cute. Attractive. Adorable. Appealing."
His eyes went wide and his brain catapulted out into space. "Then yes, I'd say it means the same thing," he replied distantly.
She snapped her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to reality.
"What?"
"You were gone for a minute."
"Was I? Where did I go?"
"How should I know?" she smiled.
Where had he ever been but here? And more importantly, why would he ever want to be anywhere else?
"So, Tressa. Tell me about yourself."
"There's not much to say, really. I'm Tressa, and I live here."
She gestured to the two things mentioned.
Rimmer wasn't satisfied by the lack of answer.
"How long have you lived here?"
She shrugged.
"Since always."
"Do you have any parents?"
She looked at him with wide, confused eyes and said nothing.
"Any friends?"
She looked down sadly. "No."
"Ah." There was something he could understand. For some reason, her presence made him want to tell her things, so he did. "I don't have any friends either."
"You don't?"
Tressa glanced up quickly, fascination in her expression.
"No, I don't."
"Why?"
"Well…." He grew awkward. That was a bit difficult to explain, especially while trying to make a good impression. "I suppose I'm just not… many people's type."
"Ah." She nodded knowingly. "You're my type."
His eyes went wide. "I'm what?"
Had he heard her correctly?
She smiled, shaking her head at him in amusement.
"You're silly, you know that?"
"Yes, yes, but what did you say?"
With a giggle, she repeated her words.
"…Really?" he asked. When she nodded, he responded, "I've never been anyone's type. Especially not a woman as beautiful as you."
She blushed and looked down with a happy smile.
"You think I'm beautiful?"
His earnestness even took his own breath away.
"Yes, you definitely are."
Her smile grew.
"Then stay with me."
His mouth dropped open at the offer. He didn't know anything about her. It might not be safe. He had his duties to attend to. These and other thoughts rose in his mind and tumbled over each other to get to his tongue, but they dried up when he saw her large, pleading brown eyes.
Why wouldn't he stay?
"I…."
"There ya are, man! We were wonderin' why it was takin' you so long to just take a look see. It's not like there're very many plants in view, now are there?"
Lister, decked out in an environmental suit, walked up to him.
"I'm a little bit busy at the moment, Lister," he snapped.
When he turned back around to respond to the woman he had spent twenty minutes with, she was gone. He looked around wildly.
"Where is she?"
"Where is who, man?"
"Tressa, the attractive blonde woman in a frustratingly-modest silver dress."
"What?" Lister shook his head. "Maybe Kryten was wrong; this atmosphere isn't good for you."
He grabbed the hologram's arm to lead him away.
"Wait! She was just here!"
"There's no one here, man. It's an 'allucination."
Had it really been a hallucination? It had felt so real….
His eyes knit together, and his heart gave a painful throb. 'Tressa….'
When they re-entered Starbug, Rimmer marched immediately to the scanner station and began sweeping the area.
"What are you doing, Goalpost Head?" Cat asked.
"I'm looking for someone," he replied distractedly, not taking his eyes off of the readings.
"But sir, there's no one out there!" Kryten insisted, concerned.
"Yes there is! I was talking to her!" his expression grew more concerned when he realized that the readings supported what Kryten said.
It couldn't be….
"Sit down, sir," Kryten clucked, guiding the distraught and confused man back to his seat. "Once we get back into space, I'll examine your light bee for any damage from the atmosphere."
Yes, he supposed that was prudent. He stared outward despondently.
As their ship lifted off and Rimmer glanced out the view-screen, he could swear he saw her looking up at him with mournful eyes. As he rose to a half-standing position, she disappeared.