Don't ask me how I thought up of this, because I honestly don't know. I was actually talking to Isayssoccer about her story, Girl Scout Cookies, when I thought this up. I thought, "Well, Freidon, why not lose a little more dignity?" Hope this little tidbit is entertaining for those of you who have seen the play, "Little Shop of Horrors". For those who haven't…well, I hope you enjoy Mushu's rantings. Side note: I wrote this after Isayssoccer dared me to.
"I'm tellin ya, I'm not goin to no stinkin tooth puller!" Mulan sat in a waiting room chair, slumped over and bored, as a hysterical lizard uselessly struggled in her arms. Beside her, a cricket chirped in amusement. She in turn, merely sighed.
"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, Mushu, but when you have a tooth needing to be pulled, you tend to visit a tooth puller." Mulan's words were useless. After all, this same debate had been resurfacing for the last two hours they had spent in the dentist's waiting room. Needless to say, Shang (whom was coaxed into joining this little tirade by his wife) was amused at his companions' stubbornness.
"I got that toothache saving you, Ms. High and Mighty." Mushu pouted, crossing his arms angrily as he realized that there wasn't any possible way to get out of Mulan's grasp.
"Excuse me?"
"Excuse me?! I get forced to go to the torture chamber of sharp pointy things for protecting your butt by biting the skinny dude's bottom, and all you can say is excuse me?!" Mushu's voice echoed within the waiting room, rising above the TV's volume. A few other people glared at them, and Mulan took the hint. Whispering, she asked,
"You mean you've had the tooth ache ever since you bit Ling?"
"Nope, but the dang tooth sure is hurtin now, isn't it?!"
"Shh! Could you keep it down, 'Little Shop of Horrors' is about to come on!" A fellow dentist victim shushed Mushu, who in turn, glared daggers. Seeing the sight, Shang chuckled before turning to look at the television screen.
"On the twenty-third day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places."
"Little Shop of Horrors, pu-leese. Who cares about a little soap opera when I'm bein sent to a TORTURE CHAMBER!"
"Mushu!" Mulan scolded softly, aware of the attention the small lizard was bringing. Dragon, she automatically corrected herself. As annoyed as she was, even Mulan knew that Mushu had saved her neck quite a few times. He was one of her dearest friends. Right now, however, he was being an annoying idiot. That was Mushu for you, all right.
"What you want me to do, wait quietly before my death?!" Smoke started flowing from Mushu's nostrils as he saw Mulan shoot him a look. Much to his dismay, Crikee began inputting his chirp. Mushu, of course, immediately responded.
"Oh, you think he ain't that bad? Course not, he's just the spawn of Shan Yu himself!" Mushu scowled, and the music in the background fit with his mood.
Little shop, little shoppa horrors.
Little shop, little shoppa terror.
Call a cop. Little shoppa horrors.
No, oh, oh, no-oh!
'
Little shop, little shoppa horrors.
Bop sh'bop, little shoppa terror.
Watch 'em drop! Little shoppa horrors.
No, oh, oh, no-oh!
'
"See, even the T.V. agrees with me." He whined, pointing at the show he was preventing others from hearing. Mulan just squeezed him harder. That went over well.
"What you want me to do, watch the movie, fall asleep, and then die of fright?" The dragon inquired, finally settling down long enough to complain once more. Mulan just raised one of her eyebrows, implying in her ever-so-annoying way that she wanted him to do just that. Nuh uh. Mulan could sit here all day, but Mushu would never, ever, fall asleep while waiting to be sent to his death.
Moments later….
"Just five more minutes…" Mushu murmured, yawning as he curled into Mulan's arm. Mulan just chuckled, and nudged Mushu once more.
"Come on Mushu, its time to meet Dr. Orin." Mushu merely snored in response. Rolling her eyes, the young heroine whispered the one thing that would safe her friend's tooth.
"Either you hurry up, or I'll tell Crikee you still sleep with Mr. Teddy."
"You wouldn't."
"I just did." Mulan grinned maliciously, eager to see her friend awake. Crikee chirped in merriment at the sight of the baffled dragon's facial expressions. Glaring at his insect friend, Mushu sighed, and began walking towards the dentist door, shuffling his feet every step of the way.
"If you hear me screaming, just get on out of here and buy me a marble gravestone. None of that cheap concrete stuff, you hear?" And with that, the defeated lizard walked into the dentist office. He expected to walk into a nightmare. He didn't. He walked into China's nightmare.
There stood Shan Yu, the man who had slayed thousands, wearing a leather jacket and a nametag labeled, "Dr. Orin." I can't even begin to describe to you the thousands of thoughts running through Mushu's head at that moment, but I can tell the first thing that popped out of Mushu's mouth.
"Uh...I'm not sure zombies in a hygiene place like this is sanitary." The fact of the matter was, Shan Yu didn't look at all like a zombie. Ignoring the gray skin, he looked just like an average seven-foot tall man in a leather jacket. This made everything worse.
"I'm Dr. Orin."
"You're the dead guy."
"My nametag says I'm Dr. Orin."
"Dead guys don't own nametags."
"I do." Shan Yu grinned, causing a shudder to rip down Mushu's spine. A man who killed thousands grinning at you was one thing, but a dentist zombie guy who had killed thousands was another. Oh crud. He was a zombie dentist. Time to start screaming.
Before Mushu could scream, however, Shan Yu broke into song. Song. As in, singing a song. As in, vocal chords being used to create a melody song. And Shan Yu was doing it. And he was a zombie dentist. Dude, this was nuts.
'
"When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed the funny things that I did,
Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun,
I'd poison guppies when I was done,
I'd find a pussycat and bash its head,
That's when my mama said,"
'
That was nuts. That was nuts, you say? Well, Mushu said the same thing. Until he saw Chien Po, Ling, and Yao come out, dressed as women, and sing with him. Mushu changed his mind. This wasn't nuts, this was crazy.
'
"What did she say?"
'
The three men sang, attitude dripping from their voices as they flipped their fake hair. Mushu started screaming, but was stopped as he was quaintly picked up by Shan Yu, and stuffed on top of the dentist chair. Needless to say, Mushu was not at all happy. He wasn't confused either, just….baffled. Extremely baffled.
'
"She said, 'my boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay,
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you less,
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success"
'
Mushu sat, horrified, as Shan Yu sang.
"Um, Mulan, one order of gravestones, please!" With all desperation the terrified dragon could muster, Mushu screamed aloud. Shan Yu just grinned viciously, watching Mushu as the lizard swore to himself he was seeing venom drip from Shan Yu's teeth. Who could blame him? There probably was. That didn't stop the zombie dentist of doom, however. In fact, this made him seem more frightening then ever. By now, the leather jacket had been shorn off, and the sadistic dentist outfit was clearly visible.
"Oh Mushu, you'll be fine." Mushu heard Mulan's voice come behind the closed door.
"Yeah, everything's fine and dandy, you just sit outside while the stinkin Hun who almost killed you picks at my teeth!" Naturally, of course, Mushu's yelling merely reminded Shan Yu of what he was to do. Mushu, finding himself strapped onto the dentist chair by Chien Po, merely stared in twisted terror as Shan Yu began working on his mouth. Did I mention that Shan Yu was singing while he did so.
'
"Open wide,
Here I come!
I am your dentist,"
'
Shan Yu's vocal chords stretched, soon followed by the three 'girls'.
'
"Goodness gracious, he's a dentist!"
'
"And though it may cause my patients distress
Somewhere in heaven above me, I know that my mama's proud of me,
Cause I'm a dentist - and a success"
'
Shan Yu sang, finally pulling out Mushu's tooth. He never had time to sing the final words, because Mushu took advantage of his freedom, (Chien Po had unstrapped him) and galloped across the room within seconds. Shan Yu's laughter echoed throughout the room as Mushu made his final statement,
"That is the last time I'm goin' to a tooth puller!"
-----------------------
"That is the last time I'm goin' to a tooth puller!" Mushu cried, sitting up fast as was possible. He blinked, realizing he was in the dentist waiting room. Realizing that every person in the room was staring at him.
"Does Mushu always talk in his sleep?" Shang pondered aloud, yawning from boredom. Mushu glanced around the room waving his bright red arms through the air.
"But Shan Yu was a zombie dentist! And then Chien Po strapped me to the dang chair, and they were all singing somethin' about bein' a dentist, and…and…and…" Mushu stopped, acknowledging that it was all a nightmare. He should have realized it sooner, he told himself, after all, it's not like dead dudes being your dentist was a normal thing. What would be in his next dream, Shan Yu, the dead dude, as a piano teacher?
"Man, whoever said you can't feel pain in a dream sure has a lot comin to him. Cause that tooth huuurt." Mushu complained rubbing the back of his head. He froze mid-rub, a haunting tune reaching his ears.
'
"I'm your dentist…"
'
Mushu screamed, running out of the dentist office as he did so. Mulan moaned, looking at the exiting door longingly as she heard "The Little Shop of Horrors" being played on the television. Shang sat up, baffled as she.
"Are you telling me we waited three hours in here, only to have Mushu run out at the last minute?" He asked, aggravation easily visible on his face. Mulan nodded, sighing as she stood up, and walked out of the dentist office. While Shang and Mulan, outside, attempted to find where Mush had gone to, Crikee stopped just long enough to see something amazing.
"Is there a Mushu here? He's up for the next kill...I mean pulling." Shan Yu stood in the doorway, wearing a leather jacket. Crikee didn't even have time to say "say ah, now spit" before he passed out.
This is the stupidest thing I ever wrote, but I wanted to hear people's opinion about it before I took it down. This was probably completely confusing, wasn't it? Oh well. Your loss. Actually…it would be my loss, considering I just loss what was left of my sanity. Toodles!