Okay, I've got a million plans rushing about in this head of mine, but since I can't find the time or concentration to sit and write out any of the above-mentioned plans, I'm going to write a slightly-crack!fic, in which Jim Kirk is sent a very interesting email by his brother, George. Yes, this song really does exist, shockingly, and it's sung with funny accents, and it made me laugh till I cried, so I assume Jim will react similarly. The song belongs to a group (?) called The Firm. Go youtube it. It's too good. Jim has a really hot singing voice. And you know you're very far gone when you think about things like that. *sigh*
On with the story!!
Jim was checking his PADD early in the morning shift. Everything was calm and peaceful, and frankly speaking, it was the way they preferred it. At first they couldn't wait to fly off into the thick of adventure, but now they were just happy that no one was dying, on the verge of dying, or killing someone. Those three were the general worriers.
But either way, he got an alert for an email from his brother, and he grinned. It had been a long time since he heard from George, who was training to become a doctor (he hadn't heard the end of it from Bones) for Star Fleet.
He opened it and plugged in his headphones, as it was a music video, and played. The first line made him grin, but everything that followed was simply too much. He had to hear this with the crew. So he turned and got their attention, and put it on the wide-screen. The standard background came on and the music started playing. Bones stepped onto the bridge and his attention caught on the song.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.
Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.
Uhura fumed. She was so pissed, she couldn't believe that some jerk had decided to mock her like that! She didn't even call him Jim! By now, Spock's eyebrow was half-way up, Bones was grinning, and Chekov, Sulu and the Captain were chuckling away.
Analysis, Mr. Spock. (Spock sat up just a bit straighter)
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.
That was absolutely ridiculous! He did not say it that many times, surely not! Jim, Pavel and Hikaru were still chuckling away. Uhura had a slightly retarded smile on her face, and McCoy was beaming. He, obviously, loved it, thought Spock's deadpan inner voice.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse. (At this Scotty popped in, and began listening. He had needed something but this was far more interesting)
Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.
Jim was pointing and laughing at Bones, and Spock allowed himself a glimmer of satisfaction. Pavel, Hikaru and Scotty were laughing almost hysterically. This was too good to be true. They needed a camera phone, now! McCoy's face was priceless! He really did say it that often, they all knew it!
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.
Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.
Jim burst out laughing at the airheaded laugh the voice gave, and they were surprised. So far everyone had felt slightly annoyed, but Jim looked only amused. Even the line was weird, contrasting between the surreal and calm 'we come in peace' and the almost cackled 'shoot to kill'. Jim had collapsed in his chair, laughing, a hand clasped to his forehead, as if he couldn't believe it. Uhura was stifling giggles, and Scotty and McCoy were doing a retarded step-dance to it. It wasn't helping Chekov, who'd fallen out of his chair, laughing.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.
Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.
Again, Uhura was annoyed. She was so not that whiny!
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!
Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.
Now no one was hiding it, and even Uhura was laughing at Scotty's catchphrase, including Scotty himself, who looked a bit embarrassed.
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.
Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!
Ye cannae change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.
Scotty sighed, the deep breath feeling wonderful after all that laughing.
It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.
McCoy protested, "Oi! I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" his comment only prompting more laughter.
Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.
Jim grinned. It did sound like him. He was eternally telling Scotty to make them faster.
Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!
"Ne'r!" cried Scotty, and they laughed some more. There was a sound of an explosion, and suddenly the bridge fell silent, a chill running through their spines. An eerie voice came, singing the same lines, in obvious mockery.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.
Jim sighed, slightly annoyed that the song had ended on such a sad note, but happy about the laughter it had prompted. It was a sign of how far they'd come. You always knew how famous you were when moving beyond stories of hero-worship, they made parodies of you. It was kinda flattering. Spock's eyebrow was permanently raised, and Uhura was helping McCoy to make sure Chekov was okay (he'd bumped his head, still laughing)
Scotty saluted, and Jim nodded as he left the bridge, and the Starship returned to its normal activities, apart from the occasional escaped chuckle. Damn, he needed to thank George. He loved his job.
I know, I know. It's pointless in all ways, but I had to! HOW COULD I NOT?!?!? It's too good an opportunity to pass up—the whole song, I mean. I was clueless on how to make it more meaningful, and decided I shouldn't bother. :D
REVIEW, but DON'T FLAME!!! (they're used to toast marshmallows)
Love,
Lady Merlin