A/N: So I was thinking the other day about Lily and James' relationship, and I know that we're all really invested in James' dogged, unfailing pursuit of Lily even though she rejects him daily for years, and I'm not saying it couldn't happen, but it is a little bit unrealistic, you've got to admit. With that in mind, the idea for this story popped into my addled head, and I decided to run with it. It's pretty different from anything that I've tried before in that I want it to be more funny than angsty, but we'll see what happens when I really get into it. Oh, and I don't own, obviously. I think Jo would probably be a little offended with how I'm manipulating her characters, actually...oh, well.
"Well I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door."
- The Proclaimers
It was a subtle change, one that you don't necessarily register right away, like those puzzles where you try to figure out which thing is missing, and it always turns out to be an extra stripe on the guy's necktie or a tassel on a hat. Even though you didn't notice it at first once you realize that something is missing the difference between the two pictures seems obvious and you can't stop seeing it no matter how you focus. I'd always been terrible at those, and likewise it took me longer than it should have to realize that something was different, and longer still to realize what it was. I couldn't pinpoint exactly when, but I knew that somewhere in between two weeks and a month ago James Potter's debilitating crush on me, one that had continued for years despite my protests and refusals, had simply ceased to exist.
At least, that was what it felt like. I couldn't be sure exactly, never having been inside the idiot's head, but I did know that he no longer greeted me with his customary "Hey, Evans" in the corridors or "Evans, go out with me," at lunch. The solitary tulips (my favorite flower) which I had sometimes awoken to find resting on my nightstand were no longer. He stopped winking in my direction when he said something clever or regarding me with a mix of admiration and attraction when I mastered something difficult in class. As far as I could tell, he hadn't flirted with anyone else (not that I would have cared if he had, who James Potter flirted with was his business), but still, it was odd. Although I wanted to know the reason, I comforted myself with the fact that at least the long saga that he had created between us was finally over.
_____________
There's really only so many times you can get rejected by one person. I mean, I knew Lily hated me, and I knew she didn't take me seriously, but I thought I'd done a pretty good job of cleaning up my act this year. I made it a rule among the Marauders that we weren't allowed to prank anyone below fourth year, I stopped snogging random girls behind the tapestry after hours, and I even made an effort to pay attention in class, which was by far the biggest sacrifice. I ignored Snivellus and even called him "Snape" when forced to address him in one class or the other. I stopped showing off so much during Quidditch games and tried to be more of a team player. I tried to make friends with Lily to show her than I actually cared about her as a person and wasn't just interested in getting into her knickers. And the worst part is, she didn't even notice. She just went right on believing I was the same old arrogant toerag I'd always been.
To be honest, it pissed me off. I mean, I went to all that effort, and she still refused to acknowledge me? It wasn't like I wanted her to throw herself at me or anything (or okay, maybe I did, but I didn't expect her to). I would have been content with a cordial nod in the corridors. A smile would have put me over the moon for weeks. And if she'd let down her mile-high walls for just few moments one day and we actually had a conversation that didn't consist of me asking her out and getting cruelly rejected for the 351st time (yeah, I kept a tally), I'd probably have died of shock. But it was like she wouldn't let herself see the new me. Her eyes slid right past me just as they always had, and I realized that no matter what I did or how I bent myself out of shape for the girl, I would never be good enough for Lily Evans. And maybe, just maybe, I didn't want to be.