A/N: Blegh, drabble…. I was bored. I don't think that it's very good, but please R&R! ^^ It makes me happy like L with cake! One or two tiny curse words, and yaoi. Don't like, don't read. XD
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
That. Damned. Notebook. That notebook is my worst enemy, because it took you away from me. You were everything to me, and now, lying by myself on this bed, I can't imagine what was so important about it to you. You left me for it and now you come crawling back to me. Yes, I miss you, and yes, I want you back, but I don't know if I'm willing to accept your apologies yet.
I lie here, and I've never felt emptier. I feel more alone than I ever have because this is the first time where I've been alone, and I've actually lost something imperative, something completely precious to me. All I want is to have you back, to have you here, holding me, comforting me now more than ever.
But you found that black, condemned book and dropped me as quickly as seemingly possible, like you had never loved me at all. I saw your eyes, that were usually so wide and innocent, harden and shade over. You became anxious and apprehensive towards the Task Force, and mostly towards me. You avoided me, and each sharp, callous word you threw stabbed me because I knew this wasn't the Light that I fell for, that I loved. Because the Light I fell for would never tell me that he hated me. For a while, you cared for me; You told me you loved me! What happened to make you so indifferent to me, to act like absolutely nothing had happened between us? That we never kissed, or made love? Whatever it was, now you have the gall to come back to me and beg for forgiveness, claiming that you remember nothing about a notebook, or becoming so cold? You just expect me to act like I believe you when you claim sudden amnesia? Well I am sorry, but even though I may seem emotionless, I can't forgive something like that as quickly as it happened. But I don't know what to think, because you seem to be telling the truth. Yet how can I trust you? You've done nothing but lie to me this whole investigation, until the first time we kissed. Then, you told me that you loved me, and I believed you, because I could tell that you were telling me the truth, and I felt the same way, so I didn't want to reject you. You came on to me, and I let you. That might have been my worst mistake I've ever made. I let my emotions get a hold of me, and now I'm sunk into this depression. But you seem so earnest, so truthful each time you apologize, and each time you wrap warm arms around my waist and kiss my neck, my cheek, my lips. And I do my best to push you away, just so that I don't have to feel this burning pain in my chest anymore. I loved you, and I still do, but I can't tell you what you can do to help me forgive you. I'm trying to move on, but I've never been hurt this way before.
Your eyes are wide and the color of melting honey once more. I can't detect any lies in them when you tell me that you're sorry and that you love me. You hug me and kiss me and beg me to let you back into my life, into my mind, and I think that I will again. I think that the only way to stifle the excruciating pain I feel is to forgive you, and let you back in.
So I guess that I will. I'll let you back in, hug you and kiss you and fuck you once more. That's what you want, and that's what will make me feel better, because you're the one thing in this world that can make me happy, and because I love you more than anything this world can offer me. Well, besides cake.