I don't know how it started.

I do know how the feel of cracking his cheekbone makes me grin like I'm crazy, how making him bleed was an accomplishment. I used to feel that way about everyone I fought; blood used to be my favorite reward. But now, I long to see him look up with me with fear splashed across his face, begging me to reconsider...but right now seeing him fly away scared is enough.

I think it's kinda sick. I'm not supposed to think like this. I know I've never been the *best* Powerpuff, but even when I was little it was just about fighting, fighting anyone. I know I scare Blossom, she observes me with quiet remorse, wondering what led me to be so happy about...him. I'm supposed to wish he didn't exist, but what else would give me this thrill? No one can truly fight me, he's the only one I can really beat.

But I think today I want to lose.

I felt him grab my leg, pressing his nails in to catch my attention. I kick his side, trying to make him let go, but he looks determined. Usually he's excited or unreadable, but determination looks fierce on his face. He tugs me down, and I collapse next to him. I'm not fighting normally, he looks peeved. For some reason, I have an urge to explain that I want to feel what it's like to fall. To not be in control. Because, really, we both know I'm smarter then him; I could beat him whenever I felt like it. Today I'm not thinking, I'll get out of any situation he'll put me in but just in due time.

He slugs me, I bite down on my tongue and take the pain. My wrists hit the cement, his hands covering them in a close-to-gentle way. Grunting, I buck my knees into his hips, he hisses at me. I push his legs with my feet, he falls(on top of me), and I throw him off. I know my expression looks bored, and I know it pisses him off. I guess he's not in the mood to win either, since he looks at me from where he sits in the wall.

We stare, deadlocked, for almost an hour.

Blossom is not happy. Granted, she's a stressed person, but her eyes are burning into me. I blink cautiously, what will set her off? She sets her mouth into a thin line, but looks away. My anger flares up, it makes no sense for her to be mad! I didn't lose. I didn't win, but I didn't lose. I'm I expected to be a destroyer? Do I have to make rubble out of everything I touch? Blossom's stiff body screamed,' Yes, Yes, Yes! You're the same person, why is today different? Why?' I could already feel my anger melting into guilt. I should have just stopped him. Fought him.

"He didn't have a scratch on him. Neither did you. What were you doing for an hour?"

I heard accusation. Blame. I turned on her, glaring with anger I thought was gone. She looked surprise, but that didn't make sense. It was her who was making judgments, I had a right to be mad. Why does she think she can just get away with that? She's the leader, but she can't lead everything I do. Blossom touched my arm, I looked at her and flew off. She shouldn't throw around those things. I don't accuse people of...that. I wouldn't even accuse people of thinking that kind of stuff. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wou-

The sound of clicking is never more annoying then when you're trying to focus. Focus on anything other than Blossom. It doesn't help when sunny pigtails are on a computer, 'bubbling' away to friends she just saw ten fucking minutes ago. Thankfully, Blossom can easily read me and stayed downstairs. But this one couldn't pick up negativity if it slapped her.

"Okay, I can feel the holes your firing into my skull."

I looked up at her, she smiled cutely. I don't understand why my mouth isn't moving. I know what I want to say. I know it's not what I mean, but it's what I'll say, if I could open my mouth. My head hurts. I can't focus on talking when Blossom is lurking in my mind. But Bubbles is looking at me with all the patience in the world, a strange look on her face. I saw it in Blossom's face earlier but now it looked...kinder.

"Blossom told me. I know what's wrong with you."

I looked up at her, and my stomach hit the floor. My heart pounded, and I got the feeling I wasn't going to like this.

I never went looking for him before. I never realized I had no idea where he lived. How am I supposed to find something that isn't lost...

My stomach hurts, and everything is kind of hard to see. I don't think I'm crying, I'm not crying, but my legs do feel weak. I look up and I think I see him. I run towards him, hearing him yell as I throw him away from any late-night stragglers. He stares at me intently, scowling and cursing things I don't really hear. I punch him, but not hard. He flips me into a wall, crashing on top of me. I start breathing heavy, I know he's punching my side, so he doesn't realize he could question why.

My head hurts. I start breathing through my mouth, and punched feebly at his chest. He looked startled, looking almost nervously at my face. I can't really see him, but I punch harder. "Get off...Get off...Get off...me..." I gasp out other words when he pulls back, staring up at me. My hair is in my eyes, I can't see for completely different reasons. I feel like I'm staring at him, gasping with tear-less sobs. I feel metal stabbing my palms and the pain shoots me back to reality, the force of my heartbeat and the flush of my cheeks oddly foreign.

All I see is him.