A/N: If you don't like yaoi (guy x guy) or Bort (Sideshow Bob x Bart) then I suggest you leave now. Or stay. It's your choice. But I won't accept flames. I didn't force you to read this thing. This is my first Simpsons fanfic so I hope you enjoy it :) This is a Bort because personally I'm in love with the pairing. I'm hoping to make this into a couple of parts (possibly four) because there just isn't enough Bort out there. I've had this idea in my head for a while and it was originally going to be an mpreg but I changed my mind. It was also going to be M rated but I chickened out. I was going to write this when I finished Living With the Frenemy but I sort of got a bit stressed and bored with it so I'm working on this at the same time to even everything out and to not lose interest.

Warning: Expect OOCness. Bart has been aged up.

Ages: Bart (16, nearly 17,) Lisa (14, nearly 15,) Maggie (7,) Gino (7.) I didn't add the others ages because anyone in Bart's class will be the same age as him and the others are already adults and have already matured.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Simpsons. I own this plot though.

Chapter 1: Failing

Marge and Homer stared at the familiar red F that they were so used to seeing on Bart's report card. Even though their first child and only son was sixteen he still hadn't matured at all. He didn't seem to care about his grades and he didn't seem to care about what that means for his future.

"Well..." Bart said, rocking back and forth slowly on the heels of his feet. The awkward silence was getting to him and he was looking at the door longingly. "You've seen my report card... As you can see my grades haven't gone down... Well, they haven't really gone up either so... BYE!"

He legged it out of the kitchen and up to his bedroom so fast there should have been a Bart-shaped cloud left behind him. He'd learnt to outrun his father when he realised that strangling was an almost daily thing.

Marge sat down at the kitchen table, resting her head in her hands. Homer sat down and put his arms around his wife when she started to sob. Her crying was awfully loud after the long silence and seem to cut through the atmosphere. Homer winced.

"My little Barty..." she sobbed, voice breaking. Homer rubbed her back soothingly. "He's got no future," she wailed.

"We've tried everything we could think of to get his grades to improve," Homer said in a desperate attempt to comfort his wife. It didn't seem to help. "The only thing we haven't tried is locking him up in school and hope for the best."

She sobbed harder but quickly composed herself and straightened her dress when the phone rang loudly.

"H-Hello?"

Homer could hear a soft buzzing from the phone from where he was sat. He tried to heighten his senses but with no such luck.

"Today? O-Okay, Homer and I will be there soon... You want Bart to come too...? Alright. B-Bye."

She faced her husband. "Principal Skinner would like to see us... and Bart," she said. "Right now."

Homer looked miserable and grumpy. He thought Bart was in trouble.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAART!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

They could hear every thud of the stairs when Bart walked down them. He peered around the kitchen door, saw his angry dad and decided to keep some distance between them.

"You call me?" He said when Homer's eye twitched.

It was quiet for a long time in Skinner's office. Marge and Homer were sitting nervously. Bart was quite comfortable in the office because he was sent there about three times a day. It was starting to feel like a second home. Bart scrunched up two pieces of paper until they were as round as he could get them. He started to juggle.

"Do you know why you're here, Bart?" Skinner asked.

"Er..." Bart said, stopping juggling and trying to avoid the subject. "Because I put gum in Martin's hair?"

"No."

"Because I put gum in Lisa's hair?"

"No."

"Because I set a firework off in the school toilets?"

"You did what?!" Skinner said, a vein throbbing in his forehead. Bart ignored that.

"I read a porno magazine in class?"

"You did?" Marge squeaked in a high voice.

"I can't really remember," Bart frowned, deep in thought. "I get drunk before school sometimes."

Marge looked like she was going to cry again. "Where did you get the beer?"

"The fridge. Homer always keeps about a year's supply of it in there."

Homer smiled sheepishly at his wife.

Skinner sighed and leaned back in his chair, tapping his desk with the tips of his fingers and eyeing Bart's parents.

"He's here because of his grades."

"That was gonna be my last guess."

"Shut up, boy!"

"Anyway!" Skinner said loudly as a strong hint for everyone to shut up and listen to him. "He failed a really important English exam. And he failed an important maths exam too." He noticed a tear running down Marge's face. He also noticed that Bart noticed and the sixteen year old was looking guilty. "There will be a re-sit for those who failed it the first time around."

"I get another chance?" Bart nearly yelled, looking slightly happier.

"Yes. You do. But you need to try hard."

Bart suddenly looked miserable again. "I do try. But I still fail."

"If you paid attention you wouldn't fail."

"I do try to pay attention to the teachers but they're so boring," he whined.

"Would you rather have an idiot teaching you? Or a drug-addict? Someone who could harm you?"

"In all honesty, sir, they all do sound much more interesting than the teachers here."

Much to the teen's surprise, Skinner seemed to consider this.

"You'd listen to someone if they could keep your attention?"

"Most definitely."

Skinner thought hard for a long time. Bart was tempted to start juggling again but thought against it. Skinner stared him down and Bart just turned to watch Willy rake leaves outside the window. He turned back to Skinner when man clicked in front of his eyes, trying to grab his attention.

"Okay. I'll find you a tutor."

Almost three weeks later Skinner had called Bart and his parents saying he'd found a tutor for him. They all nearly danced in happiness.

On the drive to the school Bart wondered who it would be. Could it maybe be Krusty? Bart knew that was false hope because the clown was just as dumb as him. Rainier Wolfcastle? He thought. Nah, his brain is the only muscle he neglects.

As he entered the office his nerves were sizzling. At first he didn't see anyone other than Skinner there.

But then he noticed the police were there. They were armed and seemingly paying careful attention to someone for once. Bart followed their gaze curiously and gasped when he saw who they were looking at. Someone he hoped to never see again...

His chaser.

His enemy.

His tutor.

Sideshow Bob.

A/N: I hope you liked it. Review, if you like but I repeat. NO FLAMES. I've planned out this whole fanfic and I'm definitely posting it so go away if you don't like it.

To those of you who do like it I'm glad you did. :)