A/N

All right, so I too am forever struggling with aftermath of 6X22 and what could've been.

Bonkai always.

Warnings: Kai has some dark moments here. Rated M for violence and blood, some sexual content/non-con.

2/25/2018 - Edited for grammar & clarity.

"Bonnie. It's been too long since we did this."

Bonnie motused Kai against the wall. He felt the pain numb his back for a moment before it echoed through the rest of his body. He quickly shot a discarded drawer in Bonnie's direction. Bonnie moved her hand and it crushed noisily into a flurry of wooden pieces.

"That was good. Where'd you learn that?" He asked.

"Been practicing." She said and shot a jolt that made the pain he felt a few seconds ago burn even better. He marveled in this new pain and snapped his fingers. Bonnie fell, clutching her ankle. Yeah, he still loved hearing bones snap.

They've been meeting up like this, often in alley ways or deserted streets away from traffic of cars or people, for a couple of months since the sleeping spell. Usually he sought her out. He'd find her out on a walk. He knew that she purposefully chose to go off on her own because she didn't seem too surprised when he'd stop her. A few times she found him when he was on the hunt.

He was confident that he was stronger than her with the magic he accumulated since escaping from prison world. And now he could make his own magic. But he could see each time she fought him that she was indeed practicing. Over time she was slipping in new attack spells and her old ones were getting sharper. But though she had been quiet the last two times he saw her, something tonight was off. He didn't know what it was. It was more than her barely speaking, leaving him to quip at her. The best way he could put it was that she wasn't having fun.

"Found someone to teach you?" Kai asked, lifting her in the air and slamming her on her injured foot. A few seconds later he felt himself flipped in the air and fall hard on his back. Man. He'd much rather she'd get him on his back another way but she wasn't ready for that. He didn't like thinking these thoughts. Not because nothing good would come from it. He was pretty sure it'd be a relief. A release. But communicating with her through pain felt easy. Her face, filled with hostility and even disgust, that was familiar and safe.

Though she didn't talk a whole lot during their hangouts, did she? Tonight he needed to drag responses out of her. But her spells always spoke for her mood. Shooting aneurysms and breaking bones when she wanted to cut deep. Turning objects near him on fire, or shooting flames at him when she wanted to show off more than anything else. A few times fireworks practically came out of the alleyway where they were fighting, sending unwanted guests to come by and Bonnie taking the moment to run to the crowd, throwing a barrier against him with what he was sure was the last of her magic. He could've easily enough have followed her but he didn't feel like dealing with an audience.

He still had thoughts about killing her and he knew that if he let that part take the reins too far he'd maybe do that. But he'd have a way out now. She could lust for blood like him. But though the idea excited a part of him he didn't want that. He wanted her to choose him as a human. Choose him for what, who knew. He kept having these thoughts. He thought turning into a vampire would cure him of any parts of humanity that existed whether before or after they were threaded out through merge. Maybe he knew what he wanted from Bonnie but didn't want to think about it.

"Losing your touch." Kai asked still lying on the ground. He jumped up and shook his arms off. He muttered a few words and Bonnie knelt down, holding onto invisible fingers at her throat. "Those were good tries just now. But still usually you can hold me off better than that."

Bonnie threw her hand in the air and two pieces of slab wood whacked against Kai hard, one on his back and another on his front.

"That must be since I can't get rid of you." Bonnie spouted venom at him.

He knows. "Bon, you flirt. Tell me again." He said and as the words came out he remembered what he told a different woman earlier that night.

He had picked the tall brunette from outside a theater. He was still working himself up to find a woman when she made eye contact with him and his search came to a stop. He was relieved he didn't have to go on a hunt for long because even though it was overdue he wasn't fully in the mood. But it was getting too loud in his head. Too many voices, some dissenting on the part of his mind that he put aside for Bonnie. The woman he met was wearing long boots. He loved that look. How'd Bonnie look in them?

"Tell me," he told the woman later when they were in her living room. She (what was her name? He barely remembered. Tina? Yeah probably Tina) had convinced him to come back to her place. Kai sucked and tugged on her earlobe, one hand entangled in her hair, all the time imagining he was breathing in someone else.

"No!" She cried out and pushed him away. Goosebumps formed on Kai's skin as he anticipated her next words.

"Never. I will never trust you or enjoy your company for just one moment."

"Yeah?" Kai asks. The woman's eyes were glazed over. It took him out of the moment. It was getting harder and harder to stay wrapped up in roleplay when he noticed this happening.

The woman nodded. "So quit try- oh!" She moaned into his ears as he kissed her neck, closing his eyes as he ran his tongue over her skin.

"You want this?" His eyes still closed, he slipped a hand under her shirt.

"No." The woman moaned.

It was better when he kept his eyes closed. Easier to pretend.

"You don't sound like you want me to stop." Kai said.

"I'd rather-" She gasped. "I'd rather get cholera than spend- Oh!"

Kai laughed at that line. It sounded out of place in this context. But hearing moans and feeling her respond to him turned him on at all the right places.

"You don't like this?" Kai asks, and he held the woman's chin in one hand and caressed the woman's stomach with the back of his hand. The woman shook her head.

"You don't trust me?" He asked.

"No."

"But you still want this?"

"Uh." The woman murmured.

"Tell me."

"Yes… Yes!"

Kai's mind returned to the scene with Bonnie. His momentary lapse meant she got the chance to singe his hands. Caught in surprise, he groaned.

"Take it out Bonnie. See what it feels like."

"Don't compare me to you." Bonnie said and his neck cracked. He hated when she did that. It was just close enough not to take him out. Though sometimes she ended their encounters by snapping his neck he sensed that this time she was bating him. For the first time that night he felt overwhelmed by adrenaline and something else he couldn't explain but he knew he wanted more of. So much more even if it would take him over.

Maybe the problem with Tina was that she barely reminded him of Bonnie. But even with women that looked like Bonnie it didn't matter. It was sometimes even less satisfying then. He couldn't fool his body about what he was craving. All right, who he was craving. At first compelling women to play Bonnie's part excited him. But when it came to actually doing something physical with a compelled woman the act didn't appeal to him. He hadn't coerced women into sex before he was a vampire and it didn't hold any intrigue now. Even if he was attracted to the woman he compelled, he couldn't untangle what part of it belonged to scenes he recreated with Bonnie. Or just to Bonnie.

He fed on Tina absentmindedly, growing more disappointed at his lackluster response to his game. He felt empty too quickly. What if he'd eventually end up not getting a kick out of this at all? What was he supposed to do with all these strange sensations? He left the woman on the couch, hesitating a little before feeding her some of his blood. He didn't like killing a woman in her apartment. It would be too messy. Maybe if she didn't have a roommate. Luke was making more and more unpredictable appearances as time went on. He honestly thought being a vampire would shut that out. Frankly, when he returned from 1903, even before turning to a vampire, shutting Luke out took no effort. But his conscience was getting louder and louder. At least he took solace that so did his thirst for blood and mayhem.

His conscience, his rational thought though, it was all jumbled and he couldn't make sense of it when Bonnie was in front of him. He moved to levitate her again, knowing that got her livid. And doing that and slicing her skin at the same time? The first time he did both she wailed on him so hard he was sure she was going to kill him. She cut him right back all over his body. Deep. He let her. She needed to do it. What was stranger, that he knew that or that he cared, he wasn't sure. Feelings weren't getting easier.

What was the big deal anyway with stabbing? He didn't mind it when she drew blood from him. He just didn't want her to leave. For like a good amount of time. Without him being able to know where she was just so he could know. Just to know. He despised her and himself for thinking that.

"Bonnie, we've been at this for a while. But it doesn't hurt like it usually does. Getting soft? Er?" He asked mockingly. She was bruising him but it felt superficial. Like she was looking for him to hurt her. Which, if she even needed to give him an invitation.

Though he tried to avoid slicing her for practical reasons really. This is where having control helped. He had bitten her before of course. The first time she snapped his neck and if she didn't he didn't know if he could've stopped. As much as he wanted her to die he was still curious about her. But the blood was too much.

"Ehh! What is that?" Kai barely heard himself as a sharp pitch resonated in his brain. He had felt a similar spell to this before but this one filled his entire brain, temporarily blinding him.

"Hurts doesn't it?" He barely heard Bonnie talking. "Something new I've been working on. What do you think?"

He had to make the tearing in his brain stop but he couldn't even think of any spells. Instinctively he went for what was familiar and ran a finger through the air, hearing her groan. He knew where he cut her because he found enough clarity in his mind to picture the location – two lines under her collar bone.

He was going to be in trouble. Or her, she was going to be in trouble. He could smell her blood. He didn't cut her very deeply but even a drop he could smell with keen sensitivity. With the first hint of it his immediate thought was desire to taste her. He wanted to be covered by her. That was part of the problem when he bit other women. From the moment he knew Bonnie's taste. Swallowing another woman's blood led straight to thinking that he wished he was drinking someone else.

"What are you doing?" Kai asked as he tried to get up, still hearing echoes of the high pitch in his head. How did she cast such a strong spell?

He heard a rumble and something tumbled under his feet. and Kai found himself flipped on his back again. This wasn't as much fun when she had the one over on him. Not at all. He felt dizzy with pain still stemming from his head, despite his attempts to siphon magic out of the remnants of the spell.

He felt weight on his abdomen and looked up. Bonnie was straddling him. She was touching him. In every one of their fights he craved to find a way to touch her. And she was making a move to touch him herself. He looked at her hands trying to see if she carried a knife. Force of habit. Her hands were empty.

"Maybe I think if you feel enough pain you'll learn something. Look at you. Everywhere you go you destroy people." Bonnie said.

"Well yeah. That sounds wonderful. Who doesn't like a little destruction? Even you do." He said and sat up on his elbows to get a better look at her. In passing he realized he wasn't feeling pain anymore - that was weird. Though his hands had a mind of their own he didn't want to touch her. When he did in the past she'd flinch and flee or just flee after giving him one last excruciating hit. His punishment. He dug his fingers into the concrete below him and felt it give in under his fingers. Bonnie didn't seem to notice.

"But I'm getting this strange feeling. You're not angry at me. What's wrong with you?" Kai asked.

"Something's really wrong with you if you think I'm enjoying this. I was just walking here, I didn't expect to see you."

But she did. Maybe not enjoyed it like him. But each time she fought back, she engaged with him. Maybe not through conversation but through magic. And she knew the pattern. They were meeting with some frequency.

"Alone? You'd know better by now. But maybe you like this. Maybe this helps you get your anger out. Maybe that's why you wanted me to-" and he looked down at her collar bone and he wished he didn't. Those two long cuts. Somehow her face, talking to her took him off her scent and off the sight. Now he didn't see anything else. He had her on his lap and he battled between keeping her there cause when would that happen again and saying screw it and devouring her all. It'd be short but he couldn't beat that feeling. Until she'd be gone. How come that thought rarely came along with contentment only? Even when he was human, even before the merge. He didn't want to kill her all the time. Something was wrong with him. He felt his forehead change despite trying to fight it.

"Don't fight it." She seemed to guess at his hesitation. "Take this."

"Bonnie." Her cuts were starting to close off a little but fresh blood was right there in front of him. If he hadn't fed right before seeing her he wouldn't have been able to slow down as much as this. Bonnie pulled a finger down her cuts and looked at it. She brought her finger, tinged with blood, closer to Kai's face.

"Stop it." He said.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked. "I'm giving you a free taste."

He knew better. She must've been up to something. She wouldn't goad him to take her blood like that otherwise.

"Bonnie, I will kill you." He said, in the moment thinking he wouldn't resist doing it if he fed on her. That seemed to pull Bonnie's hand back. He couldn't believe he said no to her offer. What a nightmare this was.

"Do you have a death wish? If you insist, I will help." He said, still confused that she was giving him horrific pain one moment and the next offering herself as a meal.

Kai felt her put more weight on him as she shifted her hips and legs as if getting ready to push herself off him. As she did he sat up and pulled her behind with his arm, bringing her closer to him, lining his eyes with hers. He wasn't ready for her to leave.

"No need to rush away." Kai said and put his other arm around her, pulling her against him again, unable to stop himself. "I like bumping into you." If she shifted a little bit she'd grind into him. Bonnie's eyes turned a little hazy but they were still hot with hate. Hot and real.

"What're you doing?" She said and he heard something in her voice, something less than confident. He still couldn't read her expressions. But he felt her body stiffen and parts of it relax at the same time. He kept his gaze on her features.

"If you give in, maybe you'll have some fun." He said.

"What are you talking about? I offered you my blood. You're not taking it."

"Why would Bonnie Bennett offer me her blood?"

"You've had it before."

And for the love of everything unholy he wanted to have it again. Swim in it.

"What?" Bonnie asked when Kai didn't speak. His hands had mindlessly moved from her behind to sit on top of her thighs, replacing her hands which she moved to her sides.

"Listen, you're acting weird. Like you're focused but you're not. I don't care, but what's going on with you?" He struggled saying the words because he didn't care but he was still inquisitive. This whole Jiminy Cricket deal gave him this baffling interest in wanting to have insight into what other people felt. He couldn't completely shake that away.

Now Bonnie stared wordlessly at him. He stared back.

"I'm stuck." She said.

"On what?"

"I'm not talking about this with you. This is ridiculous." Bonnie looked up. Kai reached out for her injured foot and twisted it.

Bonnie groaned. "Ow!"

He raised his eyebrows at her as if to say "go on."

Bonnie scowled at him and sighed. "There's too much noise. Everyone kept living their lives. While I was gone." She looked down. "Everyone knows what they're doing. And my ex is dating again. OK? All right?" Bonnie finished and started to move her feet again. Kai responded by holding her legs down. Bonnie moved her hands towards his in annoyance, he was pretty sure, then stopped. Kai waited.

"Adjusting back." Bonnie said. "The people, birds, cars, anything. It's too much sometimes. That's why I take walks at night. Not to see you. There aren't as many people out. I can retrace who I was over the town. Maybe remember who I am. My friends, who I can count on. I'm sure none of this means anything to you."

That was mostly what he was thinking to himself but she was breathing a little easier now. Which perversely satisfied him. Bonnie took her hand and scraped her bruise, reopening it.

"I want you to drink."

"I'm not going to." Kai said, struggling to keep control of himself but showing a blank face. "I'd think you'd be smart enough not to mess around with any spells I've done." Kai paused to gauge Bonnie's reaction. Her expression didn't change. Could she be telling the truth? But it didn't make sense.

He grabbed her arm, turning it quickly in an unnatural direction. Bonnie let out a cry. Her cry filled him with that familiar feeling of power and pleasure. He held on to her arm, loosening the grip.

Tears glistened in her eyes.

"I'll break every bone in your body before I feed on you."

Bonnie pulled her arm back. He had an impulse to take her pain away. She was goading him here. Where did the thought to not only give relief to her pain, but heal it come from? She couldn't mess with him.

This felt so comfortable. The closeness he felt with her sitting on him. She fit on top of him perfectly. Her face when he hurt her. Her face when she, what felt like, confided in him. They both felt rewarding. He was at a loss to which one felt better.

"What happened, Kai? You used to kill people so easily."

"I still do." He said.

"Just not me?"

He grabbed her arm again. Bonnie squealed.

"I could listen to this. All night-" and he got in her face and regretted it because the closer he got to her the less clear he could think.

His hand burned and he was so lost in her eyes he didn't even notice. He moved his hand away from her elbow. She got him. It was going to take a minute for it to heal.

She smiled at him. The air changed and she looked less tense. His body reacted with "no" and his mind tried to catch up with what that meant.

"So we're back to playing, Bonster?" He asked. What was that smile about?

"Same time, same place next week?" Bonnie asked with something whimsical in her voice. Her tone confused him. She was having fun doing this or not? She wanted to see him again?

His mind cleared. His body reacted with no because he knew she was leaving. His body already missed her, he begrudgingly thought, but refused to accept. Her elbow was all bent in a weird shape and he remembered vaguely that she may have a broken ankle. Bonnie was carrying herself, arm included, with grace but he recognized her as easy prey. The kind that he may have put out of its misery only a short time ago. He had a thought.

Moving his hand behind her neck and pulling her closer he bit his other hand. Bonnie's expression took a look of surprise before Kai moved to quickly cover her mouth with his bleeding wrist. She resisted, ungrateful, trying to slide backwards off his legs but Kai pulled his knees up to push her closer to him. It wasn't the most comfortable position trying to hold onto her and keep his hand on her mouth but he just didn't want her off his lap.

He was closer to her chest now. He heard her swallow his blood and made eye contact with her. He looked back at the wounds on her collarbone, slowly closing up. He bit on top of it, gulped a little of her blood. He felt her body tighten in response. But he couldn't get anything this way.

He went up, nudging at her neck with his nose, hearing her try to argue against his wrist. He said softly into her ear "I lied," before giving in and biting into her. He flashed for a moment to the other women he had bitten over the last week. But as he inhaled Bonnie and heard her breathe he forgot about everyone. It wasn't that he felt close to Bonnie exactly. In fact while he was so close to her she felt like a distinct body, separated from him. But it was like the nerves on his body were on high alert when she was near him. Everything he was feeling was like a soup and separating all the pieces and what they meant was going to take time to figure out.

His hand was on her uninjured hand, resting on top of it. He didn't realize that he was doing it, dimly realized now that when he started feeding on her she first tried to push him with her functioning arm, that he even interlocked his hands with hers as she tried to push him away.

This was something he hadn't tried this before, feeding someone while he was feeding on her. With difficulty he removed his mouth from her throat, watching the punctures close. He removed his wrist from her mouth. She was still holding her arm in a strange angle and moved it a little before stretching it out.

Kai shrugged at her incredulous face. "I don't need your angry vampires friends giving me a hard time seeing you limping around with broken limbs. It's hard enough to make it in this town. You won't mind that I made sure to counter any magic you had in your blood before I drank you, right?"

Despite carefully observing her features, Kai didn't see Bonnie's face response to his question. He was certain she tried to trick him but he probably wasn't going to get more clarity tonight.

He felt loss in his body and it confused him. How could he stop this feeling?

"You're welcome to stay, Bon, no hurry. I just want you to know."

He grabbed her elbows and pulled her close to him again so she leaned forward, inches from his face.

"You're gonna come to me one day and you're not going to wave your magic at me. No, you're going to ask me to give you relief. And I'll be here." He flicked his eyes down her form and up.

A splintering pain went through his head and the weight was gone and replaced by quick footsteps echoing more and more softly down the alley. The pain seared through him so he couldn't see her until he caught a glimpse before she turned the corner. He still smelled her. Somewhere inside him he felt an emptiness again. It was an emptiness that quieted down the minute he was near Bonnie again, the kind of longing he always felt when he wasn't near her. His body was trying to memorize her touch, what it felt like for him to move against her, even though his mind was struggling to make it stop.

He wasn't even sure if she understood that line the way he meant it.

He couldn't have her running around in the streets, body half-broken with heretics everywhere. That just wouldn't be practical. She may have been growing stronger but she a mortal witch. A witch that belonged to her friends. For now. Because if Bonnie was trying to one over him it had to be something to do with her friends from what he had seen of her.

She wasn't his in the way that he was hers. Terrible thought. He wasn't hers. He belonged only to himself. But he had to acknowledge even as he resisted her power over him. He craved to get close to her when she only wanted to cause him pain or dismiss him altogether. He couldn't see it in the prison world, couldn't understand it, couldn't do either when he first returned to present day. Probably as self preservation because it took him over when he did. He didn't become a vampire only to stop it but he hoped it would be a happy side effect. That turning into a vampire would temper out any humanity in him. Definitely take out what he felt for her. But he only felt what he did amplified. Every moment she played somewhere in his thought, even if in the background.

Where was she running to? Kai wondered where her refuge was. He breathed in the night air, the solitude and stillness. He wasn't ready to go to his makeshift home yet. He looked forward to the moment, now that she was gone, that his thoughts wold clear up. That he could try to be more completely who he used to be, who he really was.

Who was waiting for Bonnie when she got to the place she was running towards? He wondered what would need to happen. What he'd need to do for her to run to him. These thoughts he had they were only getting louder and even if he didn't accept and fought each step of the way a small voice assured him, one of these days his only choice would be to give in.