Come on, that's just rude. How am I supposed to read your mind when you've got those barriers up?
What do you mean, you don't want me to read your mind? I have to read your mind! How else do you think I tell you which House would suit you?
If you would let your barriers down, I'd be able to tell you where you're supposed to be.
Come on! I may have all the time in the world, but I'm sure you're making the other first years impatient.
Oh, very well, then. Are you brave?
Well, are you ambitious then?
'Not really.' Great. Are you clever?
Are you loyal?
Well what are you, then?
'Private'. Why me?
Shut up. You don't think I asked to be a hat, do you? Oh, I know, what about your family?
Muggle-born? Then where, in Salazar's name, did you learn Occlumency?
It's the thing that means I don't know what you're thinking.
OK, and is your Uncle Horatio a wizard? He must be, with a name like that.
What do you mean, he's not? How can he not be a wizard?
So what am I supposed to do with you then?
Okay, okay, is there anywhere you would like to be?
Why?
You 'like the sound of it'. Fine, fine, far be it from me to complain. The sooner you leave me alone, the better.
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
And I hope you'll be happy there.