Santana stood at her bed, as she tried to decide what to wear. Since Rachel and Kurt were at school she'd decided to go exploring and try out the coffee place her co-worker had suggested the other night. She looked out the window at the afternoon sun and smiled at the beautiful day outside. She just wished she had someone to spend the day with. Well not anyone, a more specific someone. Brittany. She sighed as she berated herself for the millionth time, as she tried to make her aching heart stop thinking of the blonde.
She was just done putting on her lipgloss when she heard the door open. Puzzled, she came out of her 'bedroom' into the common area, to see a very flushed Kurt struggling to catch his breath. Kurt just looked at her, his eyes wide with fear as he blurted out, "There were gunshots heard at McKinley. Glee practice was on and everyone's barricaded themselves in the choir room." Santana felt her stomach drop and cold fingers of dread creeping up her entire body. Fuck! She grabbed her phone and started to dial, but the call went unanswered. Frantic, she tried another couple of times till she threw her phone away in frustration. She looked at Kurt, her question evident from the amount of worry that was seeping out of her entire being. He was texting furiously while she had been trying to dial. His worried gaze locked with Santana's anxious one, "She's not with them. She went to the bathroom and left her phone behind" he all but whispered. Santana felt her legs give way as she sank on to the couch. Fuck Fuck! There was some kind of fucking maniac loose in the school and Brittany was all alone, by herself, probably scared to death. What if she didn't even hear the shots, or thought they were something else and walked out? What if she came across... No, no. Santana couldn't even bear to think about it. She felt someone sit next to her and felt Kurt's warm hand on her knee. He whispered, "I know you're scared. She's going to be ok."
"How the fuck do you even know that? What the actual fuck is happening? Why is there a fucking gunman roaming the halls? And where the hell is her so called boyfriend? He should be protecting her. She's probably all alone and doesn't know what to do and I'm all the fucking way over here" she screamed in frustration, tears rolling down her face as she jumped up from the couch.
Kurt just looked up at her in shock before standing up and trying to comfort her. Santana pushed him away as she ran her hands through her hair over and over not knowing what to do. She was hundreds of miles away. There really was nothing she could do, and some part of her mind understood that but her heart, was afraid and telling her she should be home. She'd never EVER felt this helpless in her life. Protecting Brittany had always come naturally to her and not being able to do that, along with not knowing what was going on was eating her alive. She thought her head would explode with everything that was running through it. She grabbed her phone and tried calling again, but like before it rang and then went to voicemail. She choked out a message- "Britt, Please call me as soon as you get this. Please Britt. Just let me know you're ok."
She vaguely registered Rachel coming home and hushed conversation between the two before Rachel tentatively approached her and tried to talk to her. She snapped back and told her to mind her own damn business as she nervously paced back and forth, checking her phone every two seconds. For the first time she wished she'd kept in touch with some of the losers in the club. Kurt had heard from Blaine and she also heard Artie's name being mentioned. Rachel had heard from Tina who was outside, safe. Santana finally dialled another number and waited while it rang, she couldn't stop the tears when she heard the quiet Hello? as the other person picked up.
" Mami" she blubbered. That one word releasing the dam she'd been holding back for so long as she broke down, sobbing.
"Mija. Did you hear?" her mother asked quietly.
Santana swallowed as she tried to control the sobs racking through her body to be able to answer. "Brittany's not with them Mami. She doesn't have her phone."
Her mother paused, and then answered carefully. "They have SWAT teams at the school now. They're getting the children out. Everyone they find. There have been no reports of any...victims"
Santana closed her eyes, expecting relief but none came. None would come till she heard her voice again. She swallowed again against the lump in her throat. "Mami, Please Please call her mom and let me she's ok. Whenever, they find out anything. Please. I just want her to be ok. I just want her to be safe" she begged as tears ran down her face.
She heard her mother's heavy breathing, pretty sure that the older woman was in tears too. "I'll do that mija. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be ok. Are your friends with you?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
Her only answer was a soft sobbing until she heard another girl's voice. "Mrs Lopez? It's Rachel. Have you heard something?" she asked tentatively.
You're Santana's roommate right? Look after my baby. I'll let you know whenever I find out something. Right now they've sent in SWAT and they're evacuating the school. It's gonna be ok. Just, just tell her that. She's really scared and she won't let you in, but just let her know. Just keep telling her. She'll drive herself crazy. She hates feeling helpless" her mother told a subdued Rachel, who answered with a quick "Ofcourse Mrs Lopez. Goodbye."
After hanging up, she looked down at Santana who was just sitting curled on the floor. She sat next to her and Kurt came and sat on her other side. Santana took her phone from Rachel and wrote out a text message. Britt, just text me and let me know you're safe. I'm just so scared. Please baby, just be ok. I need you to be ok. I love you. San xxx
Santana's phone rang about an hour later. It was her mother. They were safe. Brittany had come home. Her phone had died so she probably didn't check her messages, but she was ok. Mr Schuester had found them in the bathroom and got them to the choir room. The school had been evacuated. Santana whispered thankyou,oh god thank you,thank you,thankyou over and over as fresh tears made their way down her cheeks, as Kurt and Rachel enveloped her in a hug, joined by a mutual feeling of relief that their friends, and the people they loved were safe.
Rachel made them tea and they slowly sipped it as they sat on the couch, both physically and emotionally drained. A few hours later both Rachel and Kurt had fallen asleep on the couch, as Santana sat at the end staring into space. She heard her phone ring and jumped when she saw who it was. She reached for it hurriedly and answered, as she made her way to her bed .
"Brittany, are you ok?" she asked, her voice choked with all the emotions she was bottling up.
"I'm ok San" came the quiet answer.
"I was so scared Britt-Britt. I'm so glad you're ok" she replied as tears ran down her face.
"When Mr. Schue came into the bathroom, I thought it was... I was so scared. I felt so alone." Brittany whispered
Santana closed her eyes as she realized that Britt and she would always go to the bathroom together, if she was around, this would never have happened. She would be with her, she would have done something, anything to keep her safe.
"...And Sam was all the way over in the choir room. I didn't know what to do so I got up on the toilet and shut myself in a stall and waited 'cos I didn't know what else to do" she was saying
"That was really smart Britt. I don't think I'd have been able to function so well. I'm so proud that you kept your head." Santana replied, her heart aching as she imagined the blonde hiding, scared, alone.
"I was so worried about everyone, Tina wasn't in the choir room, I didn't even know if Mr Schue had come in and Sam was there and I was just so scared. I didn't know what to do" she said.
"I'm just so glad you're ok Britt. I was so worried when Kurt told me. I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you. I was thinking of flying back but my mom told me she'd call. I could still be there if you want me to?" Santana asked, a tinge of hope in her voice.
"You don't have to do that. You have work. I'm ok. My mom and dad haven't let me out of their sight and Sam's picking me up for school. He hasn't left me alone for even a minute. He wanted to stay the night but my parents didn't let him. And he's been constantly texting me. We're both thinking of starting a survivors club in school, where we can talk about the trauma" she said.
Santana felt each word stab her heart. Brittany didn't need her, didn't want her there and cold rejection once again washed over her. This was what it had come to, her whole world almost ended tonight but the blonde didn't feel the same way. She was treating her like her friend, like she'd said before Santana came to New York, that they were best friends, and nothing more. And in that moment Santana knew that she had to let the blonde go. Hanging on a thread like this only made things worse. She put her feelings aside and focused on Brittany again. She was still scared and needed a friend right now. Santana couldn't afford to complain about anything.
"Ok. But call me if you need anything Brit. I mean anything!" Santana said as she emphasized the last word hoping the blonde would understand that she really was offering her anything, offering her everything.
But Brittany just replied with a quiet "Thanks. I'm gonna go. I promised Sam I'd call every half hour."
Santana felt tears gather in her eyes again as she whispered, "Ok. I love you Britt. I hope you know that." Her voice was quiet, full of emotion as she tried to convey all her feelings to the girl with these three words. They were not enough, nothing would be enough.
"Love you too San. G'nite" Brittany replied easily and hung up.
Santana sat staring at the darkened screen of her phone. So that was it. She was ok. She was ok and she was with Sam and her parents and she felt safe. She had moved on, and as Santana wiped a stray tear she realized that maybe she had to as well.
Brittany sent her a picture of the cat that Trouty got her, Lady Tubbington. Brittany was really excited and Santana grudgingly accepted that Vagina Lips' method of distraction was successful. She still texted her frequently, just sending her snippets of her life to keep up a conversation, not wanting the blonde to feel alone. However the truth, if Santana admitted to herself, was that she felt like Brittany was slipping away, and she wasn't sure she could handle her life without Brittany in it.
A few days later Brittany posted a picture online. It was of Sam, her and the two cats with the caption- 'Our happy little family'. Santana sat and stared at it for almost an entire minute as she felt something inside her die. They say a picture says a thousand words, and this picture was saying that Brittany was happy with her life and with her boyfriend. Santana closed down the browser and sat staring into space. She'd known it from the night she'd spoken to her but it was now right there in front of her and she had no choice to accept it. It was over. There was no maybe, there was no someday. This was it. Santana sobbed deep into the night that day. Kurt and Rachel were at a loss as to what the reason was. They came home to a drunken Santana who had tears streaming down her face as she screamed in Spanish. They managed to put her to bed, where she curled into her girlfriend pillow and cried herself to sleep.
The next morning, they sat at the breakfast table and watched her warily as she poured herself some coffee. She seemed different this morning. She pulled the newspaper and looked through it till she finally came across something and noted down a number on her phone. She put her empty cup in the sink and went to take a shower. Rachel reached over and pulled the paper towards her as she tried to make out what Santana had read. Her eyes widened when she saw that there was an advertisement for an open mic night. Kurt who was reading over her shoulder looked at Rachel and then they both looked at the closed bathroom door.
Mr Schuester was heading into school when he got a text message from an unknown number. He opened it and then smiled gently as he read it, tears forming in his eyes.
Mr Schue. I will NEVER be able to thank you enough for getting her to safety. I won't ever forget it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Santana Lopez.