A/N: Alright, so this is for youre so katie's Song Lyric Challenge. ;) Um…this is the first story I've ever gotten beta'd, and I'd like to dedicate this one-shot to dear Willow. Heidi Erickson, both for being my beta and for being a loving friend whom I can always depend on. :D I love you, Willow! :) I hope you all enjoy this one-shot. ;)
You'll Miss Me Until the Day You Die
"You must be blind, if you can't see, you'll miss me, 'til the day you die." –Ke$ha
"Hey, Chad? Can you come over?" Sonny's voice rings loud and clear through the phone, her downcast tone startling Chad out of his lazy stupor.
"Yeah, of course," he agrees instantly, already rising from his leather recliner and walking out the door, keys in hand. "What's wrong?"
"...Can you just come, please?" Sonny sounds uncharacteristically subdued, her voice quiet and tinged with a hint of worry. Chad begins to walk faster, concerned over the safety of his girlfriend.
"Alright, don't panic, sunshine, I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? I love—"
And the line goes dead.
It's suddenly difficult for Chad to swallow, and the empty feeling in his stomach is replaced by a knot of anxiety. What's wrong?
"Sonny!" He yanks open the door to her apartment some ten minutes later, breathing heavily from all the running that he did to get there. Rather than finding a site of destruction and mayhem like he may have expected, the flat looks completely normal.
"Hi, Chad." Sonny, however, does not. Curled up on the couch with her knees tucked up and her loosely-fitting clothes practically burying her, she looks pale and apprehensive. He's never seen her in such a state, not even when she was kicked off So Random! for being accused of stealing.
"What is it, sunshine?" He sits next to her on the couch, pulling her into his arms and bending down to give her a quick kiss. Sonny pulls away, turning her cheek so he can't kiss her and carefully disentangling his arms, making him place them in his lap instead of around her.
Bewildered, Chad stares at her with wide eyes. She looks away pointedly.
"Listen, Chad," she tells the opposite wall, keeping her eyes averted, "I've been thinking a lot lately...about us." Chad attempts to ignore the implications of her words and immediately interjects.
"Well, yes, of course. I mean, it's our anniversary coming up in a couple weeks. One entire year, can you believe it?" He grins at her awkwardly, reaching for the hand resting in her lap. She subconsciously moves it to the side, where he can't reach it.
"Yes, our anniversary. I know. It's—wow. I've never been with anyone for a whole year." Sonny's tone is dull, and not even the hint of a smile is on her face. Chad can't avoid his thoughts now, not when her behavior is so...
"Sonny, something's wrong. Tell me what it is," he pleads, his voice almost desperate in his need to fix whatever is making his sunshine upset.
"I just—I can't—I mean—Chad." She sighs, closing her eyes for a few moments to gather her composure. "Chad, do you love me?"
He freezes, surprised by her question. After all, he's told her so many times. Certainly this can't be the problem.
"Of course I—"
"The truth, please, Chad," begs Sonny, staring at him so blankly that it scares him beyond words.
"I—" Chad glances up at Sonny, at the eyes that laugh and the mouth that has the most beautiful smile he's ever seen. He thinks about the way she hugs him, the way she cares about everyone, the way she teases him like no one else does. "Yes. I love you."
He means it, too.
Rather than smiling like he expected her to, Sonny sighs, her shoulders slumping as she exhales deeply. Her expression isn't pleased; rather, she's let down in some way.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" asks Chad, alarmed by her reaction.
"No. No, I—no." She swallows hard, blinking back what appear to be tears. "Um, Chad, I don't want to—I mean, this shouldn't be any harder than it already is."
"...What are you trying to say?" he chokes out in a strangled kind of voice, feeling his heart pound harder and faster than ever, as if it's a drumroll to a shocking revelation.
"Chad, I think we should...I think we should stop seeing each other."
His heart stops for a moment, the drums gone, and he feels quite literally like he's going to die.
"I—Chad, are you alright? Chad!" Sonny reaches over and touches her icy palm to his warm cheek, concerned when he shows no visible signs of movement. The second her skin makes contact with his, he gasps, shuddering from the shiver running down his spine and the wave of emotion that washes over him.
"Why, Sonny?" asks Chad heartbrokenly, feeling utterly lost and helpless. She pulls her hand away as if burned, dropping her gaze to her lap.
"Chad, I just don't—I don't see a future for us." She twists her hands together, wringing them anxiously. "I mean...an entire year together? And what's ahead of us? Another year? Is this actually going to lead somewhere, Chad?"
"Yes! Of course it is!" Chad asserts, using his finger to tilt Sonny's chin up so he can look into her eyes. "I love you, Sonny, and I will do anything to get you to change your mind. What have I done wrong? Do I need to fix something? Tell me, Sonny, please!"
Tears begin to leak out of Sonny's eyes as she shakes her head vehemently. "No, no, it's not you—"
"Don't tell me you're going to give me that 'it's not you, it's me' garbage," Chad interrupts, his anger beginning to flare. "Sonny, just tell me what I can do to get you back!"
"I—I can't," she stutters out, her eyes sparkling with water.
"I love you, Sonny," says Chad in a softer voice, affected by the sight of her sobs. "What on earth is wrong?"
"Chad, can you—can you look at me, Chad?" He does so, and Sonny lets out the breath of air she was holding.
"What is it?" he asks calmly, although he's clenching his fists and he can feel himself quivering inside.
"I—it's gone, Chad. The magic is gone," Sonny whispers to the floor, a tear sliding down her cheek and splashing on the back of her hand.
"What do you mean, it's…gone?" Chad fights to keep his voice level, his heart pounding again.
"I used to look into your eyes...and never be able to look away," explains Sonny quietly, wiping away a few more tears. "But that's gone, Chad. I just—I don't feel the same way about you as I used to."
"Is it—is it someone else?" Chad struggles to force the words out, feeling his own eyes (his non-hypnotizing, non-sparkly, hideous eyes) begin to fill with tears that he swears he'll never let fall.
"No, of course not!" protests Sonny, somewhat insulted by the idea before she sees Chad's expression, her features softening as she looks at him. "I just—I can't—I tried—Chad, I just don't love you anymore."
This is what sets him over the edge. He almost chokes as he hears the words, making an odd sound, like that of a dying animal. He blinks fiercely, many times, determined to keep the tears at bay. He stands up and faces away from Sonny, taking a minute to let his well-trained mask of perfection settle onto his face.
"I'm sorry, Chad, I didn't mean to—I don't know why—I—I'm so sorry—" Sonny stutters out to his turned back, sobbing as well. "I don't—I never wanted to hurt you—"
"Like hell you didn't," Chad cuts her off, whirling around to face her with flames in his eyes.
"—What?" She's confused, taken aback by his words.
"Like hell you didn't want to hurt me. It was a fun game, wasn't it, Sonny? 'Let's try to catch the untamable Chad Dylan Cooper!' Did you tire of it, Sonny? Did you grow weary of the game when I did everything you asked? When I did all that I could to make you feel like you were the most special girl in the world? When I fell in love with you like I'd never fallen for anyone before?" He scoffs, now a different person now from five minutes ago. "Like hell you're sorry."
"Chad, I really am sorry," Sonny chokes out in between sobs. "You did nothing wrong, I just—I fell out of love with you." It stings even more when he hears her say it so simply. So obviously. Like he should have known. Like he should have tried harder.
"I did nothing wrong," Chad repeats plainly. "I did nothing wrong. Well, then, why did you stop loving me, Sonny?" The fire burns out as he says the words, that vulnerable heart of his snapping in two. "Why?" he whispers, burying his face in his hands.
"Things happen, and people grow apart." Sonny looks up at him, tear stains visible on her cheeks. "I hope that we can at least still be—"
"Still be friends?" completes Chad, lifting his head out of his palms. Sonny nods hopefully, that look of faith he loves in her eyes. It makes him feel like throwing up, to see that love in her eyes and know that in spite of it, she doesn't love him. "That's what they all say. We'll never be friends, Munroe."
"But—"
"You don't love me. Why would you want to see me?" Chad strides over to the door and opens it, looking back as Sonny's jaw drops. "I loved you."
"I loved you, too. I'll miss you," Sonny says quietly, that compassionate look of hers making Chad feel pitiful. It doesn't help that he has an empty hole in his chest, either.
"You'll miss me until the day you die," he spits out, before storming out and slamming the door behind him. He can hear Sonny let out a sob on the other side, but he ignores it. Instead, he lets out the tears that he's been holding back, wiping them away as quickly as they're cascading down his cheeks.
He'll never let her catch him cry.
A/N: *starts choking up* LOL. :P So…I knew once I read the lyric that it was a break-up story, obviously. ;) But I couldn't make Chad break up with Sonny; because that's what everyone does, and I'm frankly kind of tired of people making Sonny the victim. Plus, I dislike her a lot more than Chad. xP So that's how this was created. I hope you liked it! Please, please leave me a review. :) I always feel like I'm stepping out of my usual when I write angst, so I really appreciate hearing what you think of me writing this different style. So…review please. :D Thank you!