Title: The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Pairing: Josef/Mick

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Five years ago, Mick wasn't ready to hear the answer to his question. Now he returns to L.A, and Josef, looking for a second chance.

Author's Note: Written for 20_est_relships

"Do you love me?"

Poised on the threshold of memory, Mick turned his collar up against the night air, and tried not to think about the last conversation he'd had with Josef. Five years had passed since then – five years, Mick shook his head; time had almost slipped by unnoticed save for that constant, nagging voice that chipped away at the back of his mind.

Go back; you got the answer you wanted, go back, go back…

Only it wasn't that easy. He'd had Beth to consider, plus their friendship; and then of course there were his own emotions to deal with.

Excuses, excuses…

"Shut up." Mick admonished the voice inside his head, still needling, still pushing him forward.

Casting aside doubt and confusion, Mick knocked once, waited, and then knocked again. Through the thickness of the door he could hear voices chattering; Josef's, and then another - lighter, higher pitched, giggling playfully.

The door opened just as Mick was about to leave.

"Mick." The tumbler of Scotch in Josef's hand slid from his grasp.

Mick was on his knees in an instant, gathering up pieces of broken glass. "I'm sorry – you've got company – I didn't mean to drop around unannounced," a shard of glass sliced through the palm of Mick's hand as he rambled apologetically.

A quick snap of his fingers and Josef had cleared the room. "This is not what it looks like," he wanted to protest; wondered briefly why he felt the need. Even after all this time it was clear Mick still had a hold over him.

Mick was on his feet again then, a cascade of vowels and consonants still pouring forth. Josef snatched Mick's hand in mid-air, inspected the line of blood on the palm of Mick's hand, and pressed his mouth against the now healed wound.

"You looked like you needed a hand cleaning up."

"You could have used that," Mick pointed to the handkerchief in Josef's top pocket.

The ice broken, Mick found himself being pulled through the open doorway; Josef's mouth was pressed against his, and the two of them stumbling, awkward and desperate, trying to find a safe place to land.

They would have to talk at some point; Josef bought a halt to proceedings, waited for his breathing to regulate, his forehead rested against Mick's own. It seemed that point was now.

"I'm sorry I ran." Mick swayed against Josef in time with the rhythm of an imaginary beat; he figured an apology was as good as place as any to start.

"You did a little more than just run, Mick" Josef brushed the back of his hand along the side of Mick's face, and then stepped away to fetch the both of them a drink. "Five years," Josef pressed a glass of Scotch into Mick's hand, and took a seat on the couch, "five years and I hear nothing from you, no goodbyes, no 'oh by the way Josef, I haven't been reduced to a pile of ash in case you're wondering why you haven't heard from me'."

"I'm sorry," Mick took a seat on the armchair opposite, swirling the drink in his hand as he tried to think what to say next – somehow he knew 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to cut it. "I'm back now," he managed plaintively.

Josef arched an eyebrow, and snorted a dry laugh. "So what happened to Beth then, you break her heart?"

Mick threw back a few quick mouthfuls of Scotch. "Other way around."

"Oh really," Josef rounded another eyebrow, and pretended to be enthralled with the conversation at hand; legs kicked out in front of him, and glass of wine dangling from between thumb and forefinger. "So, what? You've come back for the consolation prize then? Nice, very sporting of you."

Mick flinched as Josef raised his glass in a mock toast.

"I didn't mean it like…that's not the way it is," Mick shifted defensive. Did you expect him to make it easy for you – the voice in his head chided.

"Oh? And are you going to tell me how it is, exactly?" Josef affected a nonchalant air, and pretended to inspect his fingernails; his feelings belied by the frown lines that creased his forehead

"I came back because of you," Mick's voice rose as he pleaded for consideration, "doesn't that mean anything?"

Snatches of memory - Mick thought of another time; Coraline, the words she had spoken, those same words. And Josef had been there, he was part of it - it had been Josef all along.

"You left because of me as well." Josef's voice softened.

"I know," Mick sat forward, hands clasped, "I got scared, alright."

"Of me being in love with you?" Josef rested back in his seat, a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth as he watched Mick squirm. "Why did you ask the question, if you didn't want to hear the answer?"

"Because I thought," Mick hesitated, a frustrated hand scrubbed across his forehead. And then he was looking at Josef point blank, and speaking in earnest. "I thought hearing you say it would force me to admit my own feelings. Only it didn't work that way, and I'm sorry. I can't be like you, Josef. I can't pretend that any of this is easy – being a Vampire, falling in love with my best friend; you take everything in your stride, and I can't."

"I've lost count of the number of days, and nights I've spent losing sleep over you," Josef sounded almost wistful as he spoke; his fingers tented against his lips, as he studied Mick in front of him.

"I didn't know," Mick didn't know what else to say. Josef's confession had taken him by surprise. He'd never imagined Josef pining for him, staying awake on those long nights, lost in thoughts of 'what if'. He got to his feet, walked over to where Josef was seated; kneeling on the ground in front of him, his head rested in Josef's lap. "So what happens now?"

"We go on as always." Josef smiled, and caressed a hand over the top of Mick's skull; his fingers entwined in Mick's hair,

Just like that. Mick furrowed his brow; he wanted easy answers, concrete declarations; their feelings carved in stone. Josef drew his arms around Mick's shoulders, pulled him close; his voice whispering in Mick's ear.

Just be, Mick. Let go, and just be.

Just be - Mick turned those words over in his mind. It was simple, and complicated, and beyond his imagining all at the same time.

"Life doesn't always need to be a soap opera, Mick," Josef pulled Mick to his feet; fingers working deftly along the front of Mick's shirt, determined to pick up where they'd left off.

Just be…

Mick's lips were pressed against Josef's own; and the two of them stumbling, awkward and desperate, trying to find a safe place to land.

Just be…

Mick was letting go - letting be. Five years past; he'd never expected it would be this easy.

It was like he'd never been away...

There was just one last thing. "Do you love me?" Mick stopped just long enough to ask.

And his time, he was ready to hear the answer