Don't own that Code:breaker biznass, and you know it.

Tale from the Re:Code: Carrots and Mortification

Three weeks before Rui's defection, her flask of alcohol had been lost in battle, ultimately resulting in the single greatest moment of utter mortification of her entire life. The loss in itself was nothing to be embarrassed about; disappointment, yes, but that ended quickly enough when Kouji (unasked) gave her a new one. The event that she was sure she would never recover from stemmed in part from his gift, from Yukihina's ridiculous persistence, and the possibility that Kouji had gone temporarily mad; all of which resulting in how she would never be able to cook, eat, or look at carrots ever again. For the flask had started the entire fiasco: once Yukihina noticed that Kouji and Rui's flasks matched, he had asked if that meant that they were married.

Even Kouji had turned to stare at him with an amazed look on his normally all-knowing face, (Sagishimono's left eyebrow had quirked upwards at that, but nobody wanted to ask what that meant) and Rui had absolutely exploded with embarrassment. Yukihina knew it would be dangerous to pursue the topic further (at the moment), but harbored his secret suspicion nonetheless. He could understand how they both simply liked to drink, and how the flask was an efficient and socially acceptable container, but the matching bit was where he drew the line. In his mind, only married couples had matching anythings, and somehow, to him, their flasks seemed more indicative than any pair of wedding rings. Anyways, he hadn't seen either of them with anyone else. Of course, Rui engaging in romantic endeavors was a bit hard to imagine for obvious reasons, but Kouji was a different story. Sagishimono had found time for dalliances, so their lifestyle was no excuse. If they weren't married, why wasn't Kouji exploring other options?

Yukihina decided, in an apathetic, detached sort of way, to investigate. His methods generally comprised of walking into their rooms at unexpected times, looking disappointed when they were either alone, not together, or when Rui was doing something…domestic with Hiyori or Rei. His other method was to simply ask them, as baldly as ever, why they weren't together, didn't they want to be, and were they sure they weren't just lying to him…?

After almost a week of Yukihina's badgering, Rui mastered her embarrassment long enough to field his questions. Kouji had long refused to say anything at all on the subject, much to Rui's discomfort and Sagishimono's amusement. He just sipped from the infernal flask that had started all this, and grinned at Rui, as if relishing her discomfort. Yukihina found that highly suspicious.

"Yukihina, let me explain. Kouji and my flasks have nothing to do with…romantic feelings, of any nature. I mean, you could buy one too, and then we'd all match-"

"I don't drink. Not like you guys do. Also, three people can't be married to each other." He paused for a moment, thinking. "That would just be weird."

Rui groaned, and hid her face in her hands, struggling for composure. Kouji made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort of laughter, and Yukihina's eyes narrowed. Kouji never made that noise. Clearly, he was onto something here.

He tried another tactic. "So Kouji…are you saying you're not married to Rui because she's not pretty enough? But you like her, don't you? I mean, you'd fight and die for her, right?"

Rui moaned pitifully into her hands, rapidly losing the battle against her embarrassment. Kouji's quick eyes took in all of this, and turned to leave without answering the question. The over-the-shoulder-nod he directed in Yukihina's general vicinity may or may not have been in answer to either of his questions, or simply his way of saying goodbye. Yukihina never got the chance to decide which was the case, because her embarrassment finally getting the better of her, Rui subsequently headbutted him into unconsciousness.

"I saw other women looking at Kouji the other day. You should stop them. Because he's your husband."

Rui paused, knife in hand, half-chopped carrots on the cutting board at her waist. Normally, this sort of comment would bring the blood to her face so fast she'd hardly think of her actions, but after two and a half weeks of solid pestering, she was ready to face the problem head on. After all, she had to find some way of getting Yukihina to stop. "Yukihina, he's not my husband."

Yukihina stared at her impassively. Silently. Patiently, as if he stared at her long enough, she might at last be induced to change her mind.

Rui growled softly.

Yukihina's silent onslaught continued.

"Look, we can't possibly be married. Think about how we live our lives!"

"You guys are always together. And do the same things too. Married people do that."

"We couldn't have a family like this!"

"What are Hiyori and Rei then?" And me, he silently added. One of the driving forces behind his marital suspicions was that he could somehow be their child. Through adoption or something. He kind of liked the idea, in a passive sort of way.

"They aren't…that's different…look, they don't count." Rui decided to turn the tables on Yukihina, just to see if that would finally end it. "Alright, if Kouji and I are…married…" She ground out, breathing deeply to keep the flush away from her face, "why don't we act like it?"

Yukihina stared at her in utter incomprehension. "What."

Rui sighed. "You know, why don't we behave like we're…married." Thankfully, it was becoming easier to say each time. "Why don't we hold hands, or take missions together without you, or…k-k-kiss?" She ended, stuttering, far too embarrassed to mention any other activities married couples generally undertook.

Yukihina's stone face never wavered. "Because you'd headbutt him."

"Not if we were married."

Comprehension, at long last, dawned. Looking as animated as she'd ever seen him (and that wasn't saying much) he pounded a fist into his palm, a physical eureka. "Ohhhhh. So that's it. Well, that's easy to fix."

Rui looked at him, hesitantly, worriedly. "What's easy to fix?"

Yukihina smiled distantly. "Your not-marriage. With Kouji. That'll be easy."

Rui very carefully set down the knife.

Yukihina continued smiling, as if looking at something only he could see. "Yep. Hiyori can be the one with the flowers, and Rei can be the one with the ring. Sagishimono can walk you up the long walk thing, and I'll be the one with the big book." He looked down for a moment. "And you'll be there, in the dress, or Kouji will, either way is fine. Well, maybe not Kouji." He cocked his head to the side. On second thought, maybe it was easier to imagine Kouji in a dress…

Yukihina was violently headbutted for the second time in under two weeks, and he hazily marveled at the blood-colored stars as he fell to the floor, and into darkness.

Rui turned back to the cutting board, hand pressed to her lips. She was so focused on bringing herself to a semblance of normalcy that she didn't hear the quiet footsteps or notice a friendly presence until she felt the hand on her shoulder. Yelping, she spun about, brandishing the knife at the intruder. Kouji smirked, and manipulating the air around her hand, gently twisted the knife from her fingers, and laid it down on the cutting board. He looked down at the unconscious Yukihina, eyebrows quirking eloquently. Rui huffed and turned back to the carrots, yet didn't pick up the knife. She was embarrassed enough that Kouji had caught her at something domestic, although that had curiously never bothered her as much as it did with everyone else. Something about Kouji was so calming, so masculine yet unthreatening that she didn't mind appearing slightly feminine in front of him. Still, it had been a trying day, and she wasn't at her best. When it became obvious he wasn't going to simply leave her to dinner, she turned back to him, slightly exasperated. "Well, I finally convinced him we weren't …married, but-"

"Did it bother you so much?"

Rui stared at him blankly, trying to wrap her mind around his utterly unexpected words.

"I mean, his teasing. Was it so awful?" Utterly at ease, Kouji took a swig from the flask, and laid it down next to the knife, taking the opportunity to lean in closer to Rui.

Rui sputtered, feeling the blood rush to her face yet again. God, how many times a day could that happen without a negative effect on her health? Could an excess of embarrassment kill her?

"I should hope there is nothing too terrible about the thought of being next to me. There's certainly nothing so terrible about you. After all, are you not my precious comrade, who, as Yukihina so succinctly put it, I would fight and die for?" And who I strive to look so damn cool for, he thought to himself. Rui would never know how uncollected he could feel sometimes. When he was with her it was easier, and so much more important to seem wise and together, a fount of wisdom who delivered in only the most epic of ways.

The part of her brain that was devoted to logical thought shut down at this unexpected declaration, and Rui reverted, once again, to headbutt mode. Kouji recognized the danger a moment before it happened, and put a gentle hand to her cheek, stopping her movement with either his power, or the sheer shock of his action, Rui couldn't tell. He leaned in closer, his sharp, earnest eyes piercing her wide ones; his whisky-tainted breath whispering not unpleasantly against her cheek

"Am I so terrible?" He whispered, knowing he had irrevocably crossed the line, yet was unable to pull back now. He had heard Rui and Yukihina's conversation, and not once had she mentioned her (lack of) feelings for him. This was important; if she didn't have feelings for him, the most rational course of action would be to mention that immediately. Of course, that conclusively meant nothing – it might be a topic too emotional for her to touch upon. Yet he hoped not. He prayed not.

"Rui." He voice was huskier now, and his long fingers had shifted from cupping her face to tracing her features. He could feel the control he had lauded himself on slipping away, especially when Rui closed her eyes, and the color faded slightly from her cheeks. "Rui," he breathed, leaning in closer, his own eyes flicking shut.

Rui had stared up at him in a mixture of terror, confusion, and some other insane emotion she was normally too sane to put a name to. Kouji was here…touching her face…murmuring in a damn sexy voice and instead of overloading her propriety and driving her to mindless violence, it was overloading her senses and all she could do was stay as still as she could and hope it would stop, hope it would not, pray he would leave and pray that he would keep on mastering this situation and never, ever go away. Of course he wasn't terrible. She looked up to him, admired his strength and his wisdom, and respected him almost as much as she respected Sagishimono. On the battlefield he was both terrible and beautiful– his flowing, disciplined form so at odds with his insane exultation, his scarred eyes alight with the magnificence of death. There had been times, late at night, when she had awoken from dreams of him; filled with the thought of him, the vision of him, that had thought she would break if she didn't see him right that instant with her waking eyes. He was asking if she thought he was terrible? Did he not know how she felt around him? She didn't know, exactly, but she thought Kouji would. After all, he was a walking, sexy Buddha, one she trusted implicitly…

He murmured her name, and against her will her eyes fluttered shut. She couldn't help it – her body was reacting to his, after years of harsh denial, and even her mind had argued itself into a corner. She trusted him, admitted it, and acknowledged him to be more informed and in control of the situation. With a body so willing, and a mind so unable to deny herself this exquisite experience, what else was she to do?

Answer: tilt her head welcomingly, and nearly swoon at the sensation of his breath upon her lips, little suspecting that her proximity could invoke similar powerful emotions in him.

"Rui-san?"

His lips had barely brushed against hers, their warmth and texture leaving him with nothing but the desire to deepen the delicate kiss before Hiyori's voice broke the moment. As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she squeaked and ran back out again but it was too late. They had been seen.

Chagrined, Kouji pulled back slowly, relying on her shock and his power over the air between them to keep him from following Yukihina into oblivion. He smiled gently, helplessly as he rubbed his nose against hers, prolonging the moment. Yet he could feel her embarrassment building, and knew that her anxiety would soon be too much for even he to contain. As suddenly as he had come he pulled away, pulling his flask to him on invisible wind currents, serious eyes never leaving her face. "I know it's impossible to ask," he murmured, turning away from her yet still speaking quietly enough so that Hiyori couldn't overhear. He nimbly stepped over Yukihina, and lifted him with his power so that he trailed after him like a ghost. "But someday…Rui. My comrade. I'll convince you regardless."

He walked away from her then, not knowing that this was to be their last few days together before several years apart. He walked on, giving Hiyori an uncharacteristically stern glance as he walked past, as if to say don't you dare bother her about this. He dropped Yukihina off on his bed, too involved in his regrets and reflections to notice how Yukihina's breathing patterns had changed.

As soon as he heard the door shut firmly, Yukihina allowed himself a small smile.

Kouji had kissed Rui (finally).

Kouji had not been subjected to one of Rui's headbutts.

Therefore.

They were married.

He knew it.

Ohhh Kouji, you and your posturing. When you were busy telling Rui about the code:name in his school, all we could pay attention to was that weird hip thing you were doing. And how you're a freaking epic wisdom dispenser. I mean, I'll get sick of it eventually but if Rui doesn't mind…And yes, I know they're not specifically canon, but they have certainly taken my fancy.

As has Yukihina. It is official, he is my new favorite character to write.

Review, all ye lurkers. Say things to me, like hi; how are you; this is what you did that I'm kinda likin' and this is what you can do better. You know. Good stuff(s).