Disclaimer: The characters and canon situations in the following story belong solely to JK Rowling, Scholastic and WB. I am not making any money from the publishing or writing of this story.
AN: I know, I should be working on something else but this idea has been thrown around my head thanks to the holidays. Luckily this is a short idea and two more chapters of this and it'll be done, maybe by tomorrow.
Standing In
Chapter 1
She stabbed at the cake again before removing a large forkful.
There were stages to how she felt and he knew it.
She was currently dwelling on a specific subject and the solution was there wasn't one. He never knew what the trigger really was but he knew what happened to get to the end result. The though would form, she would mull over it, then force it out of her mind. When it wouldn't leave her mind, she would find an outlet that could be seen as productive and both time and mind consuming. When that failed her, she would give in and wallow in sugar and attempt to desensitize herself with violence. Neither really did their job but the last step was where he would be required. While he was always readily willing to help, he hated knowing that it bothered her.
This time she had resorted to cake that had yet to completely defrost.
Stabbing for another large bite, she tried in vain to drown out her thoughts in the confection.
"Did you see him?" He knew better than to ask but he couldn't help asking.
She gave him a look that made him wonder if she had shed tears prior to his arrival. Looking back down at the cake, she turned back to the screen of her telly as the scene of two very brawny men tried to beat and tear each other apart.
He had come by mainly to ask if she was up to coming with him to shop for new dress robes but found the sight more pressing.
"Shut up." She was trying to desensitize herself while wallowing in her mood and he knew it would fail her soon. She really did make an effort to drag out each step that led to the last one.
The empty biscuit tin and now half family size cake would overwhelm her soon.
He didn't like knowing that she could easily be bothered by someone.
More specifically he didn't like knowing that he was playing second best to some guy. They were to some extent friends and given what he knew, he was grateful for that.
"He's worthless." Draco was prone to such statements when it came to others but in this case, he was sure he was more than apt. Hermione had once confided in him one lonely morning after Valentines why she was lonely. While he had came from a not lonely night with a lovely witch who kept him very detained, Hermione had stayed it after having drinks with Harry and Ron.
As Draco had plans that night, he wasn't there to see her go through her phases then. What he found in the morning made him ask why she didn't just grab some lucky guy and rock his night. To which she told him that while lonely, she wasn't desperate and she wanted more than that. He was graced with her complete emotional breakdown that morning over muffins she had stayed up baking in bulk.
Through her tears and choked attempts to not reveal the truth, she confessed that while a Gryffindor, she was a coward with her dream man.
Of which he wondered why she didn't grab said man and make the lucky bastard her Valentine. To which she sobbed silently telling him that she knew he had a date the night previous and regardless of such, the mystery man would never see her seriously in such a way.
So somewhere out there, Draco learned that some dense unlucky bastard had Hermione's unrequited love. She spoke of how wonderful and kind and perfect she thought of said man and how she knew how hopeless she was for the man.
No matter how she felt, Draco tried in vain that morning to talk herself out of her slump. He spoke of how great she was, what a lovely person she was and outright told her that the dumbass didn't deserve her and she was better off moving on.
Of that she promptly hit him. It was reminiscent of the punch she gave him back in school and his shoulder was bruised for days for it. She yelled at him then for being insensitive and not having the capacity to understand love in such a way much less unrequited love.
So he sat and listened to her rants and sobs, accepting that she had a point and he wouldn't argue.
He heard of how the bastard meant so much to her. He heard of how the bastard didn't notice her as anything but a friend at most. It seemed to the guy, she was somewhere between someone useful and someone to just keep around, a pal that while female was just one of the guys.
He tried to tell her that he didn't see how that was possible but then he was reminded of her relationship with Ron and Harry. She easily explained that the bastard was not among the two as her history of loving the worthless man was more recent.
He tried to tell her that there were ways to get a man's attention to which she replied that she had tried and disastrously failed. She had even mentioned having help from the man's mother of all things.
From there, he pointed out the mistake of having a mother's help when it wasn't your own. True or not, she spoke of how she had a small section of her closet full of items she bought to get a response out of the man only to be waved off.
She surmised that physically and otherwise, her love just simply didn't see her as such. She made predictions of how he would be obliviously happy with his life regardless of her presence. She told him of how the man would live out his life getting the dream of ever after with some lucky woman she wished she could have been and knew she wouldn't be. She even went as far as to hope the man would get there sooner rather than later. Her hope that if she could finally see him married off with some perfect family, she could close off the feelings for good. She could only believe that knowing he was happy and settled with someone else, that jealously would be replaced with acceptance and closure. She was tired of watching the man run off with some pretty thing while her heart dragged along wondering if the new woman in his life was the one for him.
If anything she knew she was stuck to work her way out of her feelings and she admitted she would.
It was the last bit that got Draco finally happy for her. He was proud that through her drivel, she saw the light and understood that unrequited love or not, the bastard didn't deserve her. Any man that dense didn't deserve her chasing after them.
Draco secured her promise to move on and let the one sided feelings go. He didn't like knowing that through her strengths, some idiot could make her into an emotional wreak.
"I wish he'd just finally get married." The words were laced with venom and Draco didn't dare deny that she was bitter now. Love or not, Hermione's feelings to the mystery man had made her resentful.
More often than not recently, she was overwhelmed with the fact that her mystery man was living life single enough and happily so that she became angered that he could be happy alone while she was unluckily single and a dozen more cats from being the cat lady.
"Well if he's a catch then he'll get there." If anything, Draco desperately wished the same as well. He hated watching Hermione wallow away for the guy. While her feelings didn't impact negatively on her external life, it was the fact that someone could affect her so.
She took another forkful of cake as the image of one of the fighters make a sicken turn to a punch.
She licked the fork clean before stabbing it into the cake and leaving it there. Leaning on him, she watched a few more punches land before a few undeserved tears left her.
"Is it still love if it's just me?" She had gotten more analytical over the years. The first few, she accepted that it was love and she was doomed. Recently, she started wondering if it was even love or her overactive mind messing with her.
"Only you would know." If anything he was more ready to tell her that it wasn't. He wanted to rationalize that he couldn't be but he didn't want to risk undermining her feelings and hurting her more.
She sat up then, looking up at him. He could see that there would be a great many more moments that would draw out this side of her before she was over her feelings. It angered him to know she could still be cut down so easily by one man.
He didn't wait for her to make the move this time.
Leaning towards her, he swiftly captured her lips with his. He tasted the chocolate and hints of rum she must have had before his arrival. Her emotional state made it easy for her to let him lead. She easily succumbed to his lips and didn't protest when he started the slow task of removing her pajamas.
If anything, she encouraged him. Twining her arms around his neck, she made sure he didn't cease his course of action. She needed this outlet and he was more than willing to help her stick her thumb at her feelings and the bastard of a guy who was missing out on her.
"You never did tell me what happened." He rolled over to her side of the bed to try and stare her down.
Propping himself up with one arm, he tried to analyze her analyzing the ceiling.
"It's silly." She had crossed the threshold to undermining her feelings all on her own. Important or not, it seemed lately, she was of the mind that her feelings didn't matter.
"And yet it happened." Draco could see the resentment coming back in her. The days of Hermione being mopey and sickeningly wishful and dejected in love were dying. Where he had once hoped that she would snap out of her love to be someone stronger and move onto some truly deserving who saw the greatness that she was, it was becoming clear that such a thing might not happen. No, the bastard was most likely going to leave Hermione with a bitter shell that might just latch onto the first guy that gave her a few nice words and even less deserving.
"I was out looking for a card for Ron and Lavender's anniversary yesterday."
Draco could understand why that would be an issue. It was a reminder that her friends were happily in ever after and she was not.
"Five years right?" He was sure of it but didn't want to be wrong.
"Yeah." She turned just enough to put an arm behind her head then. "Then I ran across this toy shop and saw this little boy in the window that reminded me of him."
Draco was use to her getting such flashes. She would spy something that triggered her feelings and it would just flood her with her squashed feelings.
"Had the face, the hair, even the damn posture. Do kids even have that good a posture?" She gave a harsh laugh then. "And the kid was look about something and well it reminded me of how he described being a child."
"So kid huh?" He knew she wanted to settle down at some point and have a few kids but given her squandered feelings, she didn't really have many chances for good relationships that led anywhere.
"Something like that." Looking at him then, she gave him a look that told him he didn't get it and she didn't care.
Rolling over she looked at the time on the nightstand.
"Somewhere to be?" He doubted as much, it was the weekend and she never hand many standing engagements.
"Doesn't matter." Turning over, she gave him a friendly peck on the cheek. "Thanks."
She extracted herself from the sheets and made quick work of finding clothes from the wardrobe before hitting the showers.
She was shutting down again. Her emotions overtook her, she suppressed them till she had to react and his presence only expedited the process with them in her bed.
He had suggested the idea back in the day when his attempts to cheer her up failed one by one. If anything, her process of dealing with her feelings was his fault. He had tried to get her to see the good in herself, the things that made the mystery man undeserving. He tried to find her projects and causes and things to go forth and conquer to take up her time and give her a sense of accomplishment. When that stopped working, he tried to cheer her up with gluttony but happiness could only be found in chocolate for so long. So one terrible cheering up dinner many years ago, he threw out that sometimes she should just try and find a rebound. Someone disposable to unload the love onto and leave. While the idea wasn't his best and while she was bad off, she at least understood the merits he tried to give in the idea.
Sadly for her, her reputation preceded her and finding someone to pickup and drop was easier said than done.
So after a succession of failed attempts at dating a few men who were more impressed with her name than her, she landed right where she started. A few nice dinners and no outlet of any kind.
It was one of his bolder moments and one of his more frustrated ones. Pushing her against the doorway to his balcony, he smothered her in his kiss just enough for her to get the point.
Having an outlet wasn't always about feelings. It was about getting through the feeling. Venting till the moment passed so you could get to the next.
Her shock not withstanding, she had slapped him for his insensitivity as a whole before telling him that it was easy for him to not care. He had the process of one nightstands and deadened feelings down to an art and it was expected of him. For her, she couldn't do the same and her circle was full of wizards who didn't see her in such a way. Short of going into muggle London, she was not likely to ever have a successful one night stand.
Whether it was a challenge or a plea, somewhere in it all, he became her standby. When it came to be too much, he would be the one she vented with. For her, she used him to get over the wave of how one made affected her. For her, she was using him to remember that regardless of her unrequited love, she could have someone.