A/N just a song fic to my favorite pairing H/M only the first chapter is a song fic the rest is what happens after the song fic there are tons of chapters to come

DISCLAIMER: I have one doesn't that say it all

The song is what hurts the most by rascal flatts

The bold italics are the song lyrics

Chapter 1 (what hurts the most)

'That's it Hawkeye thought, it's over , the war is over', he smiled sadly as he watched the words goodbye get farther and farther away.

JULY 1st 1957

Hawkeye sat in his child hood home as the rain pelted the roof small tears streaming down his face as he looked at the photo of him and the MASH gang.

'I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don't bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out'

One person in the photo his heart ached for Margaret, it's been almost 5 years since the war ended and 5 years since anyone has seen her, everyone else kept in touch and saw each other every holiday and 2 weeks in the summer that week happened to be the week everyone was coming together. B.J came early with his family his wife peg ,,and daughter Erin, and the 2 new additions to the family the twin boys 'Benjamin max Walter Hunnicut ' and Sherman Francis Charles Hunnicut born 9 months after the war ended, makes you think what they did when he got home, he smiled to himself and more tears ran down his face as he continued to stare at the photo of everyone the last couple days together sitting in the swamp.

'I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though Goin' on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay But that's not what gets me'

His dad and the Hunnicuts were out buying decorations because it was Charles' wedding and happened to be being held at his place, Charles and Hawkeye became way closer over the past few years and everyone was coming to the wedding except Margaret, he thought about the goodbye kiss and when he let her go, he just let her walk out of his life, he knew it and wanted to tell her he loved her and now she is gone and no one can find her, she could be dead for what anyone knows. he missed her and all the times they had together ,they were super close and always there for each other and helped each other through that damn war they were each other's strength. and all she did was want to forget, forget the war ever happened and shutting everyone out was her way of doing it, even though he broke down her barriers and helped her show her good side, and all he ever wanted to do was tell her but now it's too late.

'What hurts the most Was being so close And havin' so much to say And watchin' you walk away'

He thought about what could have been If he had told her that he loved her.

'And never knowin' What could've been And not seein' that lovin' you Is what I was tryin' to do'

it was hard to sit and watch everyone else have their love, even radar found someone who he could spend the rest of his life with, but he knew it he had to move on and forget her, but he couldn't he just couldn't force that smile onto his face. everyone knew that he loved her, they could see it they even told him that they could tell Margaret loved him. the first Christmas back everyone got together with their families and he just let it slip and cried, if he could relive that moment when they all left he would have told her , he wouldn't have to live with this burden on his shoulders.

'It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go But I'm doin' it It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken'

Everyone knew and could see the closeness they shared especially that last night together before they went home.

'What hurts the most Is being so close And havin' so much to say(Much to say)And watchin' you walk away'

He thought If he had just told her he might be happier, they could have had something he thought all he had to do was tell her but he didn't.

'And never knowin' What could've been And not seein' that lovin' you Is what I was tryin' to do, oh oh yeah'

He thought about all those times together like that night in the hut or the time they were in the supply room and she let her guard down and made jokes with him he smiled a small smile as he remembered. He loved her smile her beauty and her personality she was like his mother and he couldn't get her out of his head

'What hurts the most Was being so close And havin' so much to say(To say)And watchin' you walk away'

All he ever did was love her and he knew that if he did tell her then maybe she would be there but also she may not have been she had her career in order and knew what she wanted

'And never knowin' What could've been And not seein' that lovin' you is what I was tryin' to do Not seein' that lovin' you That's what I was trying to do, ooo'

he thought hard and he knew what he had to do, he could most likely find her through the army and that's what he would do he would search through the army and get the love of his life back even if that meant re enlisting.