Tom sat pensively on the edge of the biobed. He was attempting to look interested in picking at a piece of lint on his pant leg, but he was really trying to listen in on the surgical bay. B'Elanna was speaking in nearly audible tones. The conversation became louder as the physician must have been attempting to convince the Lieutenant to stay in the infirmary. Tom no longer had to strain to hear B'Elanna's voice.
"I am more than fine to return to engineering!" B'Elanna sneered at the hologram.
"Keep behaving like this and I will start to think your body has fallen to another chemical imbalance." The Doctor raised his voice to match the half Klingon's. "I will inform the captain and sedate you if necessary".
Tom watched out of the corner of his eye as B'Elanna hoisted herself from the bed and paced rhythmically along its length while the Doctor retreated to his office momentarily. She raised her hand as if she were going to say something to him. Tom shut his eyes and braced for a verbal lashing. He waited several seconds before realizing the only sound entering his ears was the continuation of B'Elanna's boots pacing the floor. She hadn't even changed into the sickbay blues, she wore the grey climbing outfit she had worn the whole day, the jacket still dangling from her waist. Tom didn't realize he was no longer only gazing out of his peripheral vision and for a brief moment the two locked eyes. Instead of anger, Tom saw confusion and perhaps even fear. More than anything, the pilot wanted to have a real talk with her. It was nowhere near the first time physical intimacies had preceded a relationship for Tom, but it was quickly becoming the first time it bothered him. They continued to lock eyes and Tom slowly opened his mouth to say something, anything. Only a slow jagged breath escaped his lips. Before Tom could suck in more air in a second attempt at forming words, B'Elanna broke his gaze and continued her back and forth along the biobed.
The EMH emerged from his office. If he had any knowledge of what had really happened between his two patients, he did not let on. "Good news Ms. Torres," he began in an almost melodic way, "The captain is allowing me to release you to your quarters under the condition you stay off duty and out of engineering for the next two days".
Once again, B'Elanna raised her finger in the air to signify she might go off on the Doctor. Instead she slowly lowered it and looked up at the hologram with an air of defeat. "I don't think I can convince you otherwise. May I leave?" Obviously taken aback, the Doctor nodded slowly. He had been prepared for an argument, and she had give him none. The EMH gave her a PADD and a small bundle of hyposprays before motioning the Lieutenant toward the door. As she exited, the Doctor moved toward Tom's bed.
"Well you have had quite a day, Mr. Paris," the Doctor observed while preparing a dermal regenerator. "Klingon mating rituals can be quite exciting," the Doctor added with a cocked eyebrow.
"Thank you for the commentary, Doc. I am more interested in getting done here and having a beer or three". Tom was attempting to ward off the jokes about mating. Far better to deal with his thoughts and still raging hormones in private. After a few more passes of scans, the EMH handed him his own hypospray. "What's this for?"
"To counteract the synthehol, of course," the hologram retorted. "I know better than to give you an eloquent speech or remind you of the health detriments. I cannot say I have ever undergone with this kind of experience, but as your physician I can advise you begin a strict exercise regimen if you wish to continue sexual activities with Ms. Torres".
Tom puffed air out of his cheeks, grabbed the hypospray, and walked briskly for the door. "Thanks for the advice," he called out over his should before letting the doors to sickbay close behind him. He had walked out of sickbay in the blue medical drapes. Deciding this acceptable, he walked briskly to his quarters. Luckily, it was the middle of gamma shift and other than a concerned glance by Ensign Wildman, no one seemed to pay him much attention. It wasn't the first time Tom had walked through the halls in a strange outfit. He finally reached his quarters and let out a large sigh as the door whooshed shut behind him. He casually laid the hypospray and badge on the heavy wood bedside table and stripped to his boxers. Thirty minutes ago, he wanted nothing more than some alone time to relieve some personal frustrations. Now that the pilot was in his personal space, the dull roar of space seemed deafening. Laying on the end of the bed with his feet dangling, Tom let the emotions wash over him. Feelings of lust were overtaken by worry and anguish. Tom was proud of himself for not taking advantage of his friend, but he was also concerned their friendship would become strained. The sound of his door chirping seemed to come from another universe.
"….uhhhhhh….gimme a moment," Tom stammered, slipping on his navy robe and kicking the medic blues to the corner of the room. Catching his own reflection in the mirror while running fingers through his tussled hair, he realized his still needed a sonic shower. Hopefully the person at the door wouldn't mind. "Come in".
The door opened and Tom's best friend entered. "Hey buddy," the Ensign began cautiously. "I wanted to see how you were doing," Harry's eyes wondered slowly around the messy room and met his friend's face who was still smudged with dirt. "Looks like things have been better."
Tom let the simulated gravity thrust him back onto the couch and raised his hands in the air. "I don't know, Harry. It's been a hell of a day. I nearly died in a rock slide. B'Elanna tried to jump my bones. And the bridge crew knows the whole damn thing. And…" the exasperation faded from his voice and was replaced with a dejected tone, "I have no clue what to say to her."
The smile left Harry's face. "You've got it bad, don't you?".
Tom slowly inhaled and stared at the floor between his own legs. "I guess I do," he began dejectedly. "I don't need you to patronize me but I think I love her". He stiffened his back and looked Harry in the eyes. "I know what you're going to say, Harry. I already know".
Harry maintained eye contact, "I don't think you do. This isn't like two years ago when you told me you had fallen for Kes. The Delta Quadrant has changed us all and I think it has turned you into an amazing man and Starfleet officer", Harry slowed his now rapid hand movements and slowed his speech patterns. "And as your friend, I think you and B'Elanna are perfect for one another."
"Do you really think so?"
"I know so, Tom. I wouldn't tell you this if I wasn't sure. You and B'Elanna are my closest friends on Voyager. I wouldn't suggest you two being more than friends if I wasn't completely sure."
Tom smiled. "Harry. That means a lot to me. It really does. But right now, I need a stiff drink."
"I would normally love a drink, but I am taking Carey's shifts in Engineering while he fills in for…"
"B'Elanna". Tom said slowly. "You should probably go then".
"Actually Vorik, but I need to head that way," Harry realized he didn't need to be so precise with his best friend. The mention of Vorik put a pained look on Tom's face. "Tom. You should go talk to her."
"It's not that easy, Harry. I know you and Libby had a perfect relationship, but not all of us can be that happy". He immediately regretted those words and Harry's eyes reflected the same betrayal as if Tom had slapped him across the face.
"I guess you have this all figured out then, Tom," Harry retorted coldly while standing quickly from the couch. I should be getting to engineering."
Tom wanted desperately to call out to his friend, but the words didn't form quick enough. The door shut behind Harry and Tom was left alone once again to his own thoughts. When his door chimed again several minutes later, Tom jerked to a standing position. "Come in".The door opened and Chakotay entered the room. "Sorry I am not looking my best right now, Commander," the pilot muttered.
"This isn't a formal visit, Tom," Chakotay began softly as he entered the room and the ambient light of Tom's quarters slowly revealed the former Maquis. He gave the other man in the room ample time to reply before continuing. "I just spoke with B'Elanna and I wanted to make sure I had some time with you". Every move the Commander made was slow and calculating—he knew he was treading on the very unstable relationship he had built with Tom over the last year. "Tom. I am not here to berate you or make light of today. And you can't pretend the whole senior staff and bridge crew are not aware of what happened between you and B'Elanna on the planet. And I will be the first to admit I haven't always been your biggest fan."
"I'd say," Tom muttered.
"I deserve that a hundred times over. I haven't always trusted you, Tom. I never saw what Kathryn saw in you," his tempo slowed and he lowered himself on the chaise lounge on the opposite side of the room. "But today you had every opportunity to slip into the vision of the man I thought you were. You didn't. You proved yourself to be a great officer and an even better friend to B'Elanna. I know we aren't close, but I am proud of you".
Tom would rarely consider himself a speechless man, but he once again found himself stunned to silence. Chakotay waited patiently across the room. The pilot took a slow breath in and closed his eyes while exhaling. "I appreciate what you are saying, Commander. I really do. I don't know exactly what you are trying to insinuate or inspire me to do. Right now I need time. I have made a fool of myself."
"I don't think so, Tom. And neither does the Captain".
"It's not your opinion I am worried about at the moment".
"You know she appreciates it too, Tom. Even if she doesn't know how to express it. B'Elanna very rarely voices her feelings. Emotions have always been difficult to navigate, especially love and physical attraction". He pretended to ignore the pink rising in the other man's cheeks. "You need to talk to her. It won't be easy, but it is necessary. I know B'Elanna acts wise beyond her years, but she doesn't have the life experience you and I have. Especially when it comes to showing affection for others". He waited several moments to allow a response. "I didn't come here for myself. Or for you. I came here because one of my best friends is hurting and I need you to help her". He raised to a standing position and exited quickly.
Again, the silence overwhelmed the Lieutenant. "Computer," he announced, waiting for the device to respond with a chirp. "Play music".
"Please be more specific".
"I don't care. Anything in my collection is fine".
"Playing Tom Eugene Paris's music randomly," the computer responded. A chant and drum clanged as a Klingon battle song pulsed through the speakers.
"Remove all Klingon music from playlist!" Tom barked as soon as he realized what was playing. The music changed to a wailing Bolian lute. The music did nothing to match his emotions, but it was a welcome distraction as he kicked off his boxers and stepped into the sonic shower. Although his showers were usually as short as possible, he stood in the shower long after the last drop of sweat evaporated from his skin. As he leaned against the wall of the small shower, he knew he needed to talk to B'Elanna. He had no clue what to say. As he slowly dressed himself in an all black ensemble, he left his quarters and headed toward B'Elanna's quarters on autopilot. He still had no clue what to say as he rang the door chime. As he heard a muffled affirmative response open the doors, his mind became even more blank.
"Tom," B'Elanna said, genuinely surprised he was the man behind the door. "C-come in," she stuttered slowly. "I see your cheek has been treated". She stretched out her legs that had been tucked underneath her.
"Oh, yeah," Tom responded with a small chuckle and touching the spot where a bite mark had resided earlier. "You know the Doc. He is the best with a dermal regenerator".
"He is programmed well," she mused. The awkwardness between them hung heavy in the air. She tried to give Tom a weak smile but realized how bad her attempt was. "Look," she began, her confidence returning. "We can't pretend this didn't happen. Half the crew already knows and by tomorrow there won't be a crewman on this ship who won't know what I tried to do. What we have to do is only be professional with one another. We don't even have to be friends".
Tom crossed the room quickly and sat arms length away from her. The maroon set of pajamas she was wearing fluttered as B'Elanna stiffened her body. "B'Elanna," Tom began softly,
"Don't use that tone with me, Tom". The fire returned in her voice. "I don't want to talk about it right now. I am not sure I will ever want to. Go play holodeck with Harry and leave me alone".
Tom wanted desperately to do nothing but hold her. To wrap her in his arms and shelter her from the despair he could see in her eyes. He knew this wasn't the place. It would take time to show B'Elanna what she meant to him. He was't even sure understood it himself. But he would figure it out. There were plenty of lightyears ahead of Voyager and her crew.