Everyone I know,
Goes away in the end,
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,
- Johnny Cash
I don't have the heart for it anymore , I've traded everything for worthless suffering . I had such wonderful dreams , high hopes, but it means nothing to me if i'm alone. I was so high in the clouds , so sure of myself and those around me that I let my guard down. I had pushed and pushed , but they had not broken. I was secure in the false knowledge that I had finally found a 'home' and the moment I turned my back is when it came crumbling down . One after another they fell like domino's. It was happening all over again. Funny it happens this same way each time , but it never feels the same. I cried, I cursed , I yelled , I broke, I drank, I slept , I hid. I have become again the china doll with the perfectly painted face always smiling , when you see me, but forever screaming and tearing at my flesh, on the inside. I am nearly upon a milestone , with nothing to show for it, nothing to prove I was even here, I've let some many and nobody down. I am not strong I am not a rock. I am not the one. I am nothing. I'm just somebody that you use to know. Nothing more nothing less. My shelter is the all encompassing darkness , the vast void. Pin points of light dance around me, teasing me, with there empty promises. My flesh is all I have to offer and is what they want of this shell. I hold tight trying to fight and hold on to the last bit of myself. But there sweet lies and gentle touches are weakening my resolve and I stand at the abyss looking down , it would be so easy to let go.