Disclamer: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters but I do own Valentine.
Standing on that rock with the ocean spraying up
at me I felt whole for the first time. It's sad for me to be depressed over
nothing. Guess it's just another reason everyone would do fine without me. Looking
back on my live I regret so much. Sometimes I wish Sirius had paid me more
attention and sometime I wish I had paid Regulus more attention. He didn't, I
didn't and now all that time we were still family is wasted. Two of the Black
family will be gone now not that anyone but me will really notice. Sirius has
closed his eyes to our little brother and in turn our family has closed its
eyes to us. I truly wish someone would stop me that someone would notice that I'm
not alright. But it seems that is too much to ask. Not a word from anyone.
Sirius, James, Peter, they seem to have forgotten that I am here. With my death
I can finally get my message across, I can finally show how much I hate them,
how much angry I have built up over the years, and I can finally show them that
they were right, that I am weak, I am useless, that I shouldn't have bothered
trying to prove them wrong. I'm just sorry that I had to do this to Remus and Lily;
they were always nice to me. Not that my brother and his friends weren't, in
their own little way they liked me, may I even go as far as to say love me, but
when it came to including me in group meetings, to asking my opinion in decision
making, to standing up for me they have all fallen flat. I truly hate them. I
hate them all. Yet I find myself loving them, drawn to those times where I wasn't
just Sirius's brother. I don't want to die. I never have. Not those attempts at
school, or the three after. My despair had never seceded in convincing me that
death is the exit it has only shown me that this is all I can do to make others
look at me. Isn't it pathetic? I want to attempt suicide so that I can have the
pity. But that's me, weak, pathetic, useless, little me. Who knows maybe I
really do need to go get help. Well here goes nothing, let's see how long it
takes them to find me this time.
Thank goodness I got that part out. Oh man now I have all this depressing suicdial stuff to write! Review Please!