Disclaimer: I in no way own the Labyrinth. The idea of an Academy for fan fiction writers belongs to Miss Cam, the creator of OFUM (Official Fan fiction University of Middle-earth). If you have not read it already, I highly suggest you do. You can find the link to her bio under my favorite authors.

The Labyrinth Academy

by Fou Fou

Rule One : Never sign a contract before reading it all the way through

It was wonderful. Brilliant in fact. Her best work yet, or would be once Ami finished it. For now, all she had was a blank document on Word and the Muse of Fanfiction dancing the chicken dance in her head.

She bit her lip for a moment as she contemplated the best way to word her first sentence. After all, everyone knew that the reviews were gained or lost based on the opening lines. The steady ticks of the Beauty and the Beast clock above her bed served as an unwanted reminder that time was being wasted. It had been a present from her parents on her tenth birthday, and she couldn't help bringing it with her when she left for college four years ago, childish though it was. Now it held a place of honor in her new home. Normally it was a gift she'd look on fondly, but right now its nonstop ticking in the otherwise silent room was becoming a tad annoying, and it wasn't helping her Muse at all. Turning the radio on to drown out the clock, she turned back to her laptop and began to type.

Throughout the whole Underground there was never a more beautiful woman that that of the elf, Mariana Suana. Actually, she wasn't just elf, she was also part Nymph, Fae, Fairy, and Dragon. All men in the Underground loved her after just once glance. But only one man held the heart of Mariana Suana, and that was the Ultra-Sexy-Oh-My-God-Drop-Dead-Gorgeous King of the Goblins . . . Jareth. However, his heart was spurned by the cruel and evil Sarah Williams . . .

"We have another one!" said Director Fou, head coordinator of the Labyrinth Academy, as the NGFD (Non-Guild Fanfiction Detector) began to beep and whirl. Director Fou, Meagan, and Sarah Williams were all sitting in the staff room at LA, watching the NGFD for any last minute applications.

"What kind?" asked Meagan, her assistant, coming over. "I swear to God, if it is another one that can't distinguish their 'you're' from 'your,' or their 'then' from 'than' I am going to kill something."

Director Fou looked at the readout. "Nope, not yet anyway. Looks to be the manifestation of a definite Mary Sue fanfiction. According to the readout, this is very much similar to her past fanfictions. I'll have to send the info to Mary Sue and inform her she should be expecting another addition."

Sarah Williams, looking up from where she was reading a book said, "Please tell me it isn't me. I hate it when they do that. They always make me this cold hearted bitch with all these super powers that the Labyrinth supposedly gave me after I defeated it. Not to mention it is so weird running into a bunch of people who look exactly like me, only with funky colored eyes or something."

"Nope," said Meagan. "It would appear that you are the 'cruel and evil Sarah Williams' who broke the heart of the delicate Goblin King. Mariana Suana is the Mary Sue, and she has quite an interesting family tree. I wasn't even aware that it was possible to do it with a dragon if you were a fairy."

Sarah shuddered. "That is quite disturbing, thank you very much. I'm almost afraid to see what she'll look like when she shows up."

"At least there are no pant jokes . . ."

"Yet," said Meagan ominously. "Though it doesn't seem to be the type to do that."

"So, I'm assuming she's getting the invitation?" asked Sarah.

"Oh of course," said Director Fou, smirking in an evil manner. "Our Student Relations/ Event Coordinator disappeared last week, though I suspect she may be in an oubliette, due to a little argument with His Majesty. I'm trying to convince Jareth that the oubliettes are for students, not for staff. For now, our Head of Security shall be handling her duties until school starts next week."

Back in Ami's room, words seemed to be flowing from herself into the computer. The heartening music of some long-broken up boy band seemed to add the necessary oomph to her brilliance. Each word seemed to be better than her last. She had no doubt that this would be her best.

Suddenly, lightning crashed outside the window. "What the . . .?" Ami asked herself. Getting up, she looked out the window. "But it was nice out just a minute ago!" she protested as she watched the rain pounded down outside, tapping against the window. "And the radio said we're to have sunny weather all week!"

Apparently the weather had different ideas than the weatherman as lightning flashed once again and the room plunged into darkness. "Crap," muttered Ami. Luckily she had been running her laptop on battery, so at least her story hadn't been fried, though she wasn't too sure about her radio. Grabbing her laptop, she moved to flop herself down on the bed to work there, when she noticed something scurrying underneath the covers of her bed. It was small, not much bigger than her hand, and was making strange spitting sounds, like a cat with a hairball.

Fearing that somehow a cat had somehow gotten into her bed (despite the no animal rule in the apartment) and was about to divulge the contents of his stomach in the inside of her bed, she whipped the cover back, exposing what was underneath . . .

Nothing.

An icy chill clutched her heart as Ami stared at the empty spot on the bed. What could do something like that? I'm just overreacting, thought Ami. Just flipping out over stupid things that aren't really there. There has to be a rational explanation for all this. There was probably something in those nachos I ate earlier . . .

Behind her, something snickered. Spinning around, she saw the shadow of something zipping away for cover. Beside her she heard scuffling, and her clothes began to move across the room from where she had dumped them next to her bed two days ago. Everywhere, murmured voices echoed through the room, laughing at her . . .

"It's just the nachos," Ami told herself firmly. "This isn't real. Just the hallucination brought forth by bad cheese."

"Cheese is a scary thing," came a voice behind her. Spinning around, Ami came face to face with a dangerous-looking man in a black suit, black shades, with a black, ominous looking briefcase in his hand. He looked to be around twenty five or so, but she wasn't sure, thanks to the fact the room was mostly dark besides the glowing of her laptop. Instantly the sounds and shadows faded away into nothingness.

"Who are you?" snapped Ami. "And how the hell did you get into my room?"

"My name is of no concern to you, though if you wish, you may call me Mr. Smith. I represent the Labyrinth Fanfiction Guild and I'm head of security in LA. I got in because the door of your apartment was unlocked."

"Labyrinth Fanfiction has a guild?"

"Yes, and it has come to our attention that you write Labyrinth fanfiction and my employers would like you to join our fellowship."

"Really? Wow, that's really cool!" gushed Ami. "How did you find me?"

"We have our ways," replied Mr. Smith mysteriously. Dumping his briefcase on Ami's bed, she saw the faint embossing of 'LA' on its surface in gold. Mr. Smith opened it up before she was able to see anything else on the cover, and began rifling her way through the contents. For a moment, Ami though she saw a green, knobby hand reach out of the briefcase and hand him something before Mr. Smith shut it back up again.

"This is your welcome letter to the fellowship," he said, handing Ami a bulging yellow envelope. "A mandatory trip to LA is necessary for inclusion to the guild. My employers informed me to tell you not to worry however, they'll pay for your expenses including the trip. The letter should explain everything."

"Why is it so thick?" asked Ami.

"Oh, there are just some forms you need to fill out – for filing purposes, terms of agreement, contract of liability . . stuff like that."

Terms of liability? For being in a Fanfiction Guild? Ami didn't focus on that too much however, she was too excited. "When do you want this back?"

"Preferably as soon as possible," replied Mr. Smith. Glancing at the Disney clock with a mixture of curiosity and distaste he said, "Well, I must go." Turning around, he walked out the door.

"But wait!" cried Ami, rushing to the door and pulling it open. Looking down the hallway of her apartment, she could find no trace of the mysterious Mr. Smith. Shaking her head, she turned around and went back to the room. The lights were on, the radio was blaring, and the sun was shining through the window outside. "I'm never eating nachos again," muttered Ami as she returned to the bed to work on her laptop, just as her butt landed on the strange yellow package.

Pulling it out from under her, Ami studied it. There was nothing remarkable about it, the envelope was the same as the zillion of other yellow envelopes at Staples. Her first name was written in some sort of calligraphy over the front, and as a return address all it said was, "The Labyrinth Fanfiction Guild." If there was any way to contact these people, Ami assumed it must be stated inside. The events of just a few moments before were already beginning to fade away to a memory under the file name, "Temporary Loss of Insanity." Only this yellow envelope proved it had happened.

Hesitatingly she opened the envelope with shaking hands and withdrew the stack of papers inside. Looking at the first sheet of paper she read:

Greetings Fanfiction Writer Ami!

On behalf of the Labyrinth Fanfiction Guild I am pleased to welcome you as a potential member of our fellowship. I have been reading your fanfiction (I was impressed by your story of Migithnal Mishtan – the half elf/ half druid) and I must say that you'd be a great addition. Your style has a certain je ne sais pas that we've been looking for. If you wish to join our fellowship, do so by filling out the survey and signing the contracts attached to this letter and you will receive an all expenses paid trip to LA to meet your fellow writers.

I look forward to seeing you here.

Sincerely,

Director Fou

Fou is an odd name, wondered Ami briefly before going to the next page. The prospect of taking a vacation in LA, Los Angeles, was an opportunity Ami did not want to pass up. Seeing that she would need to fill out the forms, she quickly grabbed a pen and began to answer the questions.

What is your name?

Ami

What is your gender?

Female

What is your species?

Ami paused for a moment. What else would she be besides human? Shaking her head for a moment, she wrote 'Human.'

How old are you?

22

How many Labyrinth fanfics have you written in the past? (please include names)

I have written eight. Love of a Woman, The Goblin King and I, Heart of Forgiveness, Rescue Me, The Death of Sarah Williams, Migithnal Mishtan, One-Hundred Reasons Why Sarah Deserves To Die, and Mariana Suana (I've just started this one).

What is a Mary Sue?

A perfect character.

Have you ever written one?

Of course not

Do you have a beta?

Nope, don't need one.

Have you ever been involved with OFUM or its affiliates (if yes, please specify)

What the heck is OFUM?

Out of the following character in the Labyrinth, who do you lust the most? (Jareth/ Sarah/ Hoggle/ Other - specify please)

JARETH! He's so CUTE!

What pairing do you write? (Jareth/Sarah, Jareth/Other, Hoggle/Other, Other or None – specify please)

Jareth/Other. Sarah was a bitch to Jareth and doesn't deserve him!

Who do you prefer? Hoggle or Jareth?

Jareth of course.

Do you include songs (not from the movie) in your fanfics? If you do, please specify.

Nope.

Do you believe Jareth keeps a sock in his pants?

Wha?

Have you ever made any comments in your writing about his pants?

Just him taking them off.

Do you believe in Canon?

You mean those things that people shot people with in forts? Of course I do, there is one in the middle of the university I went to from some war or something.

What is your favorite color?

PINK!

What is your favorite thing in the whole world?

Um, I guess my Beauty and the Beast clock. Sentimental reasons.

If you were placed in the Labyrinth, how long do you think it would take to get through it?

Not that long. I mean, if Sarah can do it, anyone could do it.

The list went on and on, in much the same manner. After the survey came a contract of some sort. Shrugging, Ami flipped through it, not paying much attention, (especially when it said LA in no way responsible for the pure idiocy of its students) and signed on the dotted line that said, "SIGN HERE."

When she finally finished it was nearing two a.m. Yawning, she promised herself she would send it off in the morning and got ready for bed. Just before she snuggled down, she checked to make sure the papers were sitting on her desk. It was only after she fell asleep that Mr. Smith entered the room. Picking up the papers, he rifled through them to make sure everything was signed, before turning around to leave. Just as he was about to leave, he turned and said with a smile, "Welcome to the Labyrinth Academy Ami. I'm sure you'll find it . . . interesting."

Author's note: And so, enrollment for the Labyrinth Academy is now open. If you so wish to be a part of it, please copy the questions the Ami filled out and send it to me at "generalfoufou at yahoo . com" (take away the spaces, at replace at with the a and the circle sign - for some reason it won't let me put it up otherwise). Due to policy about interactive fics, you can't send it through the reviews or the story will be taken down. Just realize that if you do agree to become enrolled, you must be willing to be poked fun of, if you've read Miss Cam's OFUM, or any of the other off shoots of it, you'll understand. (On the bright side, if you join, you'll be able to meet Jareth because he'll teach one of your classes). Also, feel free to get creative, makes my job more fun.

I will try and make a website with information about the Labyrinth Academy.

Thank you Megs for being a wonderful beta for these long years starting in math class reading my ideas for stories. May you teach others the importance of grammar (and good spelling) like you taught me.

Thank you Miss Cam for the idea.