Paul vs. The Introduction
"You can parody almost anything" – Arceus, the harbinger of destruction.
High above in the clear sky a young man was settled in the seat of a large airline plane. He pushed back the curtain of light purple hair that got in the way of his onyx colored eyes, trying to look out through the small circular window that he sat next to. He looked quite uncomfortable with the purple jacket as well as gray cargo pants.
Paul heatedly grasped the handle to his seat.
"What's wrong, Paul?" a blonde boy asked.
"It feels like someone is intensely imagining my body to earn the perfect depiction of my character." he replied. "Must be a lengthy description."
The boy sat in the seat adjacent to the bored-looking teen. His eyes flickered back and forth as his foot on the ground was doing the annoying habit of rocking his knee up and down showing he was quite impatient. He scratched his hair which was in a disoriented mess as he was always scrambling in the morning with no time wasted on fixing his hair as he saw such little tasks not important. That also explained the clothing style he chose to go with. Orange and white striped shirt with-
Barry shuddered in his seat.
"What's going on, Barry?" Paul asked.
"I was just experiencing character development," he replied.
"Hmm...how does it feel?"
"It kind of tingles," Barry described the feeling. "Oh and stop acting like you care about my wellbeing because it doesn't match your character."
"Shit," Paul cursed reverting to his sadistic, rude self.
Barry leaned back into his seat. "Hey Paul, where are we going again?"
"Even though I told you what the plan like a few hours ago I will explain it to you to allow readers understand what the plot will be for the next few chapters and I will use your rash, short-term memory self us as an excuse to do so."
Barry's face turned confused. "What the heck are yo-"
"Look Barry, we are going to Unova a newly discovered country where we will find new Pokemon, new challenges, new gym badges, and new friends," he quickly explained.
"That's not why we are going there for," Barry recalled the plan. "Weren't we going there to complete your act of revenge on your arch-rival Ash?"
"Oh yeah," Paul corrected himself. "Why the hell did I say that? Sounds like an idiotic goal a 5-year-old child will have."
"Yeah I know," Barry replied. He took out a magazine from his backpack that brought along to read on the flight.
"Umm...Paul buddy," Barry brought his friends attention.
A vein popped on Paul's forehead in frustration. "We're not buddies you dumbass."
"Yeah, yeah," Barry waved off the rude remark. "Well, you see...Unova is not the last country-I mean region to be discovered.
"Blasphemy!" Paul barked.
"No it's true!" Barry held his magazine up to Paul to read from it. "It's called the Kalos region. A place far from here in a place that is unknown to us with cultures probably way different from ours since our technology hasn't reached them, yet."
"Looks a bit like France," Paul remarked.
"Where's France?" Barry asked.
"I read a story about this place where People don't have different kinds of creatures with destructive powers that no person should own to use for in legal cockfights," Paul informed.
"That's terrible! Never speak of that place again," Barry said his voice wavered in fright.
Paul nodded. "There is a scary world out there filled with poor souls without Pokemon," he said depressively. "Well sucks to be them I guess!"
"Mh-hm, and this says that people uses Goats to get around! Such barbarians using Pokemon for non-battling purposes," Barry exclaimed.
"Yeah-wait! Since when can you read Japanese?" Paul asked the grueling question seeing the magazine was from Japan.
"What are you talking about? I'm Japanese so it's obvious that I'll speak Japanese," Barry proclaimed. "And so are you! Your Japanese name is Shinji."
"What?! I'm Japanese?!" Paul began to observe his body again seeing it in a whole new perspective. "Is this the plot twist that I've expected? Because if it is, then this is a hell of a lot better than I expected!"
"How can we have a plot twist right at the beginning of a new story?" Barry said.
Paul shrugged. "It's not uncommon for people to do that," he defended. "A new hero is born and the next thing you know he is gifted with an animal capable of killing a human being to travel the world."
"You just described every trainer's life in this world," Barry propped his head onto his hand with elbow on the arm of the seat.
"I know." Paul went back to looking out the window. "At least there should be a first conflict for me about to show my strength as a character."
As on cue, a couple of burly guys simultaneously got up from their seats. They looked all the same almost as if they were siblings under a mother who couldn't tell them apart. They wore black shades as well as black trench coats over a black t-shirt. If that wasn't enough to prove they were bad guys they all had a scar on their bald heads...in the same place with the exact shape.
To further prove their cause, they each pulled out a firearm. One fired theirs making the people of the plane scream as well as to prove they weren't joking around.
"Alright, you guys are now our hostages," one man said in a somewhat bored monotone voice.
"That was easier said than done," another man said in the same voice.
"Paul, don't act so rash. They have guns if you didn't know! How are you going to deal with them?" Barry whispered to Paul ready to jump into action.
Paul grabbed the seat in front of him ready to get up. "Simple Barry, I will just challenge them one by one in a Pokemon baffle and once they are defeated they will have no choice but to surrender. Fool Proof!"
Another guy beat Paul to the chase. A muscular built blonde man stood up. Black shades he wore inside making him look like a total jerk as well as the leather jacket over a red shirt. Casual jeans with dark black boots to finish his edgy outfit.
"Sit back in your seat passenger!" the man shouted at him.
"You cannot defeat me. I'm an American hero and that makes all of your attacks useless against me," the bold champion of the people boasted.
"America! You mean the land where the people are giving freedom of speech yet they don't act on it. The place where knowledge is held highly but student intuitions are ridiculously high and not to mention most people are ignorant of other country's culture and politics," exclaimed the crook in front.
"Shut up! America is not about that!" The hero disagreed. "America is where we can hold our beers high in the air as we sing the star sprinkled bander and our President rides on the majestic bald eagle to victory."
"Now die you dirty commie!" He yelled before jumping forward with a fist reeled back.
"But we are not even communist-OOF!" the first man fell to ground after being punched in gut.
The patriot knocked the gun out of the next guy's hand. "Any Asian country outside of the USA is a communist."
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"It's because we are-not-in-America!" Ignorant and stupid as he was, his combat skills were adequately average which was enough to disarm the kidnappers and knock them out with a couple of punches.
"Another job taken care off by America," he cockily said posing on pile of bodies. "That will teach you to try and nuke us."
Paul jumped out of his seat in fury, his fingers biting into the seat in front of him as he begun to yell at the 'American Hero.'
"You moron! You blew my chance to demonstrate my skillful, brave, talented, incredible, and special character."
Getting down from the corpses, he approached Paul with a look that meant he was serious. Barry cringed in his seat. "I can't understand what you're saying kid. Speak American, it's the only language I speak."
Paul glared back at him. Blood boiling so hot that comical steam would have been boiling out of his ears if this were to be animated. "Well, then...how bout you Amurican mosey out of our country and go back to America." Paul said in the most southern accent he could muster.
Blonde man simply laughed. "That's a good one kid. Didn't you know? Every country belongs to America." He laughed some more slapping Paul's back as if he was his good drinking buddy. "But you're right about one thing. I better get out of here before the plane explodes. Those damn terrorists must have set up some bombs ready go up in smoke." He paused to look down at the boy with a saddened look.
"You've been watching to many action movies and TV shows," Paul remarked.
"Haha, that's funny kid. In capitalist America, you don't watch TV, TV watches you!"" he guffawed.
Paul nodded. "And the bombs?"
"Oh yeah, I nearly forgot...every man for himself!" He shouted, veering to the nearest exist. He kicked the door open letting a draft of air enter the plane. Without a parachute he jumped out of the plane with a battle cry. His quick escape was covered up as the door closed right behind him. He could be seen through the window falling back down into a vast body of crystal clear ocean water.
Paul pouted, sitting back down in his chair. He kicked the seat in front of him to take out his anger.
"Don't fret, Paul. You might get another chance once we get to Unova to show off," Barry tried to cheer him up.
"Stay in your seats as our pilot in training learns to land this plane," the female attendant announced over the intercom.
Barry held his stomach as the plane began to descend. He slightly giggled but stopped under Paul's stern. He held onto his seat as the plane came into the landing strip. The whole thing shook as it landed as the sound of metal screeching filled the room gaze as if they were landing in a junkyard full of scrap metal.
A beep sounded over the intercom. "Please take the nearest closes exit and used the fun slides provided for our pilot forgot to use the proper landing gear. Thank you for choosing Silph Co airlines for flying."
"Let's go Barry," Paul urgently ordered grabbing his backpack and rushed to the exit. With an unhappy looked, he jumped out of the plane onto the yellow, soft inflatable slide similar to the ones in bouncy castles (something we all wished we could enjoy as an adult).
He slid to the bottom to be greeted by a photographer who handed a picture of him pouting as he went down the slide. Paul threw a wad of poke dollars at the man as he snagged the photo out of his hands before storming off.
"Paul, wait! Where are you going?" Barry called after him noticing that wasn't going straight to the airport as all the other passengers."
"Where does it look like I'm going? I'm leaving to the city!" Paul barked back.
"Shouldn't we go through the airport then?" Barry didn't think it was a good idea to break the norm.
"That place is just a hassle," he replied a bit annoyed. "Or do you want a creepy guy touching you again?"
"Ahh," Barry's face went blank in terror. "Let's going, Paul!" Barry ran ahead of Paul eager to leave the privacy invading place.
"What city is this again?" Paul asked as they walked through the city.
Barry pointed to a sign that led into what seemed like a park. "It says it's Castelia City?"
"Stupid name, " Paul abruptly said. "Let's have lunch in this decent looking park."
"You brought lunch in your bag," Barry asked following him to a picnic table.
"Yeah, peanut butter jelly sandwiches that my brother Reggie prepared," Paul informed taking off his bag. "Enough to last me a month trapped in the wilderness."
The second Paul's backpack touched the floor a small figure in the bush close to the picnic setup jumped out and stole the bag. A small boy he was, as well as fast and nimble when he ran out the park.
"That little runt! Come back here!" Paul yelled more angered by the fact he won't be able to have lunch.
Barry hopped out of his seat to chase after him as well. They followed the boy who looked no older than ten years old. His blue hat faced towards them as he ran around the street corner.
Paul turned the same corner to find out that the kid had accomplices. Two other boys that looked exactly like the culprit only younger looking. One turned around to stick his tongue at Paul.
"How come we can't catch up to them when we are obviously more agile and faster than them?" Barry huffed as he breathed in air.
"I don't know, maybe it's for plot convenience. Now shut up and keep running," Paul replied with slightly heavier breathing.
Barry wiped the invisible sweat off his forehead. His face scrunched in confusion as he took a look at his surroundings. The animation for this chase has gone over the budget for this episode which severely effected the scenery. The lively city was now depicted as a flat plane with poorly drawn buildings shaded in one color to fill the background. No people came in their way as that would require much work to animate.
The trio of kids took an abrupt turn right between two large buildings. Paul and Barry did so a well running straight into an alley that led to a dead end. The world became fleshed out once again to Barry's relief.
"What!? How is this possible?" The biggest one of them asked out loud.
"How could you lead us a dead end when you have lived in this city your whole life?" Asked one of the smaller boys who sounded a bit young.
"We have you surrounded so give me my backpack back!" Paul urged as they all turned around.
To his shock all three had the same face and with matching clothes it was nearly impossible to tell them apart.
"How-how…com-come all you three look alike?" Barry stammered quite shocked.
"Hey, we don't look alike pal!" the youngling shouted.
"Yeah, don't insult me by comparing me to them," the boy holding the backpack said. "I was going to be nice and hand back your pack since you caught me but now I'm willing to face you both jerks in a one-against-one Pokemon battle."
Barry rolled his eyes to his shiftily. "You kids don't even look old enough to own Pokemon."
"Yes, I am! I'm 9 in a half," the oldest spoke against the accusation.
"And we're six," cried the smaller trainers.
"Well, I'm Paul a trainer from Sinnoh who accepts your challenge fools," Paul smirked.
Barry's jaw dropped to the floor. "You aren't serious about fighting these amateurs?"
"Of course, I am. It's the law that a trainer can never refuse a Pokemon Battle challenge from another trainer," Paul stated already ready for the brawl.
"How can you reject your battle with Ash when you guys first met?" Barry pressed him further.
Paul shook his head in disappointment. "Barry- Barry-Barry, poor delusional Barry. It's because I didn't consider him as a Pokemon trainer back then. So, under Sinnoh law that gives me a right to refuse."
Barry's head was now filled other kind of questions but will not be answered as Paul began his trainer battle.
One of the smaller kids took up the first challenge.
"Go Patrat!"
"Standby for battle, Honchkrow!"
Paul's extremely loyal dark Pokemon took up most of the alley as he stretched his sore wings. He faced off against a small chipmunk creature with crazy colored eyes.
"Is that thing like the Rattata of this region?" Barry asked never have seen such thing.
"No this is Patrat idiot," the child insulted. "Now hurry up and attack!"
"You're giving me the first attack?" Paul said surprised. "Don't try to think that I'm a newbie trainer and give me the first strike. You go first kid!"
"No I can't go first because your Pokemon is faster and so he goes first," he tried to explain.
"What does speed have to do with who goes first?" Barry shocked by this idea.
The thief behind let out a sigh holding his head with a hand as if was having an irritating headache. "You guys are new to this region," he said receiving empty nods from the two. "Well, here in Unova we go by the 5th generation game system rules of Pokemon. You do know the game mechanics of Pokemon, right?"
Barry was going to say no but Paul spoke before he could.
"Of course, why didn't I think of that sooner?" Paul exclaimed a bell ringing in his head. "I'm an expert on this stuff so don't take me for a newbie now."
"Alright, let's keep going!" The boy shouted enthusiastically as Barry mumbled in confusion.
"Honchkrow use Fly."
Honchkrow obliged by jumping into the sky flying to the top of the buildings far from Patrat's reach.
"Patrat, Tackle!" The boy pointed to the bird.
"Pa-TRAAT!" Patrat yelped as he jumped as high as he could using his entire body as a projectile weapon. He merely jumped two feet before shamefully crashing into the concrete ground with a sickening sound.
"Damn you 5 percent chance of missing!" The boy cursed.
"I don't think he would even have been able to reach that," Barry whispered to himself.
Honchkrow saw that Patrat was open and tucked in his wings as he dived down. His fedora-shaped head feathers billowed in the wind as the deadly bird tackled the Patrat who didn't even attempt to evade it.
Jumping onto his two legs, Honchkrow revealed a Patrat with comical swirls in his eyes. He let out a cry quite proud of his easy victory.
"Pathetic Honchkrow!" Paul insulted his Pokemon, something he was infamous known for.
"Hey, he took it out in one shot so how can that pathetic?" Barry asked quite angered.
"It's because his fedora wasn't as fabulous as it was supposed to be," Paul answered pointing at Honchkrow head that had one feather sticking out.
"Hey, I'm switching in my Pikachu! Do you want to switch?" the challenger obnoxiously asked.
Paul squinted his eyes as if he was inspecting his own Pokemon. "Alright, I will," Paul decided switching his Honchkrow for his powerful Electivire.
The colossal Pokemon towered over the smaller electric rodent. Both faced each other with soul-piercing glares.
"I'll go first for since Pikachu is faster," he announced. "Pikachu, Thunder Shock!"
"Pika-pika-CHUUU!" Pikachu cried in his trademark scream. A weak electric shock was fired from his charged up red cheeks. Electivire didn't show any pain as he was shocked by enough electricity that could stun a grown man that wasn't a weakling.
Paul smirked. "You pathetic fool. My Electivire has the ability Motor Drive which increases his speed whenever he is struck by electric type moves!"
The toddler's face fell in horror. "You-you cheaty fuc-!"
"Watch your language kid! This is T rated!" Barry managed stopped to him and saved the author some troublesome paper work that takes no more than a few seconds just as much time it took to write this paragraph.
"It's your fault for revealing it to me," Paul sneered. "Electivire, Cross Chop."
The bigger Pokemon brutally smashed Pikachu with his arms crossed and knocked him out in a single blow.
"Aren't you going to tell me what your next Pokemon is kid?" Paul rudely asked as the boy uncomfortable shifted his spot.
"I don't have any Pokemon so I have to let my friend takeover," he sadly said taking a step back.
"Hah, you're unlucky to face me so prepare to lose!" Confidently boasted the new challenger. His tough words didn't mean much since his Patrat and Pikachu was easily destroyed by Paul's superior Pokemon in a matter of seconds.
"Now comes the real challenge," the final and oldest member said. "These are my Dad's Pokemon and I promised him I wouldn't get a scratch on them and I'll keep that promised."
"Go Unfezant!" The thief sent out a large pigeon like bird sporting some sort of weird mask.
"So, this is just the Pidgeot of this region," Paul pointed out.
"Don't know what you mean but let's not waste time for dinner is in a few minutes," he said as if it was the most manly thing to say. "Tranquil, Brave Bird!"
Tranquil cawed as his body glowed a bright blue color. The power encircled his body as he dashed towards the vulnerable Electivire. He stood there as Tranquil drove his who body right into his gut. A large explosion ensued and Tranquil jumped back cringing in pain. The recoil damage did quite a number on him but the damage he did to his foe was worth the pain.
Electivire clutched his stomach as well as panting heavily. It was the first blow he took that actually hurt to his surprise.
"Impressive," Paul complimented the maneuver as Barry applauded it. "And pathetic job on your part, idiot. This NU tier bird shouldn't be able to leave a scratch on you! Lower tier pokemon are the weakest of the weak!"
"But most of your Pokemon are from the NU tier," Barry pointed out.
"Shut it!" Paul bellowed. "And I'm doubling your pain training, Electivire!"
"Electi-vire," sighed the electric type.
"Now, Thunder Punch!"
The now saddened Electivire marched up to Tranquil who didn't flinch as he reared his right fist back to charge it up. He slugged his brave foe with the super effective move and combined with his earlier injuries it was more than enough to defeat the fragile bird Pokemon.
"No Tranquil! Dad is going to kill me," the boy gripped his hat in frustration. "You're going to pay so prepare for the pain. Let's see if you can handle my Excadrill."
"Excadrill...hmmm. Hey Barry should I switch?" Paul turned to Barry who took the liberty of taking seat on a trashcan
"I don't know?...Stay in I guess," Barry said not sure of the next Pokemon. "Just end it quick because these battles are getting quite boring to watch."
"Your call," Paul said turning back. "Let's see this Excadrill of yours."
"You asked for it!" He unnecessarily shouted. "Go Excadrill!"
Small compared to Paul's Pokemon but it looked a lot heavier. The stature of a mole, it sported actual steel infused claws as well as a steel spike protruding over its head. It stood with a serious expression.
"Excadrill, Iron Head!"
Excadrill nodded and dashed toward his victim. He thrust the glowing spiked above his head right into the same area Electivirereceived the Brave Bird. He didn't yell as he fell onto his back unconscious and Excadrill jumped back completely unharmed.
"You worthless, ireful, pathetic Pokemon!" Paul harshly scolded. "You made a fool out of me by losing. I have tripled your pain exercise!"
"Pain exercise?" Barry decided to ask.
"Yes, it is where I train my Pokemon to withstand excruciating pain," he answered coldly. "Magmortar, burn this great Pokemon to the ground!"
Paul's fiery Pokemon took the spot already having its cannon aim at Excadrill.
"Not so fast! My Excadrill has its Choice Scarf so it's still faster than Magmortar!" The cocky boy asserted pointing to the light blue scarf tied on Excadrill's horn.
"How does a stupid scarf make him faster?!" Barry asked bewildered.
"The scarf Barry, never questioned the scarf Barry," Paul hushed him with a serious stare. He gawked at the light blue scarf and wondered what untold secrets it was revealing to the Excadrill. Years of knowledge related to speed must have given that Pokemon the ability to traverse kilometers in mere seconds, Paul thought.
"Yeah but I am limited to one move sooo...Iron Head again."
Excadrill wordlessly performed his move again. He tackled the fire type who resisted because fire melts iron even though iron is known to endure intense heat. Magmortar easily recovered to the challenger's surprise.
"Flamethrower," Paul plainly ordered.
Magmortar deviously smirked as he raised his cannon-like arms that were strange for any creature for how were they supposed to survive in the wild without burning everything down.
The easier written description of the move Flamethrower over Fire Blast was not gladly taken by Excadrill who perished in the stream of fire. The super effective move was plenty enough to finish him for good.
Covered in burns, Excadrill dropped on the ground clearly dead- I mean fainted. The two boys yelled in surprise.
"Oh crap, oh crap. Billy's dad is going to kill us two if he sees us as well," the younger boys cried. Both ran away dodging Paul to leave the alley.
The boy "Billy" that Paul deduced was sitting ground in disbelief. He held Excadrill in his arms as if he had the power to revive him.
"Umm...are you okay?" Barry asked reluctant at first to ask.
He rocked back and forth with his Pokemon in hands like a caring mother cradling her child.
"Are you okay?" Barry asked a bit more assertive.
That snapped the boy out of his trance. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'll just take this guy to the Pokemon Center and it'll alright. Take your backpack as for winning the battle." He didn't say much else as he returned his Excadrillto his Pokeball and left before Barry's could query more.
"That's it? This kid steals your backpack and just hands it to you we no explanation as to why or what's his past with his father!" Barry outburst suddenly quite frustrated.
"Welcome to lazy writing courtesy from lazy authors who leave the reader without a satisfactory explanation," Paul replied. "Let's wrap the day up-"
The rumble of a trashcan interrupted the two. Following the ratchet it led to the same metal trashcan that Barry just sat in. The can shook a bit at first but it turned to violent shaking as if a Glameow was making its food scavenging rounds in it. The can fell onto its side spilling out the disgusting entities that people throw out on a daily basis.
Nothing was in trashcan as it revealed its insides striking strange to the trainers even though it was foreign land. The trash suddenly began to move on its own earning a girlish scream from Barry.
"Stop acting like a prissy girl," Paul hissed embarrassed.
A trash bag suddenly hopped at the trainers but Paul raised a hand over his wimpy comrade. They closely watch the trash bag alert to all movements.
"Trubbish!" the trash bag revealed a pair of eyes and two tentacles poked out of the side of the bags like arms. It gave them a toothy scream that made Paul scream in horror this time.
"Aww… Paul. Can I keep him?" Barry asked running up the trash bag Pokemon to give him a hug.
"What the hell? Is that a Pokemon?!" Paul raised an arm to cover the unbearable stench it released.
"Yupp, a trash bag Pokemon. Who would have thought?" Barry cried in joy picking up the jolly fellow up.
"A trash bag as a Pokemon? Game freak is really running out of ideas," Paul muttered. "Keep it if you want just don't show it my presence. Little Cup Pokemon make me want to wring my neck," Paul said leaving the closed in alley to get some fresh air.
"Yes! Let's go little guy!" Barry exclaimed already trapping him a small container for the rest of his life enslaved by a dimwitted child to be used for brutal battling.
A/N: And finished! My new story that is the revamped version of an old fanfiction was fun to write. This is completely different than the one I did before so I apologized to the fans of the old one (if I had any).
How did you enjoy this piece of work of mine? Leave a review so I feel a whole lot better of myself since that's the whole reason of Fanfiction…criticism from stranger with similar interests as you!
Anyways thanks for reading as that motivates me to keep on writing!