For a long time after Jack became immortal he didn't sleep at all. At first it wasn't because he couldn't but because he didn't want to miss the Doctor coming back to find him. What if he slept through the Doctor banging on his door shouting about getting back to the TARDIS?
After that it just became habit. When he started working for Torchwood often the jobs ended up being in the middle of the night so what was the point of sleeping? Through the years he'd have friends or lovers who would try to make him sleep, who would force him to. They would say he needed it even when both parties knew he really didn't. Still, after a while, he listened and began to sleep some. In the end it was a way to pass the time.
Now, he sleeps every night. He sleeps because of who he knows will be there when he does.
"You have to stop this, Jack," Ianto's voice says before Jack even sees him. "You can't sleep your way through immortality."
"Who says?"
"Jack…"
"I just want to see you," Jack confesses, open and honest, into the dark.
Ianto sighs and Jack sees him now as clear as in life, pristine suit in place. He's always wearing the one he died in - classic white shirt, vest and striped tie that he looked so good in.
"And I'm always here, Jack," Ianto says. "I come when you call."
"Is it like that?"
"You know it is, like you always hear the call back to life after you die."
"You talk differently now," Jack says with a laugh in his voice.
Ianto smiles. "I think it comes with the territory."
Jack walks over so he is standing in front of Ianto.
He just wants to look, wants to see Ianto again, his eyes, his hair, his face, those lips. He wants to see Ianto how he looked alive. He reaches out a hand, tentatively touching Ianto's lips. Somehow, despite every time they've been here, he's always afraid when he tires to touch Ianto he'll disappear. The man before him smiles sadly at the touch and takes Jack's fingers away from his lip into his hands.
"You're sleeping more than you ever used to now."
"You used to say I should be sleeping more," Jack counters, entwining their fingers.
"Not as a replacement for being awake."
"I've been awake for a long time, Ianto," Jack says, cupping Ianto's cheek with his free hand. "Maybe I deserve some sleep."
"I'm dead, Jack," Ianto says, unmoving; "you can't bring me back."
"But I want to." Jack can hear the crack in his voice. "I want you back."
"I'm not the first, Jack," Ianto says impassively but his eyes are sympathetic. "You have to know I won't be the last."
"We barely had a chance," Jack's voice gains an impassioned edge and he grips onto Ianto's face a bit more. "I wanted you to be someone who would last longer, someone who wouldn't have to say 'I love you' for the first time as they died."
Ianto's eyes soften more and Jack can see he's won again, but it doesn't feel like a victory. Ianto leans forward and kisses him gently.
"I'm sorry, Jack."
Jack lightly pulls his hand away from Ianto's so he can hold Ianto's face with both. He feels Ianto's arms slowly encircle his waist as real as if they were both completely alive and breathing the air.
"Why aren't you real?" Jack whispers a little desperately. "Why can't I hold you for real and not just dreaming?"
"This isn't a dream, Jack," Ianto says, lightly touching Jack's face with one hand, "but it isn't real either." He drops his hand.
"But you're here."
Ianto smiles ruefully. "Who can say no to Captain Jack Harkness?"
Jack laughs and kisses Ianto, hands moving down to Ianto's shoulders. He doesn't know how Ianto can feel so warm, taste so real here. It makes him want to sleep forever.
"Stay with me until I wake up?" Jack asks against Ianto's lips.
"I would even if you didn't want me to," Ianto says, stroking a hand through Jack's hair.
"Is that a threat?" Jack replies with a smile.
"A promise," Ianto says with a mock serious tone.
Jack can't help but laugh at that. "You're trying to cheer me up."
"It's all I can do for you now."
"That's not all," Jack insists, "that's definitely not all. You're always here when I sleep."
Ianto smiles at that, a real smile, not the sad smiles of before but the way he smiled in life. It's the smile Jack always loved to see; its personal and it's not something he can find anywhere else.
"I'll always be here," Ianto replies quietly, "as long as you still want to see me."
"Is that a comment on my psychological state?"
"I think that would just be scratching the surface."
Jack sighs wistfully. "I remember when you said that."
Ianto brushes his fingers through Jack's hair. "I would have stayed to learn it all, everything you would have let me know."
"I know," Jack says, burying one hand in Ianto's hair and placing the other on his chest.
He almost can't believe how solid Ianto feels. He feels real and alive and there and it's enough to make Jack break down. Ianto has his arms around him and Jack can feel the fabric of Ianto's suit, his hair. It keeps on feeling real even when his brain is reminding him that he's just asleep, nothing more.
"Shh," Ianto says and Jack knows he's talking to Jack's whirling thoughts. "If you want to be here when you sleep just accept it as it comes."
"You sound so wise," Jack jokes.
"As I said before," Ianto jokes right back, "comes with the territory."
Jack snorts. "And you still have time for me with all your new found wisdom."
"It's not like you're keeping me from anything."
Jack barks a laugh and kisses Ianto hard on the mouth. Then everything becomes a flurry of movement like so many times in the past. Ianto's fingers dig into his sides and their mouths press harder and harder together, lips in constant motion. Jack keeps them as close together as he can. They've always fit, Ianto's curves matching his own, his lips and tongue knowing just where to connect. Now, Jack wants to feel as much of Ianto against him as possible. He wants to pull Ianto into him so they're never apart, so he doesn't have to wait until his eyes close and his mind slows down into sleep. Ianto just tastes so good and feels so perfect, no signs of the cuts and bruises from their escape from the government assassination on him any more. There is just no way that Jack can kiss him enough to satisfy, not when he knows that Ianto is really gone and this is fleeting.
"Jack, you need to wake up now," Ianto says, breaking the kiss.
"No, not yet."
Ianto's hand rubs across his face and Jack knows he's wiping away tears. Jack always leaves crying.
"Life goes on, Jack."
"Stop saying things like that."
"Jack..."
"Aren't I allowed to mourn you?" Jack snaps a little, holding on to Ianto's shoulders.
Ianto just stares back at him, lips tight together. He doesn't need to say it because he has before so many times. Jack knows that even in death Ianto only wants to help him, to make sure he is taken care of and happy. Ianto doesn't want Jack to live a tortured life full of only sad memories and dead lovers. Jack doesn't know how, even now, to explain to Ianto that life always feels that way to him.
"You can mourn me, Jack," Ianto says and Jack knows it's a concession, "I won't stop you."
"You wanted me to remember you; I promised you."
Ianto smiles. "You did and I believe you."
"Then I'll keep sleeping," Jack says and even he knows he sounds a little crazy. "I'll keep sleeping and I'll keep seeing you."
Ianto kisses him suddenly then pulls out of the embrace just as quickly. "But not forever, Jack. Please, not forever."
"The world is a graveyard, Ianto," Jack says, darkness in his voice, "and you are another stone. How can I not sleep and see you alive instead of living in a dead world?"
"Jack, it's not like that; You know it's not."
Jack sighs and looks at the darkness at his feet. "I know, I do, I know…"
"It's just hard," Ianto supplies.
"Yes," Jack says, looking up into Ianto's face again. "I didn't know how hard it would be without you."
Ianto only nods a fraction and smiles briefly without much humor. Then his lips upturn and he smiles for real, stroking his hand through Jack's hair for a moment.
"You'll break free of this sometime, Jack." Ianto backs away a step and clasps his hands together. "Until then I'll be here when you want to be, when you sleep."
Jack breathes in shakily, knowing that he has to say goodbye again.
"Wake up, love," Ianto says.
Jack's eyes snap open and he sucks in a slow breath, back in the real waking world.