His hands were shaking and his breath came out in puffs of warm air. His stomach did back flips. Wasn't she supposed to be the nervous one? Wasn't she supposed to be the one hyperventilating? Instead, she stared up at him with a knowing look in her eye. For Christ sake, she was a virgin, and here she was acting as if they were going to play a game of monopoly.
Beads of sweat formed on Eli's neck. His eyes darted around the room, trying not to make eye contact with her. He started staring at the cracks of the white ceiling, the crooked lines held his unwavering gaze. Eli often called Clare's eyes the devil's eyes. No, not because they were flaming red, but because they had the ability to break him. And when I say break, I mean rip apart, weaken, tear him up so all that was left was his wildly beating heart.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Her eyes had the ability to pierce right through him, electrifying every part of his fragile being. Currents of fire danced in his veins when he was with her. Shards of glass pierced through him every time that she cried. No, she didn't hold his heart. She held his soul. She held his lungs and his spine. She held him.
Clare made him feel like a child. Not in the sense of being naive, but in the sense of being curious and thoughtful. In a way, I guess that you could say that she saved him. Saved him from himself, from a lifetime of self-loathing.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
He wished that it would just shut up...
Clare was nervous. How could she not be? She had once clung on to her virginity like a man clings on to the leash of his dog. But she couldn't help but feel comfortable with Eli. She could feel his heart beating erratically against her breast. She remembered her father's words.
Don't give yourself to someone who isn't nervous as hell.
Clare glanced up at Eli. His forearms were shaking and his legs were trembling. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so...young.
Eli was nervous as fucking hell.
He traced his thumb over her stomach, caressing it softly. His slender fingers traced stars on her right breast, causing her to close her eyes, being consumed with pleasure.
Have you ever been touched so gently that you had to cry?
Tears slowly streamed out of her eyes, making her skin slightly puffy. There was something beautiful in the way he touched her, almost as if she was a delicate rose, about to fall apart. The whole time, Eli was just trying to avoid her gaze, but that was becoming hard. Her eyes were ruthless magnets, pulling all of his being towards her. He usually let himself go with her but he couldn't now. Eli would lose absolute control if he did.
Only one thing could break him of his fears. Clare's tears. Eli absolutely hated it when she cried. I guess that's what happens when you care for someone more than yourself, their pain becomes your pain. Their aches become your aches, and so on. So Eli took a chance and looked into her eyes.
Many things changed at that moment. Clare's heart started thudding harder than before. There was something that she saw in Eli's eyes that she's never truly seen before, she had caught hints of it from time to time but she never saw the real thing. Pure emotion went through her body at the sight this. The desire, love, need, and wanting was almost too much for her.
Raw passion.
Eli was a goner and he knew it. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, it would be impossible to do so, but he found something in her eyes that he could cling on to. To stop him from going off the deep end.
Love.
Love.
Love.
True love is rare but when you have it, never let it go.
Everybody has a different definition of love, but when you find someone who has the same definition as you do, you've struck gold. Pure gold. And that's what they had. In that look that they gave each other they knew that this was it. Life is hard and frustrating and sometimes you want to give up, you want to put your hands up in surrender, to leave it all behind in a pile of dust. Everybody feels that. Everybody knows what it's like to hate yourself, to despise yourself. And when you have someone who can get you out of that bottomless pit of self-hatred you get attached to them. They're all you can see. Hell, if you could, you would bow down at their feet and praise them. You would praise them every second of the goddamn day. The love and adoration that they felt for each other could completely knock you down. They needed each other, desperately.
Eli looked at Clare to ask if she was ready. They both knew each other very well so they didn't need to talk. They had their eyes. Clare smiled at him, causing Eli to bite lip hard enough to make a little tiny bead of blood spill out. He shook his head to get himself together as he licked the blood off with his tongue. Clare raised her small hand to his lip, gently touching the spot where his blood was. The touch was almost telling him that she was ready.
I love you, only you.
Eli looked at her one last time to confirm it. Clare just gazed up at him with trust and love. His heart clenched and he could feel it swell for her. No one could ever make him feel this way.
God, I love you, only you.
He pushed into as gently as he could. Clare frowned at the intrusion, it felt rather odd. Eli made sure that his forearms were sturdy. He gave her pleading glance as he pushed all the way into her.
I'm sorry.
Clare gasped as the pain clawed up her body and spread like wildfire. She chewed her lip to stop the whimpers of pain from exploding out. Meanwhile, Eli was having the hardest time. Conflict. He could see the way she winced as he gently moved his hips and he felt absolutely horrible, but he couldn't help but shiver at how good he felt. It was as if she was the glove, and he a hand. They fit together like butter and toast, peanut butter and jelly, they were made to be together. It sounds cliche, and it is, but it's true.
Clare squeezed his shoulder, signaling that she was ready. Eli put his head up to watch the expressions on her face as he pushed in further. He started to go faster and a little moan escaped from Clare's lips. Eli smiled-yes, he actually smiled- at the changing of expressions on her beautiful face. He could easily watch her for hours, the way she smiled in bliss almost made him crazy.
Clare bucked her hips.
All hell broke loose.
Eli lost it. Passion roared in his stomach like a lion. Primal instincts told him to go as far as he could go. He pushed in further and further, causing Clare to cry out in pleasure. Pleasure that he gave her, mind you. (Between you and I,Eli was getting quite the ego boost as she cried out in complete bliss)
Their bodies clashed together erratically. Toes curled. Backs arched. Eli nibbled at her left ear lobe, causing her to scratch her finger nails down his back, leaving little crescents in their wake. Their bodies crashed together harder each time. Love seeped from their pores as they got faster, passion creeped into their bodies, they had never had this kind of want and desire in their bodies before. With every thrust, every scratching of the skin, every little love bite that they gave each other, set them more on fire. It was like someone was burning them alive but the only thing they felt was the warmness. Eli gripped her hips and thrust deeper than before.
Eli.
Eli.
Eli.
She screamed his name, making him grin. How could someone sound so beautiful by saying a name? How could this make him love her more? Was it even possible for him to love her more? He had thought not, but obviously he was wrong.
They didn't need dirty words or leather or whips to make them crazy about each other. All they need was themselves.
Eli could feel Clare starting to close in on him, which made him scream just as loud.
Clare.
Clare.
Clare.
They were a mess of limbs, flying at each like no tomorrow.
Eli thrusted his hips once more, making Clare squeeze around him.
Fireworks. Bombs. Dynamite. Explosions. Those were understatements to how Clare felt. She had never felt so free in her life. She had never felt so close to someone and usually just the thought of that scared her, but now it excited her. It made her feel real. Like she was finally living. She felt as if she was finally breathing, like she had just come out of water.
Eli followed right behind her. How could he not with her beautiful screams?
They stayed in that position for a while. Only deep breathing filled the quiet room. Did you ever have that moment where you realize that the place that your at is where your supposed to be? Almost as if you belong there? It's the feeling you get when you're around your family and you feel safe. It's the feeling that people live for. The feeling that people will search days on end for. The feeling of being wanted, needed. You feel like a whole new different person when you have these moments, like you were reborn into a better being. In these moment, it doesn't matter who you are or what you're wearing. (Or in Eli and Clare's situation, what they AREN'T wearing) The only thing that matters is who you're with. That's the only thing that will ever matter. Remember that.
Eli's arms began to shake from the pressure of his weight(There was a reason why he was always picked last for gym when he was in high school) As much as he hated to ruin the moment, he felt that she would be highly uncomfortable if he fell on her. A man's intuition,I suppose. Eli was about to slide off when he felt a warm hand wrap around his wrist. He looked at Clare in confusion, his eyebrows pulling together. Clare opened to speak.
"It's funny how you think I'm done with you."