THE LEGEND OF THE GOLDEN BONG
a script by Cecil Baphomet, 2002 E.H.
1 INT: EXTERIOR - QUICK STOP ENTERANCE - AFTERNOON
JAY and SILENT BOB are loitering in front of the QUICK STOP, as always. A STEREO lays before them, spewing a non-vocalised rap beat from the speakers as the two bob their heads. JAY begins to "freestyle."
JAY
One, two, three, four...
Roll that blunt
Roll - roll - roll that blunt
Roll - roll - roll that blunt like it ain't no thang
Smoke that blunt
Smoke - smoke - smoke that blunt
Smoke - smoke - smoke that blunt like it ain't no thang...
JAY stops. He turns to SILENT BOB.
JAY
You know, Lunch Box, after all we've been through, after all the fucking money we've gotten and spent, after all of the fucking angels and Bible shit we've endured, we're still in front of the same fucking store, doing the same fucking shit. Motherfucker, man. You figure we'd be fucking rich or livin' in a mansion or something. We are prophets, aren't we?
SILENT BOB nods, then shrugs. He elbows JAY in the arm and points to RANDALL tapping his foot impatiently in front of the door.
RANDALL
What'd I tell you two about flogging your drugs in front of the store?
SILENT BOB points to himself, then JAY, as in asking if RANDALL's referring to the two of them.
RANDALL
Of course I'm talking about you two, fat ass. Now -
SILENT BOB angrily shakes his fist at RANDALL.
RANDALL
- get out of here before I renew that restraining order and you two end up in prison. And you know what happens to you in prison...
JAY and SILENT BOB simultaneously look at each other, their mouths hanging open, a "whoosh" sound effect ensuing. They both turn back to RANDALL.
JAY
Shit, you don't have to get your fucking panties in a wad. Come on, Silent Bob, we'll find a new store to hang out in front of. Brodie's , or something.
SILENT BOB briefly waves to RANDALL before the two depart. RANDALL walks back into the QUICK STOP.
CUT TO:
2 INT: INTERIOR - QUICK STOP - AFTERNOON
RANDALL walks into the store, giving DANTE a triumphant grin.
RANDALL
I finally convinced those two junkie fucks to leave us alone.
DANTE
Are you fucking serious?! We've been trying for years now, and they finally leave in five minutes? That sounds like something out a cheap fanfic based on a series of even cheaper films or something.
DANTE and RANDALL simultaneously turn towards the camera, a stoic expression on their faces. DANTE turns and pulls a bottle of champagne from behind the counter.
DANTE
This calls for a celebration.
He pops open the bottle, and takes a swig from the entirety of it before RANDALL can reach for the bottle.
RANDALL
You fucking cunt.
DANTE
So? Besides, there's going to be plenty more.
DANTE gets a microphone and screams out throughout the entire store..
DANTE
Party at Randall's place, tonight! Jay and Silent Bob are gone forever!
The CUSTOMERS erupt into a flurry of cheers and applause. RANDALL shakes his head at DANTE, and promptly heads back for the VIDEO STORE before DANTE can make any more expensive promises that RANDALL must adhere to.
a script by Cecil Baphomet, 2002 E.H.
1 INT: EXTERIOR - QUICK STOP ENTERANCE - AFTERNOON
JAY and SILENT BOB are loitering in front of the QUICK STOP, as always. A STEREO lays before them, spewing a non-vocalised rap beat from the speakers as the two bob their heads. JAY begins to "freestyle."
JAY
One, two, three, four...
Roll that blunt
Roll - roll - roll that blunt
Roll - roll - roll that blunt like it ain't no thang
Smoke that blunt
Smoke - smoke - smoke that blunt
Smoke - smoke - smoke that blunt like it ain't no thang...
JAY stops. He turns to SILENT BOB.
JAY
You know, Lunch Box, after all we've been through, after all the fucking money we've gotten and spent, after all of the fucking angels and Bible shit we've endured, we're still in front of the same fucking store, doing the same fucking shit. Motherfucker, man. You figure we'd be fucking rich or livin' in a mansion or something. We are prophets, aren't we?
SILENT BOB nods, then shrugs. He elbows JAY in the arm and points to RANDALL tapping his foot impatiently in front of the door.
RANDALL
What'd I tell you two about flogging your drugs in front of the store?
SILENT BOB points to himself, then JAY, as in asking if RANDALL's referring to the two of them.
RANDALL
Of course I'm talking about you two, fat ass. Now -
SILENT BOB angrily shakes his fist at RANDALL.
RANDALL
- get out of here before I renew that restraining order and you two end up in prison. And you know what happens to you in prison...
JAY and SILENT BOB simultaneously look at each other, their mouths hanging open, a "whoosh" sound effect ensuing. They both turn back to RANDALL.
JAY
Shit, you don't have to get your fucking panties in a wad. Come on, Silent Bob, we'll find a new store to hang out in front of. Brodie's , or something.
SILENT BOB briefly waves to RANDALL before the two depart. RANDALL walks back into the QUICK STOP.
CUT TO:
2 INT: INTERIOR - QUICK STOP - AFTERNOON
RANDALL walks into the store, giving DANTE a triumphant grin.
RANDALL
I finally convinced those two junkie fucks to leave us alone.
DANTE
Are you fucking serious?! We've been trying for years now, and they finally leave in five minutes? That sounds like something out a cheap fanfic based on a series of even cheaper films or something.
DANTE and RANDALL simultaneously turn towards the camera, a stoic expression on their faces. DANTE turns and pulls a bottle of champagne from behind the counter.
DANTE
This calls for a celebration.
He pops open the bottle, and takes a swig from the entirety of it before RANDALL can reach for the bottle.
RANDALL
You fucking cunt.
DANTE
So? Besides, there's going to be plenty more.
DANTE gets a microphone and screams out throughout the entire store..
DANTE
Party at Randall's place, tonight! Jay and Silent Bob are gone forever!
The CUSTOMERS erupt into a flurry of cheers and applause. RANDALL shakes his head at DANTE, and promptly heads back for the VIDEO STORE before DANTE can make any more expensive promises that RANDALL must adhere to.