5th story in my Gabriel series. Gabriel sucks at emotions as much as any other angel does. So, let's make him feel a lot of tings at once. Poor angel *hugs him* you deserved to live and become happy again. This series has Sabrena as end game pairing (Sam/Gabriel/Rowena) but at the moment Sam & Gabriel and Rowena & Sam are just good friends. They'll get closer as the series go on.

Narrow Escape

Gabriel quickly followed Castiel through the portal before Sam, who had been looking to stop him, managed to get his way. Castiel managed to catch him before he went face down again.

He had stayed out of the fight between Lucifer and Michael in one universe; he didn't want to have to revisit it if his alt brother decided to show up in the other one.

Damn being so weak. He was still wondering how Lucifer managed to retain so much power after losing a ton of Grace.

The refugees spilled into the room, and soon after were followed by Dean and Sam. Both of them looked tired and angry. Doing a mental count, Gabriel realised that three of the refugees didn't make it through.

"Where are the others?" he heard Bobby say.

Sam just shook his head. Dean sighed loudly. "Michael showed up. He killed the last three and was fighting Lucifer when we split. Hopefully those two end up killing each other..."

Gabriel wanted to be angry at that, he really did. They were both his brothers. Well, one was, the other only went there on a technicality. But he was just too tired and hurt and heartsick to care much.

The portal flickered out of existence behind them and he stared at the space it had been, expecting one of his lost brothers to come through. "Aww, crap. Did either of you think this through? They're both archangels."

Sam looked guiltily at him, but shrugged. Gabriel remembered him saying the night before while sharing the watch with Lucifer that he didn't care what happened to Lucifer. He knew it was not right, but he was hit with the urge to ask what had happened between Lucifer and his True Vessel, because whatever it was, it was bad.

He kept his mouth shut, because he'd hate to be forced to tell what happened to him. That and he had a very two way, open, and fully consensual relationship with his vessel, before the lad moved on to heaven to be with his family.

It was again Dean who spoke. "Trust me, if they stop fighting and get through, we've got Jack to stop him. He's stronger than an archangel."

Gabriel blinked slowly at the hunter in confusion. "Then why not let him fight him like he wanted?"

"Because this way he has allies to help him. He doesn't have to go it alone," Sam said, before his older brother could get a word in. He never knew how much he enjoyed that voice until he finally heard it again. Things had been eerily quiet on the bus ride over to the portal.

"They've got me here, Big Bird," Rowena said behind him. He turned to look at her, to see the damage Lucifer must have done, and saw the only thing wrong with her right now was a bruise on her back and she was utterly exhausted.

"Wow, you look tired."

She glared at him. "Well, I'm sorry I spent the past 31 hours chanting the same words over and over again to keep a portal open. The respect and thanks I get."

Again he blinked. He rubbed at his face. "Yeah, sorry. I'm going to my room if no one else has stolen it from me..." he stated, slowly turning to the corridor that led to the bunker bedrooms.

Good thing about this place is there was plenty of room for an extra 20 or so people. The refugees seemed to be keeping clear of his room, probably because of the Enochian still plastered all over the walls.

He closed the door behind him, slid down to the floor and buried his head in his knees. His heart was pumping overtime in his chest as he tried to sort out what the hell it was he was feeling.

Lucifer was gone. And while he had loved his brother once, regardless of him being a raging narcissistic dick, he had thought he had lost that when Lucifer stabbed the copy of him at Elysian Fields.

So, yeah, okay, he may be slightly in over his head on emotions. Because part of him was grieving a brother he remembered could be nice when he was favoured. Another missed the brother who had always had a protective streak a mile wide and would have likely tried to kill him also.

He also felt immense relief that he would never have to face Lucifer again if those two didn't manage to stop fighting and come up with a deal of sorts. Because in a twisted way that hurt to even think about, Lucifer was the cause of his being tortured. If he hadn't felt the need to flee from his homicidal bro, he never would have gone to Loki for help again.

He wasn't used to feeling things like a human yet. Sure, he wasn't human and never had been, but...he was so low on Grace he couldn't control himself well, and the instinctual way of handling emotions the vessel had were coming into play.

All it left him with was pain and a jumbled mess of emotions trying to fill a big blank hole of nothing which still threatened to take over his whole life if he stopped feeling anything.

Yep, there was also a huge amount of fear in there. A little anger was still there to keep the fires burning.

A knock on the door startled him into yelping. He didn't feel much like moving though.

"Gabriel? Hey, I'm just checking on you to make sure you're okay. You ran off faster than anyone could check on you properly."

Sam, of course it was Sam. As far as Dean was concerned, his functionality was at an end. And he had failed miserably at giving them his Grace to open a portal. He tried opening his mouth to tell Sam he was fine and found he couldn't.

The door opened the small space he had given it before it bumped into his ass. A hand was felt on top of his head and he heard Sam sigh, before the door closed again.

"Okay, you're not doing too good right now. Can you knock on the door if you're not able to talk right now?"

He lifted his head a bit, turning to look at the door. He leant against it and knocked once, quietly.

"Okay, then knock once for yes and twice for no to answer questions, okay?"

He knocked once. He wasn't far enough gone to not do this at least. He was just having trouble finding his voice.

"Okay, you're able to answer, that's a good sign. Umm, is it just your voice gone right now?"

He again knocked once.

"That's good. So no flashback or panic attack?"

He knocked twice. Because no, and that's usually what sent him into this state. He didn't understand what the hell was going on right now.

"Okay, that's good too. You're just overwhelmed. A lot has been happening the past few days and you've reached your limit."

He blinked at the door, because overwhelmed did fit. Slowly, he climbed back to his feet and opened the door. He gestured that Sam should come in, because this would go a lot easier face to face rather than through knocks.

Sam took one look at his face, let himself in and closed the door behind him. Gently, Sam put his hands on his shoulders, turning him around and ushered him to his bed. They both sat down.

"Hey, if you can't speak right now, that's fine. I understand what it's like to feel overwhelmed. I'll just keep you company."

Gabriel was going to lie down and sleep, but felt weird trying that with Sam in the room. Instead he took the company as the comfort it was supposed to be and slowly let himself inch towards the younger of the two Winchester brothers and let himself lean against him.

Sam waited a minute before moving one of his arms carefully around him in a side hug. They stayed like that for 5 minutes before he felt his mouth open on its own. Great, good to know he could talk again. He hated how his mouth got stuck in closed position when he freaked out. Words had always been a gift to him.

"This is embarrassing," he stated, but stayed in the safety of the arm Sam still had over him.

Sam huffed at that, a small sound of humour. "It's only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing."

Gabriel shook his head, before moving them into a more comfortable position so he could return the hug with both hands. "Not the hugging, the losing my voice."

"Gabriel, given the state you were in when you were brought here, it's not surprising or embarrassing that when you're overwhelmed or triggered you lose your voice. I removed those stitches. I saw what damage was done when one busted and was redone. It makes sense you won't be able to open your mouth to talk."

Gabriel shook his head and laid it down on Sam's chest to listen to the gentle beat of the hunter's heart. "I was Dad's messenger for so long Sam, I don't know who I am without my voice. And then I was Loki and again, words were my gift. I'm worthless without my voice. I'm empty, nothing, without it. And there's this hole in me that just sucks everything down into it and it just doesn't want to go away."

Sam's other hand came up to lay gently at the back of his head, while the one that was wrapped around him began making slow circles along his back. "I hate to say this to you, especially right now, but...the hole. That emptiness? It never goes away. Sometimes you'll live peacefully enough with it. It will always be there in the background, but you can make a life around it. And sometimes things will get bad again and you'll feel like you are now, and that everything will be sucked down and gone with it."

And Sam was right, he really didn't want to hear that just then when he was an emotional wreck. He clinged on to one of the few people he felt he could still trust and for the first time he cried.

Great huge sobs forced their way out of his mouth, loudly and with no warning. It hurt. He had never really thought much on crying before. He didn't after all. Being an angel he naturally had no tear ducts.

But he did know that didn't mean angels couldn't cry while in a vessel. He knew that for a fact. Hell, he learned that one from Lucifer of all angels.

Lucifer, who was likely dead.

He hated that the thought of his older brother dead could upset him, because he knew what he had done to Rowena. Knew he had done very bad things to the man currently holding him. Hell, Lucifer had tried to kill him. But he had also helped raise him.

He choked on saliva collecting in his mouth and felt even worse when he couldn't control his mouth enough to stop from drooling all over Sam's shirt. The hands on him pulling him closer, not shoving him away, allowed him to relax into it.

He couldn't keep that up long, thankfully, and soon he had settled into quietly crying into Sam's shirt. The steady heartbeat near where his head laid helped ground him in reality. The gentle hands on his back and head helped comfort him.

He hadn't known how badly he felt until he settled down and the crying stopped and some of what had been balled up inside him was no longer there. He felt slightly better and definitely more stable emotionally.

He sighed and rubbed at his aching face. "Ugh, why does that hurt so much? And I think I ruined your shirt."

Sam grinned at him. "The shirt's fine. I can always wash it later. And that was probably the first time you've cried. Give yourself a break."

He nodded at that, rubbing at his face again. He felt sticky but didn't think he could face people right then. "I need to wipe my face clean..."

"Here," Sam said and reached for a box on one of the side tables that he only now realised were tissues.

Gabriel spent a few minutes scrubbing at his face to feel clean again, before Sam stopped him.

"You're going to start hurting yourself if you keep that up. Your face is clean."

He opened his mouth to say something back, but was interrupted by two things. The first being a huge yawn that made his jaw crack slightly. The other was a soft knock on the door.

"Hello, Big Bird? Just wanted to say goodnight, since I'm off to sleep away the rest of today."

And he was suddenly extremely grateful that he had just finished cleaning his face and gotten the all clear that he was not a total mess to look at. Things between him and Sam were still good, and he really didn't want to ruin things between him and Rowena.

"Aww, you miss me, Spitfire?"

The door opened and she looked at him in confusion. "Did you just call me a spitfire?!"

"You name me a bird, I'll name you a caterpillar."

"Ooh, does that mean I'm your prey now?" she asked, a small smile on her face. He was glad she wasn't taking it as an insult.

"Hardly. Those red hairs hurt when you brush against them. You're naturally well protected. I like that."

"Oh god, do I really want to be here for the bad flirting?" Sam said, before getting up off the bed.

"Oh, relax Sam. I was just going to say goodnight. I need sleep more than anything else right now."

With that said, Rowena walked up to him and gave him a small, light kiss goodnight. "You get some sleep too. You look tired Big Bird."

He grinned. "Yeah. Tired. Bed. Sure."

She slapped him playfully on a shoulder, before smiling at him. "Yes, bed. Yours is right next to you. Mine is right on the opposite side of that wall," pointing to the right of the room where her room was. He had forgotten she had been given the room next to his.

"Hmm, I'll have to remember that now, won't I? Night Rowena."

"Night Gabriel. Night Sam."

Sam turned to smile at her and give her a small hug himself. "Night Rowena. Get some good sleep. You really need it after staying up so long to keep that portal open. Thanks by the way."

"An apology and some appreciation. Now, that's better. And you're welcome." With that said, Rowena opened the door and walked out. Gabriel watched her backside as she walked away. He didn't miss that Sam did too.

Gabriel looked to the chest of drawers in the room, suddenly wishing for more clothes than the few things he had. And he definitely wanted so long pyjamas that covered all his body to sleep in. He didn't think he'd be able to sleep naked again until he was much more comfy with so many people around.

He yawned again and pulled down the sheets of his bed. "Well, Sam, if you're not going to tuck me in you can leave now. I'm just going to go to sleep. Honestly too tired to do much of anything else. And my eyes are burning."

Sam nodded, but didn't move. "Just to warn you, you might find yourself crying a lot now. Just...don't deal with it the way Dean would by not doing so and burying yourself in alcohol. It doesn't help."

Nodding, he took the advice to heart and slipped under the covers.

Sam sighed. "We need to take you shopping for clothes don't we?"

He grinned up at the hunter. "Oh yeah. That can so wait until tomorrow though. I'm just going to close my eyes and be unconscious for a few hours."

Sam walked to the door, and stopped as he opened it to look back at him. "Night Gabriel. I hope you sleep well."

Gabriel grinned at him and nodded. "Thanks Sam. Night."

He was still up a half hour later, afraid of what he'll dream when he did fall asleep.