Disclaimer: I don't own the Rangers.
Hi, I started this a few years after The Dumbest Romance Story Ever Told. Just to let you know that this is an incomplete version. See my A/N at the end. Thanks
The Dumbest Romance Story Ever Told: Part Deux (the Incomplete Version)
By
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
Zordon looked around furtively. The attendant at the Heavenly Insane Asylum was busy trying to fix a broken string on his harp. So, he made a dash for it. Or, actually, he made a roll for it. He rolled his head through the gate and kept on going. Soon, he reached a computer with Internet access. So, of course he went back to doing his favorite thing of all…reading Power Ranger Fanfictions. "WHAT?" he bellowed as he sped read through story after story. "They disobeyed me? They're not doing the pairs I demanded?"
"There he is!" called one of the Angel attendants. "Get him! Use the sack!" A bunch of Angels all piled on where Zordon was. But when they got off each other and made polite apologies for smashing each other's halos and wings, they all realized that he was gone…leaving behind a large pile of dandruff.
POOF! Zordon reappeared again in his tube in the Power Chamber. "Alpha! Call the Rangers!"
There was no response.
"Alpha, call…oh, he forgot to plug himself in again." Zordon used his laser eyes to zap the little droid.
"Aaayyyiiiyiiii! GGGGGGllllaaadddd toooo haaaavvveeee yyyoouuuu bbbbaaacckkkk," said the vibrating robot.
Zordon stopped zapping Alpha. "Call all the people and whatever else they are on this list."
(An hour later).
Zordon looked over the group of beings, human and non-human, male and female. "I'm baaa-aaack! And guess what? I'm not happy that you people didn't stick with the pairs I gave you."
"So?" someone mumbled.
"And…I…don't…. like…. when…I…am…disobeyed!" His eyes formed into flames. "GET IT?" roared Zordon with fire coming out of his mouth and ears.
Everyone stepped back with a gasp.
"So, now, I am going to try this again. Since no one seemed to like the pairings I did before, I will give everyone a new partner. This way, I won't have to read about all your silly indecisions on whether this guy loves you or that girl loves you. So, are you all ready to start?"
Everyone mumbles discontentedly.
"I said ARE YOU ALL READY TO START?" shouted Zordon with fireballs shooting from his eyes.
"YES!" everyone replied as they ducked the fireballs.
"Good, then, let's get started." Zordon pulled out his new list. "The first two lucky lovers are Danny…"
Danny ran up wearing a tuxedo, wedding dress in hand. "Ah, wonderful, love is so important. That is why my heart will belong to my fair lady love."
"Just shut up and go see Kapri.
"Awwww," whined Danny. "My Bison's more romantic than her."
Kapri sauntered over to Danny and grabbed the wedding dress. "You wear this silly thing!" she yelled as she jammed the whole thing over his head. "You're more girly than I'll ever be!"
"Well, he does have nicer legs. Okay, next up are Kim…."
"Jason, Jason, Jason…" Kim looked at Tommy gaping at her. "Who else do you think I was talking about in my letter?"
"…and newest former villain turned Ranger…Leinbow!"
"But, but, but, I'm a married man!" called the former Knight Wolf.
"Ooh, an older man," cooed Kim as she sidled up to him. "You can be my sugar daddy and pay for all my mall shopping sprees."
"Well, it would be a nice change not to have to be with someone who keeps getting snow all over the bed." He leaned in to kiss Kimberly, and they both slipped on a sheet of ice and landed on their butts.
"Heh, heh, heh, always the kidder, aren't you, Udonna?" asked Zordon. "Never mind. Third up are Kai…"
"Dinner is not ready yet!" called the Blue Galaxy Ranger from the Power Chamber's kitchen. "I just got the stove lit. I can't believe you're too cheap to just send for pizza."
"…and Delphine."
"Hello, Kai," said the White Aquitar Ranger as she approached him.
"Hmmmm…" replied Kai as he basted the roast.
"I hear you've been to Mirinoi. So, tell me, what's it like?"
"Hmmmmm…" replied Kai as he stirred the sauce.
Delphine's eyes furrowed. "Do you like water? I really love water."
"Hmmmm…" replied Kai as he flipped the pancakes.
Wooooooossssshhhhhhhh!
"Gggllaaaggglllaaaggllllaaa!" cried Kai as a large wave washed over him and all the stuff he had been cooking.
Delphine smirked. "As I said, I really love water."
"Someone get a mop and some towels," ordered Zordon. And while we're at it, Ashley…"
"A…N…D…R…O…S… Give Me Andros…YAY!" cheered Ashley as she jumped up and down in her yellow mini skirt cheerleader outfit, oblivious to all the remaining males drooling at her.
"Drop those ridiculous pompoms. You don't get Andros, but you do get a fellow Space Ranger….TJ! YAY!"
"I don't want TJ," Ashley whined. "I want a Red Ranger!"
"But, I am…I mean I was a Red Ranger," said TJ in annoyance.
Ashley scrunched her eyes up in confusion.
"Remember Turbo?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot." Ashley sidled up to TJ. "I could cheer at all your baseball games."
"Yeah, that shouldn't be too hard for you since there are only two letters in my name," TJ replied with a roll of his eyes.
"Bridge, you're up next."
"Oh, boy!" enthused Bridge as he ran up to Zordon. "Does she like toast? I hope she likes toast. Nice buttery toast." He placed his buttery gloves on the big glass tube.
"Get your buttery hands off my tube," growled Zordon as Alpha began to Windex the glove prints off, "and go annoy Ronny."
"Do you have a need for speed?" asked Ronny as she sped up to him using her special civilian powers.
"Uh, only when I'm in the middle of my bathroom reader and Sky's pounding on the door for me to hurry up and get out because all those pushups and sit-ups of his has led him to have a stomachache and he needs to get in there or else everything will end up on my bed and I really don't want to be doing laundry so then I have to be really fast and…"
Ronny clamped her hand over his mouth. "Hmmm, well, you're no god of thunder," purred the Yellow Operation Overdrive Ranger. "But, you are kind of cute."
Zordon looked at his list. "Ah, now we will have Mike…"
"Whoohoo! I get a new woman!" called a strange voice.
"What the hell?" snapped Mike as he turned around. "Hey! You're supposed to be dead, Magna Defender. And I'm sure not sharing my date with you!"
"Mike, you get to date Taylor," finished Zordon.
Taylor stepped up to Mike and scowled. "Look, I'm not some little Pink princess. I give the orders around here." She held her fist to his face. "And if there are any arguments, I'll give out the punishment as well."
"She's all yours, M. D.," offered Mike as he shoved Taylor into his old alter ego's arms.
"WHAT?" cried Taylor.
"Whoohoo! Zika, you finally got a mommy," shouted Magna Defender as he disappeared with her.
"Some guys just know how to sweep a lady off her feet," sighed Zordon. "Or, in your case, steal their hearts, Jack."
"I was only borrowing it! I don't know how it got into my pocket!" called Jack in a knee jerk reaction.
"What are you talking about? Just go over to Cassie."
"Hmmmppph," said Cassie. "No one will be as good as my Phanty."
"Oh? Can he do this?" Jack asked just before walking through her.
"Oooooh," sighed Cassie with a shiver. "That old Phantom can just stay missing for all I care."
Zordon gawked at that. "That was too creepy. Oh well, at least I know you'll be normal, Jason, Jason? Jason! Stop bench pressing Alpha and get over here!"
"Just want to have my hot body ready for my new girlfriend," said the panting, sweating original Red Ranger.
"Well, Tori, you get to be that lucky girl."
"Oh, lovely," groaned the Blue Ninja Storm Ranger as she stepped up to Jason. "Well, at least you're taller than my last boyfriend. I'll just need to do one thing before I go out with you."
"What?" asked Jason.
"This!" Tori held her hands out in front of her and a large wave of water swept over Jason's sweaty body. "Does anyone have soap on them?"
Zordon consulted his list as Tori scrubbed down her newest boyfriend. "Ok, and next up is my favorite archrival the one who I owe my thanks for sticking me in this glass tube in the first place," growled Zordon. "Rita!"
"Ahhhhhh! Shut up, you buffoon! You are giving me such a headache!"
"Isn't she sweet, Sam?"
"Me?" asked the Omega Ranger. "Awww, why me? Oh well, at least she's one of the good guys now."
"Yeah, right," snorted Rita. "That stint as Mystic Mother was so boring that I decided to go back to being my bad self." She studied Sam. "And I'll get to start by making you my newest evil Ranger!"
"Yeeeekkk!" cried Sam as he turned into his lighball form.
"Oh, this is entertaining," commented Zordon as he watched Rita chase after the bit of light as it bounced off the walls and ceiling. "Dimitria?"
"Would it be shocking if I admit it?" sobbed the Turbo's former mentor. "Do you not know that it's all my fault the Power Chamber got destroyed? That I should've known better than to let that bunch of losers alone there for so long?"
"Yes, you should have," replied Zordon over the grumbles of the Turbo team. "But that's all over with. Damon, go talk to your new love."
"I can fix things for you," offered Damon. "Let me fix your broken heart." He handed her a bouquet of flowers that were dripping with motor oil.
"Can you build me a Power Chamber of my own? One that is better than this musty old place?" asked Dimitria excitedly.
"Well, I uh, guess so. Although I do better with repairing things," answered Damon as Dimitira pulled him away.
"Old and musty my ass," mumbled Zordon. "Anyway, the next one to get a date is Will."
"I shall charm her and she shall fall madly in love with me," said the ultra cool Operation Overdrive Black Ranger. "After all, no one can resist me."
"Well then, good luck with our own sleeping beauty, Princess Shayla!"
"Snnnnnxxxxxxx" snored Princess Shayla from the bed that had transported in with her.
"Sweets for the sweet," said Will as he offered her a box of imported chocolates.
"Snnnnnnnnnxxxxxxx."
"These diamond earrings will look stunning on you, my love," said Will as he offered her the gift.
"Snnnxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx."
"Did I ever tell you that you remind me of a beautiful Greek goddess?" Will purred lovingly to her.
"Snnnnnnnxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx."
"She, she, she's not getting charmed!" cried Will. "I've lost it! I've lost my touch! Now I'm as lame as Dax!" He began to sob.
"Someone give him a tissue," requested Zordon. "It's too bad you didn't get this next person since she did indeed fall for your charms. Ok, Miratrix you can go out with…"
"Oh, I hope it's someone gullible enough to take me back to their base of operation and give me all their Ranger secrets," said Miratrix as she rubbed her hands together.
"….Hunter."
"Your wish has come true!" cried all of the Wind Ninja Storm Rangers.
"Ha ha, very funny," growled Hunter as he walked up to Miratrix.
Miratrix looked at him thoughtfully. "You know what? Andrew Hartford killed your dog. Would you like to be my evil Ranger so you can get your revenge on his team?"
"WHAT?" screamed Hunter. Then, in his old evil voice. "How may I serve you, my master?"
"But, Hunter, you never had a dog!" called Blake as his brother followed Miratrix out of the room.
"Sure glad he wasn't one of mine," commented Zordon. "Hmmmm…Madison, you and Chad are the next happy couple."
"Hi!" called Madison as she met Chad in the middle of the room.
"Uh, what's with the video camera?" asked Chad. "I don't do kinky videos."
"Actually, I want to do a video docudrama about how we should just get rid of all the land and live in the ocean."
"A woman after my own heart!" cried Chad. "And one who doesn't smell like a fish!"
"How romantic," commented Zordon. "And now I want Karone…"
"Oh, won't it be wonderful to have someone who can help me get over my evil days," sighed Karone.
"Yeah, and maybe I'll forgive you for having a part in my murder…NOT!" snapped Zordon. "Go talk to Merrick."
Karone walked up to Merrick. "Weren't you that Zen-Aku guy?"
"Uh huh."
"Do you want to talk about how great it is to be good now?"
"What's so great about it? I miss the terror I spread as a wolf demon."
"You're right," agreed Karone. "Let's go make some new plans to destroy the Earth!"
"Yippee!" cried Merrick. He grabbed Karone's hand and they skipped out of the room together.
"Yeah, I guess the next set of Rangers can deal with them. Our next set of love birds are Wes…"
"Oh, please let it be my love from the future," pleaded the Red Time Force Ranger.
"Nope…but she is still from the future. Straight from SPD, here's Z!"
"Well, I guess I'm stuck with you," mumbled Wes. "At least until my time machine is done."
"It's not going to be yours until you give me the million bucks you promised me!" Trip called out.
Z looked over at Wes. "In the meanwhile, Richie Rich, let's go spread some of your daddy's cash around! I know a lot of homeless people who could use it!" With that, she multiplied herself. All the Z's picked up Wes and carried him away.
"Nice, very nice," sighed Zordon. "Next up…Morgana and Tommy!"
Morgana sidled up to the multicolored Ranger. "Do you wanna play dress up? It'll go with that girly hair of yours."
"No! I only grew it back for my Kim!" Tommy fell to his knees. "Kim! Kim! Why did you leave me?"
Morgana growled and then whipped out her sketchpad and pencil. Two seconds later Tommy was in the Straightjacket Monster and Morgana was putting blush on his cheeks.
"Oh, Tommy, you'll make someone a blushing bride," chuckled Zordon as he ignored the cursing coming from his former protégé. "Okay, Cassidy you get to date Zhane."
"Hmmm…guess I could use a new cameraman," said Cassidy as she studied Zhane thoughtfully. "Here." She tossed an expensive camera to him.
"It's smashed up," said Zhane.
"Yeah, I kind of beat my last camera man over the head with it because he was acting as if he were my equal."
Zhane stared at Cassidy incredulously. "What do you expect me to do with this?"
"Fix it!" commanded Cassidy. "And do it fast before we lose this great lighting."
"Fine," replied Zhane. He held the camera up into the air. A bolt of lightning came down…zapping the camera and Cassidy who had been standing next to Zhane.
"Say cheese!" exclaimed Zhane as he began filming the now scorched and growling wannabe news reporter.
"Score one for the guys." Zordon looked at Scott. "You're next. You get Lily."
Lily danced over to Scott. "Do you like to dance?" she asked.
"No…no…I don't have time for such silly things. I have to find a way to get my daddy to be proud of me." He broke into tears. "Why can't he be proud of me?"
Lily stared at Scott. "Wow, and I thought Theo was annoying when he whined about me making out with his brother." She pretended not to notice the Blue Jaguar's angry glare.
"That was just pitiful," commented Zordon. "Let's see now…oh, Marah…"
"Does he wear Yellow? I like guys in Yellow." Marah glared at the group. "But not if they wear stupid capes."
Chip grumbled to himself as he shoved the bouquet of flowers behind his back.
"Well, it looks like Green will be your new color of love…she's all yours, Ziggy."
"Are you a supergenius who knows how to develop Zords and invent complicated weapons?"
"No, but I like puppies," replied Marah.
"Are you a supergenius who created a super virus and accidentally released it on the world, almost causing it to end?"
"No, but I like kitties," replied Marah.
Ziggy looked up at Zordon. "This won't work!" he cried. "How can I love her when she won't even belittle me!"
Marah frowned and transformed into her old evil ninja outfit. "Get over here before I beat your stupid ass in!" she hollered.
"Much better," sighed Ziggy happily as he ran to her.
"Even more pitiful," sighed Zordon. Now Dillon go use those charming good looks of yours on LeeLee.
"Hi there!" Leelee said in a sultry tone as she sauntered up to Dillon.
Dillon said nothing as he leaned on a console and brooded.
"I hear you really like beautiful blondes," she said in a sing song voice.
Dillon shifted his stance…then went back to brooding.
Leelee scowled and stomped up to Dillon. "Look, Leatherboy, either show some interest in me or I'll sic my vampire queen mom on you!"
Dillon looked at her in a bored voice. "Do that and I'll sic my android sister on you."
"Aren't family ties just wonderful?" sighed Zordon as the two continued to stare each other down. He looked at the remaining group. The next pair of vict…I mean lovers will be Vasquez and Jarrod.
Jarrod sneered at Zordon. "Really? Are you that shorthanded on women? I'm certainly worth more than some background character." He looked at Vasquez. "I mean come on, she's not even a Ranger, or a beautiful former villain. She's just…hey! Hey! Put me down!"
"I never did get rid of all my hybrid powers," commented Vasquez who now had the former villain by the collar. "Let's go discuss how you treat women," she told Jarrod as she dragged him out of the room.
"Score one for the woman. Now, Rocky…Rocky…Rocky…ROCKY! Who the hell put a pachinko machine in here?"
Rocky looked up from his game. "Huh? Oh hey, did you remember to get us some snacks this time? I'm getting a bit hungry."
"You'd better hope that Tanya is a good cook then."
"Oh great," snarled Tanya as she glared at Rocky. "You mean I have to be stuck with this Ape head instead of my cute froggie?" She smirked as she saw Adam blush out of the corner of her eye.
"You heard Zordon," said Rocky. "Get cooking woman!"
Everyone gasped. Tanya jump kicked Rocky and began pummeling him.
"Looks like it won't be only his back that'll need healing this time." Zordon looked around. Hey, Sydney, put down that nail file and get your man.
Sydney looked up. "Is he rich? Can he buy me expensive stuff like my daddy?"
"Not after I sue his sorry ass for killing me!" boomed Zordon. "That's right, Andros, she's all yours."
"Hey!" cried Andros as the original Ranger team glared at him. "He begged me to do it!"
"Awww…I was hoping for someone rich," complained Syd.
"Are you kidding?" asked Andros. "With all the commercial endorsements I got from revealing I was the Red Space Ranger and the nice settlement I got from the stupid Galaxy Rangers for blowing up the Megaship, I'm quite wealthy."
"Sugar!" cried Sydney as she jumped into Andros' arms. He grinned and then teleported away with her. A second later several water balloons splattered where they had been.
"Leo, you're team really needs to improve its timing." Zordon used his eye beams to scratch out the pairing he had already made. "Yeah, I think I'll just ask Maya to go get Tyzonn.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" cried Maya as she swung on a vine she had managed to attach to the ceiling. She snatched up the Mercurian Ranger.
Tyzonn looked around confusedly. "Is this some sort of Earther mating tradition?"
"Aw, aren't you cute?" asked Maya. "I'm going to take you back to Mirinoi and hug you and squeeze you to pieces."
"Not if I can help it!" said Tyzonn. He quickly shifted into his liquid form and slid out of Maya's grasp. "How'd you like that!" he called…just before landing in a jar.
"Good job, Bobo!" Maya called to her specially trained pet monkey. She grabbed the jar and skipped off with it.
Zordon shook his bald head. "I think that couple will definitely need therapy down the road." He cleared his throat. "Now who do I want to pair off this time? How about Trent and Dana?
Dana ran up to Trent. "Wanna play doctor?" She held out her stethoscope.
"Uh, no," mumbled Trent who was sketching something on his ever present pad.
"How about I give you a special examination," she suggested as she sidled closer.
"How about if you don't?"
"What are you drawing?" asked Dana.
Trent flipped his pad around to reveal the incomplete caricature of Dana. "I'm calling it 'Doofus Doc….YIPES!" he cried as Dana began chasing him with a fully loaded syringe.
"Ooh! That's gotta hurt," moaned Zordon as Trent got jabbed in the butt. "Well, enough with that entertainment. Okay, Divatox and Carter are up next."
Divatox sauntered up to Carter. "Hey, big boy, you're kinda cute. Do you want to get it on? Seeing you makes me feel like I'm on fire."
Sploooossssshhhhh!
"That's another one saved," said Carter as he hung the fire extinguisher back on the wall. "Say," he continued as Divatox tried to get the white foam out of her eyes. "Maybe you could put on this sexy female doctor outfit after you've cleaned up."
"Way to charm a woman." Zordon consulted his list again. "Ooh, get out the geritol. It's an older couple this time. Daggeron, you get to be the love of Angel Grove's sole teacher…Ms. Appleby!"
"Would you like to go for a ride on my solar streak megazord?"
Whap! "Spell megazord!" cried Ms. Appleby who had somehow procured a pointer and blackboard."
"M…e…g…"
"If the Solar Streak Megazord leaves Briarwood at 4:30 and the Dragonzord leaves Angel Grove at 9:30, at what time will they crash into each other and explode?"
"Well," said Daggeron who had pulled out an abacus. "Uh, who left at 4:30?"
"Wrong answer!" cried Ms. Appleby as she shoved a dunce cap on Daggeron's head and made him sit in a corner.
"I always wondered why you were still single. Now let's have….Hey!" cried Zordon as a large net was dipped into his tube and he was scooped out like a goldfish. "But, I'm not finished yet!" he yelled as the group of Angels carried him away.
The others stared after him. Then the ones who had gotten paired up switched back to whoever they were actually interested in.
AN: I know that not all of the Rangers were paired in this one. That's because I never completed it. I started this before RPM and Samurai. When RPM came, I began to add them. Now we have Samurai. So I would like to start over so all the Rangers can be represented (and get dates). But I didn't want to erase what I wrote here, so I decided to submit it anyway.