This story takes places two years after the beginning of New Moon. Edward never came back, and Jacob stopped Bella from jumping off the cliff.
Thanks to Smileazf for being THE best beta ever!!
Disclaimer: If only I were Stephenie Meyer… then my life would be perfect!
First day of college. Oh, boy, I thought sarcastically. What should have been one of the best days of my life was no different than any in the past 2 years. And it was all his fault. I couldn't even say his name… it was too painful.
After he left me, I became a complete mess. I was catatonic for the first four months ― my life was on autopilot. I basically ate, slept, and went to school ― not even talking unless I was spoken to first.
And then I met Jacob. He became my life support, my personal sun. When I was with him, I could forget some of my pain. But not all of it ― it was always there waiting to tear at me and break me apart the moment I left his presence.
That day at the cliffs, Jacob had been the one to come and stop me from jumping. He had pulled me into his warm embrace and had let me cry myself out as long as I needed.
I realized how stupid I had been for even wanting to jump in the first place. I was so selfish. What if something had happened to me? Charlie would have been left all alone… and it would have been all my fault! Especially since there were much more important things to worry about that day. That had been the day that Harry Clearwater had passed away… and I had been ready to jump off a cliff.
What did I expect to happen? Did I expect the voice in my head to come alive? Was he going to come save me? NO! Just because I would have jumped did not mean I would ever see him again. Plus, he had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me. Even if I had jumped, it's not like he would have cared in the slightest. And it's also not like he ever would have known what had happened.
That night, after Jacob had saved me from whatever consequences my actions could have brought around, I was so grateful to him. He really did love me, unlike some other people I did not want to think about. And so what if I didn't love Jacob as much as he loved me? No matter how much time would pass, I knew I would never have all of my heart to give. He had taken a big chunk out of my heart that would never be whole again.
But that didn't mean I couldn't give what was left of it. I deserved some happiness of my own, no matter how small a victory it was. Edward was probably off enjoying one of his new "distractions." He was probably with some new girl he actually loved ― kissing her, watching her sleep, telling her how much he loved her...
No… he wasn't watching her sleep, I decided. She was probably one of his kind. He wouldn't want to deal with another human like me. They were probably off right now, kissing without hesitation… sharing careful touches and whispered secrets… making love ― No! I had to stop myself from thinking about him like that, from wishing I could be that girl.
Because I knew the truth: Even if I was a vampire, we still wouldn't be together, because he didn't love me. He probably never had. I was just another "distraction" for him.
I thought back again on that night with Jacob, after he had brought me back to his house. I had decided the moment he grabbed me into his arms after pulling me back that I would return as much love to him as I could. He was a good kid, he deserved it.
I had decided I was going to try to live my life to the fullest, no matter how broken it would be. I would never see the other half of my heart again ― and I would just have to deal with that and try to move on.
With that knowledge fresh on my mind, I had told Jacob I wanted to sleep with him. He was ecstatic… but he wanted to make sure I was positive about what I was doing. I had told him I was sure, that I wanted to move on from him.
Of course, all through it I was wishing the warm arms that surrounded me were the cold ones I longed for. We had had to stop halfway through because I couldn't stop the tears from coming.
That was the first and last time I had had sex. I realized then that I would never ― could never ― get over my first love. It was also then that I realized the rest of my life would suck, but that I would have to make it through for those that I loved.
And here I was, a year and six months later, trying to make it through life. With much prodding from both Charlie and Jacob ― who had understood my situation and hadn't pressed me romantically after that night, settling instead for being the best friend he could be ― I had decided to go to college. I had decided to take a year off first, though. I knew it was too soon to take such a big step.
After applying to a couple of places― and receiving back a few acceptions― I had settled on University of Rochester, in New York. The weather there was not much better than that of Forks, but I supposed that was one of the draws. It made me feel almost like I was at home, without having to actually be there and see the reminders of what life with him had been like.
I had driven here in my new Honda accord, a graduation present from Charlie after my truck had died of old age. Charlie was in the passenger seat right now, while Jacob had dozed off in the backseat. Jake had insisted on accompanying me so he could "help get all the heavy furniture set up in my room."
Funny thing was, I wasn't actually bringing any big furniture with me from forks, apart from my nightstand and tiny bookshelf to house my many favorite classics. I think Jake was just upset because he would only be able to see me a few times a year now. Plane tickets were really expensive and driving took a few days, so I could only visit him once or twice this year.
We were pulling up to my dorm building now, and I took a minute to look around at the next step of my life.
So tell me what you guys think of this so far! Comments, suggestions, and criticism are welcome! Xoxo,
Michelle (: