Title: After the coldest rain
Rating: T
Verse: Prime
Genre: Angst
Characters: Arcee, Knockout
Authors Note: Well I said I wasn't going to enter the completion this month, but that's when a prompt slaps me in the face. So this is what I came up with. Thank you to everyone who voted! I ended up in third place :D
As always, thank you to Brighter Then The Sun, Sunny. Who gave this story its final polish!
Warnings: SPOILERS for Transformers Prime, episode "Cross Fire"/ mentions of Character death
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
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It was oddly cold for being the middle of April. It was unnaturally cold for the middle of the desert. Where hot scorching sun, blistering sands and burning rock should have been, cold wind whipped and rain fell from the sky in thick sheets.
Black clouds blotted out the sun and lightning shot to the land below, singeing earth with every new strike. Sand turned sticky and heavy, clinging to whatever touched it, be it metal or flesh. The once baking rocks turned cold and slick, freezing to the touch.
Knockout felt none of this, sensed none of this. He did not feel the sand digging into transformation seams as he sat, alone, along a canyon wall, staring down blankly into the gully. He didn't feel the slick rocks scraping his beloved red paint or the cold wind that bit at his armor.
He had thought, only vaguely as he set out from the Nemesis, just to get away from everyone, everything, that the weather suited his dark mood. The storm had raged with him as he sped down the slippery, lonely highway, pushing his engine as hard as he physically could.
Where the storm kept raging, Knockout could only fizzle out.
The Aston Martin had hoped that physical exertion would drown out his turbulent emotions, make him stop feeling the...he didn't know what. He had no idea what he was feeling at the moment, no clue to even begin to describe what he felt like and 'slag' just didn't seem to cut it.
Running his engine until he literally dropped had not stopped the feelings. It only made it worse, now that he was too exhausted to go any further. As he transformed, and very nearly dragged himself to sit at the mountain side, memories, that were still far too fresh, washed over him.
Megatron stared down at the medic, his crimson optics cold, concealing the pain the titan leader was in, "He's not coming back."
Shaking his helm hard, Knockout dislodged the dark and oh so recent memories from his mind. Clawed hands curled into the rock bed he sat on, crushing the stone beneath his powerful grip as his long, lean legs dangled. His spark constricted painfully, and he fought hard to stop the hitching of his intakes.
Lubricant tears burned his optics, so he jammed them shut; refusing to let the tears fall and shame his friend. Breakdown would not have cried so openly.
The orange faced Decepticon grinned down at his much smaller partner. His massive blue arms crossed over his heavy chest. "Stop worrying Knock. I'll be fine. Airachnid won't be able to get the best of me and Dreadwing."
The grin on his partners face turned cocky, "If I take out Airachnid on my own, I'll prove to Megatron that I'm no fool. That I'm worth my armour for this team."
Lightning flashed and the boom of thunder pulled the red sports car from the memory he had allowed himself to be trapped in. Rage bubbled up like hot magma from the very center of his being, and Knockout was helpless to stop the scream of impotent fury that burst from within.
He squeezed his optics shut once again and his whole body curled into itself as he screamed out into the empty, lonely night. The Aston Martin was left with ragged panting and feelings of emptiness.
For all his rage, for all his intelligence, he could not save Breakdown this time. He could not bring him back.
That hurt most of all.
The red medic looked up, surprised that he had found some word to describe how he was feeling. Even hurt, however just didn't seem to cut it and the Decepticon hazily wondered if this was what agony felt like.
Whatever the feeling was, he just wanted it to end.
Tipping his white face plates down to the ground below, he realized just how far up he really was. One slip and he'd fall; he was high enough that not even a Cybertronion of his size would have lived through it.
If he did slip, his suffering would end. He would get to see Breakdown again.
The red Decepticon leaned a little further forward, tilting his upper body dangerously over the edge of the gully. A thirty second fall and it'd all be over. No more hurt. Or, or agony. Just the peaceful nothingness of death...
"That won't make it better. She still lives."
The voice behind him had Knockout moving faster then he would have thought possible in his current discombobulated state; he had his energon prod pulled from his subspace before he was conscious of the action, blue lightning arching between the points.
Arcee stood in the pouring rain, appearing from the sheets like a phantom in the night. Her dark blue armour blended into the darkness and rain, only her bright cobalt optics shone bright like stars, illuminating her soft grey faceplates and pink trim.
The Decepticon's medic reacted on gut instinct and he attacked, lunging at the Autobot. The motorcycle dodged his sloppy, half hearted attack, slipping back into the night and rain.
She was on him in moments, flanking his right, tackling him hard to the muddy ground; the Autobot pitched her body to the left, rolling both herself and Knockout away from the edge of the cliff. Her black servos clamped onto his energon prod with an iron grip as they rolled, trying to yank the weapon from his own hold.
He snarled like a wild animal at her as they fought over the weapon coming to a stop mere yards from the edge. Arcee won the rolling match, pinning him to the ground, her hips on his abdomen and her hands pinned his above his helm, the prod sparking uselessly.
The Aston Martin was not much bigger than Arcee herself, so unlike Breakdown- his spark constricted again in agony at the thought of his partner, and he snarled again-Knockout just couldn't find the leverage to throw her off.
That didn't stop the Decepticon from fighting. He struggled, snapped and hissed up at the Autobot, but for every attempt to throw her from his frame, she countered. They struggled harder, each trying to take control of the energon prod.
Hiking up his knees, Knockout flattened his pedes into the ground and with a grunt of effort bucked the Autobot from his body. She yelled with surprise as he tossed her over his head, but she refused to relinquish her hold on the weapon.
Knockout nearly lost his grip on the prod when Arcee jerked the weapon to her body. Snarling the red mech rolled over onto his belly, forcing Arcee to do the same. The femme was on her feet first, and she suddenly kicked out at him, striking him in the abdomen.
Winded, Knockout doubled over with a grunt as Arcee wrenched his own weapon from his hands and danced away. Coughing, Knockout took a knee as he glared up at the femme as he held the spot where Arcee had delivered her plate shattering kick.
Her cold, cobalt optics bore darkly into the Decepticon, the prod still sparking ominously in her black servos. 'Great,' he thought bitterly to himself as he snarled at the femme, 'I'm going to die by my own weapon.'
The Autobot sighed softly, her optics still cold as ice as she tossed the prod; the weapon bounced once, twice before disappearing over the side of the cliff. His shoulders sagged, drawing into his frame as he watched his weapon tumble over the edge, "Scrap."
Crimson optics turned back to Arcee, intending to pin the Autobot with a glare only to find her gone into the darkness again. Slowly climbing to his pedes, the medic looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her glowing optics or a flash of armour.
The rain was thick and heavy, making it difficult to see through; but red was an easy color to spot on the battle field, unlike dark blue.
A high pitched battle cry came from behind Knockout and before he could turn to meet the challenge head on, he was tackled to the ground; his chest scrapped along the rock as they slid further away from the cliff side, marring the perfect finish even more.
Knockout snarled, partly in rage at ruining his paint job and partly to hide the embarrassment at being knocked to the ground by a damned femme. Mud splashed up his crimson armour, digging uncomfortably into his joints and transformations seams.
With another snarl, the Decepticon pressed his servos into the mud to prepare himself to toss the small femme from his back, when he felt the muzzle of a blaster press into the back of his helm. Knockout froze, his frame going ram rod stiff as fear trickled into his very being.
The part of him that wanted to survive, the part of him that demanded vengeance for his partner screamed at him to fight, kill the Autobot before she killed him. The other part of him, the smaller, weaker part of him that wanted to see Breakdown again quietly said to let her pull the trigger. Get it over and done with, save him from having to pitch himself over the side of the mountain.
Arcee surprised him when she spoke, "I just want to talk." She paused for a moment, her voice was cold and hard above him, "Will you sit still long enough to listen?"
"Do I have a choice?" he snarled at her, his anger masking his fear.
Arcee paused again, as though she were thinking over his words, "Of course." She said eventually, "If you don't want to talk, I'll leave you alone."
An acidic retort was at the tip of Knockout's glossa, ready to be flung out at her when he was sure she would say no. The retort died in his throat when she agreed to let him go, should that be his choice.
"What do you want Autobot!" he spat instead.
The muzzle of the weapon was slowly pulled away from the back of his helm and he felt Arcee easily slide from his back. Knockout shot to his pedes, backing away from the notoriously dangerous femme.
Knockout met her cold gaze with his own hot, angry one, "What. Do. You. Want?" he snarled, hiding another flash of fear. Breakdown wouldn't have his back this time. Or ever again, at that thought.
"We've heard about Breakdown." Blunt and to the point, just as Arcee always was. It made Knockout flinch involuntarily, taking a step back from the Autobot.
He didn't mean to give up ground and on a normal day the medic would have stood his ground with a smirk and a flippant comment. Today, his partner's name was associated to some raw, nasty emotions that he was clearly not ready to deal with.
Crimson optics narrowed in on the Autobot, hoping the hurt was hidden behind the bubbling anger that broiled below the surface, "How?"
Arcee shrugged a dark blue shoulder, her armour rising high in the nonchalant movement, "We've heard chatter and rumors along the Vehicon's lines."
The Decepticon quirked a brow and canted his helm, "How has Soundwave not known you've been listening in?"
Another shrug from the Autobot, "Does it matter? That's not why I'm here."
The Decepticon sighed, raising a clawed hand to scrub at his slick faceplates, "Why are you here?"
He was far too tired, too emotionally drained to deal with a stupid femme on a mission.
Arcee suddenly looked around, as though making sure there were no other Autobot's where in the nearby area, she took a hesitant step closer, "I have a proposition for you."
Knockout narrowed his optics on the femme, snarling "I have hardly the time for a cross fraction fling Autobot, especially with one of your stature."
Arcee blinked at Knockout, first shock then disgust as she stared at him, "What! I. No! That's not. Eww." The small Autobot actually shuttered in disgust as she gave Knockout a mortified look, "You are not that good looking Knockout."
The red medic actually sputtered, his spark again clenching, Breakdown never told him such stupid things, "I am Autobot. Not my fault you've been around ugly mech's for so long."
"They're not!" Arcee cut herself off with a sharp growl, "Forget it Knockout. That is not why I am here."
Tanks churning, Knockout just wanted to be left alone to dwell on his feelings over Breakdown. The sooner he got rid of the femme the sooner he could go back to being in agony.
"What proposition do you have then?"
The Autobot took another hesitant step towards him, "I know what you're going through Knockout. I know what you're about to go through."
Surprise washed over the red mech, and it must have shown on his face. As the rain began to lessen, Arcee went on, taking another hesitant step, "I've lost my partner too. I've lost two partners. I know the pain that you're in, and I know the pain your about to be in. I've been where you've been."
Knockout snarled at her, his claws flaring and dental plates flashing, "How do you know how I feel about my partner?"
Arcee crossed her arms over her chest armor with a snort, "Please. We all knew there was something up with you two. You were more then just partners."
Balling his servos into tight fists, Knockout's body tensed as though to attack the Autobot. He couldn't stop the snarl that escaped, "You should mind your own business Autobot, before you lose your head."
He flinched at his own turn of phrase, Megatron's words coming back to Knockout's CPU.
"We were unable to discover the remains. From what Dreadwing has said Airachnid tore him apart."
Knockout viciously shoved the awful memory away, unable to suppress the shutter that ran through his lean frame.
The Autobot smirked at the Decepticon when she saw his reaction, "If you didn't care about him, you wouldn't be out here, alone looking as though you want to pitch yourself over the side of a mountain."
Knockout stared at Arcee through narrowed crimson optics, gentle even rain fell from the sky, splashing off his cool, wet, armour with a gentle ping, ping, ping. An awkward silence fell between the Autobot and Decepticon as Knockout studied Arcee.
Despite the outward anger, the femme could see the pain in the other's optics, could see the loss and suffering that Knockout felt. Just as she had felt, still did feel at the thought of her dead partners.
Eventually Arcee came to the conclusion that Knockout was going to say nothing else as he stared at her with angry, crimson optics, so she went on, "Many have tried to deactivate Airachnid. Megatron is not the first to fail at the attempt and I doubt he will be the last."
Canting his helm, Knockout gave the Autobot femme a shrewd look, "What's your point?"
"You may have not come to this conclusion yet, I'm willing to bet you're still too raw to feel the anger and hatred that's about to come, but eventually you will want vengeance." Arcee stated while Knockout snarled at her.
"Don't dare to think you know how I feel femme!"
Arcee sighed softly, the gentle sound nearly drowned out by the soft pitter patter of the rain, "But I do Knockout. I also know that anger will come next and there will be no outlet for it. Nothing you do will soften it. No matter how hard you push your alt form or how far you run, it never really goes away."
The Decepticon still was not ready to concede to Arcee's point. Instead his armour puffed up in anger like a cat's fur standing on end, his optics burned into the femme, but he said nothing and allowed Arcee to continue, "I know you cared about Breakdown. Just as much, if not more then I cared about Tailgate and Cliffjumper."
Knockout's helm dropped down, his shoulders drooped and his armour snapped shut to his body. He didn't want to talk about Breakdown with a stupid Autobot femme, whose stupid voice took on a far too understanding tone. He didn't want to hear his own intakes hitch at the thought of his partners orange face that he would never see again.
He could hear Arcee shift and a servo came to rest on a red shoulder plate; the Decepticon's helm shot up to glare at her and Knockout firmly ignored how wet his optics had become. Arcee looked as uncomfortable as he felt with her hand on his shoulder, but she kept it where it was.
"We can help each other." She said eventually.
Confused, Knockout asked, "How?"
"No one 'bot has ever even gotten close to getting rid of Airachnid. All who have tried have died at her hands." The dark blue Autobot said, her own anger bubbling to the surface.
"So?" Knockout snarled, surprised he managed to get even that small word out so steady.
"So," Arcee continued gently, "I'm willing to bet two dedicated 'bots with the same goal in mind could accomplish just about anything."
Knockout snorted, "Dreadwing and...him had been together and Airachnid still won." The red sports car couldn't bring himself to say Breakdown's name just yet.
Arcee nodded in understanding, "I know. But do you think they would have worked together?"
The Aston Martin paused then shook his helm no.
Arcee nodded, "Exactly. We know what we have to do to get her."
Knockout considered what she said before he snorted, "Tell me Autobot, how much time did it take you to gather your courage to come out here."
Arcee gave him a half a smile before it dropped away, "Not as much time as you might think. I'm willing to utilize any and all means to see Airachnid dead."
The Decepticon looked away, feeling his servos curl back into fists, "You want my help to do it?"
"I want you to work with me to get it done."
The rain continued to fall as the Autobot and Decepticon stood in the middle of nowhere, considering her words, "If I do agree to your crazy plan, what do you propose we do when..." He paused for a moment, "If we achieve our goal? Go back to how we were prior? You scavenging for energon and me trying to kill you?"
Arcee snorted, her hand still on his shoulder, something Knockout was very conscious of, "Why not cross that bridge when we get there."
The Decepticon nodded, still not looking at Arcee. His tanks churned, and before he could stop himself he asked, "Does the pain ever go away?"
After all, who would know best if pain would ever stop other than Arcee?
Arcee sighed again, giving his red shoulder a gentle squeeze, "Not really. Some days are easier than others. But no, the pain really doesn't go away." The blue Autobot paused before adding, "Although, thinking about Airachnid dead by my servo and how I will do it does occupy my mind enough to get me through the nights."
Knockout couldn't help it, he snorted. Finally lifting his optics to look at her, Knockout was surprised to see that Arcee's optics had thawed, if only slightly. Truth shone in those blue orbs, and it lessened the knot of hurt in Knockout's tanks. It was a strange comfort to know he wasn't alone in his misery.
"How...how are we going to do it?" he asked her.
Arcee canted her head, her optics becoming unfocused in thought. After a moment she said, "We'd have to find her first. Go from there."
The red sports car dropped his white face plates from her grey ones, looking at his pedes, "Of course." He paused before adding, "I can use Decepticon radar and tracking technology to find her. Soundwave won't think it odd that I'm looking for her, considering what happened."
The femme removed her servo from his shoulder, and Knockout couldn't tell if he was relieved that an Autobot was no longer touching him or saddened by the loss of contact. The Decepticon ruthlessly shoved those thoughts away.
"Dose your team know that you're here?" Knockout snarled, again hiding his hurt.
Arcee sighed, shifting uncomfortably, "No. I don't want them to know I'm here, just as much as you don't want Megatron to know you're here. The less our fractions know of this interaction, the better."
Knockout nodded in agreement, "So we are truly going to do this?"
Arcee nodded, "I'm game if you are."
The Decepticon snorted, "You've spent too much time around your human. You're sounding like them."
Arcee chuckled a little as she started to back away from him, "Find something to keep your mind occupied Knockout. Weather you work more or make a new friend, just find a distraction. It will keep you sane when you're not planning revenge."
Knockout nodded as Arcee sent him a data burst. He hesitated for a moment before he opened it, finding the femme had sent him a private comm. line.
"If I find her, I'll contact you. I'm hoping you will do the same."
The red mech thought it over, considering that if left to his own devices, Knockout would probably fail in his attempt to kill Airachnid if he tried on his own. However, with the Autobot's help...
"Fine." He ground out.
Arcee nodded, "Good choice Knockout. I'll talk to you soon." and turned and began to walk away.
Despite the hollow feeling within, Knockout couldn't help but call out, "You're doing it again femme, you sound like a human."
Arcee made the mistake to look back at the Decepticon, to shout back an equally sarcastic remark, but stopped when she actually looked at him. Rally looked at Knockout.
His shoulders were still down, his armour closed in close to his frame and his optics were still dull. Arcee knew that it hadn't hit him yet, not fully at least. The rage would come soon, once the pain went away.
Still, the Decepticon just looked so slagging small now that he lacked his usual over the top, flamboyant attitude and over inflated ego. Knockout just wasn't right when he wasn't snarking and worrying about his paint job.
Arcee felt her optics roll at her own weakness. She just wanted his help to kill the spider, not relate to him over their shared pain.
"Soft sparked glitch." Arcee grumbled to herself as she spun the rest of the way around and marched stiffly back to the Decepticon.
First confusion then alarm fluttered across the Decepticon's face as the Autobot stomped closer to him. His frame stiffened as she suddenly wrapped her arms around his lean frame, pulling him into a tight, yet very awkward hug.
"Go home Knockout," she said softly, her voice tight. "Go home and weep over Breakdown. Grieve. Morn. Whatever you need to do to get rid of the hurt."
The red mech, despite himself, relaxed in the Autobot's hold. His forehelm came to rest on a blue shoulder guard with a soft, shuttering sigh. His hands hung loosely by his side and he allowed the femme to just hold him.
"When you are ready, and when I say ready, I mean when you are able to say his name again without tears, we will find that eight legged freak. We are going to hunt her down and kill her."
"I want her dead now." Knockout hissed quietly.
Arcee shook her helm no, "Not yet. It's still too raw in your spark. She'll use that against you, make you hurt worse than you do now before she kills you. Wait for the rage to come. Bottle it. Hold it. Then when you are strong again here," her black servo moved from his shoulders to his red chest plates, directly over his spark, "we'll hunt her down."
Knockout nodded against the blue armour, "Fine." He bit out, trying to ignore how the damned Autobot was so understanding. He didn't like it, didn't like that she was being so kind to him. She should have shot at him, killed him, when she had the chance.
Arcee chuckled as she pulled away from the Decepticon, "Go home Knockout and rest. We'll start looking for her soon."
As the rain finally stopped, Knockout nodded again, watching as the Autobot transformed and took off down the dark, lonely high way.
His shoulders were still warm from where Arcee had held him when Knockout comm.'ed the Nemesis for pick up, the dark sky above was still heavy with thick clouds. The green portal of the ground bridge blinked into life moments later, allowing the medic to slowly return back to the Decepticon war ship.
The red mech was only vaguely aware of Megatron demanding to know where he had been. He was only hazily aware of dropping gracefully to a knee and apologising to Megatron for his absence. Knockout only heard his leader's voice over his helm, not really paying attention to what the much larger mech was saying.
Something about not doing it again, or something. Knockout then swept to his feet, apologised again and waited to be dismissed. The Decepticon leader studied his medic for a moment before doing just that.
Knockout turned gracefully, his face blank as he slowly walked to the quarters he once shared with Breakdown. The Autobots words still fresh in his helm, the red mech entered his room and allowed himself to collapse to his knees with a mournful keen.
Clawed hands came to his face as the dam finally broke and coolant tears fell from crimson optics. Broken sobs shuttered from the small Decepticon as his intakes hitched and stuttered. Knockout did as Arcee told him too; he sobbed as he mourned the death of this partner, his friend, his lover.
He cried until he could cry no more and he wearily crawled to his berth. He pulled himself onto the flat grey surface to curl into himself. He wrapped his arms wound his abdominal plates and pulled his knees to his chest.
Just as his optics began to drift closed as his recharge protocols began to take effect, the first curl of rage and hatred spread through his spark.
He was going to kill Airachnid, and he'd use the Autobot's help to do it.