Ternion
It was all for Sora. Everything he'd done, every step he'd taken, every breath. It was all for Sora. Even getting off the island, moving on to different worlds, had been an idea spawned by his dreams of Sora and him together, united and unstoppable.
When Kairi had first entered the picture he'd been angry and worried. Suddenly he wasn't the center of Sora's universe and he didn't like that at all. He was testy and cruel to Kairi, and then to Sora when the younger boy had confronted him. He knew Sora was replacing him, like his mother had replaced him and his father, like you'd replace a favorite toy that just wasn't fun anymore. He was expendable. He knew that but had thought that Sora was different. Had thought that it could be just them. Forever.
One day Kairi had approached him while he sulked. He wanted to hate her for taking Sora, but he couldn't bring himself to. It was hard to hate people like Kairi and Sora, both so sweet and kind and warm. It was hard, but not impossible, and he was trying so hard.
"Riku." Kairi started, standing a few feet away from where he was sitting on the ground, in the cool shadow of the tree.
"What do you want?" Riku snapped.
"We're going to go to the fair. Aren't you coming?" She was twisting a star shaped charm around in her hands nervously.
"No." Riku said, glaring at the horizon.
"But Sora really wants you too." She said. "He misses you."
Riku snorted. "Yeah right. He has you now. Why would he miss me?"
"Because you're his best friend, silly." Kairi said. When Riku didn't respond, didn't even look at her, she frowned, concerned. "Riku-"
"Go away." Riku said.
Kairi hesitated. "Riku-"
"Go away!" Riku shouted, finally turning to her and glaring. "Just leave me alone!"
Kairi held his eyes for a moment, then sighed, defeated, and walked away, leaving Riku alone to sulk. Riku thumped his head against the tree trunk and clenched his eyes shut against the sudden burn. Boys don't cry over other boys. Riku's father always told him. Suck it up and be a man. Riku tried, he really did, but it was hard when just thinking about losing Sora hurt far worse than his father's fists ever could.
Riku drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face, a spike of irrational fear going through him at the thought that his father might see him crying, even though the man was probably hundreds of miles away by now. He was concentrating on slowing his breathing, forcing back the tears, and didn't hear Sora's approach.
"Riku." Sora said.
Riku jumped, startled, and felt his cheeks heat as he realized that Sora had almost caught him crying. "What do you want?" He asked, voice rough and as angry as he could make it. It wasn't hard when he was so furious with himself.
Sora smiled at him, as if they the last time they parted hadn't been with Riku snarling and hurling insults at Sora as the younger boy sat bruised and sobbing. "I wanted to talk to you." He said. He sat down next to Riku, legs kicked out before him, back against the tree. Shoulders tense, but trying to pretend he was relaxed.
Riku looked away, back at the horizon. The one that had always symbolized something better, something far away from this tiny island and his home, something he and Sora could share. Probably still could, if he would just swallow his pride and apologize. If he could just accept the fact that Sora didn't love him as much as he used to.
Riku opened his mouth to apologize, and then shut it, the apology smothered by his pride before it could reach his lips.
"It's alright." Sora said. "I don't think you meant what you said." He was looking at his sandaled feet. He'd let Kairi paint his toes a pale blue, and the polish was just beginning to chip. "Or at least, I hope you didn't."
"I didn't." Riku said softly.
"Good, because you're my best friend. My absolute best friend in the whole world." Sora said, as if that should explain everything. Maybe for Sora it did.
"You've never been off these islands, Sora." Riku pointed out.
"No. Not yet." Sora scooted over until his hips bumped with Riku's. "But we'll go one day. We'll go together." He took Riku's left hand in both of his. "Right?"
Riku wondered if it was normal for the warmth of Sora's hands to spread all the way through him, soothing the hurt. Boys don't hold other boys hands. But Riku's other hand strayed over to cover Sora's, and he nodded. "Of course. How would you manage by yourself? You need me to protect you."
"What? I can take care of myself! You'll only get us into trouble, with how rude you are!" But Sora was smiling. The younger boy leaned against Riku, rested his head on Riku's shoulder. The first time Sora had done that Riku had stiffened and scooted away. He wasn't used to the casual way Sora touched people. Neither of his parents hugged him, or kissed him. His mother patted him on the head distractedly sometimes. His step brother had only touched him once- to beat the shit out of him for being such a "pretty boy pansy". It had unnerved him when Sora tried to hug him, or sling his arm around Riku's shoulders, or once, when they were only five, kiss him on the cheek. He'd gotten used to it eventually, and relaxed even more when he saw Sora sling his arm around Tidus or Wakka's shoulders, or grabbed onto their arms and pull them along. He kissed Selphie a lot. Light brushes of his lips against her cheek or her hand when they played, him the knight in shining armor, her the damsel in distress. Riku noticed that he was the only one that Sora ever hugged.
It was almost easy now to relax, stretch out his legs and reach up with one hand to stroke Sora's hair. "Well, you'll have to sweet talk our way out of any trouble I get us into."
Sora nodded, wiggled his toes into the sand. "You're coming to the fair with us, right?"
Riku tensed, hand stilling. "Why does she have to come?" He asked sullenly.
"She's my friend too, Riku. Besides, if you just spend some time with her I know you'll like her."
"Yeah. Whatever." Riku muttered. He really didn't want to share his friend, but if pretending to like this girl made Sora happy, then he'd do it.
Sora jumped to his feet, pulling Riku up with him so quickly it made all the blood rush to Riku's head and he felt faint. "Great! This is going to be so much fun!"
It had been, and much to Riku's surprise, he had liked Kairi a great deal and they had become good friends. Kairi was never as close to Riku as Sora was, but she became closer than all the other kids, closer than his family. She'd completed them; filling in the empty space in their friendship like Sora had filled in the empty place in Riku's heart.
If only it could have stayed that way. If only they could have been young and innocent and just friends. If only they hadn't had to grow up, platonic feelings morphing into something else. Little touches that Riku had grown used to became awkward once more, like Sora's lips against his ear, whispered secrets becoming more sensory than auditory, the feel of Sora's breath across his skin distracting him from the words. He found himself staring at the curve of Sora's bare shoulder, the healthy flush that the sun brought to his face, the way that his shorts clung to his thighs when wet. Hormones and a love that had always bordered on obsession combined and there was nothing Riku could do to get those days when just being friends was enough back.
She watched Riku watch Sora watch her and she ached. She remembered two little boys that were inseparable, RikuandSora, the islands self proclaimed explorers ready to take on the world together. She had wanted to be part of that. She hadn't wanted this.
Sora's heart was so big, and he drew people in so easily, ensnaring them in a web of laughter and friendship and light. Almost everyone who knew him grew to love him eventually. It was hard not to, when his affections were so easy, so safe. He had been the first kid to approach her when she'd shown up on the island. All the others had been wary of the newcomer, the outsider, until Sora had invited her to play with them, had offered her a place in their group. She'd been drawn to him- and it was more than what she was and what he was, more than the fact that they were the children of destiny and recognized each other as such, because if that was the case wouldn't she have been drawn to Riku too? It was Sora, with his smile and his scraped knees and the place in his heart that he offered without even thinking about it, taking her in like he took everyone else and loving her without reserve.
Because of how close the two boys were, she had expected Riku to be the same. Only he wasn't. He didn't open his heart like Sora did; instead he hid it away in an effort to protect himself. His affections were grudging and hard won and only Sora seemed to truly be close to him. Their bond had seemed so strong to Kairi, she'd thought that it could withstand anything. She'd been too young to see how Riku's lack of self-confidence made that bond such a tenuous thing.
As children it had been easier for Riku to accept her as a new addition to their team. Children don't make the fine distinctions between one kind of love or another, and once Riku realized that Sora being Kairi's friend did not mean that Sora would no longer be his own he'd relaxed enough to grow close to Kairi as well. It would have been so nice if things had stayed like that, safe and simple, but people grow up and feelings change. Kairi didn't notice the second rift until later, when she looked back and realized that Riku's feelings for Sora had mirrored her own, only he'd been too afraid to show it.
The jealously and the hurt that had allowed the darkness to take root in Riku was not her fault, but she wasn't free from blame either. She hadn't paid enough attention to Riku's feelings, ignoring one friend in lieu of the other.
She had hoped that they could come home and things would come together, not exactly like before but better, because they were older now and appreciated the bond they shared more. But it seemed that some things didn't just fall into place. Sometimes they needed a little push in the right direction.
"Riku." She called.
He was sitting under the tree in the shade, his favorite place to brood. "What do you want?" He asked, and she could see a younger Riku sitting there, glaring out at the horizon, trying his best to ignore the little girl that had stolen his best friend.
"I want to talk." She said. She walked over and sat down next to him.
"About what?" Riku asked, still looking out at the water.
At ten, Kairi had not known the words, and at fourteen she had not known the facts. Now she was sixteen and had spent weeks running the conversation through her head. She hoped that she was right. "About Sora."
"What about Sora?"
"It's alright that you love him." She said bluntly, because Riku was, in his own way, just as dense as Sora.
Riku snapped around to face her. "What?"
"I said it's aright that you love him. I know, and I think he does too."
"I…" Riku didn't deny that he loved Sora. That was a good sign. Instead, his shoulders slumped and his face took on the familiar tinges of self-disgust. That was a bad sign, but one that Kairi had expected. "He loves you, Kairi."
Kairi reached out and placed her hand on Riku's upper arm. She wanted to put her arm around his shoulders and draw him close to her, stroke his hair and sooth his pain away, but this was Riku and Riku didn't like to be touched by anyone but Sora. Kairi knew that one day Riku would be relaxed enough around her that she could hold him like she wanted, so for now the simple touch was enough. "I know he does, Riku. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you too."
"He doesn't love me like I want him to."
She smiled at him. "Your problem is that you're looking for the wrong signs."
Riku looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"You know him so well, Riku, except for in this, because you're afraid to look." She tapped his nose soundly, causing his eyes to cross. "Think how Sora treats Selphie compared to how he treats Tidus or Wakka."
Riku thought a moment. "He's more polite to Selphie. More affectionate."
Kairi nodded. "Now, think how Sora treats you compared to how Sora treats me."
Riku scowled, trying to see what Kairi was getting at. "He's more polite, doesn't rough house with you, and carries your stuff. So? You're his girlfriend. Sorta." They'd never went to so far as to actually verbalize any change in their relationship and never referred to each other as 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'.
"No. That's not why he does it. Think. Selphie and myself vs. you, Tidus and Wakka."
"What are you…" Riku blinked. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." Kairi said. "Sora treats me different because it's just how he is. Close friend or no, I'm still a girl. That means that he doesn't share dirty jokes with me, or use vulgar language in front of me. It means that he holds the door for me and pulls out chairs. It's just Sora being Sora and doing things how he's always thought was the right way to do them."
"Yeah, but he loves you!" Riku said, sure there was a difference in there somewhere.
"Of course, but he doesn't think to treat me any differently than he always has because of it. To Sora our friendship is always first, and now it just has new layers. To him, the relationship hasn't really changed. Friend or girlfriend or boyfriend. Those are distinctions that Sora doesn't even consider." She gave Riku a playful shove. "Sora feels the exact same way that you do, you goose. He just figures that you know it."
"Why are you saying this, Kairi?"
Kairi's hand slid up to cup Riku's face. "Because we're friends, Riku." And Sora loves you more than he loves me, but that's the way it should be.
After searching for so long and fighting so hard, it felt surreal to be back on the islands with his friends. Every day that he woke up to Riku prodding him in the side and Kairi calling him a bum felt too good to be true. Things weren't quite the same. Even though he had gotten Riku back there was still that distance, that chasm that Sora didn't know quite how to cross. They were different, all of them. Kairi and Riku were not the children that he remembered, but a young woman who had finally grown into herself and a young man humbled by his own mistakes. They were still beautiful. Everything that he remembered and more. Or maybe he just appreciated them more, now that he saw how easy it was for them to be ripped away from him.
They hadn't really talked about all that had happened. The whole first month home they had been busy trying to explain where they had been and catch up on all they had missed. They had given their parents a shortened, simplified explanation of the last two years where they glossed over the battles they had fought and the dangers they had faced and omitted the part where Riku had been overcome by the darkness, saying that they had just been separated. The omission had been Sora's decision.
"Riku and I were separated and didn't find each other until the end." He had said.
Riku had jerked his gaze away from his staring contest with his shoes to stare at Sora instead, face blank. The King, Donald, Goofy and Kairi had said nothing to refute it.
Later Riku had asked him why.
"They weren't there, Riku. They wouldn't have understood. It's not important anyway."
It is all they had said on the subject, but Sora could feel the weight of the unaddressed betrayal between them.
Sora buried his face in his blankets. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to anything but relax and catch up on some much needed sleep. He had piles of homework on a desk somewhere because he and Riku now had to catch up on two years worth of school, but he fully intended on ignoring it for another month. He had earned a few months of being lazy.
His mother was down the hall getting ready for work. He could hear the muffled sound of the radio, the same jazz station she'd listened to for fifteen years. In a few minutes, he'd hear the sharp tap of her heels coming down the hall before she'd open his door a crack and poke her head inside. "See you later." She'd say, thinking he was still asleep, and then close the door again. He wondered if she knew how much that meant to him, just that simple goodbye every morning. He decided that he'd have to make sure he told her when she came home.
This morning there was the sound of the front door opening. "Hello?"
"Good morning, Riku!" Sora's mother called. "Sora's still sleeping." Her voice came from just outside his door.
"Oh. Figures." Riku said, as he came up the stairs.
"Well. I'm off to work. Make sure he doesn't sleep the day away." High-heeled steps went down the stairs.
His door opened. "Sora?" Riku asked.
Sora bit back a smile and pretended to still be sleeping. He heard Riku step into the room and shut the door behind him. Riku walked quietly, almost hesitantly to the edge of Sora's bed and sat down. It made Sora frown for a minute, remembering the cocky way that Riku used to march over to him and shove him off the bed.
"Sora." Riku's voice was low and affectionate. Strong, calloused fingers ghosted across Sora's cheek, then smoothed his bangs out of his face. It was a tender gesture that Riku was too self-conscious to perform when Sora was awake. "Wake up." Riku said. He kind of sounded like he hoped that Sora wouldn't.
Sora always pretended to be asleep at these times, and was therefore very good at pretending to wake up. He frowned as if annoyed at being woken. He let his eyes open slowly and focus on Riku, who had drawn back his hand and was smirking now. "Riku…?" Just enough sleepy confusion to be convincing.
Riku reached out to shake his shoulder. "Come on!" and if Sora hadn't been awake when Riku came in, he wouldn't have doubted the enthusiasm in his voice.
Normally Sora would have rolled out of bed, grumbling about the insanely early hour before stumbling towards the shower. Then they would head over to the island and spar. It was just like before they left except for the stiffness of Riku's spine as he sat waiting for Sora to get up and the fact that they now used real blades instead of wooden swords.
Today Sora didn't want to work up the energy to get up.
"Sora." Riku said, exasperated.
Sora threw his arm over his eyes. "No. Tired."
"Sora- ack!" Riku's eyes widened as Sora fisted his hands in the older boy's shirt and tugged him down onto the bed. "Sora. What are you doing?" Riku asked, striving for calm and collected but ending up with breathless and slightly panicked.
"Sleeping dummy. What's it look like?" It was very hard not to smirk at the slightly strangled sound Riku made.
"Um…" Riku tried to pull away. "Sora-"
"Just a few more hours? Please?" Sora asked, pulling out his best pleading face.
Riku put up a valiant fight, glaring at Sora mightily from behind his bangs. "It's already eight." He said. Sora just continued to stare at him, letting his bottom lip stick out. After another thirty seconds, Riku's resistance crumbled. "Fine." He grumbled. He tried to pull away again. "Sora. Let me go. You can stay in bed. I don't care."
"No, we can stay in bed. You have to stay right here with me. Like when we were kids." Sora said. Before your dad decided that we were too old for sleepovers.
Riku was the only person Sora knew, other than Sephiroth of course, that could pull off a death glare while blushing. "And why would I stay in bed with you?"
"Because you're my best friend and you love me?" When Riku's expression didn't waiver Sora added, "Because I missed you?"
When Riku sighed long-sufferingly and Sora grinned. He normally didn't exercise his Riku-manipulation skills. Only when it was in the older boy's best interest. Really. Once he was sure that Riku wasn't going to try and get up he released the front of Riku's shirt and made him get under the comforter. Then he threw his arm over Riku's waist and his leg across Riku's knees. Riku held himself stiffly while Sora got situated. "Sora-"
"Just because Riku." Sora cut him off. "I missed you." I spent so much time searching for you, looking in every crowd and listening to ever rumor and I am not going to let you pull away from me now that I finally have you back.
After a moment, Riku asked "… Just like when we were kids, huh?" His voice was soft and sad and reminded Sora for a moment of Axel's.
Sora shook his head. "No. It's different now." He sought out Riku's hand under the sheets. "We're different now."
"Sora…" Riku was tense beneath him, his body thrumming with tension, with the need to escape. Out of the two of them, Riku had always been the one more prone to running away.
"Sometimes I miss the way things used to be. I keep looking back and trying to figure out where it all went wrong, because it was before all this- duty and darkness and destiny." Sora said.
"Before I betrayed you?"
Sora sighed at the way Riku's voice shook. "I don't care about that."
"Sora, I chose the darkness-"
"It doesn't matter!" Sora snapped, surprising himself with his own vehemence. He continued in a softer voice. "I don't care. It doesn't matter. You chose us in the end." Sora pillowed his head on Riku's shoulder.
"I should have chosen you all along!" Riku insisted.
"And I should have paid more attention to you, should have noticed that something wasn't right between the three of us. I should have argued with Donald when he said you couldn't come with us. I should have tried harder to talk with you rather than just insist that you were wrong." Sora sat up a little and leaned over his friend. "We were both stupid Riku." He dipped his head down until their foreheads were touching, and Riku inhaled sharply. "It doesn't matter now. The only thing that matters to me is that I have you back." He kissed Riku's forehead, then his cheeks, then his chin. "I love you stupid. I'd forgive you anything. Anything." And he meant it.
Riku exhaled loudly, and all the tension seemed to leave his body. "One of these days being so kind is going to get you hurt."
"But not by you." Sora said with conviction.
Riku wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and pulled him back down, then turned so that they lay on their sides facing each other. "No. Not by me. It'll never be by me again." he promised.
Sora reached out and buried his hand in long silver hair, carefully tugging Riku's face closer to his. "I know. I love you." he repeated, because the older boy needed to be reassured of this fact. He would say it as many times as necessary to make Riku understand that he didn't blame him, that he loved him, that he needed him, and most importantly, that Riku deserved that love, that forgiveness.
He would make Riku understand that they were still SoraandRiku, cohorts and best friends and now something more, something deeper, something that Sora wasn't ever giving up.