Into the deep
A/N This came to me while I was suppose to be revising for exams.
Pairing: Mac/Stella all the way.
Disclaimer: I…sob…own…sob…nothing…
Summary: It's time to let go.
11th September 2008
It's sunny today but it's not particularly warm; about right for mid September. Today, of all days and I'm thinking about the weather. All day I hide in my office, luckily, being boss no questions you except one person…the one person I know full well that I couldn't live without right now.
It's funny, as I'm thinking about this, this woman, my anchor, my saviour. I caress the ring on my finger that doesn't belong to her. It's this realisation that makes me know for certain that it is time.
Before I know it, it's nearly 10:30 in the evening and the sun has long since disappeared. It's now a notice that I haven't seen her all day. Is it because she knows what day it is and knows me too well and knows that I like to be left alone? Suddenly, I don't care what the time is and I'm driving across New York City to her apartment. I'm not sure how long it takes…I'm so tired I can't grasp a concept of time; I just need to see her.
When I knock on the door, she answers quickly; almost like she was expecting me…she really does know me too well.
"Mac?" she says softly, almost sympathetically when she sees my tired eyes although I know she doesn't mean it. All the time my thumb is still fiddling with the ring. I'm not sure if she even noticed it or not. Through all the emotion, I manage to utter my first words that I have spoken to her all day.
"I'm ready" I say. I don't like sounding helpless but right now, I that's how I really feel and I can't seem to be able to do anything about it.
"What for?" she asks, but then she knows. She grabs her coat and keys and we walk out of her apartment block in silence.
"Where do you want to go?" she asks. I merely get in my car and motion for her to get into the passenger side and she doesn't question my motive once; that's how much she trusts me.
I don't really know where I'm going or where I want to do this. I just keep driving before I change my mind. My subconscious takes me to Brooklyn Bridge and I smile, knowing that this is the place. Stella, by now, is looking extremely worried as I approach the railing looking down at the water below. I turn to her suddenly and she jumps…I didn't realise how nervous I'd made her feel.
I step up onto the railing and she gasps heavily. For the first time in that day and laugh hesitantly. It's hesitant I admit, but it's a start.
"Don't worry" I say, as she lets out a breath I don't think she knew she was holding.
"I'm not gonna jump, I promise" I finish as I slide the precious metal off my ring finger and hold it to my lips and kiss it for the last time. It has become warm in my grasp and reminds me of Claire's warm skin. I shut my eyes tight as I cast it mightily into the waters below, the winds whipping around me as I try to listen for the sound of the ring hitting the surface of the water.
I wait for my regret to set it…but it doesn't. I love Claire, I always will, and with that, my thoughts sink to the deep with the precious ring that was my wife. Slowly, I climb down from the railing, Stella is still behind me. I can feel her smiling…is she proud of me?
I step down and take her hand…it's time I moved on.
A/N I didn't have a beta for this, as you've probably noticed. I was typing so fast to get the idea out before I forgot it…I'm sure you've all experienced that!
Please review!