A/N- WARNING- IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SAPPY ROMANTIC LOVE STORIES AND/OR UNDECIDED OR POINTLESS PONDERING SONGFICS, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!! That said, I own nothing you recognise. Long live Taylor Swift, I love her for writing all these songs that apply wonderfully to all my songfic needs. And I love anyone who reviews this story. ~LU
Breathe (Lyrics by Taylor Swift)
I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all that time
The angry sky pours down buckets of icy spray on our heads as I turn coldly and walk away from you like a robot: my movements are cold and jerky; I have to focus on taking one step through the squelching mud at a time. I can picture your face in my mind as I leave you behind, as I lengthen this gap between us; as wave over wave of shock washes over me, and I repress a shudder that has nothing to do with the frigid rain trickling down my back and dripping off my sandy hair. A single, hot tear streaks down my face, the warm, salty sorrow mixing with the cold, indifferent traces of the storm around me.
I couldn't believe that I, Remus John Lupin, had broken up with the love of my life, Colette Hannah McComb. People are people; I know she hasn't changed her mind. I still love her, that's why I have to leave her. I'm not the right person for her; I'm not even a person. I'm a werewolf, too dangerous to be with any person, much less Colette. It's killing me to see us break apart after all this time, it's torturing me to see her like this, but it'll all work out for the better, at least for her. And she's the one that matters.
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
I breathe in, and breathe out. I'm out of the rain, but I can't force myself to look back at her. I'm up the castle steps, trudging down the halls. No-one notices as I slip into the common room quietly and head up into my dormitory.
Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
No-one's in the dormitory, Peter, James, and Sirius are probably off pranking some unfortunate soul. I flick my wand at the wizarding wireless, which promptly starts playing a gloomy, mournful tune. Perfect. I collapse on my mattress, and the tears overpower me. This was never the ending I'd wanted. I'd never even wanted an ending at all. But this was inevitable; I am a werewolf. Werewolves and beautiful girls like Colette just don't fall in love. There is never a happily-ever-after for the bad guy.
We never should have gone out, what was I thinking? I should've known it would end like this, that it would only carry me down. I wipe my eyes and search blankly for something to do, to take my mind off this bleak subject. Everything that comes to mind reminds me of her, though: studying, chocolate, even reading. Tears begin to fall once more, without my consent, yet I am unable to rein them in.
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no-one here to save me
You're the only one I know like the back of my hand.
And I can't breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe, without you; but I have to.
I knew this wouldn't be simple, not painless. This is killing me, I never wanted to break your heart, but it was breaking mine. I need to talk with James, and Sirius. Even Peter would be welcome now. But no-one is here. Least of all my gorgeous Colette. And no-one ever understands me like her, we really got each other. But of course I had to go and screw it all up. It's hurting me so much, I can't even breathe without her, but I'll just have to.
Never wanted this, never wanted to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
And nothing we can say is gonna save us from the fallout.
I never wanted to see this, watching myself wound her is like taking my heart and squeezing all the emotion that passes out in drastic spurts. The road had been smooth for her; I had made sure of that. Swerving all the bumps, but in my heart I knew our forbidden love could never work, no matter how much we wanted it. I am a werewolf. That changes everything, all the rules of normal love, and nothing either of us could say could save us from this fate. I am not a pessimist, but she had no idea what she was getting into, and that was all my fault.
And we know it's never simple never easy
Never a clean break, no-one here to save me
You're the only one I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe, without you, but I have to
It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend
I hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's 2am, feeling like I've just lost a friend
I hope you know this aint easy, easy for me.
This is worse than I ever imagined. That first, terrible, burning hole I created in my own heart will never heal. I need my friends to save me right now. Without her, it's like I can't breathe. I wonder if everyone else's breakups are like this, yet I doubt it. I refuse not to believe that we had something special. But that only makes the pain worse. I look at the clock to distract me; it's 2am. I've been lamenting for hours. I feel as if a part of me has broken, that it's gone, along with Colette. I wonder if she knows how hard this is for me, I wonder if it's this hard for her. It's as if I've just lost the best friend I ever could have had, could it be that this is just as horrible for her as well? Is this what it feels like, feeling your own heart breaking? I need to get back with her now, or surely I will die. I must get back with Colette!
And we know it's never simple never easy
I know our love would always be complicated. But it would still be love, a love so pure that my demon werewolf inside of me would flee, to be too close to an angel like Colette. Our love would be stronger than before. I know I shouldn't, but I don't think I can survive without her.
Never a clean break, no-one here to save me
Yes, this scar would never be mended, but now we would have no secrets from each other, therefore, our love would be more powerful. There is no-one I could love more than her. It is appalling for me to even consider this, but maybe, once I tell her I am a werewolf, she'll hate me and never wish to see me again. I would be completely deserving of that fate. But by the mere chance that she might still love me, there would be nothing that could separate us then. There would be no break in the first place.
And I can't breathe without you
I can't live without her, that's the plain and simple truth. Now, suddenly, my mind is clear, quickly I leap up and run to her dormitory, freezing the steps so that they do not turn into a slide. I run up them, two at a time, eager to see Colette.
But I have to breathe without you, but I have to
Catching my breath, I pound on her door. Perhaps she is asleep, but no, she answered, and I tuned out the eyes of her curious dorm-mates, speaking only for her: "Colette I am so sorry! I love you! I'm a werewolf, and that made our love so complicated, but I never meant…" my story came tumbling out, along with my thoughts, and she listened. I stood nervously, waiting for her response.
Breathe, without you, but I have to
All she said was, "I thought I'd have to live without you, and I couldn't bear it. Oh, Remus, I love you, too! And I'll always love you, werewolf or not!" And she proved her integrity by leaning in and kissing me, with glorious enthusiastic longing. Oh, I love Colette McComb with all of my heart, soul, and body forever. I can finally breathe.
A/N- Thanks to everyone who read, please review!!! I know this is a bit sappy ;) but tell me what you think- good, bad, ugly... I'd love to hear all your thoughts. (If I get over 15 reviews I will consider writing a chapter story about Remus and Colette, so, if your curious... :D) xD lotsa love, ~LU.