Also known as, "Chelsea, you destroyed my suspension of disbelief by book THREE, darling, and I'm getting sick of Gretchen obviously being your Author's Pet."
Archie Sheridan series belongs to Chelsea Cain. Jade and the CCDE are mine.
Other tangential references and owners in order of appearance: Lord of the Rings (Tolkien), Princess Bride (Bill Goldman), Deep Fathom (James Rollins), H2O: Just Add Water (Jonathan Shiff), Vega Jane (David Baldacci), Accelerati (Neal Shusterman), Chanters of Tremaris (Kate Constable), Runescape (Jagex), Circle of Magic (Tamora Pierce), Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling).
All the chapter titles (except 7) are takeoffs of the book titles. I think the violence is vague enough to be T instead of M.
1. heartsease
i. 201
Gretchen didn't respond, didn't pull back. She glared at him, eyes flashing, nearly foaming at the mouth, practically challenging him to hit her. All of a sudden, her beauty had vanished.
"Myyyyy preeeeeeeecioussssssss," came a hiss. All four turned to the left.
A blonde teenager was hunkered down on the floor of the cell, her face screwed up in a grotesque grimace, her eyes bugging out. "Preeeeecioussssss," she hissed again, pawing at the air, and made a noise that was somewhere between a choke and a cough. Behind the girl stood a glowing rectangle of light.
Susan blinked. She was hallucinating, surely.
Henry slowly released Gretchen's wrist. "Who is she and how did she get in here." He put one hand on his gun.
The girl instantly unfolded from her crouch and stood, cracking her neck. "What? He's totally her precious. Don't tell me he's not. She's obsessed with controlling him and making sure no one else gets him." She grabbed Gretchen by the shoulders and hauled the woman to her feet.
"So, Gollum—" and she shoved Gretchen, who fell straight through the light and vanished with a fading shriek "—enjoy your all-expenses-paid, one-way trip to the Sammath Naur."