Her Secret Love
It started out so innocently. At first she would smile at him, he would stare blankly back at her, and then they would go their separate ways. That's all it was, simple looks. Until it wasn't simple anymore.
She was almost seventeen years old, just two months from it, but she was still a child in his eyes. He was a man that she knew without a doubt. His mere presence radiated power and sensuality. She thought maybe she was the only one who ever picked up on it but she was proven wrong one night when she overheard Molly, Tonks and Minerva gossiping in the kitchen.
"A face of mystery all right." Tonks agreed, downing a gulp of firewhisky hazardously. Hermione peered around the corner and spotted the three women seated at the table.
"His voice. I noticed it when he was still a student." Minerva spoke up looking at Molly for something.
"Oh yes I remember when I first met him. I thought he probably had a hard life and then when he spoke I thought maybe he had a way with the witches. Imagine my surprise he was only fifteen!" Molly gushed happily.
Hermione frowned. Who were they talking about?
"Severus never showed much interest in dating when he was in school. Few were brave enough to pursue him." Minerva said, reaching for the bottle to refill her goblet. Hermione took a moment to ponder the absurdity of it all. The summer had just started, the end of her fifth year, and now three adult women she trusted were getting drunk in the kitchen of their secret headquarters. And they were talking about the love life of a fellow….what? Snape wasn't really considered a friend, but a fellow teacher?
Tonks refilled her goblet for the third time, "I thought of trying him out myself, but Remus has my heart and body!" She sang out of tune. Molly smiled pleasantly.
"I'm so happy for you both! Severus doesn't know what he's missing. Falling in love is the greatest feeling."
Minerva spoke up again, "I wouldn't be so sure, Molly. Not everyone is that lucky. Severus isn't and I sure wasn't."
Tonks nodded sadly, "I miss Albus terribly as well. I fear Remus and I might not get many years together. I can only hope."
Molly took a seat next to Minerva, "I've still had a hard time believing it. I never suspected you were married or even together. Albus was a great man and he seemed…superhuman most of the time. No one ever thought he would want for something as common as love."
Minerva nodded, "You know what they say about people who assume."
Tonks laughed suddenly, "Who thinks Snape's even been laid before!" She roared with laughter and Hermione grinned despite it all. Tonks was one of a kind.
"Tonks! Really!" Molly scolded but she was giggling herself. Minerva cracked a smile, "I don't believe he has. A shame really. You know what they say about noses…."
Hermione rolled her eyes. It was a myth. The size of a man's nose had no correlation to the size of his...male reproductive organ.
Molly laughed out loud, "Minerva, you naughty girl." Tonks slammed her goblet on the table, preparing to say something important.
"Ladies, we should make it our goal to find Snape a girl before he croaks during the war. I mean his right hand gets the job done but really a man needs a woman...or possibly another man but I don't think Snape leans that way."
Molly and Minerva all nodded seriously.
"It's a mission!" Tonks sang and reached for more whisky. Hermione ducked out of the hall and back up to her room, barely stifling her laughter. She prayed to merlin they all forgot their 'mission' by morning.
Perhaps that was what opened her mind to the new Severus Snape. Severus Snape the man. He was available in her mind now, single, most likely a virgin, and off limits all at the same time. The looks started when he visited headquarters, which seemed like every other day. Molly always pressured him into staying for super, though he put his foot down on staying the night.
Hermione sat next to him at the table. She seemed to be the only one brave enough to, aside from Dumbledore, but he was gone now. She was sitting next to the man who killed him too. Professor Dumbledore had confided in Minerva before he died, he'd told her everything.
It was lucky for Snape or the whole order would have been after him.
So she sat next to him and Tonks sat on his other side next to Remus and it was that simple. Only every time she reached for her drink she saw his eyes follow her every movement. No one seemed to notice it expect for her so maybe she was just imagining it. After all what did he want with her? She was just his student and a child stuck in a war.
The first two weeks of the summer passed that way. Snape would show up every other day, report to Minerva and Molly, stay for dinner and then leave with a full stomach. At every meal she sat next to him but they hadn't uttered a word to each other. Hermione wasn't that brave yet.
It was the third week of June when a sounding pop of an apparation was heard through the safe house. Hermione was alone in the house, not counting the elves and Mundungus. No one ever counted him.
She grabbed her wand off her side table and to the stairs two at a time. Snape was lying on his back, a puddle of blood pooling around his left arm. She pulled in a shocked breath and ran to his side. He was twitched slightly all over; she could see his muscles moving of their own accord under his skin. She felt her stomach roll but too a deep calming breath before spelling away a portion of his sleeve. He wasn't aware enough to tell her what happened so she would have to find out herself.
Why did this have to happen the day no one was here! Snape's dark mark was twisting and rolling and she knew there was nothing she could do. This was advanced dark magic that she couldn't possible understand. So she healed the superficial cuts and bruises all over his body and cleaned away the blood.
She levitated him up the stairs into a spare bedroom, the house seemed to have an endless supply of bedrooms, and settled him on the bed. She pulled open the bathroom cabinet hoping for some kind of potion. She knew Snape had suffered from the torture curse and was being hurt from his mark so a pain potion was all she could think of to give him. Hermione didn't want to make him worse.
There wasn't anything in the bathroom for him and she resigned herself to having to wait until someone returned. They wouldn't be gone long. The boys had gone to a game for the Canons, after begging to go for the entire summer. Molly, Minerva and Tonks had gone out to restock the kitchen and had taken the men with them. Ginny had gone with the boys after pleading with her mother.
Hermione had vouched to stay behind immediately. She didn't really have much love for the sport and would rather stay and keep watch here.
She pulled up a chair and watched him with close eyes. His mark had stopped twisting around on his arm, but his body was still tense and twitched every so often.
"Where am I?" Hermione jumped when he spoke. She had been sure he wasn't awake!
"Headquarters. In a spare bedroom." Hermione said instantly, standing and moving away from the bed. She didn't know what to do.
"I'm assuming that you are the only one here?" He asked and opened his eyes to look at her. He looked calm and collected.
"I…yes...well Mundungus is here…Minerva and Molly went shopping to restock the kitchen. They won't be back till this evening. The boys went to a Canons game this morning. I don't know when they will return." Hermione stammered and looked helplessly to the door.
"I would love to not have to ask this of you but I need you to tell me how you found me and in what condition. I have no memory of deciding to come here." He told her softly. Hermione gulped.
I found you about fifteen minutes ago. You apparated inside the front door, like normal, and I found you laying on your back. You had lots of shallow cuts all over and bruises. I healed them. You weren't aware of anything. I…it seemed like your mark was…hurting you somehow. There was nothing I could do so I just brought you up here…" Hermione wished she would stop stuttering. How was he supposed to understand any of what she just said?
Snape moved his arms slowly and sat up gracefully. Hermione watched him anxiously, heart in her throat. She hoped she hadn't made anything worse.
"There was nothing you could have done, Miss Granger. It's perfectly fine, what you did. Thank you." He said humbly and Hermione flushed to the roots of her hair. Never in her life had she thought Snape would thank her for anything.
"You're welcome, Professor." She said softly and rubbed her hands together. Snape was frowning at something and didn't respond.
"I can't move." He said at last, sounding sad more than anything. Hermione let out a gasp of shock which he scowled at.
"It's a side effect of the curse, Miss Granger. It happens, only I've only experienced it once before. It lasted for a few hours. Could I trouble you for some water?" He asked politely, lying back down on the pillows. Hermione ran from the room down into the kitchen.
Mundungus was eating everything that was left in the kitchen when she showed up.
"Who's here, Girly?" He asked his mouth full of food. Hermione grimaced, "Professor Snape. He was hurt and I suggest you stay right where you are." Hermione warned as she filled up a glass of water.
"You sure? Wouldn't want anything inappropriate to happen up there…" He said with a leer. Hermione huffed in disgust.
"Unlike you Professor Snape isn't a lewd dishonorable man. Just stay down here and try not to choke on all that food." Hermione snapped and made her way back up the stairs. She took a deep breath before entering the room. Snape was staring at her strangely when she handed him the glass of water. She ignored it at first but he just kept staring.
"Yes, Professor?" She asked finally taking her seat again. He drained the glass of water and set it on the table before turning back to her.
"Nothing, Miss Granger. I can already feel my feet again. I should be fine in an hour, maybe less."
She smiled in relief, "Well I'm glad."
Hermione wanted to desperately ask him what had happened but she knew he wouldn't tell her. He would probably sneer at her and never speak to her again. It occurred to Hermione that this was the first they'd ever spoken outside of Hogwarts.
"I think I'll try and sleep. Would you make sure no one disturbs me when they return?" He asked, easing his dead legs down the bed. Hermione nodded and slipped from the room, shutting the door behind her. It felt good to help.
Molly and Minerva were worried sick when they returned and Hermione told them what happened. She told them he didn't want to be disturbed and he would come down when he felt like it. As it turned out, he didn't come out until halfway through dinner. He took very slow steps and sat in his usual seat next to Hermione.
Everyone stared at him for a long moment until he looked up, "Yes?"
No one said a word. Hermione smothered a laugh which drew attention to her. Snape raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing as he started to eat his dinner.
"Hermione dear, I hope it wasn't too much work staying here on your own. I felt worried leaving you here with…Mundungus." Molly's eyes darted around the room as if he were still in the house.
"I was fine. Plus Mundungus is too cowardly to go after me. I'm not a completely helpless little girl." Hermione assured her with a smile. Minerva choked on her water and leaned toward Hermione.
"Has he ever…"
Hermione shrugged, "Not really but he always has something crude to say to me. One day I'll just hex his bits off." Harry and Ron burst into laughter, probably because their friend rarely said anything so brazen.
"So what he said this morning is a regular occurrence?"
Hermione turned to Snape, eyes wide, "Well yes, but… it usually pertains to himself."
Snape shook his head, finished eating and stood, "I'll report to you tomorrow Minerva. I need rest. It's nothing of importance either way."
Minerva nodded solemnly and watched as he left. No one missed his slow, aching steps.
"Hermione what did he say?" Tonks asked.
"He just said that he didn't want anything inappropriate to happen upstairs. I brought Professor Snape some water. I told Mundungus not to bother him."
Minerva and Molly scowled angrily but Hermione didn't really mind. She was used to it.
"Well we won't be leaving him alone with any of you girls again. He's too unpredictable. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Molly assured her with a motherly smile.
That was the real start to their relationship, Hermione thought. Helping him that way made him pay attention to her and then defending him to Mundungus was a rarity he hadn't experienced. How many people stood up for Severus Snape? Not many and most of them were dead.
Snape showed up at the headquarters the same day that school supply lists showed up. Hermione was smiling excitedly at her list, prefect badge, and grades of her owls when he swept into the kitchen, sneering. She looked up at him with a smile still on her face and he froze for a long moment. They just stared at each other and slowly her smile faded into a frown. There was something different about him. His hair, she realized, looking glossy and freshly washed. The overall look was the same, perhaps cleaner. Strange that she'd even noticed it.
"I've been told to escort you to Diagon Alley for your supplies." He said at last, his gaze lowering to her hands. She swallowed thickly.
"Umm alright. When?"
He rolled his eyes, "Now, obviously."
She jumped up from the table, "I'll be right back then."
"Hurry up; I don't have all day, Miss Granger." He called after her. Hermione rolled her eyes. He probably did have all day.
Hermione had put on the last pieces of her clean clothes that morning, dreading doing all her laundry for the school year. The house elves took care of it there but here Hermione had to do her own, as molly had too much with her own kids. She was wearing a light blue sun dress from the previously summer so it was about two inches short and a little tight around her chest. She hadn't felt like washing something else to wear and now she was out of time. Hermione slipped on her shoes and grabbed her bag with the endless bottom. She lived and breathed out of that bag.
He was standing by the door waiting impatiently for her. He glared when she came into view, "I thought you were changing."
"Today was supposed to be laundry day. There's nothing wrong with what I'm wearing. It's perfectly warm outside." She insisted though she knew what he meant. Something like this would draw attention to her…and by default him.
He scowled but held out his hand. She looked at it, frowning.
"You can't apparate on your own, Miss Granger." He said and she laughed nervously. Hermione placed her hand in his, surprised that it was warm and not ice cold.
The room spun around them and they were suddenly in the middle of a crowded street. A firm hand rested on her shoulder and guided her towards the book shop. She kept close to him, dreading his reaction if she managed to get lost.
He let her purchase all her own books while she saw him purchasing some of his own.
"They are for Molly's many children." He told her when she asked what he was buying. She guessed it made since for him to get the books while they were there.
"I need new school robes, Professor." She informed him once she'd purchased the rest of her things. He sighed helplessly, but she didn't think he minded all that much. Hermione led the way to the shop, smiling as the breeze blew her hair out of her face.
The workers in the shop rushed to her aid the moment she stepped in the shop.
"What house are you in dear?" One asked.
"Gryffindor."
She pulled out the colors and had Hermione stand up on the stage at the back of the room. Snape chose to stand at the door, looking around the store, anywhere but at her.
"Well you are just a beauty, aren't you?"
Hermione flushed at the elderly woman bent down the take her measurements.
"Thank you."
The woman finished quickly and handed Hermione three sets of new robes for the year. "Have a wonderful year, honey." She said sincerely. Hermione smiled at her brightly.
Hermione made her way to where Snape was standing, after making sure her bag was secured around her waist.
"All fin-
Her words were cut off when a green light flashed inches from her face. Snape reacted instantly, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her from the shop. All the shops in Diagon alley had anti apparation shields, for shop lifters so they had to make their way out of the crowds.
People were screaming, being tortured. She let Snape hold her against him without a fight and wished he would get them out of there before they were hurt. A cutting hex hit her on the cheek, ripping the skin open. Hermione let out a whimper but she didn't scream or cry. She knew it wouldn't help. Snape erected a shield around them and forced her into a narrow alley way. People were scrambling the streets wildly, and she saw the death eaters marching through like an unstoppable force.
"They've put up anti- apparation wards. We're stuck here until this is over." He told her in a whisper. His lips were right next to her air, and she could almost feel them. They were pressed against each other, chest to chest. Hermione rest her head against the cold stone wall. Her face was stinging with pain and there was blood dripping down her cheek and neck.
He reached a hand over and tilted her head up. "It's very shallow, you'll be fine." He told her gruffly. She swallowed her fear and tried to calm her racing heart, "I know." Her eyes met his for a second, her brown ones lost in his black ones.
He let go of her chin abruptly and turned back to the street. The death eaters had moved further down the street so he pulled her out of the alley.
Snape led them to a rusty old bar that had been completely destroyed. The bar tender was elderly and struggling to clean up the mess even though it was a lost cause.
"Does your floo still work?" Snape asked quickly and the man motioned for him to try. He pushed me in first and the whole floor shook with some kind of explosion. Snape jerked and fell to his knees, gasping. A rather large piece of roof had fallen at an odd angle and hit in in the back. He tried to regain his breath, "Call the name. Head..." He started to cough, and his teeth bit into his lips, drawing blood. Hermione grabbed the floo powder and disappeared in green flames. She stumbled out onto the floor, landing painfully on her knees. She crawled out of the way just in time for Snape to fall next to her.
Molly and Minerva rushed into the room, calling for help.
"Hermione! Are you all right?" Molly asked, helping her to her feet. Hermione nodded; there was a ringing in her ears.
"I'm sleepy." She muttered and closed her eyes.
"Severus? What happened?"
Hermione fell into blackness.
She woke up a whole day later to yelling.
"What has been going on? This isn't innocent!" That was Harry yelling. Hermione swung her feet out of bed and went downstairs. She was still wearing her blue dress, not spattered with blood and dirt.
Harry was waving around a copy of the Daily Prophet.
"What's going on?" She asked sharply. Molly, Minerva, Tonks, and Harry were in the kitchen arguing of the paper.
"This! You've been shagging Snape!" Hermione raised an eyebrow incredulously but took the paper from him.
It was picture of her and Snape. For a moment Hermione was surprised but then she remembered the moment. They were standing in the alley, his hand tilting her chin up to look at her cut. Their eyes had met and someone had snapped a picture of it even while people were being tortured. How horrible were people these days?
"It's a picture Harry. It was very crazy that day and I hardly think it means I'm shagging my Professor." Hermione tired to calm him but Harry was stressed and to angry to care. He said something she thought he couldn't be capable of.
"Well how else do you get such good grades in Potions?"
Minerva and Molly gasped while Tonks dropped the glass she'd been holding. It shattered all over the floor but she didn't move to clean it up. No one said a word.
Hermione took a step toward and harry slapped him across the face as hard as she could. He tumbled into the counter and breathed in deeply.
"You're disgusting, Harry." Hermione said coldly.
"I agree." Professor Snape said in a dangerous voice. Hermione didn't look at him, just kept staring at Harry. How could he say something so horrible to her? After she'd been attacked and hurt!
"Mr. Potter, you should go." Minerva spoke up and Harry didn't hesitate to leave. Hermione placed the paper on the table and sat down in a vacant seat. Some part of her knew he hadn't really meant it but that he'd even thought it hurt so much.
"Only a day had passed?" Snape asked. Minerva nodded.
"Hermione let me heal your face. We don't want that to scar. You've got such beautiful skin." Molly said and pulled out her wand.
Hermione sat quietly while Molly worked on her. She didn't look at Snape once. There was nothing to say.
The rest of the summer was gone quickly. Hermione only saw Snape at dinner and he'd stopped looking at her. There weren't any more smiled or lingering glances anymore. She missed them a lot which was wrong on so many levels.
September first was a good day for Hermione. She would be seventeen in just eighteen days and that seemed like something to look forward to.
Harry and Hermione hadn't really repaired their friendship but he hadn't been rude or hostile to her. Hermione guessed she would have to accept he wasn't man enough to apologize for what he said. The ride to the school was tense and awkward, until she left to go to the prefect's compartment. It was too much for her to stand the whole train ride with them.
Hermione didn't realize just how isolated her summer had been until she went to class the next morning. People stared at her as she walked to Charms class, without Harry or Ron tagging along. Instead Ginny and Luna were walking next to her.
"Guys, do you think people are staring at me?" Hermione whispered to them, her eyes darting around the hall. Ginny looked up and frowned, "Yeah now that you mention it. Why are-"
Hermione shrugged and bid them goodbye as she ducked into the Charms room. Only a few people were there and the room fell silent as soon as she entered. Hermione took her seat and tried her best to ignore their stares.
Professor Binns arrived with a flurry of students, all of whom stared at her while taking their seats. Hermione was getting rather fed up with their behavior and it was only the first day back.
She didn't figure it out until lunch time later that day. Two guys were walking behind her on their way to the Great Hall for lunch and she heard them whispering.
"Do you think she does it for the other teachers too?" One asked with a snicker.
"I bet she goes down on Snape while she has detention. Think she does it for Potter and Weasely's grades too? The buffoons are shit at potions."
Hermione pulled her wand out and dug it into the boy's throat before she could really think about what she was doing. The boys eyes widen comically and he backed into the wall, still under her wand.
"What are you going on about?" Hermione snarled. The boys friend stood off to the side, too much of a coward to help him out.
"Nothing, alright?" He insisted but Hermione pressed her wand into his throat with a warning.
"You and Snape. The paper has been printing stuff about the both of you like crazy. How have you not seen it!" He blurted and turned his head away from her wand. It didn't matter though because Hermione lowered her wand and ran from the hall.
Hermione had hoped it would all blow over after a few days, but after the first Potions lesson she knew this would last a very long time, possibly the whole year.
Her birthday came quickly and she thought maybe today would be different for her. She was wrong. Harry and Ron must have forgotten and Ginny never sought her out. Her birthday had been the same every year and they had never forgotten before.
Hermione went through the day, blurry eyed and hurt. She was seventeen years old today; an adult in the wizarding world and no one seemed to care.
Hermione spent her evening in the library, wanting nothing to do with her friends. The books were more considerate than they were anyway. Time got away from her and she didn't gather her things to leave until well after curfew.
"Happy Birthday, Miss Granger. Good night." Hermione turned around when Madam Pince called out to her. Her eyes filled with tears, "Thank you."
The librarian remembered her birthday. The thought filled Hermione with sadness as she trudged through the hallways.
"Out after curfew?"
Professor Snape appeared from nothing in front of her, his black teaching robes billowing. Dread filled Hermione and she looked around to make sure no one could see them. That had been a goal of hers, avoiding Snape at all costs.
"Sorry Professor." Hermione murmured and shifted on her feet nervously. He looked at her angrily.
"Don't be sorry, don't be out after curfew!" He snapped and Hermione flinched away from him. She took a long look at him and realized she wasn't the only on stressed out by the situation.
"It won't happen again, Sir."
"Too right it won't. Detention, tomorrow at seven." He barked and she gasped in horror.
"With you!" Hermione blurted before she could stop herself. She didn't need this. It was her birthday for Merlin's sake!
He raised an eyebrow, "Yes. Is that a problem?"
Hermione thought about just letting it go but she couldn't. "Yes it is. People are already giving me a horrible time. Could I serve it with someone else, please?"
She didn't care she was practically begging him. Snape's eyes closed, "I'd forgotten for a moment. You will serve your detention with Minerva, then."
She breathed out in relief, "Thank you, and sir."
He looked at her then, really looked at her, like he used to. It was the look she missed seeing every other day at Headquarters. Her breath caught in her throat but she didn't break his stare. It was too powerful.
Then he turned and disappeared down the hall as quickly as he appeared.
September flew by and Hermione received many apologies for forgetting her birthday. Things had just been stressful for everyone. Hermione didn't have enough energy to hold a grudge against them.
October was easier on Hermione. She still received the occasional mean stare of disgust but the rumors had died down almost completely. That was a good and bad thing. Hermione had taken to staying in the library after curfew and while Madam Pince didn't mind at all, Professor Snape did. His rounds were only to check around the floor the library was located on so each time she was caught he was the once catching her.
Until tonight he'd always given her detention with Minerva, but the rumors were almost gone now and he was growing frustrated with Hermione.
"You'll serve this detention with me. Minerva is too easy on you if you keep doing this." He'd snapped at her.
Hermione made her way down to the Potions classroom, wishing she would have brought Harry's invisibility cloak. People were staring at her with astonished expressions.
"She's going there for that now? During dinner?" Someone asked incredulously. Hermione took off in a run and burst into the classroom without knocking. She slammed the door closed behind her, panting furiously. She was flushed with embarrassment but even more so with anger.
"You're two minutes early." His low voice said from behind his desk. He had obviously been in the process of putting on his teaching robes because he wore only a plain white button up shirt and black slacks.
"They were….I had to get out of there." Hermione breathed and sank down the door to the floor. Too much!
"I thought those ridiculous rumors had passed." He said, shock marring his voice.
"No! Now they'll be worse too." Hermione groaned and the insanity of the situation dawned on her. She burst into laughter, which turned into sobs.
"This is your fault!" She yelled standing up finally. She couldn't remember ever being so angry. Snape crossed the distance between them so he was only a few steps away.
"Excuse me!" He snarled.
"You heard me! This is your fault. You've done nothing to help me and you've gone and made it worse. You gave me detention on my birthday too!" Hermione yelled and Snape seemed to grow with his anger.
"What should I have done? Nothing would have stopped those vultures from spreading lies about you or me. I thought you would rise above it! It wasn't true!"
"I know it isn't true! They all believe that it is! They truly think that I've lowered myself to sleeping with you for good grades. Not just my grades either! Harry's, Ron, and Ginny's. The things they've said! You could have done something! Punished them for saying things like that around you! But you did nothing!" Hermione screamed at him. She was crying also, but that didn't really matter when she was that angry.
"I could have done that, but then they would have decided that I was lying and trying to cover up our 'affair'. I tried to think of something to do to help, but I couldn't. I am a busy man."
Hermione deflated and sat down in a chair, "Where does that leave me? I can't do anything, go anywhere without people saying that I'm coming down here to..." She flushed and wiped her tears away.
He sat down in the seat next to her to Hermione's surprise. "I admit some of the things they've come up with are too vulgar to repeat but you've just got to ignore it. Don't lose your temper, like you did just now."
Hermione glared at him, "I didn't lose my temper. You were being a git and inconsiderate!"
He snarled at her, "Damn it woman we just went through this! There was nothing I could do!"
Hermione was just inches away from him now, could almost feel his body heat. Her eyes locked on his black ones alight with anger. She reacted without thinking and gripped him by the neck, sealing her lips over his in a moment of desperation.
All these weeks she had been telling herself how horrible all these rumors were and how they weren't true. They weren't true, but there was something undeniable between them and she was too exhausted to fight it any longer. She wanted it.
Snape came to life under her touch, pulling her against him in a violent motion. She fell into his lap, feeling his hands grip her narrow waist. It was a feeling of bliss. All the worry and stress melted away when he touched her. She loved it.
"You're insane." He breathed once she had to breathe. Hermione rolled her eyes, "So are you."
It didn't feel wrong of her to kiss him again and again until he wouldn't let their mouths separate. He slid his hands up her bare thighs, under her skirt to cup her rear. Hermione rocked against his hips, kissing him relentlessly.
"This won't end well, Miss Granger." He warned as she started to unbutton his shirt. Hermione looked him in the eyes.
"Tell me what is going to end well."
He had no answer.
A routine developed after that visit. Most nights Hermione went to his rooms for one thing and one thing only. She was an adult now and she could make the choice for herself. Hermione could now ignore the rumors with ease. They were halfway true now and she found she didn't care. Harry was getting suspicious of her though. A hickey had appeared on her thigh, though why Harry was looking there she didn't know, and he'd seen it when she'd bent over to pick up her bag. She'd have to have Snape heal the marks he left on her from now on.
Halloween showed up quickly and Hermione found herself tangled in Snape sheets that night like on many others. Only he was in a strange mood.
Hermione propped herself up on an elbow and looked over at him.
"What with you?" That's how she had to speak to him to ever get him to say anything. Sarcasm and witty remarks were all he responded to.
"Nothing is 'with me'." He snapped and turned away from her. Hermione leaned down and licked the line of his spine. He shivered against his will.
"Woman!" He warned but Hermione drug her fingers along his back in a soothing motion.
"Tell me. I want to know." She insisted.
"And anything you want you must have, am I right?" He said sarcastically, but turned to face her. His eyes didn't fall to her breast like they usually did. That was a sure sign something was wrong.
"Yes." She answered simply. Snape brought his hand to her face and moved it down her body, throwing the blanket from her. Hermione watched his face and he gazed upon her.
"Severus?"
He closed his eyes at hearing his given name fall from her lips. He'd only heard it before when she was in the throes of passion. There was something she couldn't place in his expression right now. It was in the way he was looking at her.
"You…you like me don't you!" She gasped with a smile. Severus winced and kept his perusal of her body. She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, forcing him to look at her.
"It's fine. I like you too." She assured him and kissed his lips gently.
Hermione entered Severus's private rooms expecting to see him there getting undressed. He wasn't there though and she frowned with disappointment. She hadn't seen him all week and tomorrow everyone was leaving for the holidays. This was there last night together for weeks.
Hermione wasn't afraid to admit she was getting attached to him, the pleasure he could give her, and the happiness he brought her.
Where was he?
She took off her shoes and set her bag on the nightstand she had commandeered. Somehow she didn't think he minded too much.
The floo roared to life and Severus fell through it, stumbling to the ground. He was writhing with agony and his screams were almost too loud to be human. She grabbed her wand and cast a sound proofing charm around his rooms. Blood poured from his wrists but the real injury was his hip. A knife was lodged into it. It didn't look life threatening but it sure hurt.
Hermione cast a body bind on him so she could rip it out. He screamed and didn't stop screaming until the wound had been cleaned and sealed. Moans of pain escaped his mouth every so often but the worst was over.
Hermione spelled his bloodied shirt and death eater robes away leaving him in his pant and shoes. Blood covered almost every inch of his torso and she saw that shallow cuts crisscrossed all over him. She summoned and bowl of water and a rag before levitating him to the bed. She crawled next to him and began the slow process of rinsing the blood from his pale skin. It would have been faster to spell it off but the warmth would help his muscles relax better. She knew from experience now what helped him.
What she hadn't been prepared for was for Minerva to tumble out of the floo. She was covered in his blood and the knife lay on the ground next to the bed. Minerva dropped her wand for the shock of it all.
Hermione set the rag and bowl of water to the side and spelled the rest of his body clean. She took out one of his clean shirt and slipped it over his head carefully before pulling the blanket over his body. The blood had dried on her arms and ruined the uniform she was wearing.
She led Minerva to the sitting room. "He'll be all right in the morning, unless he can't move." She told her after the silence had last too long.
"Why would he…a child!" Minerva's face turned up in disgust.
"I'm seventeen, Minerva. He never touched me before then." Nothing left but brutal honesty.
She shuddered, "There aren't any rules against this, but I do not approve at all, Hermione. It won't end well."
Hermione smiled sadly, "He told me the same."
Minerva rubbed her temples, "Just take care of him." Minerva went back to her own rooms without another word. That left Hermione to tend to Severus. Hermione didn't mind and went to sit next to him. She curled against his body, sharing her warmth. She'd take care of him.
She ended up having to leave him before he woke the next morning. She just hoped he would show up at Headquarters when he was well enough.
It took two days for him to show up. Hermione was washing dishes in the kitchen after everyone had gone to bed. He snuck up on her but she'd seen his reflection in the water.
Hermione turned and jumped into his arms, squeezing the life out of him.
"Hermione!" He wheezed and she released him with a grin. She looked him over, remembering just how hurt he'd been when she'd seen him last.
"I'm fine. I don't remember any of it, but Minerva had a lot to say to me." Hermione winced. She'd almost forgotten the woman had found them out.
"I didn't know what to do and there was no hiding-
He pressed a kiss to her lips, silencing her. She melted into his arms with a sigh. She could kiss him forever.
"It's fine. We're doing nothing illegal." Hermione didn't miss how he'd worded that. No, they weren't doing anything illegal but they were doing something wrong.
Hermione pulled away from him, "Are you staying?"
He nodded hesitantly and let her lead him to her bedroom.
The Christmas holidays were tame and safe, just how everyone liked it. Everyone was happy for once and together. Minerva was the only one unhappy and Hermione wasn't the only one noticing.
"Miss Granger, please move out of my way." Minerva snapped at Hermione one morning after breakfast. Hermione moved out of her way without a word, used to their new relationship. Tonks however was shocked.
"Minerva! Surely you could have asked nicely."
"I could have, yes." Minerva said and swept from the room. Hermione sighed and avoided Tonks' curious looks.
Severus was noticing as well, "I'm sorry you've lost a friend in her." He'd told her on one of his visits.
Hermione had grinned up at him, "Thank you, but I like to think she lost a friend in me."
Hermione sent Severus a happy Christmas card but she hadn't bought him a gift, it seemed like too much too soon for her. Besides what could he possibly want?
Severus didn't agree. He'd sent her a silver necklace with an intricate silver heart as a charm. She loved it, but wished he hadn't gotten her anything.
"Damn, Mione, who got that for you?" Ron exclaimed on Christmas morning. Everyone looked over at her necklace much to her embarrassment.
"Just my someone special." That was the story she'd been feeding her best friend. She explained that he was shy and not ready to meet them yet. Harry and Ron bought it easier than Ginny had.
Ron and Harry turned back to their own gifts, but the girls shot her envious looks. Well that was flattering and Hermione wondered if they would still be jealous if they knew who exactly the gift was from.
Hermione was glad to be back in school, mostly because she could see Severus whenever she wanted rather than when no one was looking. After classes finished on Monday she headed to his rooms, barely noticing the stares anymore. He was scribbling away on parchments already. She would never understand his need to create more work for himself.
"Want some help?" She offered but he didn't answer her, just kept scribbling on his parchments. Hermione felt dread settle in her stomach. She sat down across from him, prepared for the worst.
"They found out about you." He said at last. Hermione swallowed her fear, "And? I mean…are you all right?"
He gripped his quill too harshly and it snapped, "No I am not! They want to…share. Of course I said that I don't share but…the dark lord he might have other ideas. I might be forced to take you to him! All because of a holiday letter!"
Hermione took a deep breath, "It might not come to that. He probably has more important things to worry about than who you're fucking."
Severus recoiled as if she'd slapped him and Hermione cursed herself for phrasing it like that. It was more than fucking, of course it was.
"I mean that's how he would see it, Severus, you know I care about you."
He let out a bitter laugh and shrugged off his teaching robes. "I'm just worried. My carelessness could very well have you raped and killed. It's not something I can just worry about tomorrow!"
Hermione slipped off her shoes and climbed into his lap, "Yes you can. Worry about it tomorrow and worry about us right now."
He relaxed against her body much to Hermione's delight. The floo opened and Minerva stepped through. She pretended Hermione wasn't seated in Severus's lap.
"There will be a meeting this Friday at Headquarters to initiate new members to the Order. You'll be needed." She informed him. Hermione rested her head against his chest and wished the floor would swallow her up.
"Very well, and Minerva please stop acting like such a child. Why are you being so hostile?"
Hermione moved from Severus lap and perched on his desk. She wanted to hear this as well. Minerva glared at the floor, "Because you're both being ridiculous. Do you really think you'll live happily ever after? One of you will die in this war or maybe both of you. Why put yourselves through this pain? The rest of us will deal with its fallout. I've been through this. I know how it ends!"
Hermione closed her met Severus's eyes with a sad smile. "I'd rather be with him and lose him than never be without him at all, Minerva. You cant blame me for that."
"You don't understand, but it doesn't matter. I'll see you both Friday."
Severus stood and pulled Hermione with him to his bedroom. He touched the silver chain that hung from her neck tenderly.
"Do you like it?" He asked uncertainly. Hermione smiled, "I love it."
The school year rushed by for Hermione. It was all about living right now and she was living. She loved Severus Snape and though she couldn't say it to him yet, she thought he knew.
It wasn't ever meant to go this far, she thought. It started with innocent looks. Lingering glances that held so much promise in them. Fighting a war with your lover isn't smart; it's actually just a setup for failure.
The night came when she had to leave him. Harry and Ron were going away and they needed her. She had to go with them to finish this war. Hermione had never had a harder time speaking to him than that night.
"I'm leaving in four days. Right after Bill's wedding. I cant tell you where I'm going either."
Severus turned to her with furious eyes, "You cant just leave me, Hermione. It doesn't work like that."
"Who knows how anything is supposed to work! I have to go with Harry and Ron. They need me. You don't need me the way they do." Hermione tried to reason with him.
Severus just stared at her, "I don't need you? Woman, I cant even think when you're not with me. I need you, Hermione, I need you."
Hermione had never expected such an honest and heartfelt plea for her to stay. She had expected anger and fury, not …not this.
"I don't have a choice. I have to go. He'll never die If I don't go, Severus. That's what matters here, killing that bastard." Hermione reasoned but he wasn't listening.
"No, for once in my pathetic life it's about me! Not him! I love you and I want you with me!"
She had thought there was an unspoken rule that they were to never say those words aloud.
"I'm sorry. I have no choice."
He fell to his knees then, lifeless. "You're going to leave me, after everything?"
It was so much. Kisses, smiles, looks, touches, caresses, all the love they had made and Hermione thought her heart would explode with it.
"I'll always be yours, no one else's. You're it for me, Severus. I'm doing this for us too." Hermione whispered as he knelt before her, bearing his heart.
This was the man she loved and she was breaking his heart.
"I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes. There wont be a day I don't think of you." He promised her and she took him to their bedroom. She had to make love to him once more because she didn't know if it might be the last time.
It took two months. Two months to destroy all the horcruxes and they still had two more to get rid of. Hermione followed Harry and Ron into the shrieking shack ready for a fight.
Severus was the first thing she saw and it took every ounce of herself control not to launch herself at him.
"I cant bring him to you, my lord." He whispered desperately. Only Hermione picked up on how desperate he sounded.
"I don't need you to, Severus. He will come to me. What I need is to master this wand. I cannot until it's previous master is dead. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Voldemort said and Hermione bit down on her hand to muffle her scream. She knew what he was saying. Hermione knew exactly what he was saying.
Severus did as well but he still pleaded, "Please my lord, let me bring the boy to you. I know I can."
"Dinner, Nagini." Voldemort hissed in a voice that wasn't human. Hermione watched as the snake's enormous jaws locked around Severus's throat and squeezed the life from him. Voldemort smiled sadly and disappeared from where he stood. Hermione through the cloak off of her body instantly and raced to his side.
"Severus! Open your eyes, damn it." She drained the venom from his would and sealed it up as best she could. He looked at her with a smile, "Hermione. You came back."
Hermione cradled his head in her lap, resting her forehead against his.
"Give this to Potter. He needs it to finish this." He motioned weakly to a flask inside his pocket. Hermione ripped his robes open and pulled the flask out, shoving it at Harry.
"Go watch it, Now!" She yelled and Harry dragged Ron out of the shack, leaving her with Severus.
"Severus…" Hermione whispered, stroking the hair away from his face. He was so pale.
"Yes?" He said weakly.
"Are you leaving me?"
Silence met her question and she shook with new sobs. "Please don't leave me yet. I wont leave you ever again please!
"I don't have a choice. Too much venom…" Severus's voice faded out completely and his eyes fell shut.
Hermione shook him, "No! Wake up!"
He didn't wake, he didn't move. He didn't breathe.
"No! No! No!" Hermione screamed and clutched him to her. His throat split open and his blood poured out, soaking her. She barely noticed.
"Severus?" She whispered at last. There was no answer. There never would be.
Five hours. That's how long it took for them to find her. Harry and Minerva found her, clinging to his body. Minerva stood in the entry way, feeling beyond her years.
"I told you. I tried to tell you."
Hermione turned her bloodshot eyes on her head of house, "You heartless bitch!" Hermione breathed before turning back to Severus. She rested her head on his motionless chest. He was so cold.
Harry touched her shoulder, "Hermione, he's gone. It's going to be okay, now."
Hermione didn't open her eyes, "It wont be okay until he's with me. Go away Harry, I want to be alone with Severus."
"Hermione, he's dead. You cant be with him." Harry said bluntly. She winced but said nothing for a long time.
"Then I wish I were dead too. I can be with him there, right? Can't I?"
"It doesn't work that way Hermione. Come on please." Harry explained but she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. Maybe the pain wouldn't be as bad there.
When she woke Hermione knew Severus wasn't with her anymore. Pain gnawed at her heart mercilessly.
"Oh, good you're up." That was Tonks sitting by her bed. Hermione stared at her for a long moment before turning away.
She didn't want to do or say anything.
"I'm sorry you lost him, Hermione. Everything will be okay, though. You'll move on." Tonks assured her.
Hermione jerked upright and glared at her.
"I will never move on or be okay, Tonks. I'll always be his. Always." Hermione swore and Tonks swallowed her shock.
Hermione laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes. She was going to spend the rest of her life being his, only his. None of them could understand what she went through. None of them knew what she felt!
This love would be in her heart forever. This pain would stay in her until she died. They could never understand that.
A/N: This had been floating around for a while and finally finished it. Hope you all like it despite the tears!