Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of the characters.
Confusion.
That was one thing I felt when the bullet hit me. Absolute and utter confusion. It wasn't so much confusion of what had happened. I knew what happened. The sheriff shot me. How corny that sounds in my mind. But I was confused about how this could happen. One minute, he was telling me he didn't want to fire me. He was telling me that I was a good CSI. And then the next, he pulled out his gun and shot me. No…he murdered me.
Shock.
That was another very strong emotion. I was shocked that he had shot me, certainly. And I was shocked that the sheriff, of all people, was Gedda's mole. I never would have guessed, not in a million years. The sheriff had always been so outspoken against the petty criminals and the dregs of society that gave Las Vegas one of the highest crime rates in the country. How could he have been the traitor that nearly got me arrested for murdering a man I did not kill? How had he become the very thing he professed to hate?
Anger.
That was an even stronger emotion that the other two. I was angry that he was able to kill me so easily. When I imagined dying, it was never like that. I always imagined going out in a hail of gunfire, protecting the ones I loved, kicking and screaming like the fighter I was. I had never imagined that two simple shots, fired by someone I inherently trusted, would be all that was necessary to take me down. I was also angry that he shot me at all. I hadn't done anything to threaten him in any way. I had even decided to drop the Gedda case. It didn't matter anymore, anyway, because Gedda was dead. Who was he to decide that it was time for my life to end? There were so many things I hadn't had the chance to do yet. So many things I wanted to try. And two simple shots was all it took.
Regret.
I regretted never telling Grissom how grateful I was to him for all the things he had done for me in the last several years. I regretted never telling Catherine how I really felt about her and I regretted never giving her the chance. I also regretted all the harsh things I had ever said to Greg and Nick and Brass. I regretted that I didn't get to tell Sara goodbye. I regretted jumping into marriage with Tina too fast and not sticking it out with her. I regretted that I didn't live life to the fullest.
Pain.
Pain was a strong feeling. I can't say that I was surprised, considering that I had just been shot, but the pain of the bullets was only part of it. The other part of the pain was for my friends and my family. They would be devastated when they learned of my death. Nick and Catherine and Grissom…they would be in so much pain when they heard that I had been murdered. I just hoped, through the pain that I felt, that they would be able to find out who did it. And in that I found…
Hope.
It was hope which was most persistently in my thoughts after I was shot. I hoped that the team, my family, would be able to find the truth and bring my killer to justice. I hoped that they would be able to move on after my death and keep doing the good work that they did everyday. It was not an easy life, being a CSI, but I hoped that each and every one of them would keep at it and keep righting the wrongs of the world, keep bringing the bad guys down. And it was in this hope that I found…
Peace.
Looking upward, through my windshield, feeling my life draining away, I felt peace. And as my vision faded and my heart thudded to a halt, I almost felt like smiling. Sighing, I gave over to the blissful realms of darkness that waited just beyond the other side.
What is Death?
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
A/N: Last night's episode got me thinking and I wondered what Warrick was feeling and what he was thinking just after the sheriff shot him. That's what inspired this. And just so you all know, I absolutely bawled when he was shot. I couldn't believe it!
Reviews are appreciated! Thanks for reading!