Disclaimer: What makes you think I own this crap?
Mystic: Time for a gift fic! This goes out to G.P. Larue, who said she (I'm assuming you're female) wanted to see something with Sephiroth and Reno. Not a problem! I'm setting this in my little AU and this takes places shortly before the start of Sephiroth's Honor. Normally, this would go into Honorable Mentions, but I decided to branch out and attempt a true oneshot. Also, RenzokukenZ? I'm going to force you to read this after you return from winter break. There are certain songs on here I know you'd like. I also dedicated another song on here to my good friend, AmazonTurk.
Now that that's out of the way, on with the fic!
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"Target sited." Reno spoke into a hand-held walkie-talkie.
"Where is he?" Gwendolyn's voice cackled in over the device.
The famed fiery Turk from Division Seven cautiously peered out from the air conditioning vent he was currently hiding in. "Leaving the shower."
Reno could have sworn he heard the young onna-bugeisha fall off whatever chair or desk she was sitting on.
"Please tell me Sephiroth is completely nude except for a little towel."
"It's a medium-sized towel." The excited squeal from a horny female deafened the Turk's eardrums. "Watch it babe. You're going to get me caught, yo."
"Sorry, Reno. Just hurry up and get the thing. I want something good to listen to after my training session."
"No problem, Gwen. I'll get it for you." After that positive affirmation, Reno turned off the walkie-talkie and focused his attention to the Shinra General. The silver-haired general that Gwendolyn obviously had a crush on was now walking over to his locker at the Shrine of Guardians and Watchers. Sephiroth's silver hair was dripping wet and clung to his muscled back in a beautiful shiny heap. His ripped chest and abdomen glistened with water droplets, perfectly moistening the body many women (and a few men) wanted to find themselves under.
Reno blinked his bright eyes repeatedly and his already perverted mind had to do a rewind when he found himself basically ogling the handsome... and sculpted... and built...
Reno's mind did another rewind. "Whoa, I do not swing that way." The turk said to himself. "Anymore." A few drunken orgys with both men and women didn't count... Right?
RIGHT?!
Ignoring the recurring bisexual tendencies, Reno once again forced himself to focus on the mission before him. It was simply to break into Sephiroth's locker and swipe the general's mp3 player. Reno would steal the musical device from Sephiroth's locker and hand it over to Gwendolyn, who was very determined to discover everything the famous general had downloaded on it. Some of the songs she already knew of, thanks to Reno spilling the beans at her weapons demonstration and her own futile attempts to steal it. However, after hearing song after song singing about rough, kinky sex and other songs singing about the special love between a man and a woman, Gwendolyn was now even more desperate to figure out the entirety of Sephiroth's music selection
One question remained. Were they all about her?
Taking a deep breath, Reno looked back down at Sephiroth, who was drying off with the lucky towel. Damn, no wonder Gwendolyn had a thing for the silver-haired man. Muscle after muscle rippled on Sephiroth's body. He was sculpted and tantalizingly ripped. The general slowly dragged the towel across his pale skin, gently massaging his legs, working up to his abdomen, before finally drying off his face and neck.
Reno's eyes widened like saucers when Sephiroth dropped the towel and turned only slightly to face one of the lockers, giving the perverted redhead an eagle-eye view of the certain part of his body Gwendolyn would love to have plundering her petite body.
Well, any woman would love to have that somewhere in her body. Even Reno wouldn't mind trying that thick piece of meat out.
The fiery Turk quickly grabbed the flask out of his jacket and took a long swig. He really needed to get laid after this mission. The sexual magnetism that Sephiroth radiated was just too much!
Finally, Sephiroth was clothed and walked out of the men's locker room. After double checking that the sexy general had left the building, Reno deftly jumped out of the air conditioning vent. His shoes barely made a sound as he landed on the hard and slightly wet floor.
Lighting a cancer stick, Reno took a much needed drag. The nicotine quickly worked it's calming magic and the itchy Turk slowly found himself being more composed and less horny. He sauntered over to one of the lockers as he flicked away some of the cigarette ashes.
"I think it was this locker." Reno mumbled as he reached out towards the lock on the metal door. He was stopped by a strong electrical zap. "OW!" He tried to shake the pain off. "Stupid mother-fucker." Reno tried again and an even stronger zap shocked him this time. "SHIT!" The Turk yelled in angry frustration. "What the hell?!"
Did Sephiroth have his locker booby-trapped with some sort of electric security system? What was in there that was so important? Well, if the general wanted to play with electricity, maybe the redheaded Turk could show him how it's meant to be played with.
Reno held up his EMR and pointed the elongated tazer at the locker door. In only a few seconds, the locker door swung open in a thick cloud of smoke and static electricity. "Heh, owned yo." Reaching through the fog, Reno pulled out the mp3 player and headed outside.
Mission: Successful
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Gwendolyn gave a mischievious grin as she noticed Reno walking toward her. His EMR rested casually on his shoulders and the mp3 player she badly desired was encased in his right hand. They had agreed to meet behind the large barn of the Shrine. It was quiet and peaceful, save for the occasional whinny of a horse or purr of a silver dragon.
"You owe me big-time, babe." Reno smirked. He knew the innocent little virgin standing by the barn would have a heart attack if she learned that Sephiroth was at one point completely naked in the men's locker room.
Gwendolyn's expression was ever-serious. "What do you want, Reno?" She had a strong suspicion that the promiscuous Turk wouldn't ask for that. Sephiroth would totally kill him.
Reno held up the mp3 player just out of the swordswoman's reach. "Talk to your mother about letting me become a guardian."
The onna bugeisha blinked in surprise. "What?"
Reno sighed. "I wanna become a guardian, yo." He leaned forward and tapped his temple. "Got it memorized?"
Why did that question seem really familiar, and for some reason, very sexy? "Yeah, I do, Reno." She held out her hand and smiled when the Turk dropped the music player in her palm. "Thank you."
Reno turned and sauntered off. "Remember to talk to her for me. Your ma's cool." Wait, what the hell was he saying?!
Alone at last, Gwendolyn sat down and hastily stuck in an earpiece, brushing her long hair out of the way. Sir Kenshin had worked her hard today and the onna bugeisha was looking forward to relaxation with some good music. The first song to blare through only made her grin.
"Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven. Always a good song. It was dirty and a bit naughty, but this particular version was almost creamworthy. The rock band had teamed up with the Pussycat Dolls and their hit song, "Buttons". The end result was an extremely sexy and sultry blend of the two songs. Easily enough to give a curious virgin many impure thoughts.
When that song unfortunately ended though, and the next song began, Gwendolyn suspected something was wrong. She knew for a fact that Sephiroth despised techno music. Gwendolyn didn't mind any techno or electronica music, but the strong general couldn't stand it. And if he absolutely hated that type of music, why was "One More Time" by Daft Punk the next song on the mp3 player?
Gwendolyn gasped as she took a closer look at the music device she held in her hand. This wasn't Sephiroth's! Reno had broken into the wrong locker! Sephiroth's mp3 player was basic black. The one the woman warrior was listening to was a shiny silver.
Damn it! Who's mp3 player is this?
Deciding to play Sherlock Holmes, Gwendolyn clicked it on another song to see if she could decipher the owner by the choice of music. "Hey!" The swordswoman smiled gleefully. "The robot song!"
"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" Another song by Daft Punk blasted through the earpierce.
As she danced in time to the music, she had a quick thought. "Maybe this is Doctor Robotnik's."
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Kuja stepped out of the shower, shaking the excess water off of his silvery locks. A hot shower was the best cure after hard day of summoning and conjuring. He wrapped a fluffy blue towel around his hips and walked over to his assigned locker. He knew that Lady Rhianna was going to assign him more paperwork when he got back to his room, but if meant putting a small smile on his boss's face, it would be well worth it.
The blue towel that hung low on his hips dropped as Kuja let it go out of utter shock. His locker door was ajar and smoke still escaped from the now rusty hinge. Not only did the culprit somehow bypass his thunder magic barrier, they had made off with his new mp3 player!
This was horrible! How was the Silver Wizard supposed to survive mountains of paperwork now?
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Mystic: I'm high on antibiotics people! I've been sick with a bad sinus infection and this what happens!
Sephiroth: At least I am now... Zestfully clean! (holds out towel)
Mystic: (faints from sight of naked Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Oops. Don't forget to review. That might revive our beloved Mystic.