Coming Out Of The Closet
A/N: Well this is my first one shot so, yeah. R/R please. That's all I've got. What, were you expecting a threat? You think I'm that kind of person? Well for your information I am. So either read this fic or get the hell out of here before I kick you square in the nuts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Xemnas came down stairs to get some breakfast. He took out a bowl, a spoon, and his favorite cereal 'Nobody O's'. When he sat down to eat he took a couple of bites of cereal. Xemnas then turned to his right and noticed Lexeaus sitting at the table with his arms crossed and a usual scowl on his contorted face. Citing this Xemnas said to Lexeaus
"Hey. Hey there big guy. You holding up okay. Hmm? You want a soda? Aw screw it I tried."
Just then Xigbar came down stairs and saw the small scene.
"Hey Xemnas what's wrong with Lexeaus?" He whispered to Xemnas
"Aw he's just being a bitch again." Xemnas said not troubling himself to keep his voice down at all.
"Aw come on Lexeaus. Turn that frown upside and down." Xigbar said cheerfully to Lexeaus.
"What?" Xaldin asked holding a cup of coffee in his hand and a book on squirrels in the other.
"Lexeaus doesn't want to talk to us anymore." Said Xigbar sadly.
"Aww, let me help with that." Xaldin said.
He took a seat right next to Lexeaus, looked at him with a small smile, and when Lexeaus turned his head to Xaldin's direction Xaldin said to him
"Lexeaus you're as dumb as a mule and you're twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride I say take it."
Yet despite that form of an insult Lexeaus still didn't say anything. Now he looked a bit annoyed.
"I know. Go get Vexen. As smart as he is he should be able to think of something." Xemnas exclaimed.
"Oh good idea." Xigbar replied. "But why don't you get him?"
"Are you kidding me I'm eating my Nobody O's. The secret is there invisible. But I'll never tell."
"Yes, yes, you've been saying that ever since you did that commercial." Xaldin said. "Oh fine I'll get Vexen."
After a few minutes Xaldin returned with Vexen and Zexion.
"Okay so what's the problem now." Vexen asked as he examined Xigbar's remaining eye.
"Well first off my eye has been turning yellow for some reason. And second it's Lexeaus who needs help."
"Oh fine. Just stop putting things in your eye."
"You're not the boss of me," sneered Xigbar as he casually put an unsharpened pencil towards his eye.
"So Lexeaus what seems to be the problem, huh? Does your tummy hurt? Do you have to go number 2?" Vexen inquired.
"Come on now Lexeaus what's wrong? Did somebody make you mad? Was it Xaldin the jackass? Xemnas the retard? Vexen the asshole? It was Xigbar wasn't it? I hate him too. The smarmy bastard. He sold my comic books. But I got him back. That eye of his didn't stay for long. His wife…well lets just say he won't be seeing her again."
Luckily for Zexion, Larxene's entrance drew everyone's attention from him.
"Oh hey Larxene. Do you know what's wrong with Lexeaus?" Vexen asked her.
"No." Larxene said simply
At this point Lexeaus looked up at the clock on the wall, sighed and ripped his arms from the front of his cloak. He then ripped open his mouth to reveal that his mouth and arms were sewed together. Blood dripped from his arms and lips, as he sighed and half cried.
"So what did we learn? Larxene asked Lexeaus
"To be a good boy." Lexeaus said sheepishly
"That's right." Larxene said
"But you just said you didn't know why he was mad." said Vexen
"No I said I didn't know what was wrong with him. I never said he couldn't try too babble incoherently while his mouth was sewn shut."
"I made Larxene mad when I said those tentacle things in her hair were ugly. Then she sewed my arms to my chest and sewed my mouth shut. Then she glued me to the chair." said Lexeaus
"Not glued, super glued." Larxene said with laughter.
"Well I think this goes to show that everything has it's own story in the end." Xaldin summarized for some reason
"Oh Nobody O's, you're so damn addictive." chided Xemnas, cuddling and stroking his cereal box.
"He does realize he's just eating an empty bowl of air, right?" asked Xigbar
"Well apparently they're there because he just keeps pouring more into the bowl, and I can hear them falling into it." Vexen explained
"Yeah but the box is empty and I can see a tape recorder in it." Said Xigbar as he looked inside the open box
"Okay Xemnas I think its time for another intervention." Zexion said calmly, reaching for the cereal box
"Get away from it!" Xemnas said angrily
A/N: Well folks thanks for reading my first one shot. There will be plenty more where this came from. In due time.