And yet again, I am starting a new story. I know, I know. I'm terrible. I will be posting from my phone for awhile so please excuse the typos. Enjoy!
"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Asked Fin, settling little Noah into his arms and popping a bottle into his mouth.
"I'm absolutely positive..." she said, smiling down at the infant and tugging up the little striped sock that threatened to slip off Noah's chubby foot. "This isn't about him, or us.."
"If he mistreats you, call me and little man and I will be down there in a jiffy to kick his ass."
"Oh, he knows I'd kick his ass." Olivia chuckled softly. "Elliot Stabler is many things, but stupid is not one of them."
Fin leaned against her bedroom door frame, watching as she slipped a pair of tan high heels on. "I just don't want you to get hurt... because you know someone else will have to get hurt, too."
"I'm a big girl, Fin."
"Doesn't change how I feel."
Olivia shook her head in disbelief, so deeply appreciating Fin's care for her, but loathing the fact that he made her feel like a child.
"Okay.." she slapped her hands against
"Thank you for watching him for me..." Olivia said softly, kissing Noah's temple and combing back his full head of hair. "I'll try and be back early..."
"Stay out as long as you need, I can handle him."
"I don't intend on socializing.. I'm only going for the kids. I just wanna drop off my gift and say congratulations, that's all." She assured, grabbing her purse off the bed and checking its contents one last time.
Fin shrugged, "whatever you say."
"Do I look okay?" She asked self consciously, tugging down the appropriately fitting pink dress.
"Who are you trying to impress?" He smirked, noticing the way she smoothed down the fabric over her stomach and glanced back at her ass one last time.
"Do you always have to be such a jerk?" She chuckled, kissing Noah's head and looping her finger into his tiny fist.
"It's my job."
"Yeah, well your job tonight is to take extra good care of my son..." she smiled. "I'll call you in a bit to check in."
"Have fun." Fin said.
She rolled her eyes, knowing that anything involving Elliot Stabler would not be fun for her at the moment. She was still immensely angry with him for disappearing without a trace, but she knew that today wasn't about them. It wasn't about rehashing the past, or giving him a few choice words. It was Kathleen Stabler's wedding day, and there was no way in hell she'd ruin that.
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"Why did I do this..." she muttered for the fifth time on the drive upstate, nervously flipping through the radio stations and chewing on the same piece of gum that had lost flavor five minutes after she put it in her mouth.
Kathleen. That's why.
Sometimes she hated how caring she was. That she couldn't turn the other way and pretend that Elliot Stabler and his five children didn't exist. But there was absolutely no way she could ever forget her best friend, and no matter how badly she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. Not fully. Half of her forgave Elliot for putting his family and his sanity above the job, but the other half loathed every ounce of him for abandoning her. She mattered too, dammit.
Turn right in one thousand feet, the GPS instructed. And she followed, flipping up her blinker and turning onto the little dirt road. Gravel flew all around her and she cursed as one hit her windshield and threatened to crack it.
She looked in her rearview mirror at the dust clouding behind her and wondered if she could get away with turning around and going back to her son in Manhattan.
She kept telling herself that she wasn't afraid of him. That she could face him. But the more she heard herself mumble, "you can do it", the more discouraged she got. She didn't want things to come to a crash, but she knew that they had to. She knew that she was going to see him, without a doubt, but that didn't mean she was ready.
Olivia pulled up to the beautiful and huge Victorian home and let out a small, shaky breath as she put the car in park beside a row of others. She was late, and was sure the ceremony had already begun. Looking over herself one last time in the reflection of her car door, and giving her short hair one last ruffle, she finally followed the handmade chalk signs pointing towards the backyard.
She stumbled all the way to the backyard, her heels sinking into the grass and nearly causing her to fall with every step she took. The ceremony was almost over, so she stood in the back as the couple said the last of their vows and shared their first kiss as husband and wife. As she clapped along with everybody, she wondered if there was marriage in her future.
She wondered if she would ever find someone to spend the rest of her life with, someone that would love her son and love her until the end of time. Brian didn't want that. He didn't want anything with her, and at times she wondered why she was even with him as long as she was. Loneliness, she guesses. Familiarity.
Whatever it was, she was sorry it wasn't enough to make them work.
As the bride and groom made their way back up the aisle, Kathleen landed her eyes on the one woman she was really hoping to see that day. She smiled widely and reached for Olivia's arm. "Wait for me, I'll catch up!"
Olivia nodded as Kathleen released her hand and continued to happily walk away from the crowd and into the house.
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Kathleen giggled as she walked inside the house with her husband's hand placed firmly on the small of her back as he held her close to him.
"We did it, baby..." he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers. "You're mine, now and forever."
"Ooooh, possessive, are we?" She teased, nipping at his lips.
"I love you, Kathleen Devereaux."
"And I love you, Jason Devereaux." Kathleen wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him long and hard and threw her head back. The tips of her long blond hair resting against the strong pair of arms that were wrapped securely around her waist. "We're married!"
He laughed as she did, taking the opportunity to kiss the soft, pale skin of her neck. "That we are, my beautiful princess."
Olivia approached the happy newlyweds, and chuckled softly as Kathleen smiled at her with her head still upside down.
"Liv!" Kathleen exclaimed, standing upright and hopping out of her husband's arms before rushing into Olivia's. "I'm so glad you came!"
"I wouldn't miss this for the world, Kathleen." Olivia smiled, hugging the girl as tight as she could.
"This is my fia-" she laughed heartily and slapped her hand to her mouth. "That's gonna take some getting used to! Olivia, this is my husband, Jason."
"It's nice to meet you, Olivia.." Jason said, sticking his hand out and shaking hers. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, Jason's mind clicked. "Wait, the Olivia? Your dad's badass partner?"
"In the flesh!" Kathleen beamed, knowing just how many breathtaking stories her dad had shared with Jason about his former partner. Strong, wise, and beautiful. He'd say. But don't let her beauty fool you. She's a pain in the ass.. but worth it.
Jason always assumed there was once something between Olivia and Elliot, something deeper than having one another's six. He even asked Kathleen who set him straight. Just friends, so she says. And now that he's actually seen this mystery Olivia Benson, he's surprised Elliot didn't make a move on the woman.
"Well now it is certainly an honor to meet you, Olivia." Jason said with a smile.
"It's an honor to meet you, too, Jason... anyone crazy enough to marry into this family is okay in my book." She teased, winking at Kathleen.
"I guess my dad is a little nuts..." Kathleen laughed.
"More so than a jar of JIF." Olivia smirked.
A blond woman approached them from the left of the crowd carrying a sleeping toddler.
"Kathleen, we've gotta go out front for pict-Olivia?"
"Hi, Maureen!" Olivia smiled, hugging her careful not to wake the sleeping little girl wearing a big fluffy pink dress with a rose petal tucked into her white Mary Jane's.
"Oh, my god! I can't believe you came! Kat said she invited you, but I didn't think..." Maureen shut her mouth and smiled softly. "y'know what, screw what I thought. You're here!"
"You guys know that I'd never intentionally miss something important in your lives. Speaking of... is she yours?" Olivia asked, softly brushing back the little blond curls that covered the little girl's face.
"Biologically, no. She's my boyfriend's daughter, but I love her nonetheless." Maureen smiled, kissing the little girl's head. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but Kat we've really gotta take these pictures so I can get out of this dress. My boobs are falling out every time I move!"
"Well, blame grandma for blessing you with big jugs." Kathleen shrugged, picking up her dress so that she didn't step on it as she walked. "Liv, sit at any table you'd like. We'll be back as soon as we can."
"Smile pretty!" Olivia said, patting Maureen on the back. "And I want lots of copies, ladies."
"You've got it, boss!"
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Olivia tapped her fingers against the top of the table as she listened to the music that blared around her. The outside reception was held under a huge white tent, and everything looked so beautiful. The red roses that centered every table popped against the white linens, and the Swarovski vases they were nestled in glistened against Olivia's eyes.
She was losing herself in a different world, the made-up one inside her head. The one that displayed her dancing with her head rested against a man's chest as she wore a white dress and the soft love lyrics played around them.
"Did you hear a word I just said?"
And just like that, her fake husband was gone.
"I'm sorry... what was that?" Olivia asked, looking over at Elliot's youngest daughter, Elizabeth. She made it known that she was now to be referred to as Elizabeth and not Lizzie, because Lizzie was not the name that came to mind when she heard the words "Law Student".
Elizabeth chuckled softly, pulling her dyed auburn hair into a bun at the top of her head. "I said that Jason will probably knock Kathleen up on their honeymoon and then Dad will kill him. Then all of this, the house, the money, it'll be hers."
Olivia shook her head with a small smirk on her lips. "You're bad, Elizabeth."
"I was only saying..." Elizabeth laughed, and then slowly faded as she watched Olivia turn towards the direction of Kathleen and Jason. "Olivia, can I ask you something?"
"Anything you want."
"Are you still mad at my dad?"
Anything but that.
"Your dad and I..." she sucked in a breath of air and shook her head.
"You hate each other?"
"No. I could never hate him."
"Then what?" Elizabeth pried, folding her arms atop the table.
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"Elizabeth..." Olivia warned, not wanting to discuss this with Elliot's daughter.
"Olivia!" Came the excited squeals from the little boy who just jumped onto her lap and wrapped his tiny arms tightly around her neck.
"Eli, we were in the middle of something!" Elizabeth scolded, so desperately wanting to feel like an adult and get to the root of Olivia's problems.
"Oh, no this can't be my little Eli!" Olivia teased, poking him in the sides and chuckling as he laughed and squirmed in her arms.
"Okay, okay! Uncle!" Eli exclaimed, rolling onto his back as he laid in her lap.
"You've gotten so big..." Olivia said softly, brushing back the sweaty curls that adorned his head.
"Yep, I'm seven now, Olivia! My daddy said that when I'm eight-" Eli gasped and jumped off of Olivia's lap. "I'll be right back!"
"Okay," Olivia chuckled, watching as he dodged his way through Kathleen's guests.
"Boys." Elizabeth said, shaking her head softly.
Olivia smiled, wondering what Noah would be like when he reached Eli's age. And wondering even more if she'd be able to keep up with him.
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Eli made his way through the crowd, his little blue eyes searching high and low for the one person he knew would be so happy to see Olivia.
Or so he thought.
He finally caught sight of him and ran as fast as he could, nearly tackling him into the bar once he reached him.
"Dad, come on!" Eli tugged on Elliot's tux jacket, trying desperately to pull him.
"Eli, I'm talking to your uncle Jack," Elliot said, pointing to his older brother that stood in front of him.
"It's important!"
"I said not now!" Elliot snapped.
"But Livia's here!"
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Elliot walked numbly after his son, not sure if he was ready to see the woman Eli couldn't stop talking about.
"Her dress is pink, Dad! She never wears pink!"
She wore pink sometimes, he thought, able to count on one hand how many times he's seen her in pink. Not often, but sometimes.
Kathleen mentioned something about inviting her, but he brushed it off. "She won't come" he kept telling them. He knew it was important to Kathleen for Olivia to show up, but he didn't want her to be disappointed when she didn't.
His heart sped up when he finally spotted her. Sitting at the table across from Elizabeth, her back turned towards him. She ran her fingers through her hair, making the corners of his mouth lift a bit.
Eli jumped back into her lap causing her to laugh.
"Where'd you disappear to?" Olivia asked, pulling down his white button down that was already stained with Cheetos.
"I went to get dad," Eli said, pointing behind her at Elliot. "Say hi!"
Olivia turned around and her entire body was numb at the sight of him.
"Liv..."
And God, if hearing him mumble her name wasn't making her melt..
"You made it."
"Yeah..." she shook her head, kissed Eli's cheek and stood up, watching the little boy run to his father's side. "I've gotta... um.. ladies room."
"Wait," Elliot muttered, grabbing her arm as she tried to slip past him.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, and his heart broke at the sadness in her cracked voice. "I can't."
Okay, so this is a story that's been playing in my mind for a few weeks and I just can't seem to let it go! And y'all know I just can't let go of EO. Liv and El forever! Please let me know if you like it! Xx