A.N.: A rebuttal to the old joke of "Come to the dark side; we have cookies"
PSA: The Dark Side And You
A spotlight activates, revealing Jedi Master Luke Skywalker sitting on a stool in an empty studio. He looks up at the holocamera.
"Good evening, beings of the New Republic. Sorry to interrupt your programming, but I think it's time we had a little chat."
Luke gets up and walks to the left as the camera follows him.
"I've noticed a disturbing trend among those of the younger generation; you think the dark side of the Force is 'cool'. I'm not blaming you, you don't know any better."
He stops at a table with a holocube and four sports balls.
"For those of you too young to remember, the dark side makes you look like this," Luke says as he picks up and activates the cube, throwing up the image of the Emperor's balding, wrinkly head, jaundiced eyes, and yellow teeth.
"And if you want to disregard that in favor of the perceived power the dark side might give you…"
Behind the Jedi Master, the balls begin to deflate.
"I'm sure I don't need to elaborate." Luke continues as he deactivates the holocube and places it back on the table.
"However, if you do not settle for a pale shadow of what the Force can offer you, there can be great satisfaction."
On the table, the four balls instantly re-inflate.
"Isn't that right everyone?" Luke asks, turning to look off-camera.
The view swings over to show who he was speaking to; a multitude of Jedi Knights; Twi'leks, Mon Calimari, Zeltron, a Chiss or two, Rodians, humans, and others, men and women, tall and short, all of them are attractive. But front and center is the red-gold haired beauty of Mara Jade Skywalker, smiling brilliantly as Luke walks into frame where he takes her hand and plants a kiss on her cheek.
He looks back at the holocamera.
"I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to rescue you. Come with me and let me show you something wonderful."
The commercial ends with him, hand extended, surrounded by Jedi Knights.