Disclaimer, I do not own Bewitched or anything associated with the show.
Thanks to retro mania who helped and inspired me to write this one- ️
Who Are You?
Darrin kept starring at his wife.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
It was his wife, wasn't it?
"Darrin, darling, please say something!"
At lease he thought it was his wife.
"Darrin?" She asked, her voice a little softer now.
Finally, Darrin gulped, closed his eyes, and said as calmly as he could, "Please, don't speak."
"Why not?"
Darrin's brown eyes shot open as he practically shouted, "Because that quack Bombay messed up, obviously!"
"What?"
Darrin nodded, his eyes now popping out of his skull as he ran to the bar in the dining room. As he fixed himself a dose of Bourbon, he nodded excitedly, almost comically, "This morning Sam, when you came down with whatever it was you came down with-"
"Egyptian Blue- Tongue Syndrome!" She corrected, "And it came straight from Aunt Enchantra! She was in Egypt for a spell-"
"I don't care." Darrin fidgeted, gulping the drink.
Sam continued, "I needed a babysitter for Tabitha since mother-"
"I don't care!" Darrin said again, his voice higher than normal as he continued fixing another drink.
"-mother and daddy have this little anniversary when they stop by at France, it is simply just lovely, so of course I asked Enchantra and she was just a dear and-"
Darrin downed he next drink, screaming, "I don't care! Didn't you hear a word I just said, Sam!? Bombay didn't cure anything! He just made things worse! Honestly, your chant should be 'Doctor Bombay! Doctor Bombay! Emergency, just go away!'"
"Darrin!" Samantha sucked in her breath, "How dare you! Dr. Bombay is an accredited witch physician! He is a renowned doctor in five different dimensions! He is-"
Darrin grabbed Sam's hand and led her to the mirror in the foyer area, by the front door. Without saying a word he pointed at the mirror. Sam was still speaking, "also a great warlock, friend, fine company and a-" She caught sight of herself in the mirror, "A quack!"
Darrin nodded up and down, "So you see what I mean then?"
Samantha stared at her reflection, unable to take her purple-like eyes off herself, "Oh my stars! Darrin! Dr. Bombay accidently turned me into Elizabeth Taylor!"
Darrin nodded again, throwing his hands up in the air, "Beats me why he didn't stop there! Should've just changed me into Richard Burton so we could be a matching set!"
Samantha kept staring at herself, her fingers poking her cheek, then her nose, then her forehead. She then pulled back, blinking forcefully, "I need a drink."
"You need a drink?!" Darrin gaped, "We need to call Dr. Buffoon back here so he can fix whatever it is he did to you!"
"Make it a double." Sam told him, "And make it fast."
"Since when did you drink doubles?" Darrin asked, his eyebrows popping to his hairline.
Sam clapped her hands, "Since I became Elizabeth Taylor, now move!"
As he skipped to the bar, Samantha looked up towards the ceiling, "Doctor Bombay! Doctor Bombay! Emergency! Come right away!"
Loud puff of smoke filled the air, and soon there stood the doctor in question, in a wet suit, with two attractive brunette women on either side of him, in purple bikinis and snorkels. Bombay said loudly, "This better be good! I was getting these girls wet!" He then laughed, "Ha! A-ha-ha!" He then winked at his darlings, "More ways than one, y'know?" They giggled and kissed either side of his cheeks.
He smiled a devilish smile, revealing slight dimples, "Oh you girls are a scream." He then stepped out and away from their attentions to lazily gaze around the Stephen's living room, "Now, this better be good, Samantha. I just came from here, and the blue tonged syndrome Enchantra gave you should be cleared up by now. As for Enchantra's manners, next time, do tell her the next time she sneezes, to turn away from-"
He caught sight of Elizabeth Taylor.
"GAH!" He jumped back, his head snapping at Darrin, "What sorcery is this?!"
Darrin's face twisted as he stepped into the living room and out of the dining area, "You tell me, witch doctor! Did you voodoo doo-doo backfire?!"
He then appraised Sam, "Well, she looks rather charming, but I wasn't expecting Ms. Taylor. After all, last time we saw one another, we were in Hawaii and an active volcano was involved, it was all just quite a mess, really-"
"I don't care about your flings!" Darrin snapped, nearly pulling out his hair, "I want my wife back! I can't go around town with her looking like that!"
Dr. Bombay agreed, "Indeed. People already wonder what she sees in you, and now that she's a famous celebrity, they'll be bound to think something's afoot! I mean, my dear man, no offense, but you aren't exactly a Gregory Peck, now are you?"
"Please stop with the jokes, can't you see Darrin is in a panic?" Samantha asked.
Bombay agreed, "Alright then, Miss Taylor's got a point!" He turned to the lovely ladies he popped in with, his face in pain, "Good day, my young birds. I must do, what I must for the admiration of the people!"
Darrin jumped up, "Oh come on already!"
Bombay shot him a nasty look before popping out the girls and popping into his physician garb. He then turned to Sam, examining her, "Say 'Ahh'."
"Ahhh." She said, sticking out her tongue.
Bombay nodded, "Good, good. Now Say 'Gahh.'"
"Gaah?"
"Now let me examine your knee while you cough."
Darrin threw up his arms, "Will you get off it already?! Obviously this has something to do with whatever you gave her for the blue tongue thing!"
Dr. Bombay patiently told Darrin, "My dear boy, I know that already. Obviously, judging from this brief exam, your wife is completely normal. Well," he then winked, "as normal as a witch can be. But it seems to me this is a side effect of the cure I gave her for the blue tongue. Should be gone in a few days."
"A few days?!" Darrin gulped, "B-But Larry and I have luncheons we hold at our houses! We have dinner dates we bring our wives and the clients to! How are we going to explain this to the neighbors? How are we going to explain this to Tabitha? And how can I go to bed with Elizabeth Taylor!"
Dr. Bombay shrugged, "Like any other man, with your pants off." He then laughed his usual laugh, "Ha! A-ha-ha-ha!"
"That's not funny!" Darrin snapped.
"I'll say!" Sam agreed, "I don't think I like what you're implying."
"Who's implying?" The doctor winked at Sam before turning back to Darrin, "But in all honesty, after a few weeks-"
"You said days!" Sam interrupted.
"Days, weeks," Bombay shrugged indifferently, "All the same, really."
"It is not the same!" Darrin freaked, his left eye twitching, "Next week I have a house dinner planned for one of our clients! I can't have them coming here and seeing that I'm married to Elizabeth Taylor!"
"Why not? I think it would make marvelous conversation!" Bombay smiled, turning back to Samantha, "But really Samantha, I need to know, before you became Ms. Taylor, did you happen to be watching any of her programs?"
Sam paused for a moment before nodding, "Yes. About two hours ago, I was watching GIANT, the one with her and Rock Hudson."
"And James Dean." Dr. Bombay commented, "Always liked that boy. Very much fun. We used to drink and gamble, and he had this wonderful, little car-"
"Please doctor, before my husband blows a gasket," Sam interrupted patiently, "I need to know what that has to do with my appearance."
"Quite simply, you've taken on the likeness." Bombay answered, and soon rubbed his chin curiously, "You will know if the condition has worsened once you begin exhibiting characteristics of the people you occupy. Now why you took on the appearance of Ms. Taylor and not someone more personal to you, I don't know. Hmm… I will have to study this a bit more carefully."
"But she will get better, right?" Darrin asked, hopefully.
"My dear boy," Bombay told Darrin sharply, "First of all, you are crowding me." With his hand, he shooed Darrin a few steps back before continuing, "Second of all, I am a witch doctor, not a psychic. And lastly," Bombay leaned in and whispered toward Darrin, "You're breath smells of garlic and bourbon. You need to wash up."
Darrin pulled a face, cupping his hand and taking a whiff of his own breath. Bombay wasn't too far off, but to be honest, Darrin smelled the bourbon much more than the garlic.
As the good doctor popped out, his voice ringing long after he was gone, "Don't worry Samantha! I shall get to the bottom of this!"
Darrin looked up at the ceiling, his eyes wide, "He doesn't know. With all his witchy school doctoring, that warlock is stumped!"
Samantha, the tips of her fingers grazing her now foreign face, said slowly, "It's alright, Darrin. I'm sure everything will be back to normal soon."
He then turned to his wife, twitching, "I don't even recognize you anymore, Sam!"
She nodded, the stress evident in her shimmering eyes, "I know darling, and I also know it's only 7:00pm, but let's do try to get some rest and go to bed. And at least Tabitha is tucked in already."
Darrin agreed, eyeing his wife suspiciously, walking up the stairs two steps behind her as if he was going to bed with a stranger.
As they reached the top of the stairs, the Elizabeth Taylor look-a-like turned to her husband, "And please do keep your pants on."
Darrin found himself blushing, "Uh… of course."