I'm waring you now, I got tears in my eyes when I was thinking of this story, and cried as I wrote it. It's a one shot fic told in Owen's POV. No matter if you cry or wanna lay me out [lol] I hope you enjoy anyway.
Her blood stained my hands as I looked in the mirror of a locker room in Seattle Grace Hospital. Her face was buried in my mind, her face when the car hit us, her face when she knew that the car rolled three times. One second I'm arguing with my wife on if we're having a boy or a girl on our way to work and the next I'm in an ambulance on our way to the hospital. One second we were discussing names, Kimora Yevette if it was a girl and Richard Jacob if it was a boy, and the next I'm screaming at the driver as he's driving off the scene. One second I'm holding my wife's hand and driving with the other and the next I'm holding pressure on her chest wound from the broken glass with one hand and my other resting on her ever growing stomach, praying to God that our baby was alright.
I knew I should wash up, my blood, and Cristina's, is all over me, but I can't bring myself to. I'm stuck in the same spot as I have been since Mark walked me in here over a hour ago when we first arrived. It seemed like time was moving in slow motion as we ran into Seattle Grace, meeting Derek and Teddy in the pit. Derek begged me to let go of Cristina, promising that he would have Avery keep applying pressure so him and Teddy could observe in trauma room one. I had to get out of there; I couldn't be a surgeon in that moment. That moment I was a husband whose wife was getting worked on by two good friends of mine, that moment I was useless, not worried about the blood that was coming off my body. All I was worried about was my family being alright.
"Have you heard anything?" I hear a familiar voice ask me, snapping me out of my thoughts. Turning my head ever so slightly, I see Meredith Grey, Cristina's "person" standing in the doorway, not sure if it was the fact that I didn't budge or because I didn't say a word that led for Meredith to believe I was as clueless as her about how Cristina or the baby was doing. My eye got caught instead by the wedding ring on my finger, the only thing on my hands that isn't covered in Cristina's blood. The same person who once said she'd never wear a ring is the same person that changed her mind about wanting a city hall wedding, who let me have my small one with just the few people that mattered to us there. Everyone laughed because we did it in the hospital, but it was our home, we was there more then at our apartment after all.
"Hope you don't mind me waiting with you until we get some news" Meredith whispered, walking more in the locker room, me slowly nodding my head. I just wanted to talk, to say a word but I couldn't. The last thing I said was that I loved her and I told her to rest and save her energy for the baby. Her closing her eyes was burned in my head. Me yelling when she stopped breathing for a brief period of time while we was en route to the hospital filled my ear drums, as I bit my lower lip and prayed once more, more then I had ever prayed in my entire life for them to be alright. "W…what if she dies?" I forced myself to say, cringing at the thought of losing the woman I love and the child she was carrying.
"S…she can't die, Owen" Meredith finally whispered, both of us hearing the uncertainty in her voice. My knees felt weak, but I still couldn't move. I couldn't move until I knew the truth. It was killing me how every second seemed like a year and there was nothing I could do but stand here and wait. Everytime I heard footprints in the hall I hoped it was Derek and Teddy coming to tell me my wife and child was alright. Everytime I heard a phone vibrate, I hope it was Cristina texting me saying she was okay, and that our child was kicking and we could play the game where we try to catch their foot or hand. Instead I stand here covered in the blood of my wife and myself waiting for an answer.
"Owen, you want some coffee?" Meredith questioned, me slowly shaking my head no. "I just want to know" I whispered, looking down at Meredith, tears slowly forming my eyes. "I want to know I did enough to save her before she got here, enough to know her and my child is alive. I just need to know" Hearing my name being called snapped me out of the rant I was telling Meredith, as I turned around to see Derek and Teddy standing in the doorway. As my eyes grew bigger, Teddy slowly walked over to me and gave me a gentle hug; both of us knowing Teddy don't hug people.
"Derek…"
"Owen, we did everything we could, we truly did. Teddy did everything she…"
"NO" I shouted, hearing Meredith slowly beginning to cry. "No Derek, she can't be Derek. There's another Cristina Hunt in this hospital and you were working on her because MY Cristina Hunt can't be dead" Was I really saying my wife's name and "dead" in the same sentence, then it hit me…my child. "Derek…, what about the baby" I asked, scared to know the answer, and praying to God it was a good one. However, seeing Derek's face drop more answered my question.
"It was a girl" Derek whispered, feeling my gut knot up, Kimora Yevette was going to be her name, Cristina came up with it when we first discussed baby names, us never talking about another girl name.
"I want to see her" I whispered, turning fully around to look at the doorway. "I need to see her"
"Owen..."
"No, I want to see her one last time. I don't care if she's still open and blood covered or whatever, but I want to see my wife one last time" I heard myself whisper, my hand finally dropping from in front of my face, Meredith grabbing my blood stained hands, the blood of her best friend who she just found out is dead.
"As you wish, Owen" Derek whispered. Trying to get my brain to tell my legs to walk seemed almost impossible, and knowing Cristina's "person" was holding my hand made it ten times more difficult. However, I knew I had to do it, one last time. I had to see her jet black hair, her almond shaped eyes, and her light skin that used to get tiny goosebumps on the nights it'd rain in Seattle. I had to see her one last time.
The walk from the locker room, down the stairs and to the morgue was the longest walk of my entire life. Even while I was in Iraq and had to look at friends who had gotten limbs blown off, I didn't get this sick feeling in my stomach, this feeling where I wasn't even sure if I could live. The walk was silent between us four, Meredith since letting go of my hand and griping Derek's for dear life. Stopping in front of the door, I took my dried blood stained hands and ran them through my sweat filled hair as I looked over at Derek.
"I'm going in too" Meredith blurted out, me slowly turning the door knob.
"No, Mere, Owen needs to be alone with his wife" I heard Derek whisper, the door closing behind me. Suddenly the room was filled with pain, as all I saw in front of me was a gurney and a white blanket, knowing the woman I had loved since I pulled the icicle out of her side was laying under that sheet. I slowly walked over, and even more slowly grabbed the sheet and moved it down; the sight destroyed me. There she laid, the woman who I called my wife, dead. Moving the blanket down more, I felt the fresh stitches of where they gave her a cesarean to try to save the baby. Taking my ring finger and gently rubbing it over the stitches, my heart broke into pieces. I took my hand and ran it through her black hair, knotted because of the blood, as I looked at her face. She seemed so at peace with her eyes closed, like she was in a deep sleep. I felt my chest began to tighten as my eyes started to fill with tears. "I love you Cristina Hunt, I always have and I always will" I heard myself say aloud, before bending down and giving her one final kiss, a kiss of farewell, before I slowly placed the sheet over her body and quickly walked out of the morgue. Walking past Teddy, Derek and Meredith I heard them shout my name, but I didn't stop. There was only one place I wanted to be right now, the place that Cristina and I had that was our secret, the place no one knew about.
Walking into the vents, I looked around and took a deep breath. This was the place I proposed to Cristina, the place where she said. This is the place where she told me she was pregnant, the place where we first discussed the baby names. And this is the place where it all finally hits me, where today's events finally come to surface.
"Damnit!" I hear myself shout, as I hit one of the walls, causing my hand to throb. This is the place that I'll no longer remember the good times. This is the place that I'll no longer remember as the place where I proposed to the woman that I had once called Mrs. Hunt, nor will it be the place that we had came to discuss baby names
This is forever going to be the first place that I came after the news became real about what had happened; the news that has changed my life forever. I took my blood stained hands, the hands that are stained from holding pressure to her chest wound hours ago, and placed them on my face, tears rolling down my cheeks. Feeling my knees buckling under me, I decided just to fall to them, the blood stained hands still covering my eyes as I cried out in pain. I had to come to terms with something that I had hoped I never would have.
That Cristina Yang, and my daughter, was dead.
If it helps at all, I was crying typing the last two paragraphs.