The Weasley Twins' Unicorn
by Nevermore's Shadow
"Look, mum!" George Weasley cried excitedly, waving his arms in the air as though he was trying to lift his five year old form off the ground, "look what I found in dad's shed! It's a magical ukulele!" He held up the small, battered instrument for his mother's inspection. Molly put her knitting down, and exasperated look coming over her face.
"George Weasley, what have I told you about going in your father's shed? Who knows what kind of Muggle rubbish would fall from those stacks and crush you right dead! And where is your brother? I don't trust anything when I don't see the two of you in the same place." She scolded.
"But, mum... I'm Fred..." Molly looked slightly ashamed for a moment at having confused her own children yet again before the twin laughed, "just joking... and Fred is out taking care of the unicorn we lured using the ukulele!" The Weasley matriarch rubbed at her temples. She wasn't sure if she was more afraid to find out what terrible creature was actually outside, or if the boys had somehow actually conjured a unicorn, and how she would have to explain that to Bill when he got home. "Can we keep it?" He cheerfully asked, "the unicorn, that is, I mean, the ukulele would be nice, but it does technically belong to dad, even though he clearly didn't know it could be used for summoning unicorns..."
"I swear, George, if you try to bring a garden pest into my house when you tried to tell me that a flobberworm was a puffskein..."
"No, no, just wait, it's nothing like Fluffy, you'll see," George began to strum on the ukulele, producing horrible, out-of-tune notes that would drive off a banshee. Molly decided to pacify the twin for the time being. There was no use in arguing at times, and as she saw what came around the corner, she couldn't help but laugh. There was Fred, on all fours making horse noises as he pretended to clip-clop on into the house. It took her half a moment to realize what made this "creature" a unicorn - a banana spello-taped to the ginger child's forehead. "I don't know where Fred got off to," George said in poorly feigned confusion, "but isn't she lovely?"
"I'm a boy!" the "unicorn" protested loudly, "I... mean... neigh!"
"No, no, that's just silly. This is clearly a female unicorn, you can tell by the brown spots on the yellow horn." The "unicorn" kicked violently at George, "Oh! Perhaps it's part ass!" The crawling twin leapt up and tackled his brother, wrestling him to the ground, though George stayed entirely in character, "Oof! This is a feisty unicorn, indeed! It's a good thing we rescued it from the wild, who knows what would have gotten to it out there - ow! That's my finger!"
"Would you two stop this madness? You've already ruined a perfectly good banana!" Molly cried.
"We... I..." George looked at his partner in crime, who now bore smear of crushed banana on his forehead, half of the peel now sagging limply against the spello-tape, "I've heard of this happening before! This unicorn must have horn eating mites! This is a catastrophe! We have to bring it to a veterinarian quickly, mum! Before the mites get to her brain!"
"Mites have clearly gotten to the brains of the Weasley twins," Molly grumbled, "you're going to wake your sister from her nap if you don't stop this foolishness, and look at all of this mud you've tracked in from outside! You are going to be cleaning this up, unicorn or not!" She grabbed a nearby broom and started swatting at the banana-horned unicorn, "Now, unicorns belong outside, not in the house, get out!" Fred groaned in protest, but remained ever the vigilant method actor, huffing in his best impersonation of a horse. "Now, I suppose I shall make you two troublemakers lunch while you tidy up the mess you've made."
"What's for lunch, mum?" Fred inquired as he came back inside, brushing mud from his clothing.
"Never you mind that, you just be happy that I don't give you a bowl full of raw oats to chew on. Now grab a mop and get to work," she ordered, storming into the kitchen.
"Well, I'm not sure we tricked our dear old mother this time, did we, George?"
"Afraid not, Fred," George replied with a sigh as he picked up a mop and bucket, "one of these days, though, she might fall for a trick. Maybe a unicorn was a bit too much."
"Yeah, there aren't really any unicorns out this way. Maybe we could try to convince her that Ron got turned into a puffskein, and she'd let us keep that. We could name it Fluffy!"
"We already had a Fluffy," George argued, rolling his eyes, "are you going to help me with this mess or what?"
Inside the kitchen, Molly busied herself with making sandwiches for the twins. They were so exasperating, she really didn't know what to do with the pair of them. She just hoped that they didn't end up in serious trouble when they went off to Hogwarts, or even worse, any sort of trouble after they graduated. She smiled to herself for a moment, thinking that the pair were far too clever not to finish school. She glanced over her shoulder to see them dutifully cleaning up the mud on the floor. As she turned back to finish up preparing lunch for her boys, she sighed happily. Frustrating as they were, she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, she was sure of it.
"Fred! Look! I found a baby mermaid!" She heard the shout from the other room, followed by a muddy splash then a wailing baby. She remembered her mother always saying to count to ten before losing her temper. She made it to a count of two.