Hey all, this used to be posted under my old penname but that account died so here it is again. I hope you like it. Please read and review, it'd be nice :) Any questions just send me a message and I'll respond. If not, wait for me to post one of my longer stories. :D
Severus stumbled down the hall, not daring to light his wand. His arm still burned from when the Dark Lord had called him. It had been the biggest mistake of his life when he went to the Dark Lord at the end of last year. I can't do this. He thought feeling the walls as he walked down the stairs into the dungeons. Yes it is…a voice eased its way into his head. Just picture Potter's face on every person you torture…or even better: Black's. Rage filled him, causing him to storm down the hall now.
It wasn't fair. He wanted more than anything just to be free, free of his life of pain. He wanted to belong somewhere. That would never happen. Never. He was a Slytherin, a Death Eater, a half blood. He was dirty and evil. Perhaps if he accepted it, the pain and hollowness would go away.
He was nearly to the Slytherin dorms when he spotted the door abandoned classroom that he usually used for potion making slightly ajar. He frowned, a thin stream of light shining from under it. He touched his wand and moved towards it silently. Who would be using the classroom at this time of night?
Severus pushed the door open slowly, inch by inch revealing the room. When it was halfway open he saw a cauldron with potion ingredients spread about, a scrap of paper on the floor with scribbled instructions on it. His brow furrowed, swinging the door open the rest of the way, expecting to see a Slytherin or Gryffindor girl making some sort contraband potion.
He froze at the sight of a girl that he somewhat recognized. She had brown hair, dark brown, which had honey and fiery red highlights in them, natural and blending into the brown. Her eyes were fluttering, blinking closed and there was a fallen book beside her, an inkwell knocked over, and a quill at her side. He rolled his eyes. Probably some sort of hallucinogen that she took.
He swept towards the cauldron and peered in. The substance was cool and a silvery lime-green color, something he didn't recognize. He looked at the paper and let out a gasp. Pent's Perfect Poison, half and hour until a painless death. He scanned the ingrediance as the girl's body gave a lurch. His eyes narrowed on two of the ingredience. Belladonna and lovage, together would cause the person to feel great pain within minutes of dying.
Severus whirled around to her. "Sweet Merlin," he knelt forward, grabbing her wrist and placing his finger both on her neck and on her wrist, checking her pulse. "Fool, you should have done more research." He muttered, grabbing his wand. Her pulse was rapid, meaning that if he didn't act soon she would die. He fired off two messenger birds, one to Dumbledore and the other to Slughorn, his head of house. "Dungeon Seven, some girl took Pent's Perfect Poison, hurry, she's fading fast." He said as the message before the silver birds flew out the door.
There was a slight moan coming from the girl. "No," he managed to make out the second time she made noise. Her eyes rolled back as he summoned some counter-acting liquids. Damn this girl. I want to go to bed. he thought sourly pouring one vial into her mouth. He was pouring the second in when she spit it out.
"HEY!" he shouted at her.
She recoiled slightly, well as much as she could. The poison didn't give her much use of her body. She looked at her, her brown eyes imploring him. "Let….go." she whispered.
"Right, then I'll have Dumbledore thinking I killed you. No thank you." He said sarcastically, bracing her head. He poured the rest into her mouth. She gagged and fell over, spitting it out once again. He growled in distaste. "Stop it, I'm trying to help you!"
"Let…die…"
Severus sat her up. "No."
Her body lurched from another convulsion of pain. She gasped for breath. "Yes! Never…cared…before."
He stopped in mid movement of taking another vial out. She looked so familiar. Her eyes begged him as footsteps were heard thundering down the hall. That was when her face clicked in his mind. She was a sixth year with him, Ravenclaw. The reason he didn't remember her was because her hair was short. Black chopped it off in Charms. His inner voice reminded him of what had happened yesterday. The vial slipped from his fingers breaking on the floor as a teacher came in. Slughorn.
He said something to Severus but the teenager boy didn't hear. He grabbed her wrist again as her eyes shut. Her pulse was slowing down more and more until, before him, it faded into nothingness. She had killed herself. He couldn't remember her name for the life of him. He looked back at the door and Slughorn stared at him as Dumbledore shadowed the hall behind his head of house.
He spotted the book and saw something pressed on the cover. It said in gold letters on the green book, My Journal. He reached took it and turned to them. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do…
The meeting with Dumbledore and Slughorn took an hour and he barely got out of it. He was walking back to the dorm when he opened the book to read. The first date was the beginning of this year, sixth year.
5 hours Later
November 16, 1976
6th Year
I don't want to be famous, it's never been a dream for me. I don't want cameras flashing in my face at all hours of the day. But being a nobody isn't what I want to be either. Nobody ever notices me. Yesterday I was slammed into the wall by Sirius Black, everything spilling out of my bag. No one noticed. No one cared. I don't know the meaning of the word friends. Every time I start to get friendly with someone the bloody Marauders scare them away. This was supposed to be a place for me to meet new people, have friends! I am supposed to be something, someone.
The Marauders are the only people that notice me and I wish they wouldn't. Yesterday Sirius cut my hair in Charms. All he got was a detention. I've been growing out my hair since I was seven. He just cut my braid off with a severing charm. He could have cut my neck through and all he got was a detention. It's strange. All I feel is this strange numbness. My chest hurts constantly, a dull ache. Sometimes it gets too much for me to handle and I use the razor. Never anything deep, if my sleeves fall up at all I know that someone will see and I'll get in trouble. Maybe that's the only way anyone would ever care.
It doesn't matter anyway. I'm just anther faceless girl, faceless person. A faceless person in a world of faces. I'm nothing. Nothing special at all. Brown hair, eyes, fat loaded in my gut, nothing outstanding. I blend in to the background. I will never be anything. Never.
Today was even worse than before. They started teasing me again, about anything and everything. I got away around lunch and came out to later to find them tormenting Severus Snape, the Slytherin that gets it almost as bad as I do. I wanted to help but…well…I think that I would have ended up in the Hospital Wing if I had tried. I went over to him after because I thought we might have things in common. We are both hated. But he was just the same as them. No different. He shouted at me, calling me a worthless Ravenclaw. When I didn't leave immediately he slapped me across the face. Hard.
Perhaps it was in the stinging in my cheek or just the realization that even someone who gets teased like I do can't like me, I've made my decision. I'm never going to be anybody. I know that but if there is nothing in life for me, why life at all? I didn't bother eating dinner, my gut had grown solid and my heart ached like never before. I felt as if everything was hopeless.
I snuck out just after the Prefects returned at midnight. I've thought of several ways to go but most involve pain and I don't want that. I've been consumed by it so much to want to slice my veins. I can't even cut deep enough in my wrists or arms when I cut myself to do too much damage. I have scars, but not many.
So I've chosen the potion route. I'm in the abandoned classroom near the Slytherin dorms; no one ever goes in here but the House Elves. And that's only once every two weeks. My body will be here for a long time…no one will miss me…no one will even notice I'm gone.
The potion takes a half hour to do its work and then I'll just slip away. No pain. Not any more. It was the most painless potion I could find and it took the least amount of time. I didn't want it to be prolonged. I just want to leave. Maybe once I'm dead nothing will hurt me every again. I'm writing this in the room right now. Already I'm starting to fade, I can feel it.
My chest hurts as I think about my parents. I love them but…I can't do this anymore. I'm alone. There is nothing for me here. No one will even realize I'm gone. Life will go on and I will slip out of everyone's memories like I never existed. I never did. I'm a nobody. Lord, somebody, please, take me away…
It was the last entry in the journal. There was a line of ink jerked across the page. The spasms must have occurred just as she finished writing that last sentence. Severus set the journal down and dawn approached. He stared out at the grounds of Hogwarts. She was just another faceless person, who didn't have a name. He would bet all the money had that no one would even notice she was gone.
The words written echoed in his mind. He was just the same as them. No different. He drew in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. She was right. They would have had a lot in common. She wanted to be loved, to be cared for, to feel as if she would make a difference in the world, a good difference. Just like him. And now she was gone. Another soul, faceless, nameless.
