A/N: I know there's plenty of better hospital scene fics out there, but it seems we all have a lot of feels, so here's what I'd like to have seen.

Enjoy x

You sit in your car outside the hospital.

Start the car and leave, turn back around and leave the boy alone. You've made your deal with God…a deal is a deal.

But you stay rooted to the spot.

He's asked to see you, to see you. Cheryl's words run around in your head.

Then you start to think of Douglas. They're married now; husbands. You're no good to Steven, he's made his vows. And you know you're no good for the boy, you've told him that yourself. You've told him to stay away; you've promised yourself you'd do the same. But that's a lot easier said than done.

You've been worried sick for days. You've done nothing but have nightmares about seeing him the way you did. The way you fell to the ground when you saw him, the wind been knocked from you. You felt sick. You felt like your life had been taken away from you.

So you went to speak to God. You needed answers. Why? Why Steven? You had been punished enough. You were trying to change, change to be a better man. For yourself, for Cheryl, your kids and Steven, but it seemed God had other ideas.

What are you still doing here? Leave.

You take your wallet out, and take out the photo you have of Steven from the wedding invitation. Your thumb strokes slightly over his face. You want to touch it for real. You need to touch it. To believe that he is actually OK, you know Cheryl said he was, but you need prove for yourself.

You look up to the roof of your car and breathe, "I'm sorry."

XO

Your legs take you to him. You look through the glass to where he is. He's sleeping, you feel like you should just walk away again, but you don't.

You continue to stare. His beautiful face all swollen and bruised and scratched, you hate it, but you know he's strong. He's stronger than he looks and you know it.

He starts to cough and holds on to his ribs in pain. Within a flash you're in the room by his side.

"Here Steven," you take the glass of water on the side and place the straw in his mouth. He slurps a few times before dropping back on to the bed.

His eyes widen suddenly, as if he's only realised it's you. "Brendan," he croaks. "You came," and this time he smiles.

You stupid man, leave.

"Hmm, yeah."

"Cheryl told me you were here when I was brought in," he looks at you as if he wishes you'd stayed from that minute on.

You just nod and look anywhere but him. You don't have a clue what you can say to him. Words fail you more than ever.

"You can come near me you know. I haven't caught anything," he jokes lightly. But you can tell he's hurt that you won't move closer and look at him. "Thanks for visiting me."

"It's fine," you mumble. "You came to visit me, so it was only right."

Dick. How insensitive do you want to sound?

"Where's Douglas?" You ask. You don't care, but you'll say anything at this moment in time to move on quickly.

"Gone home," Ste sighs. "I can't believe I'm married."

"Congratulations."

See? He is married to someone else; you do remember that bit, yeah? Yeah you do, so stop hurting yourself and just go.

You lift your head up slightly and he's looking at you, tears in his eyes and he shakes his head. Tears run down his cheeks and your hearts breaks that little bit more.

"Not 'congratulations.'" He chokes, "what the fuck have I done?"

"Ye've married the person you love. That's what you normally do at a wedding." You finally find the motivation to move closer to him and sit beside him.

He wipes his tears away gently, he shakes his head.

"No. No, I've made a mistake… I can't even remember it Brendan," he looks at you. "And all I've thought about since I've been awake is you."

You scratch your head and scoff. You can't hear this, not now. Not now when it's too late.

"Ye will remember in time. Douglas will remind ye and ye'll see then it wasn't a mistake," he pauses. "ye've got Douglas now Steven. Ye don't need me."

"I don't want to remember. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry," his voice breaks and the tears stream down his face again.

"Hey, stop it," you sooth. Your hand finds his arm and you run your thumb over the fare hair there. "Don't let Douglas see ye like this."

He moves his arm away from your touch. It stings; the feel of his skin on yours was soothing not just for Steven, but yourself.

"Why aren't you listening to me? I know I've been in a coma, but I still know my feelings Bren." He breathes and he puts his arm back to where it was before and you instantly carry on running your thumb over his arm.

"I'm not saying ye don't, but it's been a stressful few days. Ye need time to think about what ye saying."

He moves his arm again, but this time his hand finds yours and he clings on to it.

"When Douglas told me we were married… I, well I just felt sick. I'm not saying I don't love him Brendan, 'cause I do, but I know what I've done is wrong. You were the person I wanted when I woke up; you are who I wanted to see when I woke up."

"I made a deal with God," your rush. "Told him if you lived I'd stay away-"

"Why would you want that?" He whispers. "That's not what I'd have wanted. It's not…you shouldn't have done that." He looks beyond hurt.

You breathe and shake your head. How can you answer him? Of course it's not what you wanted either. You thought it would have been for the best, you still do. He's staring at you, his forehead scrunched up. He's waiting for an answer.

"I just… I just thought it's what ye would have wanted. Ye had Douglas and it felt as if God was punishing me…for all that I've done to ye, to everyone."

"That's rubbish," he snaps at you. "God wouldn't have done that to you."

No, he would. You've had nothing but bad news all your life. Apart from the birth of your sons and your sisters' support and finding Steven, your life has been nothing but bad news.

"I've let him down…for once he listened to me. He let ye live and now I've gone back on my word." You scratch the back of your head, "I've fucked up again."

He entwines your fingers together and shakes his head weakly. "You are a good man Brendan. You…you make me feel safe, that's why I wanted you here. I don't feel empty anymore cause you've come to see me and… well, you've made me happy." He smiles.

Happy? You can't say you think you've made anyone happy before, maybe Cheryl when you've done a job for her at Chez Chez or when you've sent money over to the boys so they can buy the newest gadgets around, but never Steven.

You stare at him thoughtfully. His eyelashes looking longer than ever, his eyes much blue than you can remember, his nose cute and pointy and you remember the feel of it when he used to snuggle his face into your neck, his mouth full and pink, his face swollen from his injuries' and his body, my god his body. You can tell he's been working out, his shoulders are much broader and his arms are more muscular, you definitely appreciate the difference, but you can't help feel slight disappointed, cause you loved how his body was before. Then your attention turns back up to his neck and your heart drops slightly.

"Where's the cross?" You ask, accusingly.

"What?" He asks back, confused.

"The cross…my cross….well, your cross now but, where is it Steven?"

He looks at you as if you're going mad.

"Brendan, I don't know what you're talking about?" His forehead scrunches up more in confusion.

"I…I gave you my cross… for good luck. I thought ye would wear it, or at least have it on ye."

You're hurt. You aren't quite sure why, you realise that he couldn't hardly wear it, not with Doug around him, but you can't help it.

"I've got it," the American accent comes from behind you and you feel nothing but sudden rage when you face to see Doug there.

A/N: Reviews would be lovely? First time I've written in this way, so constructive criticism would be helpful if you have any and don't mind taking the time to do so. Thanks. : )