A/N: Well, then, this idea kind of just hit me in the middle of the night in like May...so I got up and wrote it down. Then I rewrote it, because stories written at midnight are not usually good ones. And finally, it's September and I've finally gotten around to publishing it. That didn't take long at all.

Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia (what a shame) but for once, I can tell you I was inspired by me and only me (plus a History Channel show "The Seven Deadly Sins, discussing Envy).

Envy

I envy Lucy.

I envy her childlike faith and her ability to be so much more than a child. But most of all, I envy her relationship with Aslan. I envy her trust. I envy that it all comes so naturally to her.

Those things that are so apart of Lucy are the things I have to work hardest at and yet, if I ever stop trying, I'm afraid I'm going to slip. That is the one thing I can never do.

I envy Susan's elegance.

Not her physical elegance, but her social elegance. Somehow, even when she's angry, Susan still appears gentle. (I wish that was the case when it comes to us, her own family!) When I'm that angry, I have to leave the room before I do something…rash. And even at the best of times, I have to bite my tongue so nothing even slightly disrespectful leaves my mouth.

I envy Peter.

He's so brave. He's so kind. He's so strong. And I'm sure he's sitting in his room right now think the same thing about me. But if he only know how much I struggle to appear at least as brave or as kind as he is his, he wouldn't be thinking that at all.

I envy him, his courage, his strength, his kindness.

I envy Susan, her elegance, her gentleness.

I envy Lucy, her faith, her trust, her joy.

They're all so good.

"Envy" is a bad thing, I've been told, and it is, in itself, but it because I envy my siblings' goodness that I am any good at all. I wish for nothing more than to be that good and so every day I try my hardest to be like them. I know I fall hopelessly short, but somehow, I think it is enough to them. To the Narnians.

And I know that if I stop trying, I'll go back to the way I used to be. I fear that more than anything else, so I can't go back and I can't stop trying.

Sometimes, I think the reason I'm here at all, is because I do envy my siblings. I don't sit and mope that they're better than I am anymore. I work tirelessly to be that good. In the beginning, it is what kept me going most days.

There is nothing more I want than to be just like them.

Simply because they're good.