Introduction
This fic came out of the random idea I got into my head one day of "What if Shinji was changed by his time in Leliel?" Which then morphed into "What about absorption by Eva makes him go all badass?", which then morphed into "Lol, what about genderbending?"
After slapping myself a few times and deciding to incorporate a few interesting things from all three of these thoughts; and thus this fic was born.
The idea was simple; change several small things to start with, and everything else is affected in different ways, kind of like an unravelling thread A Butterfly Effect, as t'were. To this end; we have Rei Ikari. An angry, confused fourteen year old girl that is adamant she hates her father, who feels abandoned and betrayed. A girl who doesn't always run away or mope like Shinji, but still has many, many problems of her own (It wouldn't be Evangelion otherwise).
She deals with many of her problems through anger - she still has the Hedgehog's Dilemma, but where Shinji would inactively push people away; Rei actively does so. She believes that everyone will betray her at some point. She's an angry young girl, hiding her hurt and confusion behind a mask of either indifference or hate, refusing to reach out. Much of the anger is a front for her own awkwardness and social inabilities. But unlike Shinji, Rei actively approaches her own problems… eventually. At least I hope so. If nothing else, she'll let people help her when she realises she's being stupid.
This isn't exactly how she'll turn out. I know that writing evolves and often changes; but this is the character I set out to start with.
That's not to say this is going to end up constantly wangsty and angsty - I intend there to be therapists here, and people who help Rei out of the rut she is digging herself. I intend this to be a hell of a lot less hopeless than the original; and have a story where everyone has the chance to improve themselves, even those considered evil. Some will take the chance, others won't. I won't say I have a clear idea of where the characters will go in this; though I have the plot down in a shaky frame. We all know writing is a fluid process though.
That's also not to say it's gonna be completely fluffy either. All sorts of bad stuff is gonna happen.
Don't look at me like that; it's Evangelion. Of course there's going to be some horrifying bits.
Oh, and I'm not entirely sticking to the original series - hints of Rebuild and the manga will be there, though this is primarily a fic that deals with the original anime series. The elements will mostly be there because they were damned cool bits that still stuck to the original storyline, but were made much more epic . I might go quite a bit off canon with some things, but I'm not sure. This IS an AU fic. But there are a few people along for the ride, and you'll find out just who later. Oh, and there'll be quite a few bits, especially later on, that are inspired by the Proposal work.
I'll just get that out the way to stop anyone from commenting with "You moved away from canon!111!one". To Clarify: I am Not going to be sticking rigidly to canon NGE. I'll be sticking to the general plot ideas and the progression of angels, but that could be it. I don't know where this is going to go (though I do have the ending planned, and several bits, how I get to them will be an interesting journey)
Oh and yes, yes I have been playing with the timeline. I kinda had to, but as an AU fic it's not too bad, and I do have reasons as to why things are different. Aren't I nice?
So, please enjoy Neon Genesis Evangelion - "Reaching Out"
:Author steps away from stage. Then turns back and bows: Oh yeah… Almost forgot the standard "I'd like to remind everyone who should know that in no way am I claiming ownership of Evangelion; I don't own it, though I wish I did for the crapton of money it would bring me. Neon Genesis Evangelion etc. are © the respective owners like Hideaki Anno and Gainax. I intend to make no profit from this fan derived work. Please don't sue me!" Bull, silly me.
Random info bite on the name - I've been reading Kimi Ni Todoke recently (maybe a little more than is healthy) and was having a real time coming up with a decent name for the fic. Then it hit me that 'Reaching Out' works well, since that's one of the core problems of the characters in Eva. And since it's one of the core things I intend to change –eventually- it kinda fits.
So please, enjoy!
"Neon Genesis Evangelion - Reaching Out"
Prologue
"Mother was the First Other"
2004
The train was empty save for two people and a few bags containing clothes and one or two toys. One of the occupants was a man, dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and black trousers, which were slightly unkempt, as was his short dark-brown hair. He had a chinstrap beard and glasses that hid his eyes.
The other passenger was a little girl, around four years old. She was dressed in short leggings, a skirt and a baggy sweater with a hood. On her back was a small but cute backpack, and held in her arms was a purple plush toy that looked handmade. Crude though it was, she was holding onto it tightly, as if it were extremely important to her. She had dark-brown hair, at just past shoulder length, which was tied up into two badly done bunches. Her shoes were small and neat, but scuffed, and she was sniffling occasionally, her light-blue eyes red rimmed.
Rei didn't know why her daddy wasn't really there anymore. Ever since her Mama had gone, he had been there but not been there. And he had hit her even when she had done nothing wrong. Rei just wanted her daddy back. She just wanted him to sing her lullabies (even if he sang them badly) and play with her again, even if he was busy. She wanted to see him smile at her like he used to. She wanted Mama to hold her and smile at her again.
But Mama wouldn't be able to, because that thing…
Rei whimpered and shook her head, pushing away the memories.
"Daddy, where are we going?" The four year old asked, looking over at her father.
"To a Teacher's home." Gendo replied curtly. Rei frowned.
"Why are we going there, Daddy?"
"Because we are. Stop asking questions."
"Daddy…" She mumbled. She grabbed onto his arm, but he shook her off, and again, tears began to run down her face. "Daddy, be Daddy again. Please." She begged miserably. "I want my daddy back…"
Gendo didn't hear her. He was too wrapped up in his own churning emotions, although his face registered none of what he was thinking. He took a look at his now crying daughter. She was so small and trusting, even after the horrible way he'd acted to her at times. Even after hitting her for no reason other than blind drunken rage, she still loved him and tried to reach out to him. Tried to hug him, to give him those pecks on the cheek she always had.
She looked like Yui. That was part of the problem. She looked like a tiny, helpless version of his wife, now eaten by that… thing. His fists clenched. The idea had come abruptly, during another drunken rage.
All she'd said was that she missed her Mama. And that had been why he'd nearly broken her arm. Nearly. The bruising on it was something else, and it was at that moment that insight hit him with the subtlety of a breeze block to the face.
He'd stopped when he had realised that he was being a horrible father; that he didn't deserve to be called a father. He hit her when she had done no wrong, and then his heart wrenched when he saw her tears, but he couldn't stop. She always hid the bruises on her stomach or her arms by wearing her baggy clothes, saying she had fallen down, and she always seemed to forgive him. Always. As if there could be nothing but love for her father in the eyes of this child.
Even if every time he came home after work, he saw the fear in her eyes; the naked terror she had of the violence. And he felt ashamed. God knew, he felt ashamed. It would be something nobody would have ever thought him able, but as much as he tried to suppress every emotion, they still boiled over, shame, guilt, anger, rage, violence, crashing in a never ending cycle. He'd had enough, and it was time to protect Rei from himself.
So he was taking her to a teacher he knew, who lived on the outskirts of Tokyo-2. He would have taken her to her uncle Daisuke's place, but Yui's older brother's was always so cursedly busy, and besides, he hated Gendo's guts anyway.
There was a third member of the train, invisible to all, and in a sense, not really 'there', and he watched the two travellers with distinct sadness. He resembled both of the passengers in more than a passing way, although nearly four times the age of the little girl. He shook his head as the little girl sniffled to herself and the man brooded.
"Still the same as you were to me, Father." Shinji Ikari muttered, floating along in his plugsuit. "Still the same cowardly asshole. Though I suppose this time you're doing the wrong thing for the right reasons." He'd watched as his counterpart had been born, and the joy with which she'd lived life. Until their mother had died. Some things never changed, no matter how much you tried to help. And god knows he'd tried. But in the end, she'd still been absorbed by Unit 01, his father had demonstrated what an ass he could be and now he was on his way to dump her with that spineless, useless teacher who had about as much clue regarding raising a child as he would a brick.
Still, he'd changed some things for the better, or at least he'd hoped. The ripples of his changes wouldn't be felt yet, and he'd had to conserve energy to be able to influence the world before going dormant again. Hopefully his plans would come to fruition eventually.
"I wonder how the others are doing…" Shinji muttered to himself. Since that pact the four of them had made, he hadn't seen any of them, as planned.
Asuka ran down the corridor, laughing as she did so, a scrap of paper in her hands and her auburn hair flying out behind her, held up with two red nubs of plastic. She giggled as she skidded round a corner and headed towards a certain door.
"I've been chosen! Over lots of other people!" She shouted, loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear. "I'm special! One of the elite! So look at me!"
The girl skidded to a halt outside the door and opened it carefully, completely contrasting the excited way in which she'd been running. She smiled up at the person lying on the bed as they sat up, mumbling.
"Look at me! I've been chosen as a pilot!" Asuka shouted, and the person winced at the volume so early in the morning. She clambered up onto the bed and picked up the little red doll that lay there as she crawled over to the person now sitting up. "So I'm really great, aren't I?"
Imre Langley Soryu, widowed husband of brilliant scientist Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, looked down at his daughter, sleep still fogging his brain. After a minute, what she was saying sank into his head and he smiled broadly, lifting her by the shoulders and sitting her on his lap.
"My, what wonderful news Schätzchen!" he exclaimed, ruffling his daughter's hair. "Your Mother would be so proud!"
Asuka looked down and her lip trembled. "Would Mama be proud of me?" She asked. "Really?"
Imre smiled and kissed her forehead. "Of course she would, Schätzchen. I don't think she would have let anyone else pilot her machine."
Standing nearby, unnoticed and unseen stood a girl in a red plugsuit, with red hair. She watched the scene in front of her with barely disguised envy, but also relief as she watched her younger self play with her father.
"So you'll take care of her?" Gendo asked the man, adjusting his glasses. Rei stood slightly to the side, not entirely sure what was going on; only realising that something bad was happening.
"Daddy…" She mumbled, squeezing her plush nervously. "Daddy, why are we here?"
"Yes, I'll take care of her, as long as you pay the maintenance." The teacher replied coolly. "I don't have the resources on my own to raise a child."
"Recompense will be arranged as soon as I return to Hakone, Mr. Hanamura." Gendo stated, "It is settled, then?"
"Indeed." The teacher said. Gendo nodded and turned around, and began to walk down the street.
"Daddy!" Rei ran up to him as fast as her legs would carry her, "Daddy, wait up!"
Gendo stopped, but didn't turn around. The sheer effort it took him not to turn around and pick her up nearly overwhelmed him, but he had to press on. If only for her sake. "Rei, you have to stay with the nice man."
Rei sniffled and still ran after him, hugging onto his leg. "Daddy, please take me home, I'm scared! I don't want to stay here!"
"You will stay here!" Gendo shouted suddenly, and the little girl jumped away in fear. "This is your home now!"
Rei began to sob. "Daddy, please… Daddy!" Her eyes widened as he began to walk away again. "You'll come back, won't you Daddy? Please come back for me soon…"
Gendo made a small noise that the four year old took to mean assent, and she turned back to the Teacher, who by now had moved next to her. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and he sighed. He was about to ruffle her hair, when she shook her head.
"Daddy said he'd come back, so he will. I'll wait for him and be a good girl." She said.
Mr. Hanamura couldn't bear to tell her the truth.
2007
Naoko Akagi sat heavily in her chair in the little house her fiancée owned and sighed. Since she'd finished the Magi years ahead of schedule, she'd not really done too much with her life. Sometimes it was boring; but she'd found it more fulfilling; especially when she had finally quit GEHIRN. There weren't so many secrets to keep on a daily basis, and there weren't the accusing eyes of her daughter, Ritsuko, to watch her constantly. Nor were there those sharp little eyes of the girl that that bastard Ikari had introduced as the daughter of a friend. Ayanami Rei…
She sighed again. That poor little girl, alone and being raised by Gendo Ikari. Better to be raised by wolves like Romulus and Remus than that cold, dispassionate man.
It was odd, though, she thought. He'd chosen to take care of a little girl when he had always cited that he'd been too busy to raise a child when it came to his own daughter.
As she leafed through some papers on the table idly, there was a flash of a familiar face; and she brushed off the others to find a photograph of a different little girl. She looked about four, and there was no doubt as to whose daughter she realised she'd met the girl before. Yui Ikari's face seemed to taunt her through the young girl, as had that Ayanami girl's. She winced. Maybe she was just being paranoid.
Thank god she'd not given into her instincts and slept with that bastard Gendo.
"Daisuke!" Naoko shouted, and her fiancée leaned into the room with a questioning look.
"What is it Naoko?" He asked. She held up the photograph.
"This is your niece, right?" She handed it to him, and he frowned.
"Yes, I found this earlier. Her name is Rei. Must be six or seven now. Why do you ask?"
"Well, she's going to be family, right?" Naoko shrugged. "I thought she might like to come along to the wedding, as a bridesmaid. I know Ritsuko won't be coming, so I'm missing one, and she's so sweet looking, I'm sure she'll do."
"Well, that'd be a good idea, but I don't know exactly where she's at nowadays. When my sister died, Gendo took her to live with some teacher. I'd have taken her in, but right then I was so busy with work and all, it would have been bad for her."
Naoko hummed to herself. Who was that teacher Gendo had mentioned once… Hana… Hanamura? Yes, that was it. She could always find out where he lived.
"Well, I say we find out. She's your niece after all, and she'll be mine too." Naoko didn't mention that she was also curious – the little girl that Gendo had brought into the Geofront, also named Rei , and how similar she looked to his own daughter, well, that was interesting, and she was still a scientist after all.
The doorbell rang; Naoko Akagi and Daisuke Ikari standing in front of the door to the small house, dressed in their smarter casual clothes. There was a muttering that quickly approached the door and then it was opened to reveal a fairly old man, stooped, with glasses perched on the end of his nose and wearing a shirt and some trousers. He squinted at the couple.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
Daisuke held out a hand. "Sorry to bother you. My name is Daisuke Ikari, and this is my fiancée, Naoko Akagi."
At the mention of the name 'Ikari', the man stood up. "Ryuu Hanamura. I take it you're here to see Rei? That's good, that's good…"
"I'm her uncle, on her mother's side."
"Yes, now that I think about it, she does look a lot like you. Well, come in, come in. You must excuse me for not being present while you see her; I'm so terribly busy with my research."
Daisuke nodded and he and Naoko followed the little man through the house and up the stairs to a small room. The teacher knocked on the door and withdrew back to his own room.
"Coming." A forlorn sounding voice came through the door, and it was slid open to reveal Rei, now seven. She didn't look much different to how she had been in the photograph, but at the same time she looked entirely different. There was something in her eyes; a sadness that shouldn't have been there in such a young child. Her hair was no longer in the two bunches, but was a messy mop on her head that looked like she'd cut it herself. The clothes she was wearing were nothing more than her standard grade school uniform. Daisuke stared in shock, before he remembered his manners and smiled down at her.
"May I help you?" She asked politely.
"Hello, Rei. Don't you remember me?" Daisuke asked. The girl cocked her head to one side, thinking hard.
"Um… Uncle… Daisuke?" She asked. He nodded. "Oh, I'm sorry, come in then." And she stepped back into her room and sat down on the small bed she had. Naoko followed Daisuke into the small room and looked around with obvious surprise. She remembered Ritsuko's room at this age; full of toys, and while Ritsuko had always been very 'sciencey', she had still collected lots of things and her room had always been obvious as to her personality.
Rei's room was bare; almost Spartan, and perfectly tidy. There was a small bed, a chest of drawers and a wardrobe, and a few toys; a couple of plushes, a small clock and a radio. There was a cello in one corner that looked entirely too big for the little girl, and there was one particular plush that looked like it had been handmade and then mended several times; each time with the stitching getting better. What surprised Naoko was how similar it looked to that… monster that the girl's mother had helped create.
Then she remembered that the toy had been made by Yui Ikari; god knew Naoko had seen her stitching it together and more often than not, failing. So she finished it…
Daisuke looked surprised as well, and not a little sickened. Rei was looking at him with an oddly empty gaze, so he spoke first after sitting down on the floor.
"So, Rei, how have you been?"
Rei shrugged noncommittally. "I've been all right, thank you, Uncle Daisuke." She said, politely.
"How is school? You doing alright, got some nice friends?"
"It's all right. Um, sensei has my report cards somewhere… I don't have many friends. Well, I have one, and that's Chihiro, but it's okay. People always just leave anyway."
"What?" Naoko asked as she too sat on the floor.
"People always leave me alone. It's okay…" She added, seeing their faces. "I'm used to it... But… um, my schoolwork is fun!"
Daisuke swallowed. "What about Mr. Hanamura?"
"Sensei? He's always very busy, so I get left to myself most of the time." Rei sounded sad. "I cook and clean, though, and he always tells me I do a good job. Sensei's very forgetful, so I have to do a lot of the work." She brightened up suddenly. "I really like cooking, though, so it's all right."
"I see." Daisuke muttered.
Rei looked at Naoko. "Who are you?"
She smiled. "I'm why your uncle's here. We're getting married soon and wanted you to come to the ceremony as a bridesmaid, Rei. My name is Naoko Akagi."
"Auntie… Naoko?" Rei screwed her eyes up as if trying to remember if she'd seen the woman before. "Um… Weren't you at… where… Daddy… and Mama?" Her lip trembled.
Naoko nodded. "That's right; I worked with your mama. Do you want to come? To the wedding, I mean."
Rei looked unsure. "I don't want to be in the way…"
"You'll not be. I need you to be my bridesmaid, Rei." Naoko said, moving closer to the girl and taking one of the small hands. "You'll come along, right?"
"You… need me?"
"Yes."
"Okay… But only if Sensei says I can."
"I'm sure he will." Naoko patted her arm and smiled. Rei simply nodded.
"Then I'll come. But Auntie Naoko…" Rei looked curious. "What's a 'bridesmaid'?"
A few minutes and an extremely one sided conversation later, Naoko and Daisuke were walking back towards the train, having excused themselves from the harassed looking teacher and the forlorn girl. As they sat down on the train towards home, Daisuke looked angry.
"My god, what happened to her?" He clenched his fist. "She used to be such a happy little girl, always smiling and always very friendly."
"I only met her once, but she was as you say. Of course that was when Doctor Ikari was alive. Losing your mother and then having your father abandon you like that is bound to change you. But it does seem like there's more wrong with her."
"You can bet there is." Daisuke looked at his hands. "Dammit, I doubt it's purposeful, but it seems like a case of neglect."
Naoko patted his arm. "I don't quite think it's that bad, but I'll definitely say that he's not entirely treating her right. She seems so lonely."
"I can't help but feel it's my fault. I should have taken her in while I had the chance. I'd have made do. Dammit, I was so selfish!" He clenched his fist.
It was later, when they had got back to their own little home and sat down for a while, that Naoko had an idea. Like her other flashes of inspiration – when she'd first imagined the MAGI, not long after Ritsuko had been born, when she'd worked out some things to do with the under construction Unit 00- it came completely and shockingly to the forefront of her brain, demanding immediate attention.
Daisuke had made dinner, and they were sat on the couch, watching television, when Daisuke looked regretful.
"It's still bothering me, you know."
"What is, dear?"
"Rei." He replied.
"Ah." Naoko said. "Well…"
"Well, nothing! I could have looked after her and I didn't! Dammit."
It was then that the idea appeared in her mind. "Let's rescue her." She grinned. Daisuke looked sharply at her.
"What?"
"You heard me. Let's give her a loving home. I know that teacher isn't neglecting her on purpose, and after talking with him, I'm more than certain that he would be relieved to have her off his hands. So let's take Rei in ourselves."
Daisuke looked up at her. "Naoko…"
"Look, I'll be the first to admit it's not entirely because I want to make a little girl have a happy home – I feel I need to atone for how I raised my own daughter. Which was badly. Maybe if I can raise Rei to be loved and looked after, I might be able to forgive myself for raising Ritsuko so poorly."
"I see…"
"But also, didn't she seem so sad? And that haircut, and everything. She's doing everything on her own, and she's only seven. A girl that age needs love, attention, and a warm home where she can play. So… let's take her in."
Daisuke blinked and then his face cracked into a warm smile. "Naoko, you're a genius."
"Of course." Naoko leaned back and smiled a satisfied smile. She tapped the arms of the couch thoughtfully and looked around the small lounge. "Hmm. I think, first things first, we need to find somewhere a bit bigger. Not by much, but little girls do need a room of their own and they need the room to collect things. Should be easy enough, I have more than enough stashed away from my GEHIRN stipend to find somewhere. Maybe on the outskirts of the city. It might be a longer commute, but it's probably a nicer area."
"Mmm." Daisuke mumbled. He was still processing the idea of taking in the girl.
"And then I think we should buy her some nice things. If all she has is the stuff in her room, then she'll need more. Clothes especially. A little girl needs clothes."
Naoko continued talking about preparations, while Daisuke turned the notion over and over in his head. She was right, of course. Daisuke cursed to himself as he realised he hadn't thought of it earlier.
"You have reached GEHIRN, please state the reason you are calling."
"This is Doctor Naoko Akagi. Please allow me to speak to Gendo Ikari."
"I'm sorry, but the Commander is busy right now, can I take a message?"
Naoko ground her teeth. "Yes. Check my credentials; you'll know I worked for GEHIRN, so once you've done that, please tell him I need to speak with him urgently concerning his daughter. Please add a note that if he is unwilling so speak to me, that I may get in contact with Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki."
"I'll take the message, thank you for calling."
There was a click. Naoko sighed and put the phone down, and almost immediately it rang again. She picked it up.
"Naoko Akagi speaking."
"Doctor Akagi." The voice wasn't the cold one she had been expecting; instead it was rather warm and warily friendly.
"Professor Fuyutsuki." Naoko smiled. Where she had despised Ikari, she rather liked the Vice-Commander. "Good to hear from you. Sorry to bother you at this hour."
"It doesn't matter. What's this about the Commander's daughter?"
Naoko sighed. "We want to take her in."
"We?" Kozo sounded surprised.
"I'm getting married again. I sent an invite, though it doesn't look like it's arrived. You're invited, though. It'll be in a few months."
"Yui's brother?" On the other end of the line, Fuyutsuki blinked.
"Daisuke, yes. Anyway, to business, I'm sure you have more than enough to do."
"Indeed." There was a low chuckle. "So, what's got you so interested in Rei Ikari?"
"We… visited her the other day to give her an invitation to the wedding. I assume you know Ritsuko isn't speaking to me anymore?"
"Yes, go on."
Naoko sighed again before resuming. "Well, I needed another bridesmaid, so we went to visit her after chasing up Professor Hanamura. When we got there… Well…" Naoko paused, trying to figure out how best to explain the situation. "She… Damn it, Kozo, that's not how a child should live!"
"What was wrong?" Kozo sounded truly concerned this time and Naoko remembered his grandchildren and how he had doted on them before falling out with his son and daughter and their respective spouses.
"Well, she wasn't being mistreated, far from it. Hanamura lives quite well, from what we could see. But… Well, she seems so lonely, left alone to herself for the most part. You really had to be there." She took a breath. "Look, Kozo, me and Daisuke would do a much better job of raising her than that professor could. We'd give her love and a home she would like to live in. My god, Kozo, she said that she knew everyone would leave her at some point, and her room… It's not natural for a child like her to live like that. She cuts her own hair for god's sake! It's like he only just takes care of her. It's not good enough."
"I'll talk to Ikari." Fuyutsuki said gently, trying to calm the scientist down. "I'll see what he says."
"Thanks, Kozo."
"No promises, I'm afraid, Naoko. Anyway, that aside, how have you been?"
"Fine. A little bored, it's quite a lot less stimulating not to build supercomputers. I'm almost tempted to work on a personal Magi."
Fuyutsuki chuckled. "Well, you sound a lot happier than when you were here. To think it was only six months ago..."
"I am. It's kind of strange, not working there, but it's alright. Daisuke's a good man. How's… How's Ritsuko?"
"She's alright. You two should really make up. It was a stupid thing you fell out over."
Naoko pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, too many things were said that day. I regret it, but there's not a lot I can do about it."
"I see. Well, I have to go. I'll talk to Gendo about this later on or tomorrow. I'll call you back."
"One second, Professor." Naoko said. Fuyutsuki paused a moment before returning the phone to his ear. "Tell that ba- Tell Gendo that if he truly has any love left for his daughter underneath that ice shell he's constructed around himself, he'll let me look after Rei and give her a loving home."
"I'll… try." Fuyutsuki said, "No promises, Naoko. Goodbye."
He hung up, and Naoko put the phone down on the kitchen counter. She looked around their new house's kitchen/dining room and smiled. He'd let her take the girl in, she knew it. Eventually.
It was just a matter of time.