Title: Après Ski
Author: natlski
Rating: PG
Category: Josh/Donna
Spoilers: In Excelsis Deo, Noel; but is slightly AU.
Disclaimer: a girl can only dream (in other words, they're not mine!)
Author's Note: This was supposed to be a little fluff piece, but I couldn't resist some post- Noel angst, because I love angsty-Josh. All mistakes are mine- this story is completely un-betaed. I found this on my hard drive. It was written last summer for the Donnafictathon over at Live Journal.
Summary: "Skis would have killed you?"
"We're going to New Hampshire this weekend." Josh Lyman crossed his arms over his chest and leaned one hip against his assistant's desk.
Donna Moss looked up briefly, and then returned her attention to her computer screen.
"The town of Bartlett is having some special ceremony honoring the Bartlet family and the President is going." Josh watched Donna's slender fingers flying over her keyboard for a moment before lifting his gaze to study her profile.
"Uh-huh." Donna continued to type, half listening to him.
"Presidential hand holding." Josh dropped his hands to his hips, frustrated that he seemed to be alone in the conversation. "In New Hampshire."
Still no response.
"In February." Josh waited a beat and opened his mouth to speak again when Donna's hands stilled and she turned to face him.
"So don't forget to pack your long underwear." With that she stood and walked to the printer, removing the page it had just spit out and returning to her desk.
Josh stood mouth still open, at a loss for how to respond.
"You have senior staff right now." She handed him the memo, collected some files from her desk and headed down the hallway.
"What just happened?" Josh wondered aloud. He stood a moment longer before looking down at the paper in his hand. He scanned it as he headed for Leo's office.
"Hey," Sam Seaborn fell into step beside him.
"Donna just ignored me."
"How is this new?" Sam cast a sideways look at his best friend, once again feeling relief that the haunted look that had been present two months earlier was finally fading from those deep brown eyes.
"I'm saying I was trying to talk to her about the New Hampshire trip this weekend and she was ignoring me."
"What did you do to her?"
"I didn't…" Josh began to protest, his voice squeaking, just a bit. "No…" He groaned as the memory came back to him. "She was supposed to have the afternoon off yesterday and I made her stay late." Josh put a hand to his forehead. He could feel a head ache coming on. He seemed to be having a lot of those lately. "Sam what if she refuses to go this weekend?" Desperation colored his voice.
"So talk to her." Sam shrugged as the two entered the outer office of the Chief of Staff. "Tell her your plans."
"But I wanted it to be a surprise."
For a moment Josh sounded like a 5 year old and Sam had visions of the Deputy Chief of Staff stomping his feet and dropping to the floor kicking and screaming. He shook his head to try to clear the image. "You don't have to tell her all the details. Just the basics."
"What are we talking about?" CJ Cregg stepped into the room, notebook clutched to her side.
"Josh's plans for the weekend."
"Josh is staffing the President in New Hampshire this weekend." CJ looked from Sam to Josh, slightly confused. Sam wore a look that was a mixture of frustration and relief, where as Josh looked absolutely miserable. "Did you have to cancel a hot date?"
"Honestly, does this have to become a matter of public record?" Josh knew his tone had become whiney, and he didn't care.
"You haven't gone in yet?" Toby Zeigler asked as he strode into the office to find his coworkers standing around Margaret's empty desk.
Before any of them could reply, the red headed assistant emerged from the inner office, closing the door behind her. "It will just be a few more minutes." She sat down at her desk and began sorting through files that were stacked on her desk.
Josh began pacing, absently running his hands through his already tousled hair.
"Perfect!" CJ exclaimed. "You can tell me about your plans for this weekend."
"CJ" Josh groaned.
"Oh come on, Josh." Sam turned to CJ. "Josh got permission for him and Donna to stay behind after the event Friday. He's going to take her skiing. It's his Christmas present to her."
"Sam!" Josh cried, horrified at the announcement of his intentions.
"That's sweet, Josh."
He dropped his head in embarrassment. "Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly in the holiday spirit at Christmas time and didn't really get her anything." His voice dropped to barely audible, "I owe her so much more." He cleared his throat. "Look, don't tell her, please?"
He looked imploringly at his friends.
"Let me make it very clear that I could care less what you do or do not do for your assistant." Toby grumbled, glancing up from the folder open in his hands. "As long as it isn't illegal or other wise damaging to this administration."
Sam and CJ exchanged amused looks. Josh turned toward Margaret, who had been busy organizing files at her desk. She looked him in the eye, silently communicating that she'd keep the information secret, before going back to her work.
"I wanted to surprise her, but now she's ignoring me." Josh dropped into the chair by Margaret's desk. "This is all going to blow up in my face."
CJ looked at Sam again, and then walked over to Josh. "Mi amore, take my advice. The last thing Donna needs right now is a huge surprise." She lightly touched his shoulder, causing him to meet her eyes. "Tell her the basics of your plan. It won't take away from the special-ness of the gift."
Before anyone could respond Leo's door opened and he motioned for the senior staff to enter. As the others filed past him, Josh stayed in the chair, mulling over what his friends had said. He lurched to his feet with a groan and spun to follow his co-workers. Margaret's soft voice stopped him.
"They're right."
Josh let out a short breath and set his mouth in a tight line. He gave a brief nod to the red-head and moved through the door.
Donna Moss yawned and stretched as much as the confines of the rental car would allow. She glanced over at her boss. Josh was gripping the wheel with both hands and peering through the swirling snow at the road. She could feel the tension radiating off his body. "Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" She asked for the 10th time in the half hour they'd been on the road.
Josh gave her a quick glance before turning his full attention back to the snow covered road. "It's fine. Besides, we're almost there."
"I can handle a car in snow, Josh. It snows in Wisconsin." She crossed her arms indignantly and glared out the windshield.
"I didn't…" Josh heaved a sigh and glanced quickly at her again. "I never meant to imply…" His grip tightened on the steering wheel. "Look. Can we not do this? I don't want…This is supposed to be a relaxing weekend." There was sadness in his voice and one look at her defensive posture caused him to sigh and his shoulders to droop.
The car's head lights illuminated a sign advertising winterized cabins and Josh slowly maneuvered the car into the drive of the establishment. He pulled up in front of the building labeled "office" and turned off the engine. He stared straight ahead for a moment before unbuckling his seat belt and twisting toward Donna.
"I know you're mad at me. I know I've been a jerk." He hesitated a moment before continuing. "I have put you through hell, and I am so sorry." He stopped, trying to gather himself, to maintain control of his emotions. "I couldn't possibly begin to thank you for everything you've done for me, for everything you've given up for me, for everything you are to me."
Donna's face softened and she dropped her arms, her hands fidgeting in her lap. Josh reached out tentatively and placed his own hand over hers, stilling them. She looked up to see tears glistening in his eyes. Her own eyes were moist with unshed tears.
Josh cleared his throat and nervously pulled away. "I'm going to go check in." He opened the car door and stepping out into the snowy night, slamming the door behind him. Donna shivered as she watched him disappear into the motel office.
A fire crackled in the fire place, casting warmth and a comforting glow into the small room. Donna wrapped her hands around the mug of hot chocolate and snuggled deeper into the fleece blanket. She smiled as she surveyed the room. As mad as she was at Josh, she had to admit, that he had done a fabulous job setting up their relaxing weekend.
The cabin was small, consisting of a kitchenette, a small bedroom, bathroom, and living room/dining room. All the woodwork was natural and it was tastefully decorated with pictures of lakes and mountains.
Josh padded out of the bathroom wearing flannel drawstring pants and a worn sweatshirt. He sat sideways on the other end of the couch and tucked his stockinged feet under him. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and looked at Donna. "You're still mad at me, aren't you?"
Donna sighed. It didn't seem to matter that they were both exhausted; they apparently were going to have things out. "Yes."
"Why?"
"Josh. We're both tired. Do we really have to talk about this right now?" Donna shifted under the blanket then focused on her companion, studying him.
He shifted uneasily under her intense gaze and drew his knees up closer to his chest. "We need to talk," Josh kept his gaze locked on Donna's hands. The slight tremor in his voice betrayed his nervousness. "About us." He risked a look at Donna's face and felt his heart drop at her grim look.
"Josh. I really don't think this is the time…" She gripped her mug so tight that her knuckles turned white. Josh wasn't going to let this go, she could tell. In her effort to protect him she was going to end up hurting him and it tore at her heart.
Josh lurched off the couch, stamping across the floor to stand in front of the fireplace. He felt the anger and frustration building in his chest. He whirled to face Donna, his eyes more than a little wild and his breath coming in quick gasps. "I think this is exactly the time, Donna!" He fought to control his voice and his emotions. "We're spending a relaxing weekend together, alone, in New Hampshire. A ski weekend, Donna. Just you and me."
Donna swallowed, pushing back the fear that Josh's too quick temper caused in her. She forced herself to keep a soft, level tone when she spoke. "We really can't have this conversation. Not right now."
"Stop!" Josh practically screamed. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides. "I'm so sick of everyone treating me like glass! They tip-toe around me, handling me, as if I'll shatter into a million pieces if they look cross eyed at me." He stepped closer to the couch. "You're mad at me. Why? Just tell me!"
Donna carefully set her now empty mug on the floor beside the couch, then stood, the blanket falling away. Her voice rose with each sentence. "You treat me like shit, Josh, I'm sick of it. You can't make up your mind about how you feel about me. You treat me like a slave one minute. The next you're all flirty or sweet. I'm sick of it. You're playing with my heart, Josh and I'm sick of it. It's not fair to me." She crossed her arms protectively over her chest, her eyes flashing.
Josh's breath caught in his throat. "I…I…" He swallowed, and tried again to speak, his voice came out a whisper. "I love you." The anger drained from him and he turned pleading eyes to the young women before him. "I'm sorry."
She felt her heart break, and drew a shuddering breath. "I know. I know, Josh." She forced back tears. She knew that what she was going to say was going to hurt both of them. "We agreed that we wouldn't pursue anything until you were better."
Josh searched Donna's face for a brief moment before turning way. He wanted to stick his fingers into his ears, he knew what she was going to say but didn't want to hear it. He closed his eyes as she continued.
"You're better then you were. It's been two months. But you're not where you need to be for us to start a relationship." Donna stepped forward to place a hand on his arm, but dropped her hand to her side when he flinched at her touch.
"Sometimes, I think maybe I'm ready." Josh stopped and his breath hitched. "Then a sudden noise causes me to panic, or something like this happens, and I wonder if I'll ever get better." His shoulders slumped and he turned to face the now dying fire.
Donna had to strain to hear him when he spoke again.
"I'm sorry for the way I treat you. I'm sorry that I love you." He sighed deeply. "You deserve someone who is whole physically and emotionally. I don't deserve your love."
Donna allowed the tears to flow down her face. She quietly closed the distance between them. Ignoring how he jumped when she touched him, she wrapped her arms around him from behind, laying her cheek against the back of his shoulder and placing a hand over his heart.
"I think I'm angrier at the situation then I am at you. I love you Joshua Lyman, don't ever think that I don't. We'll get through this." She heard and felt him draw several shaky breaths, and knew that he was fighting back tears. "We're both tired. You're going to teach me how to ski tomorrow and I know that is going to try both of our patience. We need to get some sleep."
Josh chuckled. "Your patience will be tried?"
"I'm spending the day with you. When isn't my patience tried?"
"I think you're insulting me." Josh tried to sound indignant, but the fact that he'd just been crying ruined his efforts.
She grinned, "Nothing gets by you does it."
Josh chuckled softly, the ache in his heart lessening slightly.
"Bedtime." Donna stated in a tone of voice that brokered no argument. She squeezed him briefly before releasing him and turning to pick up her mug.
Josh nodded, moving to the couch and settling down with Donna's discarded blanket. "No arguments. You're sleeping in the bedroom tonight."
"Josh…" She stopped half way to the kitchenette and started to protest.
"No arguments."
Giving an exasperated sigh Donna rinsed her mug and set it on the counter. She crossed to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway and turning back to the couch. Josh had pulled the blanket up to his chin. "Josh?"
"Hmm?" He replied, already fighting sleep.
"I'm right here, if you need anything."
Josh opened his eyes and nodded, mouthing "thank you."
Donna smiled a small smile, then switched off the light and closed the door behind her.
The snow that had fallen during the night was a welcome gift to skiers. The only evidence of the storm was the thick layer of powder blanketing the slopes. The sky was clear, with not a cloud in sight. The sun had climbed high in the sky warming the air. It was a perfect day.
Josh Lyman leaned against the back of the chair as the high speed lift moved up the mountain. He tapped his ski poles against the edges of his skis, knocking snow off them. He watched the snow drop the 12 feet to the slope below before turning to grin at Donna who was sitting beside him. Her return grin was tentative.
"What a fabulous day!" Josh exclaimed. "You couldn't ask for better conditions." He swung his legs back and forth like a little kid, causing the chair to start swinging back and forth.
"Josh." Donna's tone of voice held a warning and an edge of panic. "Do you know how many people die each year from falling off chair lifts?"
Josh laughed. "Donna, relax!"
"Common sense, Josh. We're sitting on a metal chair suspended from a cable 15 feet off the ground, and moving at 5- 10 miles an hour. There's a reason there's a safety bar."
"Look, we're almost at the top." Josh shook his head at her fear. "Remember; keep your tips up until the bottoms of the skis hit the snow. Stand up and glide down the ramp from the lift."
Donna set her mouth in a thin line. Her poles were gripped tightly in each hand.
The off loading point arrived. Josh effortlessly stood, glided down the short ramp and turned off to the side. He heard a yelp and turned to see Donna in a tangled heap on the ramp in front of the chair. The lift operator stopped the lift and rushed out of the booth to help the hapless blonde. Josh shook his head. He released his bindings and rushed up the short slope to help Donna untangle her skis, poles, and legs, chuckling as he did so.
"That was much better! You didn't hit me with your pole or take me down with you."
"Shut up and help me up."
A few minutes later they were standing on their skis at the top of a long gradual slope.
Donna took a deep breath and readjusted her goggles.
"Donna, you are doing great. You've picked this up really quickly. Remember what I taught you. I'll be right behind you. When ever you're ready." Josh spoke calmly and encouragingly.
The blonde woman took a deep breath, and then pushed off with her poles. She concentrated on keeping her skis in a wedge shape and her knees bent. She shifted her weight and executed a wide, sweeping turn across the slope.
"You're doing great!" Josh called from behind and she felt herself starting to relax.
By lunch time Donna had gained a great deal of confidence on her skis. Her "snowplow" wasn't as wide and her turns had tightened. Josh had pushed her to move to more difficult trails and she had managed to successfully traverse them each time. The grin hadn't left Josh's face.
Coming out of the lodge after a leisurely lunch they collected their skis and poles. The two stepped into their bindings and headed for the lift line. Once they were on the chair moving toward the top of the mountain, with the safety bar lowered much to Donna's relief and Josh's annoyance, Donna leaned over and kissed Josh on the cheek.
He turned surprised eyes to her. The pink caused by the sun and wind deepened into a blush.
"Thank you, Josh. I'm having a great time." Donna smiled, her eyes sparkling behind her tinted goggles.
He relaxed a bit more, relishing the lingering feeling of those soft lips on his skin. He closed his eyes and smiled, imagining her lips brushing his. "You're welcome." He opened his eyes and watched her until the chair reached the top. Her silken hair was pulled back in a ponytail and tucked under a knit cap. Her cheeks and nose were an adorable pink from the sun and wind. And she looked cute in the light green and cream colored ski jacket and pants. While he didn't regret last year's gift of an old, rare book on skiing, he was thankful that despite everything that had happened in the past year he had remembered her original list.
While Donna chatted excitedly about the weather, the mountain, and the sport of skiing, Josh drank in the simple joy of being in her presence. He must have nodded and responded at the appropriate places, because Donna didn't seem to notice that he was paying attention to her, but not to what she was saying. He wondered, as she put up the safety bar and prepared to get off the ski lift, what he had done to be granted the friendship and love of this extraordinary woman. He didn't understand it, but he swore to himself and God that he would never again take her for granted.
"I can't believe this." Donna grumbled as she held the door of the cabin open. "Watch my toes!" She admonished as Josh clumsily maneuvered himself and a pair of crutches through the door.
He sat on the couch, dropped the crutches onto the floor, and gingerly propped his right leg up, sliding a pillow under his knee. "You can't believe this! I've been skiing since I could walk and I'm the one who dislocates his knee?" He leaned back and closed his eyes, groaning as he shifted to a more comfortable position.
Donna walked to the kitchenette and Josh could hear her banging around. The faucet ran for a moment and then there was silence. The sudden pressure and chill of an ice pack being placed on his swollen joint caused him to yelp and sit up suddenly. Donna was standing over him with a glass of water, which she held out to him. He took the water and then the pain pills from her.
"I was having a great time, Josh." Donna placed her hands on her hips. "I was doing really well. I LIKE skiing."
"I'm sorry! I didn't do this on purpose!" He gestured to the injured knee. "It's not my fault the stupid kid didn't know how to snowboard!"
"You stopped!" She accused.
"On the side of the trail to wait for YOU!" Josh cried.
"Oh, so now this is my fault? That is so like you!" She turned toward the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower." Without another glance in Josh's direction she marched to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
"Damn it!" Josh yelled in frustration, dropping his head against the arm of the couch, banging it several times.
By the time Donna emerged from the bathroom 20 minutes later Josh was asleep, the combination of physical exhaustion and the pain killers too much for him. She tucked her wet hair behind her ears and leaned against the doorway studying him. The lines of pain and stress that had been so deeply etched on his face the past few months had eased somewhat, but were still evident. Even in sleep he wasn't completely still, shifting and making small noises constantly.
She thought back over the weekend. It really had been a delightful weekend and Josh had been so sweet and thoughtful. Donna frowned as her memories were clouded by the arguments and fights they'd had. She quietly moved across the room and sat on the floor next to the couch. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I'm sorry, Josh." She whispered. "I don't know why we keep fighting." She reached out and caressed his cheek.
With a small groan Josh opened his eyes. "Hey." He gave a tired smile.
"Hey. How's your knee feeling?" Donna replied softly.
"Pretty sore." He captured her hand in his. "Donna, I'm sorry to ruin your weekend. I know you were having a great time and you really were doing really well."
"Shhh. It's okay." She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry that I keep fighting with you."
Josh pushed himself into a sitting position then took Donna's hand again. He looked her in the eye and held her gaze. "Donna, believe me when I tell you that I love you. Things are so complicated right now. I don't want to loose you."
Donna's heart ached at the agony and vulnerability in Josh's eyes. She moved onto the couch beside him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her. He was tense for a moment before relaxing into her embrace. "I'm not going to make any promises. I do love you Josh. But you're right; things are really complicated. We're going to have to take one day at a time."
"Let me apologize now for every stupid thing I will probably do in the near and distant future." They both chuckled, and Josh continued, "Donna, I really love you and I don't know what's going to come next. I don't know how we're going to do this. I do know that I'll probably screw things up."
Donna sensed the fear in his words. "We'll work through it together."
The two were silent for a few moments before Josh spoke again. "I could have died today."
"Josh."
"No, seriously! See, this, this is why I didn't want to get you skis last Christmas."
"Josh."
"I'm telling you Donna…"
She silenced him with a kiss.
The End.