The Great Chip Debate
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England is offended for his language's sake, America can't see a problem and Australia just has to make things harder than they already were.
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America was having a good day. Like, a really awesome day. As in, so awesome that not even Prussia or Denmark together would equal its awesomeness. He'd slept in until ten (which was really late, considering the amount of work he usually had to do) and he'd had three hamburgers for lunch! Then Tony visited and they played video games for hours on end until Tony had to go home. But, America then got to play the hero when his cat got stuck in a tree! So, all in all, an awesome day.
And, his day was going to get even more awesome when...
"America!" And with an unholy screech, all of the amazingness drained out of his day. Pouting, America stood and ran to the door. When he opened it, an irate England stood, with nostrils flaring and eyebrows bristling.
"Hey, Iggy! What's up?" America's informal address brought forth a twitch under England's eye, but otherwise, England didn't react. Confused, America asked tentatively,
"D'you want something?"
"Yes!" England blurted out and barged his way into the house. America simply stood aside and followed the raging Briton into the sitting room. Abruptly, England swivelled on his heel and pointed accusingly at America.
"What I want to know is, why on earth have you butchered my language!"
America, bewildered at this unfounded accusation, asked curiously,
"Butchered, whatcha mean?" This innocent inquiry seemed to enrage England further than America thought possible. Then again, England was always really picky about speaking and stuff...
In answer to America's comment, England pulled a shiny potato chip packet out of his pocket and waved it uncomfortably close to America's face. Slowly, England hissed,
"What is this?" Obliviously, America answered,
"A chip packet. Why?"
"This," England punctuated the word by almost punching America in the face. "is a crisps packet." He lowered the crumpled packaging and took a breath. After releasing it, his eyebrows seemed to tame themselves a bit. He began to pace. "Today, I entered one of your fast food restaurants. I was feeling peckish and wished to get some food quickly. However, that is beside the point. I went to the counter and asked the server if I could have some chips. Not a difficult order, I assure you, not even for one of your lot." The way England said this made America feel as though as though he should be insulted.
"Imagine my surprise when the server goes and talks to the manager. After a short consultation, my server runs out of the store and returns five minutes later with a packet of crisps in hand!" Towards the end of his tale, he grew more excited and began gesticulating wildly and ended by once again shaking a thoroughly crumpled packet in America's face.
America failed to see the problem.
"Your problem is? They were just doing as the customer ordered." Though America seemed genuinely befuddled, England couldn't help but flare up in response.
"These, are crisps! Not chips! Chips are potatoes that have been cut in rectangular prisms and deep-fried. Not crisps!"
After taking a moment to wade through England's unnecessary amount of language, understanding dawned upon his face.
"Oh, you mean French fries? Why didn't you say so?" Almost immediately, America knew he'd said the wrong thing when England's nostrils began flaring like an angry gorilla's and his eyebrows began to resemble rabid hedgehogs. He threw the packet to the ground.
"Does your ignorance know no bounds! Bloody hell! They're not even French! Why don't you go say that the Belgium's face you oblivious nincompoop! She'd probably tear you a new one just like I'm going to once I pound into your thick skull what English really is! And another thing! Where do you get off calling it 'American' you..."As England ranted, America began to zone out, and stared off into space as England's tirade grew louder.
Just as England began a blue streak worse than when he found France's photos of him, the doorbell rang, and America realised he had forgotten about the visitor that was coming that evening. Ignoring England's ire at being interrupted, America bounded out of the sitting room and towards the door. He flung the door open and gave a joyful shout when he saw who was standing there.
"Bruce!"
"Azza!"
They both flung themselves at each other in a manly hug and instantly began chattering excitedly about everything that had happened to them since they had last seen each other.
"Holy crap Azza, you wouldn't believe the arvo I just had! There was this beaut of a sheila at one of those..." Australia trailed off as he caught sight of his older brother. England nodded tersely in greeting. Australia grinned and leaped forward, leaving America's side to stand in front of the older country.
"Just so you know, I've got the new DVD of Neighb-" he was interrupted by England not-so-subtly stomping on his toes and hissing,
"Not. Now."
As Australia whined and whimpered over his injured toes, America got a great idea.
"Hey, Bruce?" Australia stopped whinging and looked up curiously. America continued, carefully ignoring England's narrowed gaze.
"You speak English right?" Australia nodded, and America picked up the forlorn chip packet that was sitting on the floor.
"What is this?" Australia snorted and said,
"A chip packet, duh." With a triumphant yell, America pointed at England and said,
"Haha! See? Two against one, these are chips! And that means that you should have ordered French fries! Haha!" England rolled his eyes, strangely calm, especially after being proven wrong. As America began to dance around the room, Australia shot him a strange look.
"French fries? What are they?" A soft snort from England signalled that the argument was not over yet. He explained to the puzzled country.
"Deep-fried strips of potatoes. Sold at fast food outlets." A grin of realisation spread across Australia's face and he said brightly,
"Oh! You mean chips?"
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Yeah, I got the idea and it wouldn't leave me alone. Australia calls America 'Azza' as a reference to the Australian nicknaming system. Simply take the first letter of your name and add 'azza/zza' to it. Hope you enjoyed :)