Title: Lost Moments in Time
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Prompt: Confession
Word count: 1167
Summary: Happiness is subjective. But it felt like the clock started ticking again when you returned.
Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me.
Author's notes: Written for the 2012 White Day GiveAway at deathberry. This was supposed to be a humour-filled oneshot in continuation of my Valentine's Day fic (Of Chocolates and Obligations and Falling),but I went completely off-tangent and this happened. It's a little disjointed and skips through various points in time. Not really a sequel. Please consider it a companion fic instead.
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He once tried to write a letter.
Looking back, he classifies it as a whim. The house had been too quiet, his friends walk on eggshells around him and while Isshin still tries to attack him every morning, the old man always gives him a solemn look before he leaves for school.
He pretends not to notice.
It always hurts.
He had grabbed the first piece of seemingly unused paper that was within reach and only got as far as 'Rukia' before he allows his pen to fall through his fingers. It lands on the table with a loud clatter. There are too many things he wants to say. And a piece of paper does not seem adequate.
Ishida got elected as student council president.
Most of our friends changed their hairstyles, did you know?
I started working for this lady called Ikumi.
Kon has left too.
Chad seems to be trying to avoid me.
My grades have slipped.
I think I miss you.
Kon had shown incredible patience at dealing with the heavy atmosphere after he had lost his powers. It was slightly unusual of the mod soul to do that. Ichigo had expected loud proclamations about his nee-san's absence, but he could feel the intelligence and curiosity in the dark button eyes that continued to observe him. He said nothing, however, and both of them continued pretending to ignore each other in the silence of the room. One week later, Kon announced that he was going to bunk at Urahara or Chad's place for the time being. He didn't state his reasons. Ichigo didn't ask.
If it makes you happy, Ichigo had said instead.
If the plush lion body was capable of scowling, Ichigo was sure that he would have been on the receiving end of a harsh one. Instead, Kon merely turned away and concealed himself inside Karin's soccer bag.
His teacher once said that writing was a cathartic experience. Bullshit, he thinks. He crumples up the piece of paper and lobs it into the dustbin. It is only later that he realizes that the paper contained his physics essay, so he spends the night rewriting it on a fresh piece, while trying to forget his mild lapse into what is it... insanity, perhaps?
He doesn't remember exactly what he was doing on last year's White Day. There was sports practise for sure, and he recalls giving Tatsuki and Inoue some of Yuzu's homemade cookies in return for their Valentine's chocolates, but the rest is a blur.
This year however...
"I'm going out," he says. No one is at home to hear him but it brings a smile to his face nevertheless.
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She had not gone back home or to her division after the doors to the senkaimon closed behind her. She tries to blink away the image of Ichigo's face as he looked down at her but the image seems to be seared into her mind until all she can see are his eyes and the emotions swirling in them at that time.
She is only half aware of using shunpo and heading away from Seiretei. When she finally stops, it is in front of three simple gravestones at a quiet hillside. She spends the next hour sweeping away stray leaves, hunting for wild flowers and organizing her thoughts.
"I will be strong," she says finally, looking at the wooden markers. The wind whips away the words almost as soon as she says them but she feels slightly better nevertheless.
She takes a bath and changes into a clean uniform when she gets home. She finds Byakuya in his study and kneels down in front of him, her forehead touching the floor.
He agrees to train her. He also declares that he will support her if she decides to try out for the position of vice-captain. Of the 13th division. The seat which Shiba Kaien once held. The man whose heart she holds.
She sees everything she needs to see in his eyes.
Neither of them will ever tell anyone else that she had proceeded to happily hug (it was actually more of a glomp) him after that.
On White Day last year, Kiyone had dragged her to a party thrown by Matsumoto and her drinking buddies. She does not really remember much of the party except singing karaoke with Renji and drinking screwdrivers and thinking that the color of the liquid is not orange enough.
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He finds her in one of the outer gardens in the vast Kuchiki estate. She's sitting on a branch of one of the sakura trees, absorbed with her phone which not surprisingly, has a rabbit cover complete with bunny ears.
She looks towards him right as he touches down on the ground below and gestures for her to leave her perch.
"I brought you something for White Day," he says without preamble.
Inside the box are cupcakes (made with some help from Yuzu). The white butter cream on some of them is a little uneven but they do taste good.
They sit under the shade of the tree. He leans back against the trunk with his hands clasped behind his head and closes his eyes while she looks vaguely in the direction of a familiar sculpture in the distance.
"Are you happy, Ichigo?" she says quietly.
He doesn't twitch or scowl, but he opens an eye nonetheless. "You've been talking to Kon".
"Perhaps," she agrees. "Your choice... I am... glad you got to choose your own path"
"I would have been killed if I chose wrongly," he replies. There is no rebuke in his tone, just an observation.
"I believed that you wouldn't do anything stupid," she says. Hitsugaya's voice rings in her ears, but what comes to her mind's eyes are a bridge, fire, and blood pooling on rain soaked streets and sand.
They have not talked yet. Not about the excursion to Hueco Mundo, not about the lost seventeen months, not about his run-in with the Fullbringers and the revelations about the darker side of Soul Society, not that the institution has never been corrupt.
Perhaps they should. But they have never had to. Not really. Their conviction in each other is real and always holds. Words are unsaid but always understood.
She wonders whether seventeen months of separation has changed their dynamics. They have fallen back into their usual camaraderie, but there are occasions when she feels that something is different. She doesn't want to think that something is broken. Never to be repaired again.
"Happiness is subjective," he says at last. "But time... It felt like the clock started ticking again when you returned".
To put it simply, she is left speechless by that particular declaration. She blinks into the sunlight, trying to look for the proper word to say. Tawakecomes to mind but it doesn't seem to fit the occasion somehow.
"Ichigo..."
"It's all right, Rukia. We're here now"
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All the happiness you ever find lies in you.