This West Coast Country Chapter 1: Section 1: Drabbles I to III, a twilight fanfic

NB – Because this is essentially a fanmix and it's all about the music, please visit my profile page for the links to the videos for the songs. There's a fair bit of commentary too. Some of it's a sanity check, some of it's about the music. If you don't like it, skip it!

I had a crazy idea a while ago. Not an original idea by any means, but definitely a slightly cracked one. I'd write a bunch of Twilight drabbles to country songs. Why, you might ask? Well because, as anyone who knows anything about me knows, I love my music – especially the twangy kind! And I love taking the piss out of life.

So here I am lampooning, in the nicest possible way, fanfic and country and western. ("Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western!" Ten points to the first person who guesses what movie that's from. I'll tell the answer at the end of the series if no one takes a stab.) Some of the music is actually good. It's authentic old country from amazing musicians, songwriters and singers. But some of it is absolute tripe; the modern, saccharine, three chord pop variety that makes my teeth ache. Under the premise that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I won't say which songs I think fall into which category. People can make up their own minds but I encourage everyone to have a listen even if it's not your normal/preferred genre.

The drabbles themselves aren't groundbreaking fanfic. (If there is even there such a thing! Part of me of thinks writing 'groundbreaking' and 'fanfic' in the same sentence is, by its very nature, oxymoronic!) They're of various lengths (some are even over 1000 words – oh noes!), styles and perspectives. They're also sort of canon, sort of in chronological order and sort of in character. And they've all probably, sort of, been done before. Having said that though, what I am most pleased with is how the songs really work with the characters' sentiments and the situations to add something to the drabbles. Which is why I really encourage people to go listen because then they'll get the full effect. So, without further ado, let us dive into This West Coast Country…

Oh, and I own nuthin' 'cept ma truck, ma boots 'n' ma twisted sense of humour (that means copyrights and kudos go to the respective artists and teh Twilight author).

|I – Stars in her Eyes| |Renee|
Artist: Miranda Lambert
Song: Me and Charlie Talking (M. Lambert, R. Lambert, Heather Little © 2004)

Me and Charlie boy used to go walking
Sittin' in the woods behind my house
When bein' lovers meant a stolen kiss
And holding hands with nobody else around
Charlie said he wanted to get married
But we were only ten so we'd have to wait
He said we'd never let our love run dry
Like so many do these days

Dear Diary: he's so mysterious and has this dark handsome look to him. I've never met a man like Charlie Swan before! I feel like I can really open up to him, he listens so well when I talk. It's like he knows the inside of my soul better than I do. I mean, he never says much but I just know he connects with me on this amazing, deep level. I wish he talked more about his life – all I know is his parents died. That's sad but he seems to have coped pretty well. I guess that's one of the advantages of being the strong silent type: they never go to pieces. And isn't that exactly what I need in a man? I hope things go well on our date…all fingers crossed for tomorrow night!

|II – Oops| |Charlie & Renee|
Artist: Heidi Newfield
Song: Knocked Up (Mark D. Sanders © 2008)

Knocked up, shame shame
I'm gonna ruin my family name
Here comes what Granny's been dreadin'
Belly full of baby in a shotgun wedding
Hand-me-down crib in a pick up truck
That's what you get when you get knocked up

"You're having your coffee black with your doughnut this morning, Charlie?"

"Well, yeah, I'm a bit tired after the late night. I mean, don't get me wrong, I, uh, had a fun date at that Gilbert and Solomon show with you in Port Angeles. It was pretty amusing."

"Sullivan. Gilbert and Sullivan."

"Oh, right. Pass the sugar, can you please, Renee?"

"Sure."

-Silence. Broken by doughnut-eating and coffee-drinking sounds.-

"So don't you want to know why I dragged you out of your station to meet me for coffee this morning?"

"Cuz you felt sorry for a cop who hadn't had his daily doughnut yet?"

"No, silly!"

"Um, you wanted to see me in uniform?"

"Getting warmer… It does look sexy on you. Which is probably part of the reason I'm three months pregnant."

-Silence. Broken by Charlie-choking sounds.-

"You're telling me... In the diner? Shit, Renee…"

"Aren't you happy? Excited even? You're going to be a father and all you can say is 'shit'? Pregnancy, parenthood, babies – you know it's all supposed to be such a wonderful, life-altering thing and all you can say is 'shit'?"

"Hey, easy now Renee, easy. I, well, I… Do you think you should be drinking coffee? Maybe it's not good for the, um, baby?"

-Silence. Broken by Renee-slamming-down-her-mug sounds.-

"Áw, look Renee, I'm sorry. I'm just shocked. Really didn't expect this. I mean, didn't you know before? Earlier, maybe?"

"I wanted to be sure and then surprise you. I thought you'd be thrilled. I've been thinking of names and looking at cute little outfits and I couldn't want to share this with you."

"I'll take a week off work, help you pack up your stuff and move it into my place, Renee. If that's what you want. We can go to the courthouse then too."

-Silence. Broken by Renee sniffling and Charlie-awkwardly-rubbing-her-back sounds.-

Well you tell me that you care
But now you're gone, you've got me cryin'
No use denyin' you done me wrong
If I could look inside your heart
Maybe I would know the reason
Why you are leavin' me all alone

Well you know it's not so
When you said you tried
Well, you know you lied
I didn't do one wrong thing to you
Won't you tell me baby why
You went and left me here so lonely
I miss you only for I love you

My head hurts. I don't know why. But then as I roll over and realise I need to vomit, I remember why. Beer. Woman. Gone. Both gone. And my baby Bella. She's gone too. Shit. Maybe Billy has more beer.

Why'd they make the bathroom so far from the couch in this damned house?

A/N – This song's ridiculously upbeat tempo belies its sad nature. I so wanted to use Willie Nelson's cover version but I couldn't find one online. So you'll just have to make do with the original which was released as a B-side by one of the greats of 50s era honky-tonk music, Ray Price. When Hank Williams Sr. died, Price took over his band, the Drifting Cowboys. Price is still around: at age 83 in 2008 he won a Grammy for a song he did with Willie Nelson. Incidentally, this song's writer, Jones, is most famous for writing '(Ghost) Riders in the Sky', sung by everyone from Johnny Cash to Bing Crosby to Peggy Lee to Spike Jones. The song is said to have inspired The Doors' 'Riders on the Storm' and even made an appearance in that Nicholas Cage movie Ghost Rider. So now you know… And the A/N is longer than the drabble. That's embarrassing. I'll shut up now!